WHAT A WEEK. Talk amongst yourselves, while I wearily fan myself in the corner (actually I’m driving down to LA for the “Roxane Gay & Friends” reading, of which I am part of the & Friends, but IN SPIRIT I am fanning myself wearily).
Tags: meta, open thread
I saw Guardians of the Galaxy a few days ago and have decided that Chris Pratt is my spirit animal.
I literally spent an hour last night looking at Chris Pratt gifs on tumblr and I feel like I’m crushing on JTT all over again.
I followed two separate Fuck Yeah, Chris Pratt blogs. NO SHAME
That’s gonna be a weird quest.
I mean, last night I dreamt about eating magic berries with enchiladas in the desert so I’m already halfway there.
I read that as you and the enchiladas were both eating magic berries and was very impressed with your dream.
Probably still work out better than going with the movie’s actual animal
Spirit animal is kind of an appropriative term–maybe try patronus or daemon?
(Oh god, my role in life is apparently to tell people not to say spirit animal in open threads.)
Sorry!!! I was trying to be funny and didn’t realize I was also being offensive. If I could edit it I would =(
It’s okay, you’ll know next time! And then you can join us in linking all mentions of spirit animals across the internet to Mallory’s spirit animal post.
You are living your Best Life, never stop.
He is delightful.
Oh!
In that case EARLY CAT THREAD (with an EXTRA CAT THREAD if we still have regular open thread tomorrow!)
My friend visited from Rotterdam yesterday, and he bought a big basket of sweets. He left the basket here, and when I got up this morning, I discovered this:
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Also, I got woken up early this morning by my husband laughing. He’d come in to kiss me goodbye and discovered Bonny sleeping across my neck.
Cat thread!! I can actually contribute this week- I’m cat-sitting for friends who are out of town. Here is Kiss the snugglemonster declaring ownership over my petting hand. https://twitter.com/Sedna_51/status/4996950423288…
I love/hate when cats do that. Bonny likes to claim my writing hand.
Cat thread! Right now I’m mad at my cats because one onf them is peeing on the bed to the point where I have used up ALL MY SHEETS and ALL MY COMFORTERS and am sleeping on a plastic mattress cover that reeks of orange. I took one to the vet over her eye infections and to find out if she was the pee-er, only for the vet to tell me that 99% of cats peeing inappropriately is stress and not related to a bladder infection or UTI at all. Which I did not know! I always assumed that people who were like “lol my cat is peeing outside the litterbox becaue she’s mad at me” were irresponsible morons and now I feel really bad about that.
It also turned out it wasn’t eyesick cat because while we were at the vet last night, someone peed on the bed again. JOY.
In any case, I ordered new sheets off amazon and some Feliway from wag and now I’m just waiting for everything to get delivered so I can start trying to calm my cats the hell down.
Stress peeing is totally a common thing. Bonny does it around the doors whenever another cat gets into the house.
Feliway is a great idea, but if it doesn’t work you can get kitty anti-anxiety drugs. It might also be worthwhile looking at your cats environment – to reduce stress cats need both little hideaway dens and high places they can watch their territory from, and ideally places they can run to be left alone by humans and other cats.
That is reassuring because I have been s t r e s s i n g that one of them is sick and I’ll need to switch from super expensive dry food to even more expensive wet food to make sure their fluid intake is good and just aaaaaaahhh.
They’ve got a bunch of hideaways and have each claimed at least one as their own, which is kind of hilarious to me because even the asshole cat won’t go near the other cats’ hiding places.
The unfortunate part is I know exactly what is stressing whoever it is out, it’s the new rabbit. She’s bigger than my prime suspect and, you know, moves funny and is in general Not A Cat. I’m not quite sure what to do about that though, because on the one hand I don’t want to be That Person who gives up a pet just because things aren’t perfect at the get-go, on the other hand I feel really bad for causing my cat this level of stress, you know?
I’m not a pet expert at all and have never had a rabbit so can’t help – but maybe look up some old Jackson Galaxy (My cat from hell) episodes? He is so good at getting cats and not-cats to interact in ways that reduces stress for all of them.
Like, he’d suggest feeding/playing with them alongside each other so they associate good times with each other.
Oh, that is actually a really great idea! Thank you!
Also, Jackson Galaxy is so fucking great.
Right? When I first saw him on television my initial reaction was “who is this asshole?” but then I watched a few episodes and fell in love. Dude knows his cats.
My vet tried to give me Prozac for my peeing cat. Turns out he had a terrible terrible bladder infection. So, go ahead and get some cat testing done! (Same cat recently decide to get a bladder blockage. I have now spent $2000 on cat gender reassignment surgery (no more penis = no more blockages, apparently) (and the antibiotics have made him have terrible diarrhea and now he lives in the powder room and everything is terrible).)
Oh yeah, I had urine from the original prime suspect sent out for testing, and now that I have a new prime suspect I’m still going to get her checked out. It was just really disheartening to hear, “Oh yeah, this might continue indefinitely until your cat gets used to the new member of the family.”
Mine almost had to have that operation, but thankfully the change to a special wee-pH-adjusting diet and pills with pH-adjusting powder in them have done the job. He had it three times (he has a weird penis with kinks where it should not have kinks so is prone to blockages) but thankfully after the diet change he’s been OK for the last two years. Very awful for them!
My cat has (had) a weirdly kinked penis too! (This is probably the strangest sentence I have ever posted on the internet). He ended up having to have the kitty gender reassignment surgery and is now penis-less. His crystals never responded to diet, but he also never consistently stayed on the prescription food because he straight up refused to eat it. He’ll eat the dry, but not the wet. The vet said his kinky penis (heh) wasn’t necessarily causing his problems. He got blocked, which was terrifying, and he stayed in the hospital for 10 days with a catheter, but he kept reblocking every time they removed it. I was so, so nervous about the surgery, but he came out fine–long recuperation though. He is now 100% himself, but he still pees wherever the hell he pleases. He’s lucky that he is as awesome as he is. I need to figure out how to post the pic of him getting his laser treatments (his incision wasn’t healing great). He is wearing kitty-sized laser protection goggles.
I was relieved that the diet worked with Captain, I wasn’t looking forward to the recuperation. Thankfully he loves the food – only the Royal Canin one though, he won’t entertain the Hills at all. I think we definitely need to see the picture!!
Oh yeah, my cat has peed outside the box while making direct, deliberate eye contact with me. That was a STATEMENT pee.
(It was when we first met, while she was still my husband’s cat and not mine. I was intruding on her space and trying to take her man. Luckily she adjusted very quickly and now she loves me almost as much as she loves my husband.)
1. Oh my god that is hilarious.
2. CATS WHY ARE YOU SO WEIRD?
Cats are just the best.
When my kitten didn’t like her kitty litter she peed on my pajamas. Which I found out AFTER I had put them on.
But we have since changed her litter and she loves it so much she sticks her paws into the box that the litter comes in to swish it around. What a weirdo. But whatever floats her boat and keeps her from peeing on my clothes.
I’ve seen cat experts claim there is no such thing as ‘spite fouling’.
Well, they clearly never saw my cat decide the litter tray was too dirty, make eye contact with my husband, and deliberately do a dump right next to it.
One of my cats does that too. She will poop right in the middle of the hallway when she feels that her litterbox needs to be cleaned RIGHT NOW. I just look at my husband and say, “It’s your job. She’s letting you know.”
Munchie will pee on husband’s clothes/side of the bed whenever we go on vacation. Just his, though, not mine.
MY other half’s dog used to pee on the bed when I was there. She has also been mostly converted – now the only times she doesn’t like me are when she’s in season. Then she ignores me totally.
Aww! My cat has decided that she loves sitting on plastic shopping bags. She “claimed” one that I’d left on the floor and I don’t have the heart to pick it up because she loves it so much.
My other cat (not the one mentioned above re: peeing) has a favorite cardboard box. It’s been on the floor for years for her to sit in. When we moved, it didn’t get put back down for a while, and she was inconsolable!
They both light to hide in bags. Paper, plastic, fabric… doesn’t matter, there’s probably a cat in it.
I have a bag of bags behind the TV, and it is often Captain’s sleeping spot.
Ours is like a hermit crab, but with cloth shopping bags.
Kismet does that too! She won’t climb IN things (bags, boxes, whatever) but she loves being ON folded paper bags or plastic bags (especially the big ones like from Bed, Bath and Beyond)
Yep, being on top of a bag is like the greatest thing ever.
I need all the kitty pics I can get today. BRING IT.
Here’s an extra one of Anne and Bonny being their tiny, adorable, useless selves.
And the news that when Bonny relaxes – not sleeps, just any time she sits still for a long period of time – she sort of grunts. Like a tiny kitty half-snore. (she gets hayfever)
Alcibiades also does the relaxation-snore! We were worried it was asthma until we realized that it doesn’t happen when he’s exerting himself, only when he’s awake but chilling. I <3 snorty cats!
Have a shark-week one.
Are they special neckless cats? I am super charmed by your cats’ commitment to necklessness.
They sometimes have necks, but they’re never going to be swan impersonators. Solid stocky beasts, my two, not long and elegant.
Your tabby has a heart on the back of his or her neck!
His name is Captain Stripeypants, and it’s one of my favourite things about him!
Eeh, great name! Does the little calico have a military rank, too?
She’s Saffron – they’re both named after Firefly characters, so while she was never in the army she is an intergalactic mistress of crime. Her face looks just like Christina Hendricks.
Dang, I wish MY face looked just like Christina Hendricks!
She really does though!
Aww, so pretty!
I had an orange cat who looked just like an elderly, bewhiskered Scottish colonel:
HAH! He is perfect, you can se him sitting in his chair at his gentleman’s club demanding whisky.
I like to think that that’s where he is now 🙂
He was a sweet old bean. Drooled copiously whenever he purred, which was most of the time, and patrolled the house singing during his later years.
So. Adorbs.
Here are the silliest ones I could find of my dude:
I have an entire album on flickr called “The Dignity of Cats” to look at when I am sad.
LOVE
I might need a link to that album please!
I don’t know that I’ve done a link in a post before, so I hope this works!
The Dignity of Cats
This was such a good idea. Everything is terrible except cats.
