HI, CAN WE HELP YOU
YES, CAN WE HELP YOU
THE INVITATION CLEARLY SAID “BITCHES ONLY”
YEAH BITCHES ONLY
WE’VE GOT HEAD JEWELS, OPIUM JUGS, TIT DRESSES AND FIG BLACKOUTS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WE’RE FRESH OUT OF “NEEDING YOU HERE”
SO SCRAM
[Image via]
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You guys playing cards??
Now that’s my kind of party.
I’d prefer one or two floor pillows instead of just rocks to lounge upon as I resentfully greet the dawn, but otherwise, it’s ideal.
What’s a bitch party without something to bitch about.
“Nice place, Suzanne. Was the store all out of rusty spikes to sit on?”
I guess my invitation to the bitch party must have gotten lost in the mail, Tammy.
God, buy a computer, Tammy. It’s 2015.
Suggesting this as the theme for this year’s party to welcome the first years.
The next Toast meet-up.
Bitches Only.
Every Toast meet-up.
Bitches Only.
The theme this year is “Big Hair No Heart Can’t Lose.”
Bitches Only.
We will pick flowers furiously.
Bitches party just like they pick flowers
furiously
Idk they all look so hung over to me.
“I knew that Cretan vintage had gone bad.”
“Apparently there *is* a limit to how much speculoos butter you can eat in one sitting…”
I really appreciated that the image is named “murder-daughter.jpg”
That’s a promising party.
FIG BLACKOUTS
I haven’t had one of those since college (in Assyria).
Am I invited if I promise to bring Tiglath-Pileser II of Assyria?
NO. Bitches ONLY.
Bring his leopards tho. And a cheese platter.
I validate any and all Fraser gifs. <3 Also, I wonder if there are any with Diefenbaker? He’s my real boyfriend.
Tragically, I’ve not found any Dief gifs, but if you want to check out my dS icons for your own use, they’re housed here.
It even has the bog standard Crying/Passed Out Girl!
Ashlee got white girl wasted on wine coolers again, god, she does this at every party.
Is this the most subtexty painting of “The Daughter of Jephtha” ever? Judges 11:37 ff: “And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows. And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains. And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel, That the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year.”
my mind has been opened. dude, we need more parties that are SPECIFICALLY to mope, bewail, and generally crap upon whatever sucky thing in life is happening.
“Tammy needs someone to come gripe about how stupid all the men in her life are? Specifically her butt of a father? For 2 months in the mountains? I’M THERE.”
Wait… so she went on vacation with all her girls for two months (which is basically how Rihanna lives). And then forever after the daughters of Isarael get a ladies lounge & opium wkd?
I bet they even put the air quotes around “lament” when they’re telling the uptight old men in their lives where they’re going.
“Yeah if you need me I’ll be up on Mount Bitch ‘lamenting’ Tammy’s virginity. Yes, AGAIN. God, dad I can’t help it if we have to do it every year right when the harvest needs to come in. It’s tradition”
Shrugs, grabs amphora of vintage Chardonnay and best bed linen.
Academic painting seems to have been the MA fanfic of the 19th century.
Books > Judges
“She Knew No Man”
Jephtha’s daughter must be sacrificed to save the tribes of Israel. But before she makes the final sacrifice, she is granted one last two month camping trip with her girlfriends. As they bewail her virginity, they make discoveries that will change them all forever. Rated: Fiction MA 15,372 words.
*adds to “to request” list for Yuletide*
I bet “bewailed her virginity upon the mountains” is some kind of crazy euphamism in Hebrew.
Am now mentally writing fanfic in which Jephtha’s daughter finds out about the vow in advance and realizes, “Hey, this is my ticket to avoid getting married off to some crappy dude, lemme get my tambourine and alert the ladies!”
(I am for sure following the interpretive tradition in which she was not a literal burnt offering and keeping her unmarried was enough to satisfy the vow.)
Uhh but can we talk about the weird race stuff in this picture? All the light-skinned bitches have their own bewailing stuff going on while the two dark-skinned bitches are looking adoringly at the head bitch with no sense of bitchy independence? I want to love the bitch party but I want it to be intersectionally awesome…
Absolutely we can talk about it! I don’t know that I’d describe their faces as adoring at all – they look distressed, certainly, but I don’t think the look is adoring.
That said, racial dynamics are definitely a part of the challenge of looking at Western art; rarely is a dark-skinned person of color included in a way that is racially neutral. Either there is your bog-standard light-skinned beauty with no reference to non-European people, or black/brown/indigenous people are included in ways that are often stereotypical. Not always, of course (I think particularly of the painting that inspired the movie “Belle”), but when it does come up, it’s very much worth talking about.
On the one hand, the two dark-skinned women in this tableau are definitely set apart from the white/light-skinned women – they’re seated together and wearing dark, sumptuous fabrics rather than the plain white robes on the others, and you’re right in that they’re both looking at Jephthah’s daughter instead of off in another direction. So they’re portrayed as different, certainly, but they’re also beautifully dressed, and they’re not in a position of service or degradation in relation to the others. It’s uncomfortable in some ways, but even-handed for its time in others. Definitely worth talking about, in my opinion!
I like that it doesn’t erase Black Jews, even if there is the othering aspect you mentioned: there’s no reason to think they’re servants or slaves to the white ladies, just other daughters of Israel getting on with the bewailing.
In my mind they are all, “stop this bewailing nonsense, there’s real shit to talk about bae… also, I’m bored can we get off this mountain?”
This looks like a pretty accurate representation of my last birthday.
Escape to Bitch Mountain (1975) Walt Disney Productions
Two orphaned children discover the truth of their mysterious past and strange abilities– they are bitches from another planet. With the help of a magical cat named Boudica (voiced by Agnes Moorehead), the children journey toward the mysterious Bitch City and the legendary mountain beyond, reputed to conceal an entire community of hard-drinking extraterrestrial bitches, while evading the evil machinations of would-be global conqueror Walter Bitchless (Donald Pleasence). Also starring Joan Crawford as Queen Bitch of the Universe.
I think I have spent too much time in the hot pig area, drinking from the cup of horrors (which btw NOT RECOMMENDED because its cursed and only brings horrors). But I am def approaching fig blackout right now…
I’m gonna die with no tears in my eyes
‘Cause God digs my daddy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHj8xoy8XOY
Thank you for this.
You’re welcome. Any time I can bring the Residents into conversation, I will; especially if it’s thematically appropriate. Everything on Wormwood is excellent, but Burn Baby Burn is the best.