That is hilarious. But am I the only one annoyed at the “nothing to be ashamed of” nonsense that’s applied to penis size/length all the freaking time? Seriously.
walrathem+44
I kind of feel The Toast would be a great place to start the movement to really stop using penis size as an insult. It’s just so… ethically icky.
OoTheHumanities+22
Also BALLS, stop it with the balls. Best quote (possibly mis-)attributed to Betty White, I’m sure you’ve heard it.
walrathem+4
Goodness yes.
Alluvial_Fan+10
…the’penis’ pointer is on point.
christoncracker+64
I’m kind of ashamed to say that I’ve been reading the Toast since day one and this is 100% the post that has made me laugh the most.
Helen_Damnation+16
Normal and good.
Palewisconsinite+358
“Amber could not be reached for comment.”
aquamarinaveen+30
why can’t i upvote this more than once
RudyRed+42
30Litresof+8
No. What? No.
crawlkill+28
I think modern spiders just secrete their semen equivalent, scoop it up with their pedipalps and then smear it on the females’ receptive…spots. but maybe ancient ones did traumatic insemination? I’m more of a storehouse of trivia than of knowledge.
Adam8174+58
So this kinda makes me feel like my pedantic urge is valid here. Harvestmen are no more spiders than mites or ticks or scorpions are, though they are all arachnids. Harvestmen have direct insemination, unlike spiders. I just don’t get why they would call them spiders. Are people actually that unfamiliar with daddy long legs? They are super common!
crawlkill+10
I also remember thinking from the picture I saw it looked like a harvestman, not a spider!
anthemyst+78
WOW I remember learning that daddy long legs were technically not spiders but I had no idea that they were something called HARVESTMEN that is the creepiest name it’s perfect
Strophoria+19
I’m surprised that’s not from a Chris Kimball letter to be honest
Roisindubh211+3
I think it’s because when you harvest by using a scythe you use stilts to ensure that everyone is cutting at the same height
crawlkill+2
are you telling me there was a set of stilts for everyone in the village in scythe-harvesting culture
also how does that ensure it’s the same height, did they have a standardized swing? now I write it I suppose they probably did
Either_Ada+111
It’s only fair. How many times have daddy long-legs surprised me in the pre-shower nude? Tit. For. Tat.
walrathem+29
Is it just me or is it worse that they have 8 eyes? They can see me in so many eyes.
Either_Ada+86
16 tits to one tat is not fair at all, now that you mention it.
stompanado+12
but did they find any live birth of spiders caught in amber?
OoTheHumanities+51
“Harvestmen.” Horror movie name, that.
Palewisconsinite+9
Do not Google “harvestmen gif”, okay?
OoTheHumanities+38
Hmmm. I will not google, and decide it must link to a porn star named Daddy Long Thirdleg.
fromafar2013+10
And if you do, then absolutely do not google “tropical harvestman” immediately after. That’s where the real horror movie starts.
Palewisconsinite+12
Okay, so, I googled that. BRB, setting everything on fire. *sigh*
fromafar2013+12
IKR? All of those sites assuring me that they’re just totally harmless venom-less clumsy smelly well-armored little dorks does not cancel out the fact that they look like something out of Satan’s worst fevered nightmares.
thyblackestjam+13
well how else could he get in Amber?
flying_ghoti+23
Thus explaining this facial expression/mustache combo:
OoTheHumanities+136
Contact your doctor right away for an erection lasting more than 99 million years.
Goomaly+6
que bonita eres.
deleted7541601+57
At least he died doing what he loved. Not all of us can say that.
yda+7
Having a boner while being enveloped in sticky tree resin that then fossilized over millions of years? I guess it takes all kinds.
deleted7541601+29
Oh, and I forgot to ask – was he caught by his parents? That’s the worst.
logicbutton+109
If your erection lasts longer than 99 million years, consult an archaeologist.
OoTheHumanities+36
We made the exact same joke at the exact same moment. Are you me?
Archaeologists don’t dig dinosaurs!! Argh!!! If anything, we dig up people, respectfully. We study culture, not dinos. (Sorry, pet peeve, carry on)
Readerbeth+13
Yes, thank you. (I had to stop watching “Elementary” because Sherlock Holmes once consulted an archaeologist on fossils. NO!!!! NO!!! BAD TSHERLOCK! From now on, I only recognize Cumberbatch, Downey, Brett, and all the other guys, BUT NOT YOU MILLER !)
northern_bird+5
Which is super sad because I love Jonny Lee Miller SO MUCH. I’ll content myself with blaming the writers.
damanoid+18
I suddenly find that I must re-prioritize my personal list of “Worst Things That Spiders Can Do.”
fcjaugusta+31
What I took away from this is that the most reliable way to tell between harvestmen and true spiders is apparently penis type.
