Keifer Sutherland as Senator Corvus provided the film with a villain; however, in real life Mt. Vesuvius did not serve as a member of the Roman Republic and certainly never tried to marry a 19-year-old girl.
In one scene, the young Roman noblewoman Cassia exits her litter in order to speak alone with a male slave; this is inaccurate as women of that era did not have legs and would have been unable to walk without assistance.
The third dimension was not invented until the year 1830; Mt. Vesuvius only erupted in one-and-a-half dimensions.
Similarly, a rough-and-tumble guy from the wrong side of the tracks falling in love with an impossibly beautiful girl who’s so far above his station in life it’s impossible that she’d ever even notice him wasn’t invented until 1913.
Gladiators did not typically address the crowd with “That’s a-spicy a-meatball!” before going into combat in the arena.
Jared Harris died in the fifth season of Mad Men and could not possibly have appeared in this film.
Director Wes Anderson’s name is misspelled as Paul W.S. Anderson repeatedly in the film’s credits.
Jon Snow never says “Winter is coming” or even like “the volcano is coming” or whatever, something close like that in the whole stupid movie.
Kiefer Sutherland was not alive in the year 79 A.D.
What class-anxious Roman parents would be annoyed that a wealthy senator wanted to do business with them and marry their daughter, no matter how rude he was? None, that’s how many. “Oh, this mega-rich guy who controls politics wants to marry our useless daughter, who isn’t even anything good like a son, let’s be upset about that because he’s creepy and also a thousand years old.” Roman parents would marry their daughters to anything, just to get rid of them: beehives, convincing statues, lions, aqueducts, dead guys, whatever. Anything to take her off their hands.
Everybody wore too many rings. I didn’t like it; it was distracting, all the rings they kept wearing on their hands.
Remember that scene in Dante’s Peak when they’re on that boat trying to cross the lake and the lake starts to turn to acid and eat through the floor of the boat so the grandma jumps out and tows them to shore even though the acid eats right through her body? She didn’t need to do that. They were already pretty close to shore, I think they could have made it.
The effeminate, selfish slave trader doesn’t make it out of the city in time even though he left before anybody else and should have been able to get to the harbor before the first fireball shot out of the volcano. Smart guys like that with curly beards always make it out in time.
One man has never defied an empire.
There were no gargoyles in this movie. Shoulda had gargoyles in it.
Tags: gladiator movies, jokes classicists will appreciate, movies, pompeii
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“Hey Lucretia, I think that beehive really likes you. You guys should get married, like right away.”
“Moooooom!” *eyeroll*
Similarly, a rough-and-tumble guy from the wrong side of the tracks falling in love with an impossibly beautiful girl who’s so far above his station in life it’s impossible that she’d ever even notice him wasn’t invented until 1913.
I mean, right? First they had to invent railroads, then they had to build up diverse communities around the freight cargo in & out of a particular village. Commercial urbanization, then greater class distinctions, then wrong-siders sometimes realizing they could aspire to more, but only if their eyes were full of stardust and their hearts were full of iron.
Mt. Vesuvius’ eruption happened in 2D
Mt. Vesuvius' eruption happened in 2D
“Kiefer Sutherland was not alive in the year 79 A.D.”
THE LOST BOYS would lead me to believe otherwise.
This movie was clear evidence that Kiefer Sutherland REALLY IS a vampire.
I think the effeminate, selfish slave trader died under the Cowardly Rich Villain Disaster Movie subclause (also known as “Titanic rules”) in which it’s stated that “Your money can’t save YOU any more than it can save ME.”
I also noticed an error where the two rival gladiators who are forced to fight each other to the death at first but come to respect each other as equals do not kiss at any point in the film.
I think they fix that in the director’s cut.
pre-ordering the DVD just in case!
Get the unrated version.
I KEPT SHOUTING MAKE OUT AT THEM
I’m half-convinced they made the movie, watched it back, realized they had created a beautiful love story between the two gladiators, then panicked and threw in a random female character to try to distract us from the much more compelling relationship. (It did not work.)
Spartacus has gay gladiator love, I’m just sayin’.
It’s like everything slash fiction has taught me is a lie.
And let’s not even start on the lies slash fiction told me about lube
So this follows in the proud yet ultimately frustrating tradition of The Eagle? Moving to the top of my movies to see list….
WAIT but Billy Zane doesn’t die? What subclause is that?
TRUE I think he must fall under the Villains That Are Too Fabulous To Kill On Screen And Must Have a Bizarrely Casual Mention Of Their Later Suicide clause?!
My theory may need some finessing.
The Romans were enlightened enough to recognize woman-beehive love. When will change finally come to America?
Another inaccuracy: Pompeii was not inhabited by human beings, but rather by unmoving white plaster people.
True story! I have seen them.
Mt. Vesuvius did, in fact, fall in love with a young lady from the nearby town of Newark. But the day before Mt. Vesuvius was going to propose, she ran off with a rough and tumble young man from the wrong side of the Pompeiian forum, breaking Mt. Vesuvius’s heart. The heartbreak and resulting rage caused the eruption of 79. Today, Mt. Vesuvius regrets what it admits was a “slight overreaction,” chalking it up to the passions of youth.
The Uptown Girl plot is also an inaccuracy in Titanic, but somewhat more forgivable.
Nobody told Jon Snow he knew nothing, despite the fact that he clearly literally knew absolutely nothing.
JARED HARRIS IS IN THIS.
That scene from Dante’s Peak permanently traumatized me, I think.
I love that if you smash together the names Paul Thomas Anderson and Wes Anderson you get the name of the man who directs, like, Pompeii 3D.
WHY HAS NO ONE CONGRATULATED ME FOR PUBLISHING THIS ON *ASH WEDNESDAY*
Ortberg, your genius knows no bounds.
Two things: I would marry an aqueduct, because water’s the new oil and it’s likely my only chance at marrying into power/money/long shower privileges. Also, for the love of God, Dante’s Peak. Just, my heart. Take it and run.
Two things: I would marry an aqueduct, because water's the new oil and it's likely my only chance at marrying into power/money/long shower privileges. Also, for the love of God, Dante's Peak. Just, my heart. Take it and run.
That scene in Dante's Peak was so irritating! Old lady, if you're gonna sacrifice yourself, there are like fourteen better opportunities in that whole half of the movie.
I’ve been meaning to google “Pompeii movie volcano accuracy”. I want to know how much of that was ridiculous hyperbole and how much actually happened.
I was disappointed with how little time Kit Harington spent without a shirt on, but also immensely pleased with how the movie ended.
Spoilers – Everybody dies. EVERYBODY. All is futile.
I will happily see this movie and write this post if it is requested of me. But also, there is already a quick-and-dirty post up at Magma Cum Laude: http://blogs.agu.org/magmacumlaude/2014/03/01/is-…
🙂
That’s about what I guessed.
The lava bombs and tsunami seemed improbable. Not as improbable as the plot, but still.
Is Pliny the Elder in it? This is an important question.
This is what I have also been anxiously wondering. And the Younger. Both of them should be in it.
If at least one scholar doesn’t choke to death on sulphuric gas I’m going to be very disappointed.
I will happily see this movie and write this post if it is requested of me. But also, there is already a quick-and-dirty post up at Magma Cum Laude: http://blogs.agu.org/magmacumlaude/2014/03/01/is-…
🙂
This is what I have also been anxiously wondering. And the Younger. Both of them should be in it.