Previous entries in the series can be found here.
hey have you seen my work khakis?
I think I might have lost them or something
which is crazy because I had them on yesterday
have you seen them?
its only after we’ve lost everything
that we’re free to do anything
ok yes definitely
you have to lose everything
everything includes pants
pants are a thing, so
I am super on board with that
like a noun or whatever, pants are
I’m just wondering
specifically
where my pants are
because they are my actual last pair of pants
YOU ARE NOT YOUR PANTS
I know
I AM NOT YOUR PANTS
no I definitely know that
I just need these pants for work
YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB
I’m not trying to be my job I swear
but we are down to our last forty bucks
I really
we can’t afford to lose this money right now
you are not special
what?
you’re not a fucking snowflake
I know that
I don’t think it’s being a snowflake to want pants
everything is decaying
we’re all just part of the same compost heap
your pants are decaying
my pants are in the compost heap?
well everything is in the compost heap
so you do the fucking math
you do the compost math
fuck the fridge is out again
do you mind calling Jasper sometime today
let him know we need to make an appointment
did you ever think that maybe
your life is just too complete?
is the fridge too complete?
you have to break everything
to make something better
i really don’t think your malaise is the fridge’s fault
it isn’t not the fridge’s fault
only after disaster can we be resurrected
and breaking the fridge
that’s part of your resurrection
our resurrection
we’ve all been raised on TV to believe
that one day we’d all be millionaires
huh
what show was that
and movie gods
I mostly watched scooby doo
I think
and rock stars
gilligan’s island maybe
whatever that show was that was like
it wasn’t the smurfs
but it kind of was the smurfs
but underwater?
they had weird spout noses i remember
but we won’t
and we’re slowly learning that fact
and we’re very, very pissed off
and this is the fridge’s fault
is your life really so empty
that you honestly can’t think of a better way
to spend these moments
god
okay fine
i’ll call jasper
you won’t have to do anything
ive been peeing in your soup
like every day
what?
nothing
fuck you
fuck the fridge
do you own your fridge
or does your fridge own you
it’s not even my fridge
you had this fridge when I moved in
i was wrong about you, man
you really are your pants
ugh
do you know what’s the worst
what?
moms
fucking moms
and like
IKEA
and our jobs
because they trap us in nests
god i hate how easy it is
to just get jobs
and make money all the time
and have a mom
it’s not real, you know?
right
like “oh i’m your mom”
“i’m gonna love you and raise you and shit”
well guess what mom
i’m gonna set skyscrapers on fire
because god’s not my dad
what?
i’m gonna shit on the mona lisa
and beat up beautiful guys
because of consumerism
huh
shit right on the mona lisa
heyyyy
u comin to fight club tonight
gonna be super fighty
hey
hey are u around
i need a ride
to fight club
(so i can fight)
DUDE ANSWER ME
ARE YOU COMING
OR ARE YOU NOT COMING
TO FIGHT CLUB
TO THE FIGHT CLUB THAT YOU FUCKING HELPED ME INVENT
I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PISS ON YOUR NEW PANTS
IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER ME
IN THE NEXT FIVE FUCKING DAMN ASS SECONDS
jesus
yes
i’m coming to fight club
OH MY GOD
what?
WHAT IS LITERALLY THE FIRST RULE
jesus
tyler
LITERALLY THE FIRST RULE WE MADE FOR FIGHT CLUB
please don’t piss on my pants
THE ONE RULE
you’re talking about it
you’re calling it fight club right now
how is that not the same thing
“HOW IS THAT NOT THE SAME THING”
fuck you is how
[Image via Wikimedia Commons]
Tags: chuck palahniuk, compost heap, consumerism, fight club, fuck you is how, texts from, the first rule of etcetera, tyler durden, work khakis
the snorks!
I remember now, it was called the snorks
fuck the snorks
gonna be super fighty
I don’t think it’s being a snowflake to want pants
Words to swoon over.
I have never read Fight Club and have no interest in doing so.
GO AHEAD SHUN ME
(the funny things in this texts from are pretty much exactly why )
I haven’t read it either but you better believe I watched that movie because:
I just realized dude on the left is totally checking out dat ass. I’m right there with you, dude on the left. Right there with you.