The weekly Cat Thread makes me desperately want to adopt a kitty even though I am HORRIBLY ALLERGIC. Life is so unfair. I will just have to live vicariously through all of you!
This little guy is my boyfriend’s, but I paid the adoption fee and he comes when I call him, so I consider him at least half mine. My bf was sleeping with his hand on my foot while I read and Oscar decided to join in.
That is a lovely picture!
Cat video (my cats) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf70siHvASg . Cute but sad; kitty with head on top was my sweet Miss Jody, who I lost a few months ago. Sunshine is now all alone and has become very attached. Looking at getting her a friend. Sunshine is 18(!) years old, so I want to find someone that she can relate to well.
They are lovely. I hope you find Sunshine a lovely friend, and I’m so sorry for you for losing Miss Jody.
Jesus tapdancing Christ. I am so angry. I’m so angry and I don’t know what to do with this anger. I look at what’s happening and I can’t believe this is 2014 in America . . . and then, I can. I can believe a small town police force has fucking armored vehicles and personal body armor and tear gas and rubber bullets and flashbangs and all this fucking shit. I can believe peaceful protesters are being forced off the street, I CAN believe JOURNALISTS are being arrested.
I just can’t believe no one higher up is stopping it.
I’ve been watching this all and not known what to say. I’m not American, so I feel like I can’t really comment. But if it helps, know that people in other countries are watching this, and are just as appalled, angry and disgusted as you.
Amongst the many, many reasons to be infuriated is that I am getting better and more complete information from non-news sources like The Toast and Mighty Girl and Pinterest about this than from any newspaper or TV news show. I just… UGHHH.
I’m infuriated by the timeline, by the obvious racism of it all. Looting and rioting is happening? Yes, that’s what happens when a police force shows up in military gear and tells you that you can’t peacefully protest the refusal of the police to release the name of an officer who shot a teenager without reason. You can’t retroactively justify using police force to break up a peaceful protest because looting and rioting happened AFTERWARD. People will react violently when you take away the basic human rights guaranteed to them, when they have nowhere else to put their grief and their anger.
But no, the reason the police are there is because the community is violent, don’t you see? Because of the looting and the rioting.
Meanwhile, predominantly white communities loot and riot over football games and they’re not “violent.” They’re not “animals.” Football games raise difficult emotions that are hard for people to process. It’s natural cause and effect, there.
Burn it all down.
Someone in the Ferguson thread mentioned that finally (finally??) the governor is stepping in to remove the county police, but still.
So with you. SO with you. I’m having problems focusing at work. I keep starting to almost cry. This is not like me. But oh my god. Oh my god.
I’ve cried so much, so many little moments. I cry in the morning (because I listen to NPR before work, like an idiot), I cry a little at my desk, I cry on my way home. So many tears. Please please please let something good come from all of this. Something INCREDIBLY, WONDERFULLY good. This can’t stay this way.
This can’t stay this way.
I agree. Here’s hoping it doesn’t just get worse.
Me too. I cancelled a meeting this morning and have delayed giving out a performance review because I just can’t right now.
The husband and spawn are coming home as I type. My three weeks of solitary witchness are over. Also my slothfulness. Must go tidy/clean the house for their arrival.
It has been an awful week out there. Thanks for calling it.
I shouldn’t be allowed to have money because I spend it all on beef jerky and face cream and expensive yarn I am not skilled enough to do anything cool with.
RIGHT? I’m seriously considering buying a pair of $400 shoes. FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS. That’s literally more than half my rent. I need an intervention.
I actively resent buying practical things because it takes money away from things like expensive cat treats, recycled glass drinking tumblers, knitting needles made from sustainable beech wood…
seriously, this week was the most hipstery middle class purchasing time ever.
(I bought so much beef jerky, flavoured with so much cool stuff)
I split the difference and bought mostly practical-but-expensive things. I spent nearly $400 on three articles of clothes, and am now considering buying fripperies and feeling bad about it. Those clothes are just different colors of garments I already own and love and will wear to pieces (and two of them were bras), so I’m trying to remind myself that I STILL HAVE “FUN” SPENDING MONEY, REALLY.
Money + emotions = always weird.
I have a pair of $400 boots. Love them. Feel like a goddess whenever I wear them. If you can buy them without putting yourself into bankruptcy, BUY THEM.
The best boots I bought were £250 and they are gorgeous and so comfortable (for heels) and they have lasted longer than all my cheaper shoes. So I’m with you.
I’ve never spent over $200 on shoes, but my god when I stopped limiting myself to less than $100 shoes my feet thanked me for sure! No more plastic bullshit on my feet, thank you very much! (Unless they’re super cute, because I’m human and it’s not my fault they’re made of plastic instead of leather or something! )
Even if they’re not boots??? I don’t know if there’s enough leather to justify the price tag: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/stuart-weitzman-dashi…
I was all, “no, don’t do it, the crushing guilt isn’t worth it” then I clicked the link and went, “ooooooh!” and so I now vote to buy them if it won’t prevent you from, you know, paying rent or your Internet bill (other bills are negotiable).
If you have the money and it won’t leave you short, do it. Those are cute, and look loads better than the cheaper versions (which have uncomfortable, super-thin soles)
Those are GREAT. I’m wearing a pair of Stuart Weitzmans right now and I am pleased to report that they are bizarrely comfortable and that they are holding out reallllly well, considering that I have regularly been wearing them for two years now.
Yep. What everyone above said. Those are killer shoes. And made in Spain? Nice.
I would pay $400 for beef jerky right now, no joke. Get in mah belly.
#goodlifechoices
I bought my beef jerky from Billy Franks, who do THREE different hot sauce jerkys, and Cowley’s Fine Meats who do mead and smoked garlic.
I also dared and bought two items of ‘chilli jerky’ which I THINK may just be marinated, smoked, dried chillis.
Don’t worry about skill levels when it comes to yarn. If you make something that you don’t like, you can always rip it out and start over! Yarn is very forgiving.
I have literally just learned how to do stocking stitch, but I just loved this expensive soft multi-coloured yearn so much I am making a clumsy scarf out of it.
Knitters who know how to do ridiculous shit with their expensive yarn can still knit and marvel and the beauty of some simple stockinette with the perfect yarn. Shit, sometimes I just really don’t want to purl, so I just knit something simple in the round and it’s awesome because I made it and I love it.
COSIGNED. I love the look of stockinette. It’s so clean and crisp.
Mine does not approach clean and crisp
But I’m much better than I used to be, and I’ll be happy when it’s done because I MADE IT. ME. Cack-handed, clumsy, impatient me.
This is a true and wonderful sentiment, and I don’t want to minimize it, BUT it probably will be a lot crisp and cleaner than you think once you finish the piece and wash it. Blocking does wonders.
Those sound like pretty great things to spend your money on, actually. Me, I’d spend it on fancy salts and vinegars. And comfortable shoes. And towels. And beads.
My big vice is buying Butter LONDON and Essie nail polishes in various colors. I tell myself I should probably cut back, but then I hear Aziz Ansari and Retta saying “TREAT YO’ SELF” and wow look at all my new polishes.
Treat yo’ self has helped me rationalize many ridiculous purchases. No regrets.
We each have our thing(s) that we consider worth it, for example I spend ridiculous amounts of money each month on groceries. Not eating out, not specialty prepared foods, not sauces or jams, just meat and eggs and produce and dry goods. Good raw ingredients are so amazing, and worth it to me. Other people may splurge on spa treatments or designer clothes or sports gear or art, I say fine.
This week has just been an enormous heap of shit. It is, however, almost over. Keep pushing, folks, we’re almost there.
Here’s a question: what kind of things do you do to treat yourself? We’ve all got to have a little something to keep ourselves going when times are tough; what’s yours? Mine include buying fancy yarn, making cheese and starch foods, and watching the dumbest, funniest MST3K videos I can find.
This week to cheer myself up I watched every episode of Good Neighbors (originally The Good Life in the UK). Best, most wonderful sitcom ever!
I also like to buy fancy yarn and make it into socks.
Oooohhh I love that show. Where do you watch it? Last time I saw it was on my parents’ VHS copies that they taped from PBS.
My parents bought me the DVD’s a few years ago for my birthday. Back when I was in high school they were showing it on PBS right before the News Hour, so I would watch it with my dad.
Chiming in to say The Good Life is the best. I love them so much. I love everything about Barbara- especially her clothes. OMG the episode where Tom tries to kill the chicken!
He ducked!
For me it is a tie between buying myself a new doll and making some new ice cream. As well as watching pretty much every Big Fat Quiz Of The Year I can get my hands on (except for 2008 because Sean Lock is incorrigible.)
Making cheese, though? LIFE DREAM.
ahaha, oops, no, I don’t make my own cheese! Bad comma there, my fault. I just make starches covered with cheese. Mac and cheese, cheese toast, cheese rolls, baked brie wrapped in pastry dough- you get my drift.
I highly recommend making cheese. It’s like magic. Get one of those kits and it’s almost fool proof.
I feel like I’ve just gotten the whole ice cream thing down, so it may be time for me to move onto another type of dairy. And since cheese is the most perfect food, what could be better?
I like to keep it simple and classy by eating ice cream out of the carton and looking at pictures of Michael Fassbender.
Baking/eating pasta drenched in cheese. Watching 30 Rock. Wearing comfy sweatpants and no bra (that part is important). Being outside even just for a walk around the block.
Comfy sweat pants and no bra! Yes, it’s the best. Also – eating anything with cheese, whilst laying on a comfortable piece of furniture, preferably with a blanket.
Yay 30 Rock! Fuck bras! WOoooooo
I buy and eat Salmon Wellingtons. I also read a much loved book.
I also buy fancy yarn! And I buy roving and other knitting accouterments, and food. God I love food.
I buy myself flowers/plants, which tend to cheer me up. Also I binge watch shows that I have seen a zillion times before (mostly How I Met Your Mother and Gossip Girl, for me) because I find it weirdly comforting to have those familiar characters around.
Edit: I also eat a lot of Nutella because Nutella is awesome (sometimes I just do this anyways, because – Nutella)
Comfort TV show for me: Felicity. It is eternally autumn in Felicity’s world and everyone wears The Chunkiest Sweaters.
Fancy yarn, yuppie treats, and playing with cats.
