Amy Collier's previous work for The Toast can be found here. "Don, you really think we should put together this ad campaign in the final hour for an important client in Japan when half of our department perished in the flood?" “Mourning is just extended self-pity.” "We should talk about a food plan." "Why does everybody need to talk about everything?" "You think the rain will strike again? Jesus Christ, I hope it doesn't…

"I want a rare steak and I want to see those two men pound each other." - Trudy Campbell For a show that prides itself on realism, understatement, and period recreation, Mad Men spawns some crazy fan theories. Megan is Sharon Tate! Don is D. B. Cooper! Cutler is a CIA mole! Bob doesn't actually exist! Despite the fact that none of these things happen (or are likely to happen), fans keep churning them out…

It has long been a dream of mine to throw a party where everyone has to come dressed as an unpopular wife from a prestigious drama on cable television and treat each other with respect the entire night. I would dearly love to see just one day on TV where all the fancy, brutal male protagonists have to act like their loathed spouses, where the viewing public took a twentieth of the love they bear for Tami…

Other entries in this series can be found here.  He woke up ambiguously. "Hmm," he seemed to say as he looked warily around him. Time for another day of swords or drugs or making business, whatever his job was. He lit seventeen cigarettes, because who the fuck cared. "I'm a man," he announced to the room. "I'm a goddamn man and sometimes I have to make the tough decisions that no one asked me to…

Dear Dreamers, Since last we convened, I have been a bit sleepless. I’ve woken up at 5 a.m. for a series of mornings, then tossed and turned restlessly for hours. When I finally am able to get back to sleep, my alarm clock rings, and my eyes can barely open to read Twitter from bed. Is this Mercury in retrograde or simply summer wining and whining? That is a matter for another column. Let’s…