Official Toast Stances: Volume Three

by Nicole and Mallory · November 20, 2013

1-1028982-mIf you do not like the things we approve of, we suggest you revisit your stance. You are still allowed to like and/or engage in the things we dis-approve of, you are just wrong. Previous installments can be found here. – Eds.

The Toast Approves of the Following Things:

1. Key & Peele
2. Thanksgiving starches, esp. stuffing
3. Books about fictional characters, a la Havisham or Grendel
4. Cheeseburgers
5. The episode of Archer where Archer discovers Pam is the best sex he’s ever had

The Toast Disapproves of the Following Things:

1. Roller coasters
2. Composting, unless you have a garden and never keep a slimy, rotting sack of produce ends inside your kitchen for longer than five minutes
3. Joel Stein
4. The Odd Couple II (not to be confused with The New Odd Couple)
5. Carnations

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214 Comments

  1. noodge4lyfe +10

    Real talk re: roller coasters. I enjoy them for the first 30 seconds, and then I just have a headache from all the rattling around. This headache tends to last anywhere from 3 hours to 3 days.

    I wish I were more hardy.

    1. bgprincipessa +3

      I only associate that headache/rattling with wooden roller coasters. Usually newer ones are fine for me. But it is the worst, that rattling headache.

    2. dakimel +20

      Query to fellow coaster-realists (they suuuuuuck):

      Skiing? Pointless waste of time standing in a stupid cold line just to trek up to the top of a stupid cold mountain you don’t even get to enjoy looking at because you have to immediately hurtle downwards like a stupid gravity-bound missile and so that mere stupid moments later you’re back in the stupid cold line again, or fun?

      (I won’t tell you my answer as I don’t want to bias the responses.)

      1. ach_so +1

        Skiing depends, I think. Small, icy mountain in central PA? No thanks. Slightly bigger, powdery upstate NY (just sticking to the East Coast here cause that’s all I know)? Fun!

        1. NicoleCliffe +21

          COME TO UTAH YOU FOOLS I DON’T GET OUT OF BED FOR LESS THAN NINE INCHES*

          *Of fresh powder.

          Literally, Toasties who ski, email me and you can come stay at my house and ski whenever you want, we’re ten minutes from Snowbird and fifteen minutes from Alta and I have a pair of K2 One Luvs I keep tuned for guests.

          1. loren_smith +1

            Am now genuinely sad to have been dis-invited to my cousin-in-law’s December SLC Temple wedding. We could have got some runs in instead of standing outside the Temple in the cold.

          2. flanhoodles +1

            OK! If Tahoe has another winter like the last two, I might take you up on that. You are also welcome in Tahoe, where I only wore a coat to ski once last winter.

        1. dakimel +14

          You’re my best friend. Is that okay? I will sit and drink cocoa with you while the rest of them (shudder) ski.

          1. megmuoio +4

            The apres-ski lodge experience is the only draw, honestly. Let’s just skip the actual skiing and enjoy hot (alcoholic?) beverages in front of a roaring fire.

        2. Es_Petal +2

          Almost as much as riding horses! If I had the money for another enormously expensive and dangerous hobby, I’d be a serious skier. I’ve only been a few times, but I love it.

          1. NicoleCliffe +15

            Oh, my God, so much worse. I’ve never been seriously injured riding, though I’ve been seriously injured skiing, but I have definitely thought “I am going to die today” way, way more times in the saddle.

            BUT THEIR NOSES ARE SO SOFTTTT.

          2. Es_Petal +1

            I’ve never fallen off skis, but I’ve got a fair few injuries from riding. Damn that adrenalin-junkiedom! (And the years of rehabbing problem horses…)

          3. twobluebikes +2

            I don’t ski, because I live too far from snow. Also, the best surf is in the winter. But I totally approve of anything involving speed and gravity. 😀

            And yes, soft noses. Soft noses are the best thing.

      3. loren_smith +5

        Super fun! Funfunfun first tracks 4ever fun. Maybe try watching the awesome early 90s Paul Gross opus “Aspen Extreme”.

        I’m not sure how to even explain why it’s fun though. I’m lucky to live in BC, where we have some amazing hills and great conditions. I have good gear (so important so that you’re warm and dry!). There’s something about flying down a beautiful run on a gorgeous day and knowing that you’re nailing every turn.

      4. dakimel +8

        I feel like you people do not understand the pointless trauma inherent in skiing. It makes me sad for you, and your delusions.

