Sources on the scene confirm that thing you said last night that didn’t seem so bad in your head but grew steadily worse as time drove you further away from the moment in which you said it really was that bad.
Sources confirm that while it might not have sounded so bad in your head, you’re really not the best judge of this sort of thing and frankly you didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it before you said it. According to sources. Sources who would know.
Sources confirm that everyone noticed what you said and how you said it.
Sources confirm that the minute that you left, what you said was the immediate subject of conversation, both why you might have said it and whether you might have said anything like it before. Sources agreed that you have.
Oh God, remember that thing you said last time? Sources remember.
Sources agreed that it was needlessly cruel, and not nearly funny enough to justify the unkindness. Sources agree that he’s actually really nice, and didn’t deserve what you said in the least.
Sources wonder what on earth could have possibly prompted you to say it. Sources wonder if there is in fact anything you will not say, once the thought has occurred to you.
Sources confirm you’re probably going to have to apologize, not just to him but to everyone who heard you say it. Sources confirm it’s not going to make much of a difference, but if you don’t apologize at all things will go much worse for you.
Sources wonder why you said it at all. Sources want to know why it’s so difficult for you to make it through a social gathering without crushing someone publicly or talking to people while looking over their shoulders and leaving early. Sources have a few theories, all unconfirmed at the time of this reporting.
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.