I’m Off To Utah Today, Please Enjoy This “Ritual Animal Disguise” Category From Wikipedia In My Absence (Don’t Worry, It’s Horrifying)

by Mallory Ortberg · July 9, 2015

Remember, “this category only covers animal disguises worn as part of a traditional folk custom or seasonal observance.

It does not include catsuits, fursuits or animal costumes worn for promotional, advertising or play purposes, or as mascots at baseball, football or other sporting events, or as part of a theatrical performance.”

Hoodening:

“I remember as a child being taken out on Christmas Eve to the High Street in Deal where the shops would be open very late, and it was the only time Deal children were allowed out in the evening, parents were very strict. As we would be looking at the lighted shops, and listening to the people selling their wares, a horrible growl, and a long horse’s face would appear, resting on our shoulder and when one looked round, there would be a long row of teeth snapping at us with its wooden jaws. It was frightening for a child. Usually, there would be a man leading the horse, with a rope, and another covered over with sacks or blankets as the horse.”

That’s not so bad, it’s just a horse –

hoodenn

“I found they begin the festivities of Christmas by a curious procession: a party of young people procure the head of a dead horse, which is affixed to a pole about four feet in length; a string is affixed to the lower jaw; a horse-cloth is also attached to the whole, under which one of the parts gets, and by frequently pulling the string, keeps up a loud snapping noise, and is accompanied by the rest of the party, grotesquely habited, with hand-bells; they thus proceed from house to house, ringing their bells, and singing carols and songs; they are commonly gratified with beer and cake, or perhaps with money. This is called, provincially, a Hodening.”

ahahaha enjoyyyyy, definitely do not click on the Whittlesea Straw Bear!!!

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53 Comments

    1. Daniel_Loo +64

      yeah, sure, it’s all fun and games until Mallory comes marching up your driveway, horse skull draped over herself, silent but for the loud snapping of its jaw

  4. catweazlol +149

    A corpse is a corpse, of course, of course,
    And no one can talk to a corpse of course
    That is, of course, unless the corpse is the famous Mr. Dead

  5. beachlass +17

    For your creepy quaint English folk dancing murder mystery needs; let me recommend Ngaio Marsh’s “Off with his Head/Death of a Fool”; which (spoiler) IIRC includes some kind of metal horse head and a murder during the dance.

    1. Unreadaethel +3

      I really like Ngaio Marsh, and Death of a Fool is one of the creepier ones of hers.

      1. beachlass +3

        Ngaio Marsh is my absolute favorite; and I’m definitely going to reread Death of a Fool tonight.

    3. rebeccacityofladies +4

      Also “The Wicker Man”, which is set in Scotland but includes features of English dance in a very creepy scene. (*has totally read through that entire Wiki category and watched “The Wicker Man” recently*)

      2. Mrs_Peel +1

        I get to watch the director’s cut on the big screen later this month! Very excited.

  6. gefthetalkingmongoose +45

    That horse-skull puppet thing is from one of the books in The Dark Is Rising, right?

    * checks Google Books *

    Yep. Terrifying. But at least it came from OUTSIDE MY HEAD.

  7. MissPippi +15

    I can’t wait for the next big horror movie coming to a theater near you: The Hoodening

  8. solrius +26

    For others who made the mistake of checking out the Whittlesea Straw Bear:

    “The custom died out early in the 20th century, c.1909 (probably because the local police regarded it as begging), but it was resurrected by the Whittlesea Society in 1980.”

    So, two things:
    i) By ‘begging’, I guess they mean ‘TERRIFYING’.
    ii) There is a group of people who, voluntarily, brought this back. Voluntarily.

  9. teapotle +8

    i live about 10 miles from the town where Hodening happens! i did not know it was even a thing and am chilled to the bone.

      1. ramina +7

        I mean I don’t know if I’m supposed to be afraid of that but I just laughed real hard

        1. EuterpesDelight +4

          That’s because daylight. In the dark that head would be horrific and you mightn’t see the bare knees and hiking boots.