        1. NicoleCliffe +14

          I have a rod and a bunch of screws in my left leg from skiing, and now it points slightly inward when I’m standing neutrally. Still the best.

          2. christonacracker +2

            Samesies, only mine’s from a pony! You’re more hardy than I am, because I have yet to get back on the literal horse.

      5. pinnipedd +2

        Nope. Thank the lord I always managed to find a friend who would go snow tubing with me on field trips while the rest of those fools skied and snowboarded. Whooshing down an icy hill on your ass FTW!

      6. tragicallyludicrous +3

        I miss skiing. I haven’t been skiing since I stopped actually living in Colorado. I guess I could try going out here…

      7. MilesofMountain +3

        You speak the truth about skiing. Which is too bad, because I live in a ski-obsessed Canadian town sometimes called “The Whistler of the North” (when it’s not The Something Else of the North). Ski hills are only good for drunken midnight sledding because you go SO FAST.

        Cross-country skiing is actually fun, though. It’s like snowshoing but you go way faster.

      9. New_Username +1

        This is why you go skiing in May at a place with many fast chair lifts so there is no line and it’s actually warm. I was actually too warm the last time I skied. Although, i did injure my knee during that outing… It wasn’t super bad, but just bad enough to scare the pants off me and me nervous about skiing again and hold me back from many summer sports. I was not a good skier to begin with and I am now a fair bit more apprehensive about getting back on that figurative horse.

  3. halleloujah +63

    A+. Let’s just hope stuffing doesn’t go embarrassing itself tomorrow by publishing terrible rape apologia!

    1. snaxstax +10

      I actually had to leave my desk and go laugh in the bathroom for a while. The internet peaked early today…

    2. 900ccs +8

      It’s okay though, because she specifically said she wasn’t victim blaming! That makes it automatically true regardless of actual content, because I guess we are all five years old now.

    3. NicoleCliffe +30

      “Badly done, stuffing.” – Jeremy Northam scolding stuffing, if stuffing does, in fact, publish rape apologia

    4. MalloryOrtberg +16

      Even that would not keep me from eating stuffing every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday after obsessively refreshing Slate for like twenty minutes.

      1. naglayaxuliganka +5

        Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. I’m currently boycotting literally everything else on Slate (I don’t think there’s any journalism on it anymore, seriously, do we need to know that it’ll take two minutes to read that Slatest update?!), but I just can’t quit her.

        1. MalloryOrtberg +12

          There is no need to quit her! She is a lady who gives people advice; sometimes I think it’s very good advice and sometimes I think she’s a real silly billy. But people send her THE WACKIEST SCENARIOS and I will never, ever look away.

        2. custardsnake +4

          I…am doing exactly the same thing as you on Slate, right on down to the abashed Dear Prudence reading. I CANNOT STOP.
          But if you too are a lover of advice columns generally-speaking (not just restricted to Prudie), then may I suggest Captain Awkward? She hasn’t been posting much lately but her advice is actually so solid and her archives are gold.

  4. bgprincipessa +10

    My old roommate had a compost bin in our basement filled with worms. I didn’t know about it until after I moved in. It was mostly okay… except she had just started when I moved in, and not long afterward the worms multiplied so quickly that they outgrew their space and started getting out. Then she figured out the appropriate balance and it was better after that… relatively speaking.

    Now though I still feel so weird throwing away veg scraps. I did get into the habit.

    1. tragicallyludicrous +5

      One of my housemates started a kitchen compost thing out of one of her old giant yogurt bins, as there is a “yard waste/compost” bin that the city takes away weekly. It’s fine and noble but I don’t want to ever touch it. If she wants it, she can dump it.

    2. rhetconfidential +1

      That’s horrifying. Did she have a garden? My roommate kept compost in our kitchen for a future garden that was never made…

    3. flanhoodles +1

      My roommates in grad school and I had worms under the kitchen sink. And they grew too fast and escaped, permanently scarring the one non-hippy roommate.

  6. CatFoodParty +8

    Oh good, I also do not approve of rollercoasters. They give me anxiety and I usually end up crying before the ride is over.

  7. Es_Petal +25

    I always think I disapprove of rollercoasters and then someone drags me onto them and I remember I’m a total adrenalin junkie and actually love them.

    2. pinnipedd +3

      I love the eventual loop-the-loops and the wind on my face and the scream-laughing, but I really hate the first 0-to-60 mph feelings of pressure. I always worry that my chest is going to explode!

  9. Dancing Narwhal +3

    I love rollercoasters! Especially the wooden one’s, like at Knoebels, the best place in the world!