If I’m flush: a new pair of boots. If I’m feeling a bit pinched: a pedicure. If I’m broke: a massage from The Beloved.
I get some wine and make popcorn, and watch the stupidest moves I can find on Netflix. I watch all the dance ones, a lot of Disney Channel or ABC Family tv movies (shhhhh), or costume dramas. Or sometimes I get a manicure.
ABC Family movies are the romance novels of television and I love them both. It’s nice to start watching something knowing that, no matter what, it’s all going to work out okay. And generally the drama is of the entirely easily resolvable sort too.
I watched MST3K’s Pod People episode Tuesday night which helped me not shatter into a million pieces. I also keep making quiches. Soothing to make, delicious to eat.
If I’m really far gone, I’ll have beans on toast and watch children’s tv (especially Bagpuss) to soothe myself.
Watching Shark Week and telling myself, hey I’m not being eaten by Great Whites!
Also sewing, writing recipes and making new flavors of ice cream
I tend to hide in books and cooking. I’ve made a lot of delicious meals this week! Though I’m even feeling too tired to do that tonight so I’m going to stop by Publix and get a rotisserie chicken and my husband and I are going to pick it apart with our hands like you are meant to do with a rotisserie chicken. It will be great.
The answer is always chocolate. Ghiradelli dark chocolate and raspberry squares, usually. Sometimes I will make cookies (which occasionally means just cookie dough that is eaten unbaked).
Ok this is really dumb but (possibly only in Canada?) Heinz makes maple-flavoured beans and they are my favourite treat meal, because I am 82 at heart. I also like to spend a bizarrely long time doing my hair or make-up when I am feeling sorry for myself so that at least in one way I am polished and great.
Last night it was watching blooper reels from things like Parks and Rec on youtube at 2 a.m, whilst eating ice cream in a waffle cone.
Going out in public without a bra because I do not care.
Also, drinking cheap beer and listening to baseball on the radio even though I have 70 other things I could be doing (hi, old sports friend!)
AHHHH HI SPORTSFRIEND!!! So damn good to see you again!!
And damn good to see you!
Going to a used bookstore and browsing for three hours.
Trader Joe’s Peanut Cups, some Nina Simone, and mint tea. If things are really bad, red wine. Cures all.
Cooking and/or reading cookbooks. I currently am reading “Cuisines of Portuguese Encounters” by Cherie Y. Hamilton, which contains recipes and small historical blurbs from Portugal, Brazil, former Portuguese colonies, and the general Portuguese diaspora. I can’t wait to cook dishes I ate at my friend’s house growing up (Azorean Portuguese) and learn about cuisine from Mozambique and Macau and Goa.
I love watching Let’s Plays. I recognize that many of the (male, straight, white) Let’s Play community often make hugely problematic mistakes and the video game industry as a whole kind of sucks. When I really need to laugh, though, they usually hit the spot. The GTA “Heist” series, Train Hopping, Surgeon Simulator, and Prop Hunter videos by Achievement Hunter can always cheer me up.
Cheese. Booze and cheese.
Watching SVU, filling up my wish list on ASOS, searching the internet for baseball gifs.
Who is your team? (This is mine)
Here’s mine: http://drawntomlb.com/post/53000552015/this-is-th…
CUTCH! <3
I take a loooooong hot shower, buy chocolate and beer/wine, or buy myself something I’ve been wanting but is just slightly stupidly priced but technically affordable ($24 lipstick, last time).
Glass of merlot, big bowl of popcorn sprinkled with parmesan cheese, and an endless marathon of Scrubs on Netflix. (Scrubs is the perfect stress-watching show: half-hour, so short enough to get several; lots of people with utterly pointless problems which are occasionally interrupted by extremely serious problems to put things in perspective; great insults; and at least once a season it makes you cry, just a tiny bit. If anyone has another show along these lines to recommend, please do. At the rate I’m going I’ll finish the show in another week or so.)
I also really like standing in the stacks of bookstores or libraries. Used bookstores are better, because they tend to have taller shelves; I feel so exposed in Barnes & Noble. But the absolute best is the research or archive section of a large public or university library. No one around, just walls and walls of books. Mmmm. (When I was working in a call center, I used to take my lunch to go hang out in the Half Price Books across the street. Totally worth it.)
I do Grey’s Anatomy rewatches for sort of the same reasons, except I get a lot more cathartic crying in with GA, but also OH MY GOD SOME OF THEIR PROBLEMS. SO POINTLESS.
Also Buffy. Always Buffy.
Watch “Parks & Rec” (especially episodes such as “The Fight”, “April and Andy’s Fancy Party” and the “TREAT YO’ SELF” one), watch comedies from the 30s/40s/50s/60s, ingest large quantities of cheese, chocolate, and Coca-Cola, paint my nails, force my cat into spending time with me, and retail therapy (I also used to bake when I felt sad, but over time that became just sort of a thing I do rather than one that happens just when I’m sad).
I forgot one: holding a baby. That just plain up cleanses my soul sometimes.
I spent some time today dancing with a baby to Kelly Clarkson. It was enjoyable.
I mentioned above that I typically splurge on expensive raw ingredients for cooking, but this week I also bought high speed internet so that I could watch allllll the shows. I’d been trying to avoid any dealings with the cable company, but the heart wants what it wants.
Work has just been horrible lately, so horrible that I get home late and haphazardly wipe my makeup off and slide into bed without doing anything. And I wake up feeling exhausted and I have a SORE THROAT :c I ‘m totally creatively desiccated. I feel like a rattling husk. A HUSK.
This is maybe not the healthiest behavior, but when I’m stressed I buy lots and lots of drugstore cosmetics. Wet ‘n Wild lipsticks and things, and another dry shampoo even though I have like three different kinds of dry shampoo already and the one I use works just fine. Then I go home and take my bra off (!!!) and order the white pizza from the pizza place by my building. It comes with mozzarella and ricotta and I dump mountains of parmesan on it and watch “Midsomer Murders.” L&O:SVU gets too real for me sometimes, but MM always balances murder with tweed and quaint cottages and vaguely-hinted-at-incest, plus Detective Barnaby reminds me of my dad, so it is comforting to watch him toddle around these villages being annoyed at things.
Ooof. Hugs if you want ’em re: work stress. I definitely know that feel, friend.
And YES, Wet & Wild!
I bought a waffle iron, so this week has been waffling EVERYTHING. Buttermilk waffles, sausage and cheese waffles, leftover pizza. Puff pastry is next up, and I may try to make a creme anglaise.
If you’re not feeling up to making creme anglaise, just melt a great vanilla ice cream…same thing. It is heaven over a bowl of berries.
Thank you for starting this thread. This week has indeed been one of the more enormous shit-heaps in my life, as well as generally enormous-shit-heapy week for the world. Reading everyone’s treats actually made me feel a bit better. My treats this week have been beer, ice cream, and brand new BEAUTIFUL Dunk Ski His.
Do you have a good mac & cheese recipe? I just realized that I have NEVER made my own (??) and this thread has me wanting to correct my egregious life error starting now.
Make a thick-ish white sauce (about 2 cups worth). Take a hunk of the sharpest cheddar you can find and slice it up into the sauce (I cannot be bothered to shred it). About a pound should do. Cook pasta to just before al dente and drain. Throw pasta back into the pot and stir in the cheese sauce. Pour it into a casserole dish-I use a big one as I love the crispy bits. Bake in 375 oven until browned and bubbly. Full disclosure: I sneak a 1/2 inch slice of Velveeta in the sauce. Tell no one. Or google Ina Garten Mac and cheese…her’s is a bit more complex but still so good.
Oof. That’s a long question for me. Hah. Okay so I’ll usually buy something that will lead me to do something like: books to read, or I’ll buy craft stuff that I think I can learn and spend an afternoon getting it wrong, I’ll by makeup I definitely don’t need (gorram you Kat Von D and your “Poe” that I love sooooo much and definitely don’t need), shaving soaps mmmmm (I shave with an old double edge safety razor with the brush and soaps that lather like crazy. You want to talk about treating yourself?? It’s so lovely to shave now), or I’ll spend an afternoon at an antique store looking and sometimes buying beautiful or weird things.
Joanna Newsom. Good Bourbon. Peep Show/King of the Hill/Simpsons/Seinfeld/Scrubs/Newsradio reruns. Oh, and re-listening to any and all of the Paul F Tompkins episodes of Comedy Bang Bang (the podcast)
My week has been monstrous so far both personally and professionally. I have so many complaints I don’t know where to start. Also, a death in the family.
Also as mentioned, my workplace is overtaken with Old White Men. One barged into my office and held up a sheet for a product we don’t carry any more and asked if we sold it. When I said no, he said “Good, because there are typos on this sheet.” Get the fuck out of my office.
ALSO my boss has been straight-up lying to the people here about ex-employees and badmouthing them for no reason. Purely no reason at all. “Oh, we used to have a guy work here but I think he was just working here to get his EI back. He really screwed us when he left.” You dick, he left because his old job took him back with a $5/hour pay increase over the shit wages we earn here. And you know that. Stop lying to customers! STOP LYING. I give up. Job-hunting is killing my soul.
WHAT
I don’t even understand the first point! Who cares! It’s not even being sold anymore!
Yes!!!! They don’t even MAKE IT any more! It’s been discontinued literally for years!!! Where did you find that spec sheet and why are you reading it for typos and why the hell did you barge into my office without asking expressly to point this out!??!?!?!!?
Jesus, the Old White Men In Technical Programs here have fucking awful social skills.
But they are Old White Men Who Are Very Smart In The Ways That Matter The Most. Obviously, the rest of us are simply blessed any time they open their mouths; all we have to do is practice listening a little closer to their smart words.
So sorry to hear all that! If it matters, I grant you premission to get a glass of wine with lunch today.
lol I have to go eat lunch with them
kill me
Quick, rinse out your coffee mug and fill it with Kahlua!
Could you use the strategy from the other day’s Link Roundup (I can’t find the link at the moment), and simply keep encouraging them to Mansplain their way to utter ridiculousness?
Whoa. At least here, the badmouthing is usually just internal – “You know so-and-so left… well, s/he wasn’t really that good at her/his job anyway.”
FUUUUUUU
Why would you say that to a customer?!?!? Why??? There’s literally no point other than making yourself look petty and ridiculous.