    2. gefthetalkingmongoose +2

      Haha, I was too slow in recommending this too. It’s so good, though!

  11. irishbreakfasttime +12

    I feel like there’s an inverse relationship between the real-life scariness of an animal and the scariness of its costume. See: lion, tiger, vs. deer, horse, goat. I’m not sure how the straw bear fits into this though, it would be way less terrifying if it were a real-looking bear costume.

  13. badmuthahydra +20

    The Mari Lwyd! 😀

    I’m sorry, but how can it be Christmas without terrifying your loved ones with the remains of livestock?

    1. bookwormV +7

      That is not the appropriate reaction to theMari Lwyd! At least, not if my memory of Silver on the Tree is anything to go by.

  14. pretty_monster +1

    the red-eyed Shrovetide from the wiki article is going to be what’s standing at the foot of my bed the next time i have a night terror. fuck.

  16. Emily +9

    Mallory I need to ask why you are coming to Utah and how long you’ll be here and if you want to hang out.

    For a friend.

    1. gefthetalkingmongoose +7

      Aw! Bucharest’s bear might be a long-lost brother of the Lion of Gripsholm Castle!

  18. Nary +4

    “She related that many of the women dressed as Perchtln would let one breast hang out, but that they were so well disguised that “no one needed to be ashamed.””

    Now imagine that with one boob out.

  19. Household_Opera +3

    I feel like the Straw Bear ought to be a Doctor Who monster. Or maybe it already has been? (My knowledge of pre-2005-reboot Doctor Who is admittedly quite spotty.)

  20. shinyemptyhead +7

    From the wikipedia page for Mari Lwyd (which is the proper name for the horse-skull thing):

    “In north Wales on the first of May the skull of a donkey or horse was put over a woman’s door instead of a bunch of flowers to show disapproval.”

  21. threatqualitypress +5

    I missed this when it ran yesterday, but I do the East Asian Lion Dance in Philadelphia from time to time, and even though our lion heads are not made of skulls, the part where you leap through the air and pretend to eat small children is in fact terrifying to them.

    This is also the best part of doing the Lion Dance, especially since no one throws money at you anymore.

      1. threatqualitypress +9

        Well, the lion in Lion Dance is actually a beast called a Nian, and in Chinese culture, every year he has to get chased out of the country by the dragon.  We do Lion Dance for pretty much any significant event in Chinatown — restaurant openings, birthday parties, holidays, parades.  Some things I don’t even know what they are.

        Anyway, the lion is clearly not a lion — if you look closely in that picture, you can see that it has both horns and antennas, which are not common features of most lions.  The head is essentially a giant puppet; the mouth opens and closes, you can blink the eyes, there’s a way to shake it that makes the ears flop back and forth.

        And so you go in the parade and there’s a specific kind of dance that you do, and a way that you hold it to make it look alive, and you leap around and pretend to eat things.  The mouth is pretty big; that lion head fits over your shoulders, so the mouth is definitely large enough to grab a three or four year old.  Terrifying them during parades is the only joy we have in life!

  22. erikagillian +2

    I shoulda known. There’s a Diana Wynne Jones book with the ‘real’ version of the horse head thing, except it’s a freshly dead horse head. Has something to do with the Welsh Gwyn ap Nudd, lord of Hell, psychopomp, and later the leader of the Wild Hunt and king of the fairies. The book is the Merlin Conspiracy, and I’m betting the whole thing about that character is real. She’s an amazing writer, everyone go read her immediately!

    And I now have to reread that one and Dogsbody which has a wild hunt in it, and makes me cry every time.

  24. ecurve +1

    In other ritual animal disguise news, Sound And Fury Morris of Seattle is pushing forward the state of the art with their new fish hobby.

  26. SpaceCaptainSmith +12

    As a Britisher, I love this sort of thing. Reminds me how modern industrial civilisation is a shaky facade, and we’re all about two missed cups of tea away from building The Wicker Man.