Previously in this series: Two Monks Invent the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood.
Ah, gentlemen. I see we’re all here and on fire in time for the meeting. Shall we begin?
MONK #1: hey what does it look like when two people who love one another hug
MONK #2: oh god just awful, it looks awful
like one of ‘em is a knife just splitting into the other one’s skin
MONK #1: dang
MONK #2: or theres another way
MONK #1: of hugging?
MONK #2: yeah
only your chins and one knee touch
and you make your face miserable
and lean away as hard as you can
so those are the two main basic kinds of hugging that there are
MONK #1: like this?
MONK #2: yeah exactly
MONK #1: oh that reminds me
which way do necks bend
on humans
MONK #2: any way
MONK #1: yeah?
MONK #2: yeah there’s like literally no direction a neck cant bend in
MONK #1: really
MONK #2: yeah
try it sometime
MONK #1: oh remind me what jesus looked like again
MONK #2: protractor and a compass mixed together with a head on it
MONK #1: right right
MONK #2: oh and also don’t forget he was mostly made of eyes
MONK #1: who
jesus?
MONK #2: oh yeah
like 80% of his head was just his eyes
like a possum
maybe make a note of that cos you’ll be drawing his eyes a lot
MONK #1: hey thanks
MONK #1: what do tigers look like
MONK #2: mm
this, mostly
MONK #1: you’re sure?
MONK #2: yeah
MONK #1: they dont have noses?
MONK #2: not really
MONK #1: are their stripes really supposed to look like–
MONK #2: look what are you
the tiger guy?
just dont worry about it
MONK #1: okay
okay
i just
why is that girl sitting on the archer?
MONK #2: for balance
women weigh the same as arrows
everyone knows that
stop asking so many questions
MONK #1: whatcha workin on
MONK #2: a lion and a fox who are best friends
MONK #1: wow thats awesome
MONK #2: i named them monk #1 and monk #2
MONK #1: but those are our names
MONK #2: i know 🙂 🙂 🙂
MONK #1: what keeps crowns on peoples heads
MONK #2: tiny angels trapped in a circle
MONK #1: so with knees, is it the same thing as with necks, where they can point in pretty much any direction?
MONK #2: yeah
MONK #1: cool cool thanks
MONK #2: basically most joints can bend wherever on humans
MONK #1: how detachable are legs
MONK #2: mm
pretty detachable id say
why do you ask
MONK #1: nothing no reason
MONK #1: whats it like
getting your hair cut
MONK #2: horrifying
one guy holds you down and then bam
scimitar to the chin
MONK #1: what would you say is underneath most mountains
MONK #2: idk
a blue guy holding everything up
surrounded by terrified peasants
MONK #1: oh good
cos thats what i drew
[Images mostly via]
Tags: artwork, two monks inventing things, using the term “biblical” pretty loosely also, using the term “near eastern” pretty loosely here
Put your hand up if you started rolling your head in every direction to determine if necks really CAN bend every which way, obeying Monk #2’s instructions.
We are all Monk #1 to Mallory’s Monk #2, learning about the world.
Monk #1 is the lion and Monk #2 is the fox.
Moe is their leader.
BFFs!
They are friends, just like Rusty and Thunder
Okay I thought this was a Panchatantra reference but it is not so please please tell me what it is a reference to, Google is failing me.
“protractor and a compass mixed together with a head on it”
This explains SO MUCH about why I understand neither religion nor math.
You joke, but Sri Krishna does, in fact, hold up every mountain personally.
I like to think that after Monk #1 drew the picture of the lion and the fox, he and Monk #2 called it a day and went to go drink ale and discuss the mysteries of tiny angels and giant blue guys.
Also that Monk #1 took the picture of the lion and the fox and put it up on his fridge after.
(not biblical but whatevs)
Monk #1: i still don’t understand this hugging thing tbh
tell me again what it looks like when a heterosexual couple in love is hugging
Monk #2: okay so
the man towers above the woman
sort of curled around her like a candy cane
Monk #1: okay and then what
Monk #2: they both grip each others heads
with their necks at like a 90 degree angle
Monk #1: that doesnt look comfortable
Monk #2: i told you before
humans can bend their necks in literally any direction
Monk #1: oh right you did say that
sorry
Monk #2: you need to pay attention here
or I wont be making any more drawings of us as animal bros
Monk #2: also she’s sorta trying to escape from him
especially if they’re in love
so he will tower a lot
and she will slowly fall on the floor
When I see The Kiss I always think she’s a second away from yelling ‘DEAD WEIGHT’ and going completely limp so she can get away.