My boss also asked me to take several old white men to a musem and usher them around on my own time, for free. I declined with being busy.
Also he just came in and yelled at me for not doing a presentation when he was busy in the needed room doing other stuff. He says he did it himself. When was I going to be informed of this?
Yeah, if I were a customer and heard that I would think “wow, you’re not a good company and you need to get your shit in order”
IT’S NOT A GOOD COMPANY
IT NEEDS TO GET ITS SHIT IN ORDER
kill me
Job hunting is killing my soul too. It is the worst in every way. All job-hunting Toasties, gather ’round so that we may assure each other that we are not useless, worthless pieces of shit.
I’ll join. I’m freelancing and have some work, but the process of trying to find new clients is like endless job-hunting and I haaate it. Which I knew about myself before I started freelancing, so no one to blame etc., but alternatives were limited. My main conclusion is that no one in the universe answers emails in a timely manner.
NO ONE EMAILS IN A TIMELY MANNER. NO ONE. And no one ever calls back either! This was getting to me a LOT earlier this summer and I became convinced that the entire world was gaslighting me.
We are awesome people with valuable skills and any company would be lucky to employ us and our particular blends of intelligence and charm. We also know how to treat other humans like humans, which is a bonus!
HEAR, HEAR. We are intelligent, valuable persons whose worth is not defined by the shitty places we work at (or the other shitty places that won’t hire us).
I have been trying to get out of my current job for 5 years now and it’s endless and terrible. Arghhhh. At least I have some freelance jobs on the side that are not boring and redundant.
Also as mentioned, my workplace is overtaken with Old White Men
WAIT WHAT IS THIS THURSDAY OPEN THREAD
Guys I know it is #1 Obnoxious Brook Soso-ish Thing To Do In Your Twenties but who has WWOOF’d before? In general and/or Hawaii specifically? (I’m leaning towards Hawaii because I am a novice traveller and have never travelled by myself for an extended period of time before, and have heard nothing but good things about the WWOOF program in Hawaii. It also seems like only a gentle culture shock, as it’s in America and all)
I am looking into it because it combines my love of getting good things cheaply and also my desire to travel and GTFO of a major city before my anxiety makes me lose it. I just got a new job that I love but I feel like I’m overdue for a change of scenery and I really want to try something other than sitting at a desk all day, at least for a little while. Hawaii looks beautiful and I totally want to work on a coffee farm or an orchid farm or an avocado farm. I live with my parents, have always lived with them, and am 24 and like, I love you guys but also I am turning into Jack Nicholson in The Shining
I did WWOOFing! In New Zealand and Australia, so that is no specific help to you, but it was great. I did do it in my 20s, right when I graduated from college and decided I needed to travel and Be Alone for a while, and I had some really great experiences and it’s a good way to save money.
Just make sure that wherever you work has a good track record. There were stories of some farms that were really using it as a form of free labor, and making people work 10+ hours a day with other shitty conditions. The idea is that you provide some work, they provide you good sleeping and eating conditions and time to actually explore the country you’re in.
You weren’t working when you did it, right? I feel like I totally should have after I finished university and had no commitments, but I was so concerned about getting a job I didn’t give myself any breaks :\ I’ve been worried about how to arrange it with my current employer. The good/bad news is that I might not even be there after November, which would blow because I really like it there and am not in a hurry to continue being unemployed, but yay for WWOOF freedom?
I’ve heard good things about New Zealand and Australia as well! I’ve just been stuck on Hawaii for awhile because I’m really interested in the produce that comes from there and I’d love to learn about the coffee-harvesting process. The good thing about Hawaii/NZ/AUS is that it seems a lot of people WWOOF there, so there’s a ton of experiences online I can read through to check for good hosts.
Nope, not working. I had a paid internship that summer to save up money, and my parents bought me my plane ticket as a graduation present, and then I went. And yes! Tons of people who WWOOF in those places, so lots of time to build up reliable hosts and such. There are so many good options that the bad ones get weeded out pretty fast.
I’m sure it’s totally intimidating, but I am all for giving yourself a break now! There will be jobs, even in this shitty economy, but these kinds of experiences can be really important.
I’m trying to be an A+ superstar worker person now so that if they do keep me on past November, I may be able to negotiate a leave of absence. My ideal length of time is 3-4 weeks, which I think is not an obscene amount of time. Full-time people here get a paid two weeks off of vacation time per year, so I’d even be fine with 1-2 weeks of not being paid after I use that up. Who knows!
I did it in Australia as well! You get some experiences and meet people you would NEVER meet in the cities and on the backpacker trail. I still e-mail with some of the people I wwoofed for and with!
I’ve never WWOOF’d before, but I’ve always wanted to. If you end up doing it, let us know how it goes!
….What is WWOOF’ing? All I can think of is a Slightly Uncertain Dog Noise.
I always imagine a slightly rumply, wooly sort of dog whenever I hear it too!
No, really, it stands for World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms, and it is basically a network that sets up exchanges where volunteer workers work on farms worldwide in exchange for food, a place to live, and a chance to check out the less touristy parts of where you’re staying. It seems that most people have great experiences and the organization does their best to screen farms and kick out farms that take advantage of the free labour, but it seems like research into where you’ll be helping out at is a must to avoid working crazy long hours.
Great Brook Soso reference. A+!
My sister wwoofed in Belize and had a great time! She cut trails in the forest, learned about farming bamboo, and installed a gray water system. I was really worried she’d get dengue fever but she totally didn’t and she got to go on a mini vacation to Belize City. I think her experience and objectives were a little different than most because she’s an agribusiness major and has some serious farming experience (she’s farmed organic veg and raised chickens and dairy cows) so YMMV, but over all she was very happy with it.
My husband and I picked up a hitchhiker in Volcano National Park who had been alternating WWOOFING and weeks-long backpacking trips. He seemed to be having a good time! I also once had some acquaintances who dropped everything to become greenhouse caretakers in remotest Maui (I think) for a year. Okay, that’s not a ton of information, I know, but Hawaii does seem a great place for that sort of thing.
Oh and also I did it in Australia, so I don’t know about Hawaii, but we could look at like ratings and reviews of farms online. So other wwoofers could tell us if they were creepy or great or exploitative or wonderful or whatever.
WWOOFing is great, and you should do it, but it did get me on a watch list as a migrant farm worker for a while, so I would recommend not doing it in America if you’re not American, and I would also recommend lying about it to border cops if you are going to do it anyway.
My sister WWOOF’d in Sicily, where they were like “2 hour lunch and then 2 hour siesta EVERY DAY” which was pretty awesome. But then I was visiting and driving her to her second farm, which was on a lonely gorgeous windswept bluff and also super creepy and I was like NOPE NOT LEAVING THIS 22 YEAR OLD LADY HERE NOPE, and then we toodled around Sicily together instead. so all’s well that ends well.
Oh and a good friend of mine WWOOF’d in New Mexico, and they had some kind of weird diet (macrobiotic??) and only ate popcorn for dinner, but she had a great time (she’s the kind of person who is into only one thing for dinner, as its less confusing).
I have not WWOOF’d but met several people who did while we were travelling in New Zealand and Australia and most had good things to say about it. If Hawai’i doesn’t work out for you, I highly recommend NZ; they grow many of the same crops (not coffee but we saw lots of avocado and citrus on the North Island) and it’s a great country. Very friendly people. We stayed at a lovely hostel on a farm in Kerikeri where we could pick fresh oranges every morning at breakfast.
(I shouted about this online already, but still.) As I was walking home last night, different route than usual, I walked past a bunch of benches with ~25 grown-ass men sitting around, drinking a lot. Pretty uncomfortable all the time, they’re always there, but then I heard one of them to another as I passed, loudly and casually, no shame or secrecy at all, “like, I raped her, but it was totally her fault.” I think my whole brain turned off entirely for the rest of the walk home. Anyway then I went for a run and sat very quietly in my room and read about Ferguson and continued being upset.
Oh, no, sweetheart.
Of course you are shocked and appalled and upset, you’re going to be. It’s normal.
…
…
…WHAT
who am i kidding, i cant even be surprised
Yeah, me too. Tried to summon shock. Couldn’t. Shit, I’m getting old.
jesus, that’s terrifying.
DDDDDD:
I want to write something coherent, but…
Oh my god Toby. He is us.
This week = this gif forever
Horrifying. I’m so sorry.
oh no that makes me feel sick. I hope you’re ok.
No words. Just blanket fort time.
Oh jesus this is horrifying. Urgh. I’m sorry. Also terrifying. This week I had a deeply unsatisfying Facebook argument with a man about the ‘it’s your fault’ rape posters that came out in the UK recently. His basic argument was that women get themselves raped and then blame innocent men for it
wait…..what are these posters?! That CANNOT be the argument on the posters.
It was doing the rounds on Facebook a couple weeks ago…thankfully the posters have been removed from circulation and hopefully removed from all NHS facilities too. http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/someone-fin…
Jesus, leider_hosen. Solidarity. I was at my friend’s apartment last night, and we woke up in the middle of the night because we heard a lady screaming on the street. We ran to the window and called the cops immediately and stayed up until we saw flashing red lights below, and the whole time I was thinking oh god oh god Kitty Genovese.
Fuck. Just…fuck. Hugs if you want them. This is a scary bad world.
Oh thank goodness, an open thread is pretty much exactly what I need.
Mission: keep yr finances in check seems to be doing really, really well so far, for only being two weeks in. I don’t know HOW much I will have for Australia, but in theory enough to keep me floating.
The worst part is that my boss has decreed that all reports HAVE!! to be out of the office by the end of the month, and I am a) behind and b) going to be away for the whole last week of the month. If I don’t finish, I hope someone competent can pick up my pieces.
I just wanted to thank all of the Toasties who reached out to me the other week when I was in a bind (drinking too much, taking shit out on the bf that had NOTHING to do with him) and provided me with solid advice and warm internet hugs. Just realizing that I have some things to work on has been hugely helpful, and I’m in the process of finding therapy. Also I ended up reaching out to my sister, who it turns out went through the exact same thing. More generalized anxiety in my family than I thought. Also I have reconciled with the boyfriend.
