Here is your generous and delightful lesbian news for the day. Kimberly McLeod, who is magnificent, penned a lovely letter to LGBT celebrities of varying degrees of outness in Ebony (An aside. Do you follow Ebony on Twitter? You should. They have an excellent Twitter account) today:
Like many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth, I remember first turning to the media to find reflections of myself. The depictions, far and few in between, were oftentimes limited. (The lesbian seductress Opal in Spike Lee’s She’s Gotta Have It. The hot-headed Cleo from Set It Off. The privileged, popular girl Evie (played by Nicole Ari Parker) in The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love.) But seeing these characters live in their truth, helped me step into mine. I would seldom find real-life examples of what it meant to be both Black and lesbian. These women embodied existing at intersectional identities—something I didn’t see when I attended the campus Gay-Straight Alliance or the Black Student Union. The fictional Opals, Cleos and Evies reminded me that I was not an anomaly. And I was not alone.
If there is even a small part of you that cares about lesbians, you will watch The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love without fail. It will be off-putting, at first, to see Tina from The L Word as a baby butch, but you will get used to it. Just look at this:
I think about my own experiences with my immediate family and how my mother has done a complete 180. She went from crying uncontrollably when I came out, to crying uncontrollably when I broke up with my first long-term girlfriend.
Nowadays, it’s more common to find multi-dimensional depictions of Black LGBT people onscreen (think Pariah’s Alike). More and more Black entertainers are also speaking out (pun intended) publicly–from artist Frank Ocean’s letter boldly and bravely professing that his first love was a man to basketball superstar Brittney Griner reminding people to “just be who you are.”
Here is a picture of Brittney Griner, because it takes only the slightest provocation for me to find pictures of Brittney Griner. Let’s all sit quietly for a minute and think about Brittney Griner, who is perfect and has a smile like a hawk with a magnificent secret. Brittney Griner has stars on her shoulders and is more beautiful than the sun. (Take your time.)
Brittney Griner is as tall as a fresh yew tree and has a jawbone made of pure velvet. If she asked, I would bring her breakfast every day and quietly stand against a window until she needed something. So far she has not asked, but I’m just putting it out there and letting the universe bring good things to me.
Admittedly, it took me some time not to be disappointed when a rumored-to-be-gay celebrity didn’t unabashedly declare their LGBT identity. How selfish of you not to use your platform, I thought. Now, I realize it is not my place to police someone else’s journey. In fact, it’s counterintuitive. Bullying anyone out of the closet is internalizing the same shame tactics people employ to keep us in.
That is not to downplay the importance of visibility. It matters immensely. People move along their support of LGBT people after personally knowing someone who is gay or viewing an LGBT person onscreen. It’s then that folks realize gay and transgender people are just trying to survive and thrive. It’s then that LGBT youth (and adults) feel affirmed.
But your private life is just that. Yours.
If you choose to let me and the rest of the world in, I promise to come from a place of love and compassion. Despite the critics, there is a family of Black LGBT and ally brothers, sisters, uncles, and aunts ready to love on you. We’ll be right here with our arms extended, waiting to welcome you home.
McLeod is also the founding editor of Elixher, an absolutely tremendous online magazine for queer Black women. Some of the more recent articles include “A Love Letter to Studs and Bois” (“You know me. I’m that femme giving you the gay-gal-gaze from the corner of a homey bookstore café. Yeah, I’m the femme blushing and biting my lips because I can’t stand how good y’all look all the time.” Oh, my God, it’s so good) and a “Disrupting Gender” photography series. You are excused from reading The Toast for the rest of the day to go read Elixher; we’ll be here when you get back.
Please feel free to share your tales of Bois/Butches/Studs I Have Known and Loved in the comments.
[Images via Wikimedia Commons and NBA.com]
Tags: ebony, elixher, intersectionality, kimberly mcleod, lesbians, raven symone, that’s so raven, today is a pretty gay day, websites mallory has a crush on
I’ll admit I just googled “britney griner girlfriend” but it led me to a NYT essay she wrote about coming out so I feel slightly less creepy
This doesn’t really add anything to the discussion but it needs to be said: Brittney Griner is just beyond incredible. Once I saw her (and I guess the rest of the Baylor team but mainly her) play A&M early in her college career, and she was just gleefully dominating the court and even though I was supposed to be rooting against her it was just FUN to watch her play. And watching sports is generally pretty boring to me, especially when the snacks are mediocre, as they were that day.
Also, I am acquainted with some of her good friends and she seems to have a very solid support network that just really wants her to succeed and be happy.
I could make her very happy, if she let me NO THAT’S CREEPY I wish Brittney Griner the best and she does not have to go out with me even a little bit
I’ll print out a blown up copy of your avatar with your email address underneath it and the next time I see her from a distance at a Baylor sporting event I’ll run out from the crowd and press it into her hands, whispering “trust me, she writes very funny pretend text message conversations,” and then it will be exactly like You’ve Got Mail.
I think I made it creepier :/
Is this also where we can talk about Chirlane McCray, probable next NYC mayor’s wife, who had an essay in Essence about being a black lesbian in the 70s?
She’s fantastic–she’s also dealt really well with all those dumb accusations about being used as a race-warfare prop.
Have y’all taken a gander at the stud corner of youtube? It’s fantastic. If you find one you can find a bunch of them. There are like ten thousand super hot studs with vlogs and I alternate between drooling over it and sometimes, on my butcher days, taking their advice.
Links?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QxmY8-GKN0 for instance!
Thanks! I can’t watch it right now but I’m very excited to go deep down this YouTube rabbit hole later!
So I am a mostly straight lady who loves standup. This weekend I saw two shows with engaged lady comics Rhea Butcher and Cameron Esposito (here they are: http://www.afterellen.com/lez-stand-out-rhea-butc…. I loved them both so much and they were so adorable, but I had this really visceral attraction to Rhea in particular (who is boyish to the point where one of her bits was about women doing double takes when they walk into a public bathroom and she’s there). God, she is SO HOT. I seriously just wanted to bite her. I haven’t had that kind of reaction to anybody since, like, high school.
They are the most adorable! I listen to Put Your Hands Together, the stand up podcast Cameron hosts (and Rhea produces), every week and love them very very much. It’s more of a fangirl, baby queer admiring standup goddesses from afar kind of love, but I’m just so happy they exist in this world.
ps this might be slightly creepy, but I know from last week’s episode of PYHT that they were performing on a comedy cruise this week – is that where you saw them? Just asking because I’m so curious about the whole idea of a comedy cruise and whether or not that would be fun.
Yes, it was! Comedy cruise! It was MEGA MEGA FUN. We all sat together at dinner and went to shows afterward and the rest of the time you could do whatever you wanted, but we also mostly got hammered on weird cocktails and went to the beach and such in large groups of like minded folks. The admittedly tacky/annoying things that happen on cruise ships (the mandatory muster drill in case you sink, the non-mandatory but possibly more horrible dinner conga line and macarena) still happened were hilarious instead of horrible with everybody else there for comedy.
I have gone to similar events before (it was put together by the people who do MaxFunCon) and I always love them. Everyone is so great, including the performers who will totes hang out with you.
Also, I knew about Wham Bam Pow and I knew about PYHT the actual live show but I somehow missed that it is a podcast. BRB going to listen to them all in a row see everybody next week.
I really hope to see more of the “today is a pretty gay day” tag, though I don’t know if I can handle this kind of overlapping joy (Wilde and Whitman! The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls In Love!! Elixher!!!) on the regular. Totally willing to give it a go, though.