    Also, I think composting works really well if you live somewhere with the infrastructure for it. I used to live in Frankfurt and in the apartment complex I lived in there was a bio bin out back next to the paper trash can and the plastic trash can, and so on. And you just dumped your compost into the bin and people who knew what they were doing would come and take it away just like they took the rest of the trash. Now I live in NYC and even though the farmers market takes compost there is no way I’m keeping a frozen bag of grossness in my kitchen just so I can cart it to the market on Sunday to be disposed of.

    1. ach_so +1

      Yeah and composting is going to become mandatory in NYC! Ew, no. I can’t imagine. Then again, my building doesn’t even RECYCLE, so I think I’m good.

      1. Dancing Narwhal

        Yes! Plus my freezer is so tiny where am I even going to put the gross trash I’m now expected to keep there. I think if they want to make it mandatory the states should provide me with a nice chest freezer for my food, and I’ll keep my trash in the regular kitchen freezer.

    1. rhymeswitheight +9

      Maybe more like spinoff books. Like Grendel was Beowulf’s mom in Beowulf, then she got her own book.

      But are all the Pride and Prejudice fan fiction-y things included in this official approval stance?

      2. Yarnybarny +7

        Um, Grendel was the monster. In Beowulf Grendel’s mom (also a monster) was killed. The spinoff book Grendel was the telling of that story from his viewpoint.

        1. rhymeswitheight +8

          OH GOD English major fail! I even read it for a class. Strip me of my degree…
          Thanks for the correction

          1. elsamac +32

            I didn’t read Grendel half as avidly as I would read a book in which Grendel is revealed to be Beowulf’s mom.

      3. elsamac +16

        Is this where I rant about the SHAMEFUL WASTE that is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? When I first heard of the existence of the book, I thought “Yessssssssss, of course! It’s a great set-up for a zombie-outbreak story: Jane’s worrisome illness at Netherfield Park, the added anxiety of Lizzie’s solitary four-mile walk over-field, all the soldiers milling in the background. Brilliant!”

        Then I read it, and it squanders all that potential*. It makes me so cross.

        *See also Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. For goodness sake, the man was a rail-splitter. SPLIT SOME FUCKIN’ STAKES, Y’ALL.

      1. MalloryOrtberg +6

        That’s the one. And you know I don’t think any woman under 35 should be allowed to read or discuss Pride and Prejudice, so that point is moot.

        1. blueblazes11 +3

          “I don’t think any woman under 35 should be allowed to read or discuss Pride and Prejudice”

          Please tell me that is not an official Toast stance. I want the Youngs to read and discuss P&P. They just need to know that none of their opinions will be valid until they are 30. (As so few opinions are)

          1. ThatOtherWench +5

            Hrrrmm, can I ask more about why this is, or is that only revealed after the secret initiation rites of the 30th birthday?

            I mean, even as a 16-year-old high school student it’s obvious that Great Gatsby will only make sense after living your life for a while. But Austen seems like it’s always been: all these people are mostly terrible and yet a little wonderful but shouldn’t think as highly of their foolish selves as they do. So aside from being more sympathetic to the Mrs Bennets of the world, I’m not sure what perspective age is supposed to bring to them.

    3. beatrizcentury +3

      Some could be novels in verse (“The Collected Works of Billy the Kid” by Michael Ondaatje come to mind)!

  11. franceschances +9

    I went on a roller coaster last summer after not getting anywhere near one since high school – not on purpose, I just would rather spend my money on things other than amusement park admission. Getting buckled in, I thought I still liked them. 30 seconds later I realized I was very very wrong and spent the whole ride screaming in actual fear of my life.

    Luckily this was in Vegas so I was able to drown my fear in alcohol immediately afterwards.

    1. depizan +2

      I hate roller coasters. Probably because Space Mountain was my first “real” roller coaster when I was 9, I didn’t want to go on it but was talked into it by my family, and then somehow I ended up in a car completely alone. I was sobbing the whole ride. There was a very nice woman sitting behind me who realized how terrified I was, and she held my shoulder in support throughout the ride. Then the first time I rode a wooden roller coaster a few years later, going down the first hill it was shaking so bad I literally thought we were all going to get flung off and die. Only time in my life I have ever screamed.

  12. rhymeswitheight +13

    What about institutional level compost? Like if your work had a compost bin next to the trash and recycling? (It really helps divert waste from landfills guys! And the compostable stuff that gets thrown into trash emits methane when it decomposes in landfills… and methane kinda sucks.)