And I got a new job this week!!! SO I am very excited about that and it is another monkey off my back. Much mental love to anyone else who is going through personal/job hunting stressors. (And if anyone in NYC needs a good creative-industry recruiter I know some FANTASTIC ladies to hook you up with!)
I’m so glad to hear that!
I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better! Congratulations on all your steps forward and especially your new job!
HUZZAH! thanks for checking back in. You’re awesome!
I am extremely pleased to hear this. Congratulations on the new job as well!
I also want to thank you for making that initial post because it helped me to pause and examine my own behavior and work things out in my own life. Still sending love your way!
Yay! I’m glad that my post ended up being helpful for someone else – sending love your way as well. Toasties are the best!
CONGRATULATIONS on the new job and on working shit out! I hope things continue to fall into place for you.
Congrats on the job! That is excellent news! Also, way to go in looking and analyzing your behavior in relation to anxiety and boozing. That shit can make for a powder keg of a combination, and it’s not always easy to confront directly.
Also, your screen name reminds me of this meme of sorts that was popular in Montana while I was in college:
I have no idea what it means but I am DELIGHTED by it.
I’ll be real, I don’t know what it means either, but that doesn’t stop me from having the shirt.
I LOVE poodles but I also love this meme.
Also my parents used to have a 72-lb white standard and I tried to convince them to let me dye him pink, but they refused.
I’m pretty sure one of my dogs is part poodle, and I love poodles in general. They are floofy fucks, but they’re smart as hell and can be vicious if need be. I think the pomp and poof is all a disguise for their true nature. Like dog spies.
Oh completely. We had one growing up, who, if she was a person probably would have been a brainiac who graduated college at 15. Or maybe a sociopath CEO.
Anyways, once she tricked me into playing (it was a game we often played with her that involved hiding in another room) so she could get me out of the room so she could eat out of the sink. I was used by a poodle The shame never ends.
I’m so glad you’re doing better!!! I don’t think I commented, but I was thinking about you this week! 🙂
For those who are without a television and would like to see the president speak
http://www.whitehouse.gov/live
I am just getting a loading page? Has it not started yet?
Looking at the NBC livestream it’s just a podium still. I think it hasn’t started yet.
It says it’s starting at 12:15 and it’s nearly 12:30 now. What is going on did I miss it?
Looking at the NBC livestream it’s just a podium still. I think it hasn’t started yet.
He’s still getting stopped and frisked by capitol police
I admit, I lol’d.
he’s going to say he’s changed his mind and now he thinks the best way to honor the memory of Michael Brown would not be through peaceful and meek reflection, but by prosecuting his murderer to the fullest extent of the law
joking obvs but I like to keep hope alive
Wondering if any Bay Area Toasties are going to Danville tonight to see Lev Grossman? I posted this yesterday but couldn’t resist the lure of the open thread to ask once again before it’s too late, sorry for the duplication in posts. Rakestraw Books has moved the appearance from the store to a private residence and I’m don’t even know if there’s space available. I’m creeped out by the private residence idea.
Go!! If I was closer I would 100% be there. Private residence makes it seem like it will be more chill, which means more opportunity to maybe actually speak with him other than for fifteen seconds while he signs your book.
I forgot to schedule my vacation over the goddamn Air & Water Show. At least my suffering is limited to it sounding like I’m in a war zone.
A-MEN.
YOU GUYS, can I just throw myself on your sympathies for a a minute? I’m recovering from TWO emergency surgeries last week, with the second one falling on my birthday, and a week of no food and no sleep. I’m home now and recuperating slowly, allowed both food (small amounts of strictly limited foods) and sleep (ALL I WANT AND I WANT IT ALL).
I will be allowed to have cake. In a month. Probably.
It was a bad birthday, is all I’m saying.
oh hon. You win a Shit-Tacular Birthday Week award from me, fwiw. That is absolutely Godawful. I hope you heal quickly and easily and are able to eat many delicious foods soon!
When you can again, buy yourself the largest cake of your choosing and devour it in any fashion you feel appropriate. You have well, well earned it.
Holy shit, are you okay?
I’ll be fine, though it got pretty ugly and was easily the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced (which is saying something). In the larger picture of this week, I feel goofy even asking for sympathy, but apparently there is a child inside me who just waaaaaaants her birrrrrthday.
This whole “only kids can be excited about their birthdays” thing is bull. We all deserve a day to be celebrated! Get yourself some serious cake at the next available opportunity.
Who wouldn’t want at least the comfort of some birthday cake after all that? Sending you lots of good wishes and healing vibes.
I hadn’t thought about this consciously, but all of my usual comforting methods are off limits. No long luxurious baths, no vigorous exercise, no comfort food, no sex, no coffee or alcohol. Pretty much all I have for comfort is turning to people who care about me and saying “PLEEEEEEASE AGREE THIS STINKS OKAY?” and that’s going to get old for everyone fast.
And as a capper, a loved one sent me a get-well basket… full of coffee and chocolate and cookies and truffles. Which I cannot eat for at least a month. So well-intended, and such a taunt.
Oh man that must be stressful! I’m so sorry.
ahahahahahahaha pretty much
Poor Emily! Gentle, gentle hugs and pats. I hope you’re being WELL taken care of.
Ugh. I somehow always manage to mope on my birthdays. It’s hard to be a grown up. Even harder when there are real issues to be dealt with! Internet hugs from over here and best wishes for a speedy and smooth recovery!!!
According to established Birthday Common Law, you are entitled to a Make-Up Birthday, with both Cake and Ice Cream, plus a make-up meal or meals of your choice, PLUS presents.
I hope you feel better soon
Gentlest of hugs and all the good wishes to you on your recovery. I’m so sorry it happened on your birthday; that is the highest order of suckage.
In one month, if
(a) you like chocolate
(b) you live near a Whole Foods
(c) you have $30 to spare
you should purchase one of their chocolate torte cakes. A full-size one! (They also have smaller ones, typically, if you decide to go the probably-more-practical route. The point is you DESERVE a full-size one, with extra chocolate shavings.
Oh no! You can be the Queen temporarily, she has two birthdays. Your official one this year can be later, I hope you are feeling better soon.
The Queen has two birthdays?
Yep. http://www.royal.gov.uk/HMTheQueen/TheQueensbirth…
In these circumstances you’re allowed three compensatory do-overs on your quarter, half, and three-quarter birthdays.
I also had a sucky birthday this year.* I have decided I am entitled to a half-birthday celebration. If you’d rather have yours earlier, you can always call it an UnBirthday in honor of Humpty Dumpty from Through the Looking Glass.
*My husband moved out two days before, and almost all of my friends were too busy to do anything anyway. I wasn’t going to have any celebration at all, but that ended up making me even sadder, so instead I invited a friend over and we ate pizza and watched the Kenneth Branaugh Much Ado About Nothing.
OH NO how awful! Here’s hoping you a happy half-birthday this year, and a happier birthday every year. Pizza and Much Ado sounds pretty great, but not enough to make up for that terrible birthday.
Thanks, and a happy belated birthday to you too! I will admit that in context, watching Emma Thompson scream, “I will eat his heart in the marketplace!” WAS rather cathartic. (It’s actually not quite as bad a situation as it sounds: we had been living separate lives for a good 7 months beforehand. But yeah, still hard.)
On the upside, I have always wanted to have an Unbirthday party ever since reading Through the Looking Glass in elementary school, and while I don’t think I want a full-fledged Lewis Carroll Half Birthday, I am trying to think if there is a way I can work in the reference.
My cousin throws an Unbirthday party annually. She tells everyone she knows to reserve the first Saturday of a particular month every year. It’s the closest weekend to all the birthdays in her household. She and her husband and all of their many kids were born near that date. They have so many kids with only a year between each that she could not face the birthday parties. This is her solution.
Huh, my reply doesn’t seem to have gone through:
One of my friend groups does something very similar! Almost all of them have birthdays the last week of July, so they all pick a nearby weekend and have cake and food and sometimes presents. Sadly, they do not call it an Unbirthday, however.
Oh E, this suuuucks!
If you are half as obsessive as I am you can spend the coming month planning your cake. Then a week before Cake Day, you can order exactly what you want, down to the tiniest detail, from the best bakery in your area.
Take your pain meds on time, before you start hurting. You know the drill. Keep us Toastfolk informed, please. Wishing you swift healing.
I know EXACTLY what cake I want, and I am going to make it: layers of almond cake with orange & Grand Marnier syrup, filled with bitter marmalade, and coated with a thin layer of dark chocolate ganache. I thought it up a few years ago but haven’t tried making it yet. Every birthday I think of making that cake, and every birthday I decide to make something that will appeal more to my loved ones’ tastes. But this year IT IS FOR ME.
I am disappointed in myself. But of course the best bakery in town is your kitchen! See, I don’t cook, so I make these assumptions. And sweet baby deity, does that cake sound awesome!
Actually, I am not super with cakes for some reason (though we have a new oven, which might help!) but I am both cheap enough and control-freak enough to know that I’m happiest making my own cake this year.
But my sister, who owns her own bakery, immediately asked me to let her know when I was home so she could bring me broth, crackers, or all the birthday cake I could eat. I will take her up on that. In a month.
I recently found out that my new oven has a proper ‘cake’ setting. Using that has made quite a difference to my cakeage – before, everything took twice as long as it was meant to to cook, and loaf cakes were always burnt on the outside and raw in the middle.
That cake sounds absolutely marvelous!
I KNOW RIGHT
I’ve never had it, just thought it up a few years ago and never got around to making it. But I think it sounds delicious. I think it would be like a riff on this pistachio petit-four-inspired cake, but without the marzipan.
… maybe I’ll use marzipan, too. WHY NOT
That looks so elegant!! I love it. Also pro-marzipan for that extra-special touch.
My dream-cake-that-I’ve-never made is almond with apricot jam and ricotta buttercream frosting…
And now I can’t stop thinking about cakes! Do let us know how it turns out, I’m sure whatever you do will be wonderful.
Holy crap that sounds amazing
Oh no! I’m glad you’re home and improving, but that is a spectaularly shitty birthday, and I’m so sorry it happened to you.
Happy belated birthday! Here’s to a speedy and relatively painless recovery. [offers you internet hugs, if that is ok with you]
Sympathies. That is awful.
Two cakes for two surgeries, right?
