Yesterday: If Channing Tatum Were Your Boyfriend. 1. If Kristen Stewart were your girlfriend, you would never run out of slouchy blazers and carefully tailored men's shirts to borrow. "Just take one," she'd say, with a sigh of mock exasperation. "You're always wearing my stuff anyway." 2. She'd have her own strange way of ordering things in coffee shops as a result of having grown up with having things brought to her by assistants.

Dear Businesslady, I have a question about something that (I don't think) has actually affected me yet, but I fear that it could one day, and I would like some advice. I have an unusual name. As far as I know, everyone with my last name is at least distantly related to me, including another woman with my exact same name who is around my age and the daughter of my dad's third cousin or…

I cannot further explain the lesbotic appeal of Kristen Stewart beyond this: to a certain type of queer woman, she is the lesbian equivalent of Channing Tatum. I have nothing more to say on the matter; I will not justify myself. I have watched the trailer for her latest film several times without the sound turned on, and I am ready to walk you through it. Breathe deeply. Let us begin. CAMP X-RAY Shots…

God bless all of you lovely dryads for sending me this video a thousand times today. "I'm not sure if you've seen this yet..." "Just putting this here..." "HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW KSTEW VIDEO" (no one even bothers to mention Jenny Lewis, FITTINGLY.) Other people, I believe, are in this music video. Anne Hathaway is in it, which I find unobjectionable. Possibly Brie Larson. It may even be that Jenny Lewis is in it;…