    2. onphonecantlogin +5

      Yeah, and what if your city provides you with compost bins fot food wsste in an attempt to reduce landfill? Cause mine foes so I have a little compost bin in my kitchen

      1. Faintly_Macabre +1

        I am so jealous! Philly does have one or two companies who will come take your compost away, but you have to pay for it.

  13. faebl +6

    KEY & PEELE.

    And yeah, my bf’s house does that “tray in the kitchen” composting thing. I have gotten chastised many times for throwing out things like eggshells, instead of putting them in the tray.

  14. foiledthoughts +5

    I am INTO roller coasters but I have been too scared to go on one since I had this patient who got a subdural hematoma from his brain rattling around too much in his skull when he took his grandkids to Disney World. Everything turned out fine and he was old so that’s why it happened but still. I am a worrywart.

    1. rhymeswitheight +6

      NOOOOOOOOOO
      (This is why – well, one of many reasons why – I could never be a doctor or nurse. I’d become ultra-paranoid about developing every condition or getting into every freak accident I see.)

      1. foiledthoughts +4

        I am a total hypochondriac, but luckily I only fixate on developing conditions that I actually have no real chance of getting, so it’s pretty easy to talk myself down.

    2. allabee +7

      “Why’s it skin colored?”
      “It’s not if you’re black.”

      Krieger is the song of my soul.

    5. Prawns +5

      I especially love his ongoing thing with the holographic anime girl. Also how he made the only thing that will choke Cheryl correctly.

      I may have revealed too much about myself, but this is a safe space, right?

      1. thesweetandlowdown +3

        I like his relationship with the holo anime girl too. The concept seems creepy and controlling, but then you realize he’s programmed a partner who actually has a mind of her own.

  17. msjinxie +11

    But but but it’s against the law to not compost in San Francisco. Do you want me to get in trouble??

    1. supernintendo +15

      God, I was in SF recently and was amazed how prevalent recycling & compost bins were. I have no idea why New York can’t step it up in that department. It seems like only super conscious restaurants have them here (the kind of places that list the farms where they got all the ingredients on the menu).

      1. stuffisthings +8

        Have you seen how they reacted to the damn bikes? New Yorkers don’t know how to handle non-19th century urban technologies.

      2. beatrizcentury +2

        I just got a recycling bin in my neighborhood in Chicago. Before last month I walked to the abandoned police station/public library to publicly recycle (or waited for the scrappers) and would find notices from the city saying “YOU AREN’T RECYCLING CORRECTLY WE’RE GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY.” Way to go.

        1. lanascrub +1

          I’m lucky enough now to live in a neighborhood with recycling bins in the alley, but our old place had no such thing. The closest recycling center, which should have been a mile or so away (in Horner Park), had been shut down by the alderman because too many people were using it and the bins were always overflowing. Definitely better to cancel the whole thing rather than increase the number of pickups. Way to go, Chicago.

    2. bgprincipessa +4

      Seriously? How do they enforce that? Do they do compost pick-up like a few others have described upthread?

      1. msjinxie +4

        I don’t know that they actually do enforce it (I have heard stories about people being fined for not recycling – though I wonder if that’s just urban legend.) but the garbage company does curbside pickup which makes it super easy. Even with the curbside pickup, though, I’m not sure I’d do it if I didn’t live in a poorly-insulted, always cold and drafty old Victorian. If I lived somewhere where it actually got hot on a regular basis no WAY would I have a compost bin in my kitchen.

        1. Faintly_Macabre +6

          France has pretty intense recycling laws, even if their recycling system SUCKS (separate into 3 streams, only a few kinds of plastic containers are taken), and I once saw a bin full of trash taped shut with tape saying “BAD SORTING. REFUSED.” I assume fines come in after that.

          I also recently had a job interview where the stupid interviewer, upon hearing that environmental issues are important to me (apparently she hadn’t looked at my resume), bragged, “We’re not very green here. We never recycle.” I wanted to ask her if she cared that she was breaking the law.

      2. ipomoea +8

        Seattle has “yard waste” pickup that’s free every week– we have a little lidded OXO bin in the kitchen that we put scraps in and dump at the end of every day. Plus, we can compost food-soiled paper/cardboard, which means pizza boxes. (and I take to mean dirty kleenex)

        1. Brunhildenburg +2

          I just fill up a food scrap bowl every time I cook and then dump it in the yard waste when I’m doing the dishes (also in Seattle).

