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Home: The Toast

Mallory has gone to Utah to visit Nicole, and Utah has thus far lived up to all expectations. We will be providing you with semi-regular updates of our adventures together, because life is short and time is fleeting. So far we have made carnitas and pumpkin chocolate-chip bread and gone to the mall.

Sunday night, the cat (heretofore known as Cat) dragged a mouse (hereby known as Brimley) into the master bedroom, where both of our heroes were blogging heroically and also watching, if memory serves, either Behind the Candelabra or the season three premiere of Scandal, but it might have been something else. Brimley was the Platonic ideal of a mouse: small and mouse-shaped, particularly grey, and possessed of a lovely set of giant ears. He terrified us all. Here is our story (for those of you who are faint of heart, a spoiler alert: the mouse survived, as did the cat. Nicole’s baby slept soundly and remained unhurt in her bedroom).

Nicole would like to add that Cat does this several times a week, and the obvious “do not let your cat outside” solution is only workable if you can sleep over the dulcet tones of Cat delivering elaborate monologues about sovereignty and cultural imperialism and Cat’s Rights and the pursuit of happiness, and also that Cat, when relented to, then crunches mouse bones very loudly, very deeply under the bed into the small hours of the morning. She is a country cat, and formerly a Brooklyn street cat, and she isn’t going to change.

Tonight’s schedule involves watching Lost and Delirious with the ladies of Autostraddle, as part of our upcoming “The Toast and Autostraddle Watch Bad Gay Movies” series, and also Five Guys. Nicole worked out this afternoon, and Mallory attempted to soothe Nicole’s baby, with success in the sense that the baby is still alive. Nicole’s hammer curls were great.

See you tomorrow.

(Ed. note: Related to the general treatment of mice, the title of this article should not be “Why Binge Drinking Makes You More Likely to Break Your Bones” but “Scientists Get Mice Drunk, Then Injure Them.” You monsters.)

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