“With so many brothers and sisters, a piglet can be pushed out into the cold. This is dangerous for a piglet. Luckily, farmer Richard Johnson has a pig bath.”
And here you are – the piglet which is also yourself – and you’re cold, and you’ve been pushed away from what is naturally yours, what is your birthright, and you cannot get to what you want, and here you are in the cold screaming and screaming and yet it does you not the least bit of good, and here you are in danger, and here you are cold, and here you are helpless. And here is farmer Richard Johnson, the most English-farmer-looking of all English farmers, with your pig bath, and you resist what’s good for you.
“Once in the tub, a cold piggy soon becomes a warm piggy.” And here you are, quiet and warm and drifting, not needing anything.
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I love the immediate relief, the way the piggy stops squirming and accepts the help given. I could learn a lot from piggy. Also, I need a floating neck pillow.
100% would buy a floating neck pillow, that just floats in the air. Genuinely think it would help my “every time I turn my head something in my neck cracks in a terrifying way because YAY tension” problem
They have those for babies! Look up “swim baby neck float” and you’ll find a lot of YouTube videos of babies just floating in tubs and pools with only their big ‘ol little heads visible.
Yes! I just learned about these! One of my good friends lives in S. Korea, and she recently sent me a video of her five-month old baby in a special baby pool doing this and he looks as happy as it is possible for a baby to look. It’s adorable and hilarious.
“Eeeee! Eeeeeeeee!”
*lands in water*
“Oh, okay.”
I have never in my life seen any living creature go from D: to c: so quickly. It’s a beautiful thing.
Oh little piglet, if I had words to make a day for you, I’d sing you a morning golden and true.
Some pig.
If the circumstances are right I can get this from a haircut. But it’s not a guarantee. The piglet bath seems pretty bulletproof.
Float, float on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WclAFJSvyWw
Oh, baby.
I suspect me snuggling it to keep it warm is probably not as immediately effective as the bath.
Have experience with unhappy piglets. Can confirm snuggles are NOT what they want out of life.
*sigh* A girl can dream.
I usually don’t get sentimental over things like this, but today I am so glad I picked the chicken salad lunch option instead of the sausage meatballs.
his little floatie!!!!
Is the toast custom made for me today? this is my all-time favorite video.
I have but two life goals: one is to have a pet pig and the other, to hug a monkey.
Pet pig! One of my eventual goals is to have a sheep.
Get you a pig who can be both: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/fuzz…
a wooly sheep pig?! now way!!!!! GTFO!!!!!!
(new life goals: set)
Everything changed for me after I saw that.
can someone please contract The Science People and tell them i need a mini-litsa? kthnx.
So, Richard Johnson is a loving and compassionate god, is what you’re saying.
Who will eventually turn you into bacon.
When you gotta go, you gotta go. I wish I could be delicious in my own death. Instead I will probably be merely gross and sadness-making.
IT’S GOT A LIFE VEST ON.
This is really helping with my existential despair.
Mallory, if you ever need a sideline gig, I think you could make a killing writing and narrating guided meditations.
Foreshadowing of hot ham water.
Where is my Richard Johnson?
THE PIGLET SMILE AT THE END. [dies]
I want to be that little piggy, warm and safe.
That piglet is not me, it’s who I wish I was.
That piglet is not me, it's who I wish I was.
Yes- I have always wanted a pet pig although I hope to never meet a monkey. I've gone so far as to research breeds & rescues of said breeds. I can't afford to keep a dog or rent an apartment with central air conditioning so it remains a dream.
I’m not a vegetarian, but I have to know: were those pigs destined for sausages or for lives as pets? The former really makes me not want to identify with it…
Popping in late to say that (based on my own farm experience) those are probably definitely future bacon.
I took a bath today because of this post.
Update: I’m now bitter because I’m pregnant and cannot take baths as hot as I want them.
Since I’m currently breastfeeding I find myself empathizing more with the mama pig. She could probably use a bath too.
I am on the last day of a huge giant conference in a far-away from home jet lagged land and I presented my paper this morning and now I am tired and I want to be this pig so bad
I am an owner of pigs (and sheep, goats, many poultries, and cattle), AMA
Do you spend a lot of time leaning on the fence around their pens, toothpick or piece of hay in your mouth, ready to dispense out one-word wisdom to visiting city folk? Because this is how I picture all farm types despite having gone to university with some many of them, none of whom were like that.
No because I am also city folk!!! I wish I could dispense sensible advice to myself! Instead I just am a half-assed full-time software designer AND a half-assed part-time farmer!
Well, that sounds perfectly lovely.
Do you have a sheepdog, and if so are they as awesome as I hear they are?
Okay so probably nobody is going to believe this, but today I have the option for sausage meatball lunch again. HOW DID THEY KNOW.
The piglet lobby has long arms and good timing.
Curiously, both things piglets are known for lacking…
HUMBERSIDE, ENGLAND.
All English places are now Humberside, in my mind.
I assume we were meant to read this all in Jaqen H’ghar’s voice.
This is my favourite Toast post ever. And I needed to see it today. I am the piggy. And Mallory, you are my Farmer Richard.
I am very jealous of that pig.
This seems like it would be worth eventually becoming bacon.
Am I the only one concerned that piggy is getting a crick from his neck being tilted back like that? I get headaches from my head being in that position. Does Farmer Johnson have a little piggy massage bed? I bet he does. With four little holes for each of the wee trotters.
I had not been concerned about that until *right this very minute,* when you mentioned it.
However, now I have visions of piggy massage tables with feetsies hanging down and the world is even more wonderful than before. Thank you.
It would be great if there could be a farmer big enough to get rid of winter.
The idea of this piglet one day becoming bacon made this go from delightful to being genuinely upsetting. 🙁 I don’t want this piglet who is also myself to die, ever, and certainly not of anything short of a peaceful death from old age.
“And here you are, quiet and warm and drifting, not needing anything.”
^^On the best days of my life so far, THAT is exactly how I have felt. A quiet, bone-deep happiness, a sense of immense peace, and such gratitude.
<3
I HAVE FOUND A WEBSITE THAT IS THE INWARD DESCRIPTION OF MY SOUL. PRAISE THE TOAST.
Interesting, but the mama pigs look so uncomfortable. I want to see more about them..