  18. dakimel +23

    So guys, guys, guys! (And gals.) For the first time in AGES our family Thanksgiving will not have any vegetarians and/or gluten free people at it.

    I will be eating SO MUCH STUFFING. Yams and stuffing, that will be my entire meal (non-pie portion) (then I’ll eat an entire pecan pie.)

    1. notpollyanna +1

      What are you doing to your stuffing that no vegetarians makes it better? As a vegetarian, should I be wary of stuffing? Nooo! I loves me some stuffing!

      1. themegnapkin +4

        Just a guess – stuffing it in the turkey so it bakes in turkey juice, or maybe using animal stock to make it on the stove top? That’s what ruined stuffing for me last year (as a vegetarian).

      2. dakimel +12

        It’s the stock and, most importantly, the sausage. Or chorizo. (I mean, vegetarians can have soyrizo, I guess, and pecans are fine and vegetable stock, but sometimes I just long for the sausage stuffing of my youth.)

        1. madgehowlet +1

          Oh, man, chorizo stuffing is the best damn thing in the world. We’re doing Restaurant Thanksgiving this year for various reasons, and I will miss the chorizo stuffing so much. I did promise Mr. Howlet that I’d make stuffing so he could still make Thanksgiving sandwiches, though, so I might as well use chorizo for it.

          Extra tip: When you make the cornbread (you are making cornbread stuffing, right?), add some crushed dried jalapeños and ancho powder to the batter.

          2. madgehowlet +2

            Well, of course you make cornbread stuffing. I just wasn’t so sure about some of these other folks. They do weird things in other places.

      3. NicoleCliffe +10

        You definitely want to be wary:

        1. Chicken broth/stock instead of water (super common, you should ask)
        2. Cooking the stuffing inside the bird (this is not the best idea anyway, I don’t eat stuffing that’s cooked inside the bird unless my dad makes it, because he’s a Preventing Foodborne Illness Jedi)

      4. MilesofMountain +3

        My mother’s stuffing has sausage and is then cooked with turkey necks on top so it gets flavoured like a stuffed turkey without giving you salmonella. Definitely be wary of stuffing!

  19. bustedsneakers +5

    But Toronto has an integrated green bin and recycling program to dispense with a wide array of organics!

    Also, composting: Put your green bin in the fridge. Just because you’re done eating it doesn’t mean it’s not food for bacteria.

    1. MalloryOrtberg +12

      Put it…put it next to your food…put it next to your food in the fridge that you’re going to EAT….

      /backs away slowly from you, face frozen in a rictus of horror

      1. robotneedslove +7

        But it’s FOOD. It’s just FOOD. The only difference between a cucumber and a cucumber end is that one you have decided you are not going to eat. Letting it rot rot rot in your eating space is gross, but in the beginning and the end it’s all just food.

        You’ll probably also be grossed out to know that I don’t keep my eggs in the fridge.

        1. Ophelia +8

          Oh, god, I read this as, “It’s just food with the human parts taken out,” and I was all O.o

  20. deleted1892326 +7

    Ugh, when I moved into my first off-campus house, one of the guys there was into composting. Except he kept a giant ice-cream sized bucket on the counter WITHOUT A LID and let rotting food sit in it for up to a week at a time. He seemed confused when I told him that was the cause of all the fruit flies and the ants. Got it down to a yogurt container WITH A LID taken out at the end of every day.

    1. S. Pebbletush +5

      UGH YES I have been there with the roommates who don’t understand that if you MUST compost, it needs a lid, it needs Biobags, and it needs to be emptied ALL THE TIME. See also: the day I dropped $25 on a lidded ceramic compost bin for the kitchen because nobody else seemed to understand that all compost bins need functional, tight lids.

      1. S. Pebbletush +1

        And I will add: We have not had a fruit fly infestation since, even though we leave the back door open for the dog ALL THE TIME.

      2. msjinxie +1

        It ain’t pretty, but the free one the garbage company gives out is pretty good. It’s got a good solid lid and a nice handle.

    2. lanascrub +1

      We use a coffee can (with lid), though we have a big compost heap in the yard so we can dump it out daily. The time it takes for us to go through a thing of coffee roughly corresponds to the time it takes for the old coffee can to get almost too gross to deal with, at which point we switch over to a new one and recycle the old one.