ALL of the sympathy! I’m sorry that your birthday was steamrollered and glad that you are recuperating. I hope that when you are well enough to bake that cake for yourself it is even yummier than it sounds!
And now that I’ve felt sorry for myself: FERGUSON, Y’ALL. Following this on Twitter & live feeds and following it on the news shows two totally different situations, though happily some — some — of the cable newscasters are catching up and asking the right questions.
My head is just Ferguson and Robin Williams and getting into productive but exhausting conversations with friends about the issues that stem from both. I am currently eating pasta salad and am very tired. But some other good things are happening, personally, so I’m trying to find time to think about those to.
In other news, some guy on twitter tried to accuse my husband of plagiarism and ho boy was I ready to fight.
Would you like to unleash an angry Toast Army on twitter bro?
Haha, it seems to be over now, but I will keep you all posted if shit flares up again. DO NOT MESS WITH ME AND MY MISANDROUS COVEN, TWITTERBRO.
Do you want us to harass him with our witchy feminine wiles, the fear of which men have have trembled before for millennia?
I have had a few exhausting conversations with friends about how ‘Genie, you’re free’ is being tossed around as a ‘beautiful’ and ‘heartbreaking’ sentiment regarding RW’s death. I think it was first tweeted by the Academy? But I’ve seen it retweeted and posted around a lot.
It was a punch in the gut when I saw it. Knocked me breathless. Yeah, he’s free of depression now, but wow, how is it a good idea to broadcast to the general public? The general public includes millions of people struggling with depression and not healthy enough to respond well to such an attractive notion?
I got the bona fides, y’all: lifelong clinical depression, suicidal ideation, mostly controlled just now
And experience teaching high school English. Scary, no?
Yeah that’s my feeling exactly. It took me so long to break myself of ‘suicide=freedom from pain’ thought patterns that seeing this being passed around like it’s a good response to his death is really troubling for me.
I got whistled at yesterday. This used to happen all the time in my hometown, but I moved to my current city 5 years ago and have experienced almost no street harassment since. You know what? I feels really nice to walk around and feel like no one gives a fuck about your gender or your sexuality or what you look like, and that one asshole just made all that miserable self-consciousness come flooding back.
Ugh, I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope that you can slowly (or quickly!) return to your pre-whistled-at state soon and be comfortable existing in the world.
Aw, thanks! I’ll be fine, it’s just that I had sort of let my defences down lately and it was nice.
This just happened to me too. I moved to a new town where I have a 15-minute walk to work, maybe 3 minutes along a busy street and the rest in a residential neighborhood. The neighborhood part is fine, but in the 3 minutes I spend along the busy street I have a 50% chance of being honked at and/or catcalled. I’ve been counting. It makes me so mad. I really enjoy walking to work, but I do not need to start 50% of my mornings with the discomfort of feeling watched or with an internal rant against sexist assholes. I also hate to give in to this nonsense, but I may just start driving.
Some good news – a woman (Iranian-born mathematician Maryam Mirzakhani) won the FIELDS MEDAL. The Fields Medal is like the Nobel Prize for Math.** She’s the first woman to win it and I’m ecstatic about it. I have my Bachelor’s and Master’s in Math and work in a Math Job (not teaching), so I’m very rah rah about women in math.
**The “story” behind why there’s no Nobel Prize for Math is that Nobel liked a girl and a mathematician stole her away and he was SO MAD ABOUT IT and was just like “NO MATH NOBEL PRIZE FOR YOU. GOOD DAY, SIR!” I don’t know if it’s actually true, but it’s one of my favorite things.
This is really wonderful news amidst all the bullshit of this week
That’s amazing!! Seriously, she must be a kick-ass lady (and you, too!). I’m married to a mathematician, and holy cow is that discipline ever an old boys’ club.
Thank you for the good news. God. So needed.
I strongly recommend reading the Nature article about the prize (which is quite good, and informative), and definitely not reading the Guardian article (which would be tolerable if the author had not been allowed to use his first paragraph). Unless anyone wants to help me light the author of the Guardian article on fire. That’s okay too.
Thanks for the recommendation! I enjoyed the Nature article.
I just HAD to read the Guardian article (too curious not to) and that first paragraph is most definitely abhorrent.
Still rounding up BC toasties! Find me on twitter (@ kiranmartin) and we will see how best to arrange ourselves beyond that point.
AB Toasties high-five you and some would probably road-trip to better weather. 😉
My final paycheck at this job hit the bank today and, because I had 9.667 vacation days left, it’s almost double what it usually is. Instead of being a responsible person and putting the extra money in savings I’m blowing most of it on things like an Amazon Prime membership that I haven’t been able to afford for years, and new bed linens, and maybe I’ll buy a washer so I don’t have to go to my parents’ every weekend to do laundry even though I’m almost 30, idk.
I am the worst at money.
I’m turning 30 this year and I still go to my partner’s dad’s house to do laundry (he lives a lot closer than any of my parents). I feel ya.
BUY THE WASHER. It will make your life immeasurably better.
Also if you invest some of the cash in new underthings, you will likely not regret it.
THE THING IS if I buy the washer I will be stuck like air-drying things because I can’t afford a dryer, and I live in New England which is humid as fuck usually during the summer (although not right now? Which is weird and causing me concern) so it takes forever for things to dry. Like, is a washer still worth it then?
Hrm. Maybe not. I feel like exclusively air-drying is for people who live atop windy moors or out in tornado country and have lots of space with clotheslines and breezes and no winters or humid summers.
in tornado country and have lots of space with clotheslines and breezes and no winters or humid summers.
That place does not exist on this earth tho.
…valid point.
Fun fact: in new mexico your clothes are 50% dry by the time you open the washer.
And in Arizona, line-dried jeans and towels become bulletproof.
Air drying in New England is ok! I air dry most of my laundry. You can still go do the elsewhere in exceptional circumstances (like last summer’s humid spells, or when washing something that never dries, etc.).
get a ceiling clothes airer if your ceiling is high enough. (Like this http://www.castinstyle.co.uk/product.php/285/clot…. We have one and it dries stuff really quickly.
Air drying makes your clothes last longer, I hear. Even though I have a dryer, I’d consider it myself if I had the room.
Toasties! Further to the discussion about making polite small talk, if one has to go to a cocktail party with fancy lawyers and judges, and one is decidedly not a fancy lawyer but rather two years into the post-grad malaise/working a retail job/#feelings, how does one deflect the dreaded “so what do you dooooo? what are your plaaaaaans?”
Make them go first! Seriously, those sound like the kind of people who will be happy to fill up small-talk time talking about themselves and/or their opinions about whatever minimally controversially topics you can come up with. (In New York, I feel like you can spend a good 20 minutes talking about the location you are currently in and how you got there.) Assuming they aren’t related to you?
“I’m currently working in retail, which inspires me to learn about other fields. ::wry smile:: Please tell me about your career so I can learn from you.”
Oh gosh, do I hate the “what do you doooooo?” especially if it’s likely to be followed with “what are your plans?” Can you try the time-honored maneuver of “Well, I [whatever], but lately I’ve been [engaging in hobby/volunteering at place /reading interesting book/following news item]” and a question that leads off from that?
Like “I’m between jobs right now, but I’ve been going to the library a lot. I’ve been reading [whatever], are you reading anything good these days?” Or “I work at in [shop], so I spend a lot of time in [area]. What do you think of the [social issue prominent there]?” The question at the end is what really nails this technique for me.
Trading retail stories has gotten me through many a cocktail party/whatnot, so I say #leanin to the retail madness as far as stories are concerned, but echoing Lily Rowan’s advice to make the other person go first!
I will drink a moderate amount of wine and eat an immoderate amount of salmon snacks.
You’ll go far in this world. These goals are both excellent and attainable.
Here’s a thing I learned when I moved to San Francisco: respond with the thing you like to do and identify with, rather than the thing you do for a living. It took me ages to figure out that the people I met weren’t paying their bills making zines, studying zen or performing in burlesque shows but simply thought of those as their primary pursuits. So “what do you do” should be interpreted liberally.
Oh my god, just ask them about themselves lawyers LOVE to talk about themselves.
We found out that our year-old cat needs to basically have all his teeth extracted, and it’s very expensive and I am sad, and I feel somehow like it is a personal failure, and I also feel a bit silly that I am going to borrow such a large sum of money to take care of a cat, when the world seems to be in shambles. But he’s only a year old!
This week really does suck.
Ooof, I’m sorry! If it makes you feel better, there’s no way this is a personal failing. If a cat that young needs a bunch of teeth extractions, it’s either a genetic problem or something related to a disease or malnourishment when he was super young. It’s not because you didn’t take good care of his teeth!
My little cat has congenitally awful teeth, and needed a large number out when she was 3. Pet dental care is bananas!
Awwww, poor kitty! You’re doing your very best to take loving care of him, which is both the duty we owe to our pets and the highest form of love.
Of all the things to borrow money on, taking care of your pets’ health is up there on the list of the most un-silly.
Thanks, you’re right, I think. Certain people in my life are of the opinion that spending anything over a modest amount of money on an animal is foolish. If that’s true, I think I’m okay with being foolish.
Abso-bloody-lutely. What is more worth spending money on than the living beings that share your house and your life?
Even if you raised your cat on Mambas and Twizzlers it wouldn’t be your fault–they’re totally unmotivated flossers. You’re doing right by your kitty, and investing in tiny purriness seems like a wise course of action when the world has gone completely bonkers.
If anyone would like to participate, there is a moment of silence happening in over 100 cities across the US. It was organized by an activist on Twitter, @FeministaJones, and you can find the list of locations on the official Facebook page.
College Station & Bryan, Texas: African American Museum, 500 E. Pruitt Street, Bryan, 7 p.m. tonight. Look for me, please!
OH GOOD I HAVE A WORK QUESTION
I have a friend who applied for a job at my work. Not in my department, but in the department that has the next office over, so 1) I work with those people occasionally and 2) I see them more-than-occasionally, getting coffee and whatnot. I want to see if I can get an update on the hiring process/timeline for my friend, but I don’t really know those folks well enough for it to come up organically as we’re, like, casually chatting — I will have to approach them for the specific purpose of asking about their hiring timeline. HOW DO I DO THAT, and also, should I do it at all or is it inappropriate?
