It was not until I found the “Waves in art” and “Paintings of nude females in the sea” categories on Wikimedia Commons that I realized how big a part of art was just women seeming sexually aroused by the ocean? Not even mermaids, it’s a whole different thing. Huh, I guess!
“IT’S LIKE EVERY OCEAN WAVE IS MY NEW BOYFRIEND. GOODBYE, FRANK. HELLO, CHARLES.”
uuuugh this damp rock
this foam feels so erotic
is anyone else’s skin getting clammy
GOD YES
you understand why I can never go back to human men, of course
what this imminent wave and I are about to have together is almost certainly going to be very special
GET OUT OF HERE
GET OUT OF HERE YOU KARL
I’M DATING WATER NOW
GET BACK IN YOUR DRY BOAT AND LEAVE US ALONE
get back in the boat, boys
we don’t need you anymore
if you don’t like the life that Wilhelm and I have built together you are kindly invited to fuck back off to dry land
never let me go, Chisholm
so coy, Leonard
you’ll be back
you’ll be back
GET YOUR OWN WAVE, CLARICE
THIS ONE BELONGS TO ME
well he sure isn’t acting like it
he’s lapping up against me like he’s looking for a change
THAT’S JUST HOW WAVES WORK
IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING
YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL
so when are you going to come meet my mother
she keeps asking about you
and I’m always coming out to see you but you’ve never once come back to my place
I’m sorry, darling
I don’t mean to be pushy
I just want her to love you as much as I do
Frederick?
please don’t punish me
say something
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.