my clothes
like my dreams
are all behind me
GOD DAMN IT BUT I’M NUDE
AS NUDE AS THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES
AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO JUST KILL EVERYBODY
HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO PUT THAT CLOAK ON MYSELF WHEN MY HANDS ARE ALREADY FLUNG UP IN DESPAIR
I’M TOO NAKED AND DISTRAUGHT TO GET DRESSED
i would rather die naked
than get up and cover this scratch and deny the world for even an instant a glimpse of my entire chest
WHY MUST I BE SO HEROICALLY NUDE
SO EXQUISITELY SINEWED
SO IMPRESSIVELY BE-THIGHED THAT THIS DRAPE SCARCE COVERS MY CUM-GUTTERS
I’m the nudest man there is, Clara, and don’t you ever forget it
get that pile of clothes AWAY from me
WE’RE BOTH SO NAKED
I know – friend, I know; peace
BUT WE ARE BOTH EXTREMELY NUDE
calm yourself, lad
HOW CAN I BE CALM WHEN MY WHOLE SKIN IS OUTSIDE
oh dear, oh drat, I’m almost touching a clothing, fehhhh, get it awayyy
my god, woman
get the hell out of here
you’re barely naked
how disgusting
uncover yourself
I can’t see one of your breasts
[Images via]
If there was ever a word I never wanted to read, it’s cum-gutter.
:shudder:
See, and I think Mallory has just transcended language with that phrase!
She didn’t make it up, though she has deployed it masterfully. I know it’s hard not to deify Mallory, but we must try sometimes.
That whole little rhyming verse was magnificent.
If it helps, I first heard them referred to as hip dips, which is much nicer.
I prefer “Adonis belt”, personally.
It does sound cool, but honestly it sounds too cool? Like, I don’t wanna inflate these guys’ egos that much. They are not Adonis.
“Adonis belt” if I like him.
“Cum gutters” if I don’t.
RATING PERFECTION.
Iliac furrow, for the Iliad reference alone, Aphrodite’s saddle if you’re naughty and I like you. But cum-gutters has its place. The conversation on that in the comments of Men So Beautiful They’re Sleepy was rad.
I read “gum cutter” and I was like how… how does a dick cut gums, it’s not really sharp at all, I mean *thinks* okay okay I get it… oh CUM GUTTER next image please.
I spent WAY too many seconds of my day trying to figure out what a gum cutter was.
*raises hand* me too
Came down here to say this very thing! Too graphic 5 me.
I read it as cum-GLITTERS which was slightly confusing but not nearly as icky
But so much more SPARKLY!
I just finished reading book 2 of N K Jemisin’s Inheritance Trilogy and #2 toooootally makes me think of Nahadoth. Amirite, y’all??? Anyone??
The glare is right, but I always imagine him with darker, more flow-y hair. The glare though.
OH MY GOSH YES. Also that Trilogy is SO good also you should read her latest, “The Fifth Season” ASAP.
Yes!! That was actually the first book of hers I read, thinking the series it’s apart of was already complete. I’m completely hooked!
Well, his appearance changes, but yep. That is def a Nahadoth glare.
Haha yeah, that perma-frown lines up with how I imagine his expression to be like, all the time.
The attitude fits, tho’ that white boy is still not nearly white enough to be Nahadoth. There’s a lot of really amazing Jemisin fanart out there, but this is my favorite Nahadoth: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KrX0ae7DYOc/UFRrlnA-SFI…
CUM GUTTERS.
Best part of a man.
I WILL NEVER NOT UN-READ THAT WORD
Why is everyone hating on this phrase so much, I love it (and cum gutters are genuinely my favourite thing on a man).
Because cum is like the worst. The actual worst.
(why no sex with my partner almost never always ends with me panicking a little over the texture of any resulting cum why do you ask.)
I don’t object to the substance but the word makes me do a full-body dry heave.
CUM GUTTER! ♥
Yep.
The most upsetting thing in this post, next to that thing Es_Petal pointed out, is how filthy the first guy’s feet are.
Came here to say exactly this. If you’re not going to wear that cape behind you, friend, at least use it to wipe the dirt off your feet. Ugh.
Expectation v. reality
“I’m too naked and distraught to get dressed.”
I have had this very conversation with my son, though not in those precise words because he was eighteen months old at the time. It was more like I’m cold, Ma–Put some clothes on then–I can’t, I’m too cold (heartbroken sobbing).
I have done this as an adult. Pants are difficult.
We have this argument each and every morning, and then again in the evening when it is pajama time. I can’t wait for summer, when it’s warm enough pajamas won’t be necessary.
…I have zero complaints about this.
The last one had to be restrained because he kept furiously pushing away the one bit of cloth that drapes his loins. Which raises the question: are you still truly naked if your wrists are bound?
#6 reminds me of Wes Bentley.
Oh no this is apparently one of my fetishes. (Especially guy #2. HELLO YOU ANGRY NAKED HUNK WITH YOUR WILD FIERY HAIR)
OOoh that sexy (literal) devil. First time I’ve ever been attracted to a painting was that one
Ohmygosh, YES!
* Fans self frantically *
If I was smart enough to correctly post a picture, I would do so, but instead, I will just add Saturn got so mad at being nude that he ate his own kids! Goya was onto something with this male nudity=rage equation.
what is actually happening in #8? why is one of them so much smaller yet seemingly older? why so mad? conversely, why so serene?
Haha! I had the exact same reaction, so much so that I googled it… which left me with even more questions than answers :-O
Apparently this is Hercules and Diomedes by Antoine-Jean Bros and depicts the eighth labour of Hercules. According to wikipedia, Diomedes is a giant, so that explains it, right? WRONG! “Hercules, SEEN FACE ON, his head at a three quarter profile, seizes this monster on his chariot, which he pushes over and breaks, and feeds him to the starving horses, thus punishing him for his cruelty.”
(Also, it would appear that “in despair following this resounding failure, abandoned by his pupils and prey to serious health problems, Gros took his own life” after this…)
I will admit to not being up with the play on Greek mythology and artistic symbolism, but A) carnivorous horses? and B) what??
Boy, am I glad you asked! ‘Cause I can know let you all feast your eyes on – the penis menace (Well, it rhymes in *my* language at least ;))
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/…
(Apparently he would feed human meat to his horses so Hercules fed him to them… which, turns out, was what they’ve been hungry for all that time. No idea why.)
I am so glad I have seen that
From my own knowledge-just-acquired-from Wikipedia, Gros painted a bunch of equestrian portraits, all of them using the same horse in the same posture. Gros was probably plunged into despair because he invented PhotoShop centuries before computers were invented.
I know the dick on Second From Bottom has to conform to the tiny-dicked Classical Ideal, but seriously, that thing’s the size of a flesh-toned Cheeto.
“i would rather die naked
than get up and cover this scratch and deny the world for even an instant a glimpse of my entire chest”
True selflessness right there.
I imagine sometimes Clara wants to forget and drinks too much at dinner parties
I have a pretty good idea what guy #1 is up to, and while he may in fact be *doing* it furiously, I have my doubts that he is *personally* furious.
They had slaves to pluck them. Yep.
That's fucking glorious punning. Take a bow.
the dust, on the bottoms of the top one’s feetsies!!
also yikes, far too many sinews
“And thus, with a flex, I die.”
Butterflies and dragonflies EVERYWHERE. What is going on?