  21. tekkah +12

    I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS! I’m that person that, when given tickets to a theme park with rollercoasters, will run around from rollercoaster to rollercoaster and try them all out and then decide which ones are worth riding a second (or more) times and then plan accordingly. The only ones I don’t like are the ones that are so old that your hips get jarred side to side in the seat (Six Flags GA Cyclone, I’m looking at you) or the ones that make you feel like your neck’s going to snap because your head is shaking so hard (Six Flags GA Ninja, this means you).

    I used to be scared of them until someone finally talked me into trying out the one that just does a single upside down loop and then comes back. I did it once and friggin’ loved it. Never looked back. ROLLERCOASTERS FOREVER!

    That said, I fully agree with the rest of the list up there. Screw composting. Screw carnations. Unless you’re composting carnations, then is that an OK deal?

    1. thezlot +4

      I’m with you on this! Have you been to Cedar Point, America’s Rockin’ Roller Coast? It sounds like it would be a great pilgrimage for you, as indeed it is for me and my mom every summer.

    2. Es_Petal +1

      I can’t do the whiplashy ones since I broke my neck and have to be a bit careful with it, but I love them.

    3. fleurdelivre87 +1

      UMMMM, I took the SAME EXACT trajectory to loving roller coasters. I did Greased Lightning at Six Flags Astroworld (may it rest in peace) and then I was a convert.

  22. lemonadefish +10

    This year for Thanksgiving, we are having dressing (from the Cajuns), stuffing (from the Yankees), four kinds of potatoes,*five* kinds of bread, corn pudding, and no salad. It is going to be so amazing! (Frankly I find stuffing gross, for I do not like soggy bread. But Thanksgiving carb-loading is definitely goign to happen!!)

      1. lemonadefish +8

        Sweet potato fries, mashed potatoes, savory sweet potatoes with blue cheese, and roast potatoes. Oh, and smashed root vegetables with leeks, which I presume will also include some sort of potato. Dang this is going to be awesome!!

        1. lemonadefish +3

          Oh, and now I wish there were going to be scalloped potatoes as well… hm, I may have to break down and cook something…

      1. lemonadefish +2

        Sure! Or if that’s not convenient, bring a lot of potatoes & bread, and see if you can get her to crack.

    3. tragicallyludicrous +1

      I’m not super into stuffing either – something about the taste doesn’t suit me – but I am 100% for all the other carbs.

    4. DoubtfulGuest +2

      Sounds heavenly. In my opinion, the turkey is merely an excuse for all the carbtastic sides. I also fervently believe that pumpkin pie is something that should happen all year round. (Is it OK if I’m a Yankee if I’m a happy transplant?)

  23. elldubs +3

    I like roller coasters fine, but I hate theme parks and waiting in line, so I never ride roller coasters. The payoff just isn’t worth all the trouble.

    Also, we are doing thanksgiving with my grandparents this year and my Nana has inexplicably decided to not make mashed potatoes this year. My brother and I have a legendary love of mashed potatoes that is commented upon in wonder/disgust every year so her decision (and insistence that she never makes mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving) is especially weird. So we’re going to have second thanksgiving at my house on Saturday and have all the starches.

    2. mbculver +4

      All the Starches would be the name of my cookbook/Food Network cross-promotion. And maybe the name of my folk-rock band.

  24. eiffeldesigns +5

    I <3 roller coasters and composting. Sorry.

    But I only compost because it’s extremely easy via this program in Boston- bootstrapcompost.com. I put it in my barrel. Leave it on my porch. They take it away and turn it into wonderful composting stuff, and then they deliver some of it back to me. It’s awesome.

    2. stuffisthings +16

      The best way to handle your compost is to bring it with you to theme parks and then fling it off of rollercoasters as you ride.

  25. ach_so +7

    I’m not crazy about the show, but I love Key & Peele, the guys. Especially the one with the glasses. Call me.

    1. NicoleCliffe +15

      THIS is the thread to talk about crushing on Jordan Peele like you’re a goddamn teenager. I’m nerdy enough for you, Jordan!

      3. carolinecrale +4

        is this where i can talk about my theory that he and chelsea peretti are secretly dating? because they DEFINITELY are

        1. carolinecrale +5

          also he was on you made it weird with pete holmes recently (i have a lot of feelings about pete holmes, not all positive, but not the point of this comment) and talking about how he went to sarah lawrence and his relationship with his mom and how he’s just a big ol’ feminist, so if he wasn’t swoonworthy enough already DAMN

          2. supernintendo +1

            Thanks! That episode was hilarious. And she Instagrammed a pic of him yesterday! You are totally right.