Yeah, there was a time when teenage me would have been super into that, but thank fuck that time is over now. (I mean, I’m still deeply cynical and disillusioned, but I have no patience for people who think they should be exempt from the social structures that made their lives possible in the first place just because they don’t always get to do exactly what they want)
I’m just not INTO ‘cynical, alienated young white man breaks free of the chains of JOBS and MONEY and is possibly insane’
partly because only people who have moeny think of it as a trap
and partly because it’s just dull. I mean it’s lazy as fuck. Tell other storys chuck FFS. Tell other storys all youngish white male writers.
But life is so HARD, okay? People have, like, EXPECTATIONS of me, and it’s impossible for me to walk away from them and do something MEANINGFUL because then I would have to, you know, be unpopular or whatever. Like those guys who actually care about making the world better, what the fuck is up with that? Everybody HATES those guys, they are such downers, I don’t want to be one of those guys. And nobody understands how hard this is for me, because I’m like TRAPPED in this restrictive corporate culture and have to live a certain way. I mean I hear people talking about, you know, discrimination or whatever, and I’m like, you guys don’t know how good you have it! To not have to conform to these bullshit social expectations, like, it would be so freeing, you know?
*chuckles happily*
Tyler really is the worst roommate ever.
I read Fight Club for a college course on visual culture, and although we didn’t do so, the class the semester before mine wrote to Chuck Palahniuk. He responded by sending our professor a necklace he’d made that spelled out her name with block-letter beads. I still cannot decide whether this is hilarious or terrifying.
whoah. I never would have guessed that Chuck Palahniuk was into crafts.
I think that’s the best possible response ever, considering what he writes. It’s so damn odd. And I loved fight club while not agreeing w the premise.
A friend and I used to text each other quotes from Fight Club because … I don’t know … it was just something we did for a while.
because of consumerism?
One way to measure how I’ve matured since being a college freshman is how much better of a movie I now think this is than Fight Club.
Truth. I still really like the music in Fight Club, though.
WHAS is better than most movies.
which movie is this? I am mesmerized!
Wet Hot American Summer! That’s our beloved Chris Meloni humping that fridge! WATCH IT 🙂
oh god I love this so much. Man my high school boyfriend was soooo into Fight Club – I loved it because : Brad’s sexy torso, Edward’s acting and Jared’s beautiful face. But now man… I realize just how invested this white dude was in this story was kind of a huge red flag. But I still would watch the hell out of the film for the same reasons tho
I only realized that was Jared Leto like, two weeks ago. So beautiful!
this is my favorite thing of anything
I’m so in love with this.
I put “fight club” and “into the wild” in the same category: when dudes LOVE and feel a DEEP CONNECTION to the TRUTH of these movies, it’s a huge red flag. I’m trying to think of other movies like this….
Boondock Saints.
*hork*
Snatch.
That’s basically the trifecta that sophomore-year-of-high-school me would wax rhapsodic about given the chance. So glad I’ll never have to meet young me.
ETA: (This is the same time period I was SUPER INTO Heinlein.)
Same with guys who glorify the Mad Men lifestyle, wishing they lived then. ~vom~
Ditto Star Wars. I’m a huge nerd, but anyone who can look past the gender politics in that one (or the creep factor of nineteen year old Carrie Fisher in a metal bikini) is on my DO NOT DATE list for life.
My cousin briefly had a job as a coordinator for actual fight clubs around the country. No, his name wasn’t Robert Paulson.
And exactly as much entitlement and rebellion against things that make normal people go "wait, you're mad about what, exactly?"
Can I raise my hand if my husband at the time did this? and he became unbearable FOREVER? yeah? no? ok. :-/
Snatch.
That's basically the trifecta that sophomore-year-of-high-school me would wax rhapsodic about given the chance. So glad I'll never have to meet young me.
ETA: (This is the same time period I was SUPER INTO Heinlein.)
this was perfect.
When I first watched Fight Club, it made me want to go out and pick a fight. I didn't.. and never have or actually wanted to before or since, as far as I can remember. It gave me strong feelings, is what I'm saying.
So painful when he hurt Jared Leto.