Thanks For The Heads-Up On The Los Angeles-Specific Subterranean Lizard People

I thought I was familiar with every subterranean-race theory; I’ve even read Jennifer Toth’s The Mole People, which is maybe one of the most discredited works of journalism ever published??? (I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, or even just Dark Days, TEXT ME IMMEDIATELY). And yet I was not familiar with the Los Angeles Lizard People, until Christian Brown helpfully caulked that particular gap in my education:

Busy Los Angeles, although little realizing it in the hustle and bustle of modern existence, stands above a lost city of catacombs filled with incalculable treasure and imperishable records of a race of humans further advanced intellectually and scientifically than even the highest type of present day peoples, in the belief of G. Warren Shufelt, geophysical mining engineer now engaged in an attempt to wrest from the lost city deep in the earth below Fort Moore Hill the secrets of the Lizard People of legendary fame in the medicine lodges of the American Indian…

So firmly does Shufelt and a little staff of assistants believe that a maze of catacombs and priceless golden tablets are to be found beneath downtown Los Angeles that the engineer and his aides have already driven a shaft 250 feet into the ground, the mouth of the shaft being on the old Banning property on North Hill street overlooking Sunset Boulevard, Spring street and North Broadway.

I don’t know if this is related, but the National Treasure films are perfectly designed to light up every single pleasure center in my brain.

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14 Comments

  1. Norrey +22

    “I don’t know if this is related, but the National Treasure films are perfectly designed to light up every single pleasure center in my brain.”

    Me too, Mallory, me too.

  2. Yarnybarny +18

    Mallory! Have you read Lizard Music by Daniel Pinkwater? I think you would really like it. It is about the lizard people that live on a floating island in Lake Michigan. http://www.amazon.com/Lizard-Music-Daniel-Pinkwat…

    1. alicia +8

      I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK IF ANYONE REMEMBERED A BOOK WITH LIZARDS ON LATE NIGHT TELEVISION the Toast is amazing bless you amen.

  3. Stephen McNeil +7

    I was dismayed to learn that the Shufelt excavation took place in 1934, and was not currently in progress. My dismay was somewhat mitigated by the repeated use of the phrase “a radio X-ray perfected by him”, which is delightful nonsense.

    1. Brooks +1

      Except that that’s approximately how you might describe a transmission-based (rather than the usual reflection-based) radar system in 1934. It seems an entirely reasonable idea for the era, though I have no idea whether it’s actually practical.

  4. whynotqat +4

    This must be how they came up with the plot for the Super Mario live action movie. Shufelt was just plumbing for goomba coin.

  5. paddlepickle +5

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for using the “Drinking Out Of Cups” lizard as the image for this article. That is all.

  6. halloweenjack64 +5

    Are you familiar with the Donna Kossy book Kooks? It’s a couple of decades out of date, and Kossy has moved on to other interests, but it’s one of the best books on American weirdos and their beliefs that I’ve ever seen. Imagine if Ivan Stang’s High Weirdness by Mail had extended essays on the more interesting weirdos and you get the general idea.

  7. Halloween Jack

    Are you familiar with the Donna Kossy book Kooks? It's a couple of decades out of date, and Kossy has moved on to other interests, but it's one of the best books on American weirdos and their beliefs that I've ever seen. Imagine if Ivan Stang's High Weirdness by Mail had extended essays on the more interesting weirdos and you get the general idea.

  8. DeLoreanGrey +4

    “G. Warren Shufelt, geophysical mining engineer” oh dang i always wondered what warren g’s day job was

  9. anotherkate_sf +1

    OMG DARK DAYS!! I had totally forgotten the name of it, but I’ve seen that doc and it is fascinating. There’s actually an old episode of Law & Order: CI that has homeless (and possibly satanist) people living in tunnels under NYC. The main thing I remember from Dark Days is the guy who had taken in a bunch of dogs and had them penned in underground. I felt really bad for them, living in such a small and dark place (but not for the people? what is up with my brain). But maybe he took them on walks. Anyway, if people want to watch it, it’s on Amazon Instant video.