  26. deitybox +34

    This is just to say that my current claim to fame is that Keegan-Michael Key was my drama teacher at Actors’ Alliance theater camp in Southfield, Michigan when I was 13 years old. It was the summer I had my first crush and discovered Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Mr. Key taught me all about Commedia dell’Arte. I am so pleased for his success, especially since the last time I saw him (circa 1997) he was in full medieval costume shilling for the Michigan Renaissance Fair outside a movie theater. How we’ve all grown since then.

  27. sednarea51 +2

    Stuffing AND cheeseburgers! You are the queens of my heart, Toastesses.

    I do like rollercoasters, but not if they rattle you around too much. I want enough thrill to get the adrenaline pumping without succumbing to nausea and/or a headache. And I would very much like to have a garden to muck about in with a neat, well-kept compost heap/barrel adjacent. Gonna grow me some tomaters.

    Which episode of Archer is this? (And /why haven’t I seen it yet?!/)

  28. avidbiologist +3

    I am into Archer (and did enjoy that episode!) but I wonder if it was dependent on the very specific circumstances of being at a remote field station in Siberia, surrounded by mostly men, and having no entertainment other than improvised porch games, drinking, and whatever the grad students brought on their laptops.

    Would I have liked it otherwise? Who knows. Was it hilarious/embarrassing to have the Russian grad student LOL incredulously every time they spoke Russian/had Russian accents? Yes. Yes it was. Sooo I guess my question for the Toast is: is it ok to like more than just that one episode of Archer or should I play off my Archer watching as “Siberia made me crazy” ?

    1. ipomoea +11

      I have enjoyed the hell out of Archer in vibrant urban environments, so I think the key is to really be able to tap into your most fucked-up sense of humor.

      1. avidbiologist +1

        This is very good to hear! I basically just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one with a fucked up sense of humor..

  29. abigailccny +7

    The best way to compost without a farm: keep it in the freezer. No rotting involved. COMPOSTING FOREVER.

      1. abigailccny +5

        If you put compost in a sealed bag, it is away from the other food. Also, the other food doesn’t mind! And if you don’t have enough room, then you know it’s time to bring in your compost.

    2. figwiggin +1

      One of my former neighbors used to keep their regular garbage in the freezer. They also had a six-step process for dog poop disposal when I was pet-sitting for them.

      1. MalloryOrtberg +5

        That is not true and I am going to hold you down and make you watch KiTH until you take it back.

      1. yasaman +3

        I was just going to link this! Even if you’re not a gigantic Harry Potter nerd like I am, this sketch is hilarious.

  33. MrsHuntingCreek +1

    Hate roller coasters-check. Carnations suck-yes. But “books about fictional characters”? Isn’t that just called fiction? Please elaborate. Thank you

    1. NicoleCliffe +4

      Grendel and Havisham are the key. These are books which retell stories from the perspectives of different characters than the original books.

      1. MrsHuntingCreek

        Ohhhhh, like Wide Sargasso Sea, and things like that. Yes, those are good. I would like a novel about Mr. Darcy’s sister. There was something Jane ever so discreetly left out of her story, don’t you think?

  34. anachronistique +4

    I normally can’t be bothered with carnations themselves, but I do have a carnation-heavy perfume that is actually really nice.

    1. madgehowlet +1

      Yes! I have no strong feelings about the flowers, but I LOVE carnation perfume. Lush makes (made? I haven’t looked for it lately) called Potion that is delightful.

  35. czargasm +11

    I’ve always considered The Toast a safe space, but now with this attack on roller coasters, a most beloved past-time, I have to reconsider my stance. How could you, The Toast? Have you not known the thrill of lifting out of your seat on the hills of Goliath? Does your heart not thrill on Mr Freeze when you wonder, “What if it doesn’t stop at the top?” When you whiz around at the speed of light on Superman: The Ultimate Flight, IS IT NOT JUST LIKE FLYING?

    I won’t defend any Cyclone-themed or other wooden rollercoaster–they are all awful and should be burned to the ground.

    1. Dancing Narwhal +2

      wooden roller coasters are the best roller coasters! Especially the one’s that are massive and rickety and so you are almost flung out of your seat as you go around the curves. All wooden roller coasters should be wooden.

  36. stuffisthings +13

    All my anarchist friends in college “composted” but as far as I know the only thing they ever did with the rotting bags of kitchen garbage was throw them away when they moved.

  37. allabee +13

    Ughhhhhhh now all I want to do is sit in my bed and watch Archer while eating a cheeseburger.

