Previously by Paula Duhatschek: Everything You Can Buy in a 1977 Archie Comic, in Order of Desirability
“I Enjoyed My Teenage Years, But Don’t Think of Them Often”
“The Knowledge Economy is Coming and I For One Am Thankful”
“The Highway’s Jammed (with Responsible Drivers Who Have Made a Choice to Obey the Recommended Speed Limit)”
“The Homecoming King and Queen Enjoyed an Amicable Divorce”
“I’m Looking Forward to Revisiting My Hometown, Where the American Dream is Alive and Well”
“Glory Days (Are Whatever You Make of Them)”
“The Local Auto Factory is Closing and I’m Taking the Opportunity to Teach Myself How to Code”
“Taking Highway 95 on My Way to the Garden Centre”
“She Ain’t a Beauty, But Hey, Our Attraction is Based On Shared Interests and Mutual Respect”
“Prius Ranch”
“Finding Redemption Through My Participation in a Non-Profit Board”
“This Stretch of Road Symbolizes Tax Dollars Well Spent and Nothing More”
“Our Marriage Has Only Gotten Stronger (As We’ve Both Matured Into Adulthood)”
“My Job is Mundane and Physically Taxing But I Don’t Let it Define Me”
“A Well-Known Wrestler Cherishes His New Life as a Stay-at-Home Dad”
“My Veteran Friend Has Benefited from a Variety of Social Services”
“This Love in No Way Reminds Me of Crucifixion”
“Highway Bike Lanes are the Way of the Future”
“Mary Sits On the Porch and Enjoys Her Solitude”
“This Decaying Industrial Landscape Doesn’t Represent My Encroaching Middle Age”
“Went for a Long Drive and Brought My Kids Back a Pizza”
“(Lots of Well-Adjusted People) At the Boardwalk”
“The Heartland is Doing Fine, Thanks”
“This is By No Means Our Last Car Ride Together”
[Image via Wikimedia]
Tags: bruce springsteen, humor, music, paula duhatschek
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Fun fact, if you grow up in NJ copies of Bruce Springsteen albums will just appear in your home absent human intervention
this also happens in my dad’s cars, even though he grew up in Queens
also the radio will magically know how to go up in volume within a minimum of 3 notes of a song coming on to the radio in the car.
no, Tunnel Of Love just came up on shuffle on YOUR iPod
Can verify. 100% true fun fact.
so you mean miracles happen?
There are certain towns in central NJ where born to run is always faintly playing
Appropo of not much, a couple of weeks ago I was walking into my mother-in-law’s house in south Dublin and heard some loud music from what sounded like around the corner.
I paused, listened, thought, “How fun, Irish people listening to Hozier at loud volume,” went inside.
And then the next morning my sister-in-law informed me that I’d heard Hozier live, at an outdoor concert not far from their neighborhood, so if I’d bothered to stay outside until the end of the song I’d have heard the crowd cheering.
Your Parents Definitely Approve of Our Relationship
Because even though I may be scruffy, but I am also punctual and bake good shortbread. Oh, yes, and I am not trying to tempt you to drop everything and run away with me, because that would be unwise.
The record company just gave me a big advance, and I’m definitely going to invest it wisely for our future together
I love that!
*starts scribbling down ideas for If Bruce Springsteen Were Your Boyfriend*
that’s probably just the Jersey in me tho
I 100% support this endeavor (although that’s probably just the Jersey in me as well).
I’ll be in my bunk…
Not a Jersey girl in any way, shape, or form, yet would sign up for this. Because the Boss.
Hes the sole occupant at the center of the Venn Diagram for “people I would run away with at the drop of a hat” and “people my mother would run away with at the drop of a hat.”
Viggo Mortensen shares that honor for me, but yeah. Pretty much the same there.
There’s two things Bruce understands: women and capitalism
Bruce Springsteen battles the supernatural : this time the demons aren’t personal
Chris Christie Has Never Missed The Point Of This Song
YES
(Nor Has Ronald Reagan)
(Neither Has David Brooks)
I had a friend who said he didn’t like Bruce Springsteen cause he sounded too much like musical theatre and I was so gobsmacked I couldn’t think of a retort
“Meet Me In the Fields Out Behind the Dynamo, Where We’ll Plant Milkweed Seeds to Save the Endangered Monarch Butterfly”
“Everybody’s got a hungry heart, to deepen the commitment to their partner and kids”
“No one will ever misunderstand a song about it being hard to grow up in the USA to try to use it as a campaign song.”
“The hungry and the hunted are able to find fulfillment in ways that don’t involve jungles or land.”
hah, I was thinking “Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack, I went out for a ride but I should get home in time for dinner.”
“This Stretch of Road Symbolizes Tax Dollars Well Spent and Nothing More”
Put my gravestone here. This one killed me.
(But I loved this whole list.)
“The Local Auto Factory is Closing and I’m Taking the Opportunity to Teach Myself How to Code” is what did me in, mainly for the visual that popped into my head.