The Kiss, or Chiropractic Techniques in Turn-of-the-Century Vienna
I think they used Pallas’s Cat as the model for all of the tigers.
Pallas cats are great. They look like little grumpy furballs.
How is it so fluffy AND so shape?? This could be taken as proof of a kind God who loves us and wants us to be happy–I can see where the monks got confused. *_____*
the monks may have also had a hand in this 18th century taxidermy of a lion (‘lion’):
I am going to have nightmares about this thing
i used to look at this picture all the time because it always made me laugh, i had forgotten about it. <3 for reminding me. taxidermists, get a grip(sholm)!
Oh god, it’s the cat version of Flufflepuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC4Vk6kisY
I’d like to think that Monk 1 has so many questions about hugs because he wants Monk 2 to demonstrate. Monk 1’s hug-arts would be no more or less inaccurate after the hugging, but they could keep practicing! Naww, touch-deprived bestie monk hugs.
This! Forever.
I feel like Monk #1 is really getting the hang of this!
Monk #1 is developing his own terrifying instincts and I couldn’t be happier.
Is that a nipple or a nipple-design-dress in the neck bending pic?
MONK #1: hey what does it look like when two people who love one another hug
MONK #2: oh god just awful, it looks awful
true in real life as well
MONK #1: but those are our names
MONK #2: i know 🙂 🙂 🙂
omg this ship is HAPPENING
And I am SO HERE for it. *coiling lines, crocheting a lifejacket* SET SAIL
softly screams in delight, rolling in the deep emotions of friendships
I’m really enjoying the developing relationship between Monk #1 and Monk #2.
BUT THOSE ARE OUR NAMES
I know
BUZZKILL HERE but I feel kinda weird lumping Indian art under “Biblical.”
check the tags bb
But you know that’s not my thing!
The picture where Jesus is 80% eye is so strikingly similar to the third grade self-portrait I drew where my art teacher told us to “always start drawing necks from right under the ears” and I paid like 0 attention to how to draw eyes, because all humans have giant cat-like eyes right???
After 30+ years of giant-head-on-spindly-neck self portraits, I hereby announce I am mad with third-grade art teacher envy.
All of my elementary school self portraits had necks like I had been lifting for fourteen hours a day, I swear.
The Toast Gallery of Reader/Contributor Self-Portraits.
Let’s make it happen.
I have become so attached to Monk #1 and Monk #2 and I smiled THE SAPPIEST SMILE at the fox-and-hound one. I would have actually gone “AWWW” out loud except I am in public and everyone in this coffee shop has already turned and stared at me for accidentally throwing my knife on the floor.
I have become so attached to Monk #1 and Monk #2 and I smiled THE SAPPIEST SMILE at the fox-and-hound one. I would have actually gone "AWWW" out loud except I am in public and everyone in this coffee shop has already turned and stared at me for accidentally throwing my knife on the floor.
Monk #1: How on fire would you say people are?
Monk #2: Like just generally?
Monk #1: Yeah like how on fire are they usually
Monk #2: Just completely on fire at all times.
Monk #1: Okay cool
Monk #2: Just covered in golden fire.
Monk #1: That is what I thought.
what really makes this extra funny to me is the lack of contraction in monk #1’s final answer.
Monk #1: How on fire would you say people are?
Monk #2: Like just generally?
Monk #1: Yeah like how on fire are they usually
Monk #2: Just completely on fire at all times.
Monk #1: Okay cool
Monk #2: Just covered in golden fire.
Monk #1: That is what I thought.
Two Monks Discover Tom of Finland (a slashfic masterpiece with surreal descriptions of male genitalia/muscles/the properties of fabric)
Yes please!
This is what I came to the comments to say. Toasties are my favorite people.
Edited to add: Because this is the Toast, my headcanon is now that both monks are actually girls in disguise so they can monk around making art; they have so many secrets to keep from each other but their love cannot be denied. Monk Femslash Tuesday?
PLEASE KEEP THESE POSTS COMING. I discovered this page yesterday and have been crying laughing about it.
So my wife and I pretend to be Monk#1 and Monk#2 a LOT. We swap who gets to be who. Has anybody else tried this?