    THANKS FOR PROVIDING THE FODDER FOR THIS DEPRESSIVE GAL’S FANTASIES, Y’ALL

  38. vintagecameos +2

    I once worked on a TV show that was filming an episode at a theme park; was great fun until they needed people riding the roller coaster in the background of a shot and rounded up all “non-essential” personnel to be extras. It was one of those old, rickety wooden roller coasters and we rode that sucker eight times in a row! (The fun peaked at about 3 or 4.)

  40. zizzivivizz +6

    I guess I don’t understand why people without gardens/places to use the compost would be composting in the first place. (Unless, as a previous commenter mentioned, they’re required to by the city they live in.) What would be the point? What would you do with the compost?

    I had a student last year who kept all her waste (um, except for bodily waste? I hope) in her dorm room for 30 days because she wanted to understand the implications of her consumption decisions. When you think about that, does a little compost bin in the corner of the kitchen seem so bad? No, no it does not.

    And finally, cheeseburgers and Archer forever.

  41. m98widow +1

    I mostly hate roller coasters but make an exception for Disney coasters. I don’t like heights (putting it mildly) and waiting in line for an hour to strap into a small cart to go around on metal girders that reek of motor oil is more torturous the older I get. But if you give me a storyline, something to look at in line, and hide the structure behind fake mountains and old timey houses, I am a-ok.

    Seriously, the Expedition Everest roller coaster at Animal Kingdom was amazing.

  42. cosmia +2

    Roller coasters?! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART TOAST

    Given the stance on cheesburgers and Archer, where do we stand on Bob’s Burgers?

    1. SarcasticFringehead +1

      I certainly cannot speak for the Powers that Toast, but I am very strongly pro-Bob’s Burgers, and even more pro-Bob’s Burgers/Archer crossovers. And also pro rewatching old episodes of Parks & Rec & realizing that H. John Benjamin shows up briefly as an accountant, looking much more like Bob than Sterling.

      1. cosmia +1

        I am also very pro-Bob’s Burgers! Parks & Rec and Bob’s Burgers have a surprising amount of three degrees of separation – Megan Mullaly and Nick Offerman voice a hippie couple in one episode, and the capoeira guy is voiced by Counselor Jam!

  43. figwiggin +5

    What about stuffing with oysters in it? That’s my favorite stuffing and all others pale in comparison.

    Today I approve of:

    -wearing comfy shoes to walk from the car to the office and changing into impractical shoes once at one’s desk
    -gummy vitamins
    -wee little tangerines

    Today I disapprove of:

    -productivity
    -stick-shifts
    -sourceless feelings of anxiety

      1. figwiggin +6

        I’ve never made it so I’m not sure of the exact witchcraft my mother employs, but somehow it involves a regular stuffing recipe combined with a drained jar of oysters. They add a pleasant silky texture contrast and seafoody savory-sweetness.

        Well, they do if you’re already well-disposed towards oysters. If you aren’t, I imagine it’s just a horrible nightmare waste of stuffing.

    2. MrsTeacherFace +2

      I approve of comfy shoes all the time, and have purchased the closest things to slippers I could find that is also work appropriate.

  44. MMT +2

    Hey!! Carnations aren’t bad! I guess you hate marigolds, too? Babies’ breath I’m sure? Gosh! And I bet you hate robins and mockingbirds for being too common, too 🙁 All they want is to make you smile and feel refreshed! Sorry some corporations corporatized most/all of the ones you have experienced. The “real” ones are lovely and delightful and really smell like flowery flowers! Please don’t be so mean to the flowers. Even the common/bland ones are better than none at all! So mean sometimes!!

    1. NicoleCliffe +15

      They don’t have feelings. Watch!

      “Carnations, your mom is a real bitch.”

      Carnations: no reaction.

      1. MMT +2

        Most carnations are orphans and would therefore not be likely to care about what you think about their moms. Plus, “female dog” is likely a step up, karmically. Tee-hee!

  45. rosalineee +2

    You know what I like about Joel Stein? He is so honest about the fact that he doesn’t really do anything.

  46. LeastBittern +7

    Sometimes I feel that the Bay Area’s obsession with compost is due to populatoin-wide manipulation by a psychic hyper-intelligent raccoon colony.

    1. msjinxie +3

      The last city raccoon I saw was, I swear to god, well over 2 feet tall. I will give those angry fuckers anything they want.

  47. Bittersweet

    All the Starches would be the name of my cookbook/Food Network cross-promotion. And maybe the name of my folk-rock band.