Various reactions:
– This is what Ronald Reagan thought Springsteen’s songs were actually about, when he opined on the 1984 campaign trail that “Born in the U.S.A.” was about American optimism; Springsteen publicly corrected him.
– “Highway Bike Lanes are the Way of the Future” would make a fine addition to the canon IMO.
– Some of my suggestions: “Beige Honda Civic” (basically the same as “Prius Ranch”); “Flat Being Changed on the Shoulder”; “(My Daughter) Candy’s Room (Needs to be Cleaned or I’m Docking Her Allowance)”; “Jungleland (Is My Favorite Disney Attraction)”; “Working on the Highway (Because I Really Like the DOT’s 402k Plan)”
JUNGLELAND IS MY FAVORITE DISNEY ATTRACTION
please go on
Really dependent on the quality of your ‘guide’ though.
“The New Streetlights Have Lit the Edge of Town”
“The Rising of Fear-Mongering and Hate In A Post-9/11 United States”
“I Got Sick Of Maintaining And Paying Insurance On My Car; I’m Actually Pretty Into Rollerblading To Work These Days”
“This Beach Town Has Some Very Quaint B&Bs”
The title killed me. You could have left it there and this still would have been perfect.
“Goodnight, It’s Alright, Jane. I am Definitely Not Involved in Any Illegal Activities.”
“Put Your Makeup on, Fix Your Hair up Pretty, and Meet Me Tonight at a Nice, Mid-Priced Restaurant.”
“We Have a Solid Father-Son Relationship Not at All Fraught with Emotional Tension.”
“One Soft Infested Summer, Me and Terry Called Terminex and Passed a Pleasant Time Together.”
(Terry is a dude, I don’t care what anyone says!)
Meet Me Tonight at a Nice, Mid-Priced Restaurant” – YES. This song is SO SAD.
Ok, but for real, the best Springsteen song is his cover of “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.” It just isn’t Christmas without it.
I Like and Respect Billy Joel As An Artist
“I Just Kept Driving Because It Was Five Miles To The Next Target.”
– (my husband’s contribution)
“Kids Will Grow Up In This Town and Enjoy The Sound Environmental Policies and Excellent Schools We’ve Left For Them.”
“The Sound of the Rain on the Roof of My Car Is So Peaceful, I’ll Just Take a Little Nap Here.”
“Wonderin’ Which Way to get Back to the Road; Oh, Here’s My Map.”
Then I got Mary pregnant, and man that abortion clinic was very efficient and respectful of her autonomy to make decisions about her body
Independence Day (Is My Favorite Holiday)
My Father’s House And All the Happy Memories I Made There
Dancing in the Dark May Be Hazardous; You Should Turn on a Light to Safely Enjoy the Experience.
.
Girls in Their Summer Clothes Should Make Sure to Wear Sunscreen.
We went down to the river,caught a bunch of catfish and had a wonderful fish fry.
My Veteran Friend Has Benefited from a Variety of Social Services
Well, now some things are just a little too good to be true, even on this hypothetical album.
We easily obtained a visa to cross the border with intent of establishing permanent residence and eventual citizenship, and were welcomed to our new home.
“The Homecoming King and Queen Enjoyed an Amicable Divorce”
But that’s a Billy Joel song! “They got a divorce as a matter of course / and they parted the closest of friends / and the king and the queen / went back to the green / but you can never go back there again.”
We ain’t that young any more… so I think it’s time that we increased our annual Roth IRA contributions.
Of course nobody takes the turnpike. They’re all stuck in traffic on Highway 9.
“The status quo will scew us both, girl; let’s you and me fight it together”
“I had a job, I had a girl, I didn’t measure my worth by my employment and possession of other people”
Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be president.
Brilliant Disguise (For Our Office Halloween Party)
Brilliant Disguise (For Our Office Halloween Party)
Pink Cadillac is just a car.
Living in the future didn’t wake feeling doomed
Young Bruce: Bob Dylan who?
no, I will not work for your love, love isn’t currency
My hometown looks great, thanks FEMA!
This depression is well-managed by good SSRIs!
This wreck-ball is a sculpture no towns harmed
Bobby Jean seems happier and I’m glad
I value our relationship for what it is and need no saving.
Pink Cadillac is just a car.
Living in the future didn't wake feeling doomed
Young Bruce: Bob Dylan who?
no, I will not work for your love, love isn't currency
My hometown looks great, thanks FEMA!
This depression is well-managed by good SSRIs!
This wreck-ball is a sculpture no towns harmed
Bobby Jean seems happier and I'm glad
I value our relationship for what it is and need no saving.
The Mild, The Innocent, and The E Street Ballroom Dancing Commitee.
Meet me at Mary’s Place, We’re gonna play Canasta.
“The poets round here don’t write nothing at all, because this town has a thriving spoken word scene.”
“Rosalita (it’s totally cool if you want to stay in and do school work.)”