I cannot think of a way for you to ask that would be superior to your friend just following up with her interviewer.
Could you approach it as more putting in a good word for your friend and hopefully gleaning the hiring timeline information in the course of the conversation?
My feeling is that recommending someone is seen as normal (and helpful!) but it might be awkward to be seen as just seeking insider information for an applicant.
Seconded! Framing it as a recommendation (Ask A Manager has lots of good advice on this) seems like a way to go about it that helps both the applicant and the department.
I actually wrote to AAM about it, too! But I thought y’all would be quicker. (You were, but only barely — I just got an email reply from her. Did you know she sends short replies to many of the questions she chooses not to post? She is great.) I think what I’m going to do is, the next time I do run into one of the higher-ups in that department, just mention that a friend of mine applied for this job — if they engage with that at all, I’ll have an opening to talk him up a little and hopefully find out more about the timeline, but it also allows for them to say “Oh, neat!” and walk away.
Yeah, I’ve definitely recommended friends for positions before. I’m usually more in the “hey, where is the pile of resumes and can I put my friend’s in the pile, while making eye-contact with the pile-sorter about how this is a good resume to look at extra-hard” part of the process, but it’s totally legit to bring it up once, in a professional way.
That’s fine to ask! You’re not requesting any special favors. Just bring it up while you’re chatting or getting coffee. Say you have a question for a friend. If you’re feeling uncomfortable about it, don’t bring up her name.
Hi-how are you- how is everyone doing next door- I have a friend who just applied, what can she expect?
I got tickets to go see Benedict Cumberbatch in Hamlet for my mom and myself and I am beyond excited, even though it’s over a year away. Also it was extremely hard to get tickets (I waited in an online queue for 2.5 hours) and I am very proud of myself. (proof)
PATOOTIE.
PSA: A new Toast Post Matching Survey will go up on the Open Thread tomorrow (provided an open thread exists tomorrow?)! Keep your eyesballs peeled and your postage at the ready! If you are not a typical Open Thread-er and/or will be busy tomorrow, email me at eberry at gmail and I can send you the link. I’ll be posting the link on more than one Open Thread so don’t worry if you miss it, you’ll have a few weeks to sign up!
Have you mailed or received any Toastcards yet?? One of my matches responded to me with a postcard of Elizabeth I: spot on toastcard match!!
OH NO I am awful DO NOT EMAIL EBERRY
It’s actually eberry227 at gmail :/
OH NO MY POSTCARDS. Postcard matches, I’m so sorry — I had your postcards in my handbag, addressed but not stamped, when I went into the hospital a little over a week ago. They’re still in there, waiting for me to buy stamps. I’m sorry, I’ll get them in the mail, but it could be a while before I get out of the house to the post office.
YOUNG LADY: I believe your hospital instructions specifically stated you are not to do anything except lay on the couch, husband at your beck and call, focusing on getting better, and that they specifically mentioned Not Worrying About Toast Post and No Gravy.
I have only written one of mine so far, and I have no health related excuses, so if that is any sort of consolation, please take it.
And postcard matches, I will try to actually write my postcards rather than simply observing their existence, promise!
I would love to participate! I am not on the open threads much, so just in case, I will email. Hooray!
I am a dope and typed my email wrong – it’s eberry227 at gmail!
Sweet, thanks!
I have gotten two delightful Toastcards! I will keep submitting my name because this game is so fun.
I have gotten FOUR wonderful toastcards that have made my days. Friends, I promise to send mine just as soon as I can get to the post office. Why do they put them in such inconvenient locations???
i mailed mine out this week!
I’ve received two postcards and mailed out a second round of cards yesterday because I’m pretty sure my first batch won’t get delivered due to the fact that I didn’t realize it cost $.34 instead of $.33 to send a postcard and I’m super bummed because I wrote cool (creepy?) little vignettes on them and now nobody but UNDESERVING POSTAL WORKERS will ever read my stories.
I got a postcard! (apologies to the sender, I do not remember your screen name right now, but the postcard was of a furry fish and it was awesome and hilarious and now it’s on my bulletin board at home!)
And I sent two! They were very rambly and contemplative. So I hope yall enjoy my wandering thoughts about my upstairs neighbors and the sound of the ceiling fan.
I sent mine! I hope it made it!
Emailed! This is great because the antique shop next door to my apartment has a drawer full of postcards so I’m looking forward to digging through it.
I finally sent mine and it was so much fun cannot wait to send more!
I can’t wait to do this again!! I have only gotten one so far, and it is a glorious tattooed Victorian lady and I love her and now she is on my fridge! For the next round, I am going to take the rubber stamping advice because I have a fantastic collection of stamps and this is a great time to use them!
I got an amazing Wodehouse card! Thank you toastie who sent it! It is at home but it made me so happy- big ol’ grin. I still have one left to send- it is going to Canada so requires an Actual Trip to the Post Office which for some reason seems like a trek of epic and insurmountable proportions.
I sent my postcards and I’ve already received one! I have a question about how the matching works. Did the people whose names I received also receive my name? Or is it circular?
It is…circular? I guess. The people who’s names you received DID NOT get yours, unless they were also randomly paired with you.
Some people were really interested in starting up a correspondence, and other people were just wanted to send some postcards into the void, so I wanted to maximize a) the opportunities to find a couple cool postmates, if that’s what you wanted, and b) the cool places you would send to/receive from.
Awesome! I was just curious. Thanks for doing all the organizing!
I got one today, a very welcome bright spot in an otherwise frustrating day! The sender is unidentified so I don’t know who to thank, but let me just say that your few sentences made me want to read more of Sam’s story 🙂
Ahhh, I was hoping this would be here. I received a lovely toast-card of a painting and it’s perfect and hanging on my fridge.
I want to send more! I have like a million postcards to send out.
Yay emailed! Excited to take part!
Are any of you members or want to be members of a hobby group whose members tend to be very different politically and otherwise from you? For example, I would like to go four-wheeling with some of the local jeep clubs out here, but from reading message boards and whatnot, it seems like the people in those clubs lean hard right on the political spectrum. And while that has nothing much to do with actually off-roading, I’m sure it comes up in off-trail conversations. Another example is knives and knife-collecting. There’s a fair overlap with the gun nuts in that community, and all I wanna do is talk about sharp shit.
Are there ways to find like-minded folks for hobbies? Is MeetUp the only way?
Ugh, sympathies. Not nearly the same level as what you’re describing, but I’ve noticed that some people on my sports team are super conservative, and it doesn’t come out until we’re sports friends and and then gets uncomfortable. Good luck!!
Only way I’ve found, unless you want to start your own thing. Lotta time niche interest groups seem to get dominated by one really obnoxious ‘type’ not because they’re the only ones who like it but because they drove everyone else away from the one big local group that’s about that thing, and nobody else started a new group because there’s already one.
Thankfully most folks out where I am have the sense to not talk politics with vague acquaintances but even then it’s still a problem. Hiking groups composed entirely of powerwalkers who wanna race through a park glaring intently at the ground! Video groups of people all waiting for each other to make a screenplay for them to be the idea guy for! Maker groups that love twee macaroni-art crafts and hate machining!
TBF though I sure as hell don’t wanna be on paper as the point person behind the ‘get stoned and try to cast bronze in your backyard’ organization.
Yeah, it sucks, and I have zero advice for you. The Beloved and I are both gun-owners who would like to go to more shooting range events because places to fire long-arm weapons are few and far between. But you know the social/political make-up of 95% of those groups. Ugh.
It’s real funny out here ’cause last time I hit the local gun show it was a goddamn rainbow but then when you go to the range out here it’s all old white fudds and weedy crackers with ARs and Tapout shirts
Maybe it has something to do with the range being NRA run and putting its obummer crap all over everywhere hmmmmm
FWIW I would love to go to gun events with you (even though I have no idea whereabouts you might live). I don’t know much but I would LOVE to get a gun license and know everything about guns. (Probably wouldn’t ever have any in my house though, because that still scares me.)
I went to a range in Austin (we bought ammo at WALMART, what?! I bought BULLETS along side a sparkly fake tiara, rubber bracelets, a DVD of Where the Wild Things are, and bubblegum!). I don’t know the politics of the friend-of-a-friend who took us, but he taught me SO MUCH and was super responsible and knowledgeable and a really great teacher.
Also I shot my zombie target through the eye with a Glock on my second shot WHICH WAS AWESOME.
Go you, sharpshooter! I’m in Lawrence, KS, which is probably not a reasonable driving distance to visit a shooting range. ALAS.
Heh, your thing and mine (looking for a fitness trainer person who isn’t too obsessed with body “rightness”) sound like we have a lot of overlap.
I only have specific advice for one of your things, not general advice. Which is, there are a few other subcultures that happen to have a lot of love for sharp things as a sub-subculture thing. Around here, that includes the Renn Faire-loving crowd (fairly self-explanatory) and the kinky-sexytimes-loving crowd (hopefully even more so). In either case, the larger communities should be fairly welcoming even in the Main Thing is not your thing. And if you walked into the munch I frequent, and started being all “well, I only like mild power play in my sexytimes, but I’m really into knives and stuff”, my response would be “Ooooh, you should totally talk to this person in the room.” Given enough trial and error, you could probably find subset [people who love knives and also authentic SCA corsets] or [people who love knives and also modern corsets].
Fun side anecdote: at the last weekend-long kink event I went to, there was a new knife vendor. We chatted him up and he talked about how he mostly does biker events. His opinion was that this event involved a lower volume of sales, but the people were a lot nicer and the non-vending-hours events were a lot more fun, so he might well bother coming back.
Oh, and the self-inflicted knife-handling injury rate was much, much lower.
I have ended up semi/somewhat connected to ATV and snowmobiling groups, which I imagine are similar to jeep clubs, and one thing I’ve noticed is that while there are some vocal conservatives who tend to be the loudest, there are often a lot of more moderate/left leaning people who just don’t make much noise about it. I mean, you’re not going to get a discussion of intersectionality going, and I have had to bite my tongue sometimes and let things slide, but I have had people agree with me about moderately left-wing environmentalist/social welfare type things. It also seems to be pretty well-accepted for someone to go “Oh God, let’s not talk about this again” as soon as someone sets off on a politically-charged direction. That may or may not be enough for you to be comfortable, and god knows I’ve had some issues figuring out when to call someone on racist/sexist comments and when to let things slide and that might not be something you want to deal with in your fun time.
