Amy Collier last wrote for The Toast about the wonderful world of Disney word searches.
When I say “Major” you say “Laser!”
Major
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Major
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Everybody hands up! Hands up! Hands up!
If you love paninis make some noise right now.
When I say dance, everybody go this way,
and this way,
and this way.
I want to see everyone feel the sweet nostalgia of a homemade panini waiting for you on a dinner plate.
I want to see everybody clap like this.
Keep those hands up!
When I say “grill” you say “more.”
Grill
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Grill
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Everyone consider what kind of ingredients you would put in your very own homemade panini if you had the right tools to make that panini.
All my sexy ladies make some fucking noise for ciabatta.
I want to see everyone who has ever longed for the tender crunch of a warm Italian deli sandwich with two hands in the air. Put em up!
If you spread your bread with pesto every night I want to see you get low to the ground. Low low low low low. Everybody get down!
I need one volunteer from the audience! Italian flag shirt, get up here. You gotta hurry up though. Hurry up, or I’ll pick someone else.
Italian flag shirt on the count of three I need you to dance like you’re back in Italy.
You’re definitely not from here if you dance like that.
Now Italian flag shirt, I want you to take this ungrilled sandwich, loaded with mozzarella, fresh peppers and succulent eggplant, I want you to lay it in this Major Lazer Panini Press 3000 which is available now on our website, and I want you to press that sandwich until it has toasted into a delicious vehicle of melted cheese and veggies, then I want you to drive that vehicle straight into your mouth. Now press!
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Eat it
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Italian flag shirt, is that not the best panini you have ever tasted in your life?
Now, security, I want you to throw him into the crowd.
Now, crowd, I want you to take him all the way back to Italy.
Everybody hands up!
I want you to turn to someone and say “MajorLazerPaniniPress.com”