That is hilarious. But am I the only one annoyed at the “nothing to be ashamed of” nonsense that’s applied to penis size/length all the freaking time? Seriously.
I kind of feel The Toast would be a great place to start the movement to really stop using penis size as an insult. It’s just so… ethically icky.
Also BALLS, stop it with the balls. Best quote (possibly mis-)attributed to Betty White, I’m sure you’ve heard it.
Goodness yes.
…the’penis’ pointer is on point.
I’m kind of ashamed to say that I’ve been reading the Toast since day one and this is 100% the post that has made me laugh the most.
Normal and good.
“Amber could not be reached for comment.”
why can’t i upvote this more than once
No. What? No.
I think modern spiders just secrete their semen equivalent, scoop it up with their pedipalps and then smear it on the females’ receptive…spots. but maybe ancient ones did traumatic insemination? I’m more of a storehouse of trivia than of knowledge.
So this kinda makes me feel like my pedantic urge is valid here. Harvestmen are no more spiders than mites or ticks or scorpions are, though they are all arachnids. Harvestmen have direct insemination, unlike spiders. I just don’t get why they would call them spiders. Are people actually that unfamiliar with daddy long legs? They are super common!
I also remember thinking from the picture I saw it looked like a harvestman, not a spider!
WOW I remember learning that daddy long legs were technically not spiders but I had no idea that they were something called HARVESTMEN that is the creepiest name it’s perfect
I’m surprised that’s not from a Chris Kimball letter to be honest
I think it’s because when you harvest by using a scythe you use stilts to ensure that everyone is cutting at the same height
are you telling me there was a set of stilts for everyone in the village in scythe-harvesting culture
also how does that ensure it’s the same height, did they have a standardized swing? now I write it I suppose they probably did
It’s only fair. How many times have daddy long-legs surprised me in the pre-shower nude? Tit. For. Tat.
Is it just me or is it worse that they have 8 eyes? They can see me in so many eyes.
16 tits to one tat is not fair at all, now that you mention it.
but did they find any live birth of spiders caught in amber?
“Harvestmen.” Horror movie name, that.
Do not Google “harvestmen gif”, okay?
Hmmm. I will not google, and decide it must link to a porn star named Daddy Long Thirdleg.
And if you do, then absolutely do not google “tropical harvestman” immediately after. That’s where the real horror movie starts.
Okay, so, I googled that. BRB, setting everything on fire. *sigh*
IKR? All of those sites assuring me that they’re just totally harmless venom-less clumsy smelly well-armored little dorks does not cancel out the fact that they look like something out of Satan’s worst fevered nightmares.
well how else could he get in Amber?
Thus explaining this facial expression/mustache combo:
Contact your doctor right away for an erection lasting more than 99 million years.
que bonita eres.
At least he died doing what he loved. Not all of us can say that.
Having a boner while being enveloped in sticky tree resin that then fossilized over millions of years? I guess it takes all kinds.
Oh, and I forgot to ask – was he caught by his parents? That’s the worst.
If your erection lasts longer than 99 million years, consult an archaeologist.
We made the exact same joke at the exact same moment. Are you me?
Sympathies on your bummer of a week, if so.
Oh no, I am having a good week! I hope we are not flip sides to the same coin. Here, maybe this will make yours better: http://goodstuffhappenedtoday.tumblr.com/post/138…
hehe, look at their silly faces
NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO
PALEONTOLOGISTS (paleo entomologist, maybe?).
Archaeologists don’t dig dinosaurs!!
Argh!!! If anything, we dig up people, respectfully. We study culture, not dinos.
(Sorry, pet peeve, carry on)
Yes, thank you. (I had to stop watching “Elementary” because Sherlock Holmes once consulted an archaeologist on fossils. NO!!!! NO!!! BAD TSHERLOCK! From now on, I only recognize Cumberbatch, Downey, Brett, and all the other guys, BUT NOT YOU MILLER !)
Which is super sad because I love Jonny Lee Miller SO MUCH. I’ll content myself with blaming the writers.
I suddenly find that I must re-prioritize my personal list of “Worst Things That Spiders Can Do.”
What I took away from this is that the most reliable way to tell between harvestmen and true spiders is apparently penis type.
Nature truly is full of wonders.
Harvestman is Slenderman's rural brother