After an exhaustive and comprehensive study, doctors have finally been able to pin down the vague but persistent set of symptoms plaguing everyone and come to the surprising conclusion that every single American human suffers from seasonal depression. "It's true," Dr. Kim Bass, the lead scientist in the study announced dully from a podium, "not that it does anyone much good to know it. But now you know it. Everyone has it. That sinking feeling…

This post brought to you by our commenter Millper. The filler if the void is solely yours. The glass of single malt whiskey hidden in your bottom drawer. The dust-covered gummy bears at the bottom of your purse. The weather-worn grin. The actor that always plays serial killers and villains--you definitely know the one I’m talking about. No, not Peter Sarsgaard. That other guy. The one with the eyes.

I The harsh sterile lights of the hospital are so bright after our mad dash through the summer night. The nurse comes out and takes us to a room and says that the Doctor will be in shortly. I didn’t know then that that is a very bad sign. “Your grandmother has died of a heart attack,” the doctor says. II We wait in the waiting room. The surgeon comes out. There is no request…

The following transcript of a speech given at the Ladies' Botany Society of Philadelphia in 1874 was believed to have been lost until it was discovered last month in the attic of a house scheduled for demolition. It has been reprinted here in full for the first time, courtesy of the Lady Doctors of Pennsylvania Association. Honored ladies of the symposium, I thank you for your invitation to speak today. I shall begin my address…