So I don’t want to get into too many details before I actually settle things in my life/relationship. But if anyone has a minute to tell me that I am best qualified to know what I need and what is sustainable in my life, and that it is OK for me to make decisions based on that knowledge, that would be great.
You are the ONLY person qualified to know what is best in your life, and whatever decisions you make based on what you know is best for yourself will be the right ones.
Thank you.
You are best qualified to know what I need and what is sustainable in my life, and it is OK for you to make decisions based on that knowledge. Hell, it’s best for you to make decisions based on that knowledge.
Thank you.
You are uniquely qualified to assess your life and your needs, and to make decisions based on that assessment. Other people may have useful insight if you want to hear it, but anyone who tries to impose their judgment for yours is not showing appropriate respect for your insight and your needs.
oh god thank you. It’s just so hard when the decisions I’m making will have a major impact on someone I love. There is a part of me that just wants to put on my Stoic Face and plow through things instead of making the hard breakup related decision. That part is loud, and everywhere in my head, and I don’t know if it’s wrong or not.
Hugs if you want them, and seconding-thirding-fourthing everyone above.
*blows air out*.
Guys…I don’t know about this week.
Today, to begin with, I am feeling extremely stressed and frazzled and unshowered (that is because my husband and I both slept until 6:53, we leave for work at 6:55, what even is the point) and I’m supposed to be re-starting therapy to talk about an Old Buried Issue and I don’t know if I can handle it today but if I cancel I will be out Actual Money and besides therapy is supposed to be to talk about issues even if it’s not the issue you thought you’d be talking about.
I had a coffee and a Vanilla Coke and a kiwi. I’m feeling bad about myself lately.
I feel bad complaining, when I look at my Twitter feed. All I can do is retweet #Ferguson and I wish I could do more. What else can I do? (Asking seriously).
This is a scattered comment.
I’m feeling bad about myself lately.
That’s a terrible feeling, and I’m sorry. Take care of yourself and let yourself feel stuff if that’s what you need, or push yourself past it if that’s what you need. Whatever you need to feel is okay.
About the therapy: would it make any sense to show up, say “I don’t know if I can handle this today, can we just sit here and see?” Maybe you get something useful out of it, maybe you defuse your emotional state a little and get some relief, or maybe you sit for ten minutes and decide that NOPE I’M OUT and no harm done. Just a thought.
I know it’s hard to complain about our own personal stuff when the news is so terrible. But our internal lives go on, and we need support for the harder moments even in the midst of larger disasters. It’s okay to need that.
Thanks, Emily. I think that’s what I’m going to do, therapy-wise.
(I feel very incoherent, so I can’t reply to the rest properly. But thank you).
I think that’s a great plan. Please go. Please go and feel free to sit there and talk about your dog, or what you’re making for dinner tomorrow. I know you could talk about those things with anyone, but the fact that (if your therapist does their job correctly) you will be talking about them with someone who is so nonjudgmental and so receptive to anything you think or say is gonna loosen you up emotionally (in a good way) just a tiny bit. So next time, maybe you’ll feel a little more ready.
Okay.
(I don’t have the postcard in front of me, and my memory is foggy this week, but I think I got a Toastcard from you, to which I have written a reply which is awaiting postage on my ottoman 🙂 If it was you – thank you!!)
oh my! now I feel a little embarrassed because the Toastcards I sent were really rambly but…HAPPY TOASTCARD!
I went. It was so, so good that I did. Thank you.
Envoyé de m
Awesome.
Here’s the thing: You don’t need to respond to the rest. Certainly not to me, not to your therapist, not to anyone. Not right now. Whatever you can handle is enough, and if that means just sitting and waiting and saying NOPE BYE NOW, that’s okay for now. Doing what you need is okay.
Oh, Rae. It’s okay to feel bad. Your bad feelings don’t diminish other people’s hurt. I’m feeling way bad about myself too, and powerless about so many things. I don’t know how to end this, but I care about you a lot.
I care about you a whole lot, Fig. Thanks for being around for me.
thank you, a lot.
Oh slowseptember, don’t have much to say except much love and Vanilla Coke to you. You deserve good things.
<3
I don’t know if this will be true for you, but it was for me:
+ I never wanted to go to my therapy sessions, and afterwards, I always felt better in a raw, difficult way.
+ Even when I was not ready to talk about the Old Buried Issues, important work got done that helped everything else in my life get better.
+ I discovered it was okay to focus on fixing my own problems, and that I was able to connect to others in more happy and healthy ways when I did.
I hesitate to post this because I don’t want to sound like “therapy will help yay!” cheerleader person, because nothing works for everybody. But I will say I found there was never a really wrong time to go to therapy. I could go in totally calm and composed and I could go in a complete broken mess, and useful stuff emerged from both states.
I hope good things happen for you.
I have been forgetting to say – I got a Toastcard from pitytheviolins and it was PERFECT and I have been carrying it around in my purse and seeing it poking out there makes me feel delighted. Toasties who are waiting on postcards from me, I am sorry for my negligance; I have bought stamps, which was the first struggle, and they will be out next week.
I got one from pitytheviolins, too, and it was GORGEOUS. I hung it on my wall at the office and am looking at it RIGHT NOW.
Awesome!! I love hearing about everyone Toastcards. I put one of mine in my office and it is a delight to look at!
Agreed on the shitty week all around. Personally, I still have freaking morning sickness, going on 6 weeks now and only in the past few days have I stopped throwing up every damn day. Which I guess is progress …
ANYWAY, on the more frivolous side, where are my baby name nerds at? An early ultrasound reveals that I am likely to birth another girl (You may thank me anytime). My husband has long loved a name with a very Russian flare. It’s not Katya, but it’s about equally Russian-y as Katya. Think of Russian names and you’ll probably come up with it.
Weird to use, even though neither of us has Russian heritage? My feeling is that it’s mainstream enough name not to be seem too strange or appropriative, and I also strongly want to give my husband this one because I pretty much railroaded in our first daughter’s name, but I want the opinions of strangers on the Internet because why the hell not.
BABY NAMES.
I think if it’s a name that’s mainstream enough that people won’t ask you “oh, where in Russia are you from?” it would be okay to use.
“Oh ha ha, I’m from Brooklyn! Katrynovychskannaslav is just a name my parents heard and liked.”
“They read it in this really obscure Russian novel, actually. You probably wouldn’t have heard of it.”
I think it’s not particularly weird. I mean, you may have to be prepared for people to ask “Oh, are you Russian?” but if you’re OK with saying “No, just liked the name!” I don’t think it will be particularly weird. And frankly lots of common Russian female names are common-if-not-normal here as well–Olga, Nadya/Natasha, Karina, Marina, Nina, these are all quite normal and pretty. If you’re going a bit out of the box, a la Oksana/Luba/etc., I’d just prepare for “oh-are-you-Russian.”
Also, what slowseptember said.
Look up that name. Find it in a Russian novel. Or find it in a list of notable, dead Russian women. Then you’ll have a naming story.
Seconded! Or just find someone cool with that name and say you were inspired by them. My parents named my sister after an awesome female hockey player* that my mom taught because they wanted her to be athletic.
*most Canadian inspiration ever? Probably.
Yes, most Canadian. I could not have come up with anything more Canadian if I tried. Thanks for the lovely giggle you gave me.
1sic1 just handed me one on a silver platter – the subject of that Joan Baez song. Bingo, badass woman inspiration achieved.
I don’t think that’s very weird at all these days. My name is Gaelic, my older brother’s is Hebrew, my sister’s is Welsh, and my family has no heritage in any of those cultures. I get the occasional “ohhh where is that name from?” but no one bats an eye when my answer is “a baby name book”.
Eh, I’ll speak for all the Slavs and say it’s cool and non-appropriative.
If you can give us a hint as to what the name is, I’ll find you cool namesakes/Russian songs that mention the name/horrible politicians that may or may not share it.
Haha thank you. MY SLAVIC FRIEND ON THE INTERNET SAID…
No, but really, it’s just the non-nickname version of Natasha, so it’s a pretty common one.
Oh, in that case, I really don’t see anyone having a problem with it. It’s a Latin name, originally, and it’s also used in Spanish-speaking countries, so it doesn’t really *scream* Russian.
And any name that Van Morrison, Joan Baez and Touré Kunda have written songs about is bound to be great.
Went to school with a girl whose mom called her a Tally for short. I always liked the sound.
well I’m new to this so I’m a lil’ shy 😉 😉 😉 😉 😉
but hey does anyone know why they only sell fresh kale in bundles the size of a jack russell terrier, and what I’m supposed to do with it after I’m sick of kale chips (which I must be making wrong, because they have the mouthfeel of a clump of human hair, and taste like a clump of human hair actually too)?
please advise.
Hello welcome!
I have no advice on kale except that my dad makes a salad out of it with pine nuts and cranberries and it’s pretty good! Otherwise I just drown it in cream-based dressing which sort of negates the healthy vibe.
I am eating a kale salad with cranberries right now! Pumpkin seeds and goat cheese and a lemon vinaigrette.
kellycatchpole – if you aren’t vegan, this ricotta tart is also the bomb: http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-artichoke-heart-k…
Welcome!
Kale is gross and stop buying it, is my helpful answer.
yeah, but when I eat it, I feel like Littlefoot eating a treestar.
because it’s pretty much just leaves.
I second this.
Have you tried sauteing it instead? Kale (all greens, really) shrink down like whoa when you saute them. That’s why the giant bundles. I usually buy two bunches of kale, one for each of us at the table. But we eat a lot of vegetables in our house…
I second this. Cut the kale into long strips, taking out the centers. Cook bacon or sausage in the pan before adding the kale and add lots of salt and pepper. You could add some cooked pasta to create a hearty dish. It is lovely, if you enjoy cooked vegetables.
I am personally enamored of any suggestion that involves diluting it in a big oozy puddle of fatty meet fat.
Agreed! I saute it with olive oil, white wine, and a TON of garlic. (Seriously, I am fragrant for a WEEK.) I also sometimes add a can or two of cannellini beans, when I’m in the mood for good old-fashioned beans and greens. Damn, now I want beans and greens.
If you cook kale