A Tegan and Sara Album in Which There Are No Voyeuristic Tendencies or Lesbian Feelings -The Toast

Previously in this series: Songs from a Bruce Springsteen Album in Which No One Exorcises Their Personal Demons or Takes the New Jersey Turnpike

“I Couldn’t Be Your Friend Because No One Does That After a Breakup”

“My Therapist Says That Seeing You 10-12 Times A Day Is Not The Best Idea And Yours Agrees”

“I Want Your Lungs To Function Quite Normally (They Are Also Man Lungs)”

“Walking With a Corporeal Human Being Who Is A Boy”

“I’m Not Staring At You Through Your Living Room Window, Just Checking My Curtains For Bed Bugs”

“My Mood Swings Are Actually Quite Temperate”

“I Bet It Stung (When Tickets to Magic Mike XXL Sold Out)”

“I Have No Urges To Draw Diagrams of Your Inner Organs”

“You Haven’t Called Me In Weeks, But I’m Feeling Okay About It”

“I’m Taking A Night Off From Feelings And Watching Degrassi”

“You Don’t Need Sex When You Have A Fun Song About Legos”

“My Window Doesn’t Look Into Your Bathroom, Either”

“Knife Going In (Is A Phallic Metaphor)”

“If You’re Going Downtown That’s Nice, I’m Actually Going The Other Way”

“Nineteen (And I Have No Existential Angst Over My Sexuality)”

“The Cops Will Not Arrest Me For Screaming Outside Your Apartment Building, Because I Am At Karaoke Night”

“I’m Not Avoiding Anything By Not Using Gender-Specific Pronouns”

“‘Til Death Do Us Part (In a Canadian Heterosexual Marriage)”

“We Were Never on The L Word”

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J.E. Reich's writing is recent or forthcoming in Luna Luna Magazine, Nerve, LIT Magazine, Armchair/Shotgun, the Daily Dot, and Volume 1 Brooklyn, and her novella The Demon Room is out now. She lives in Brooklyn. You can follow her on Twitter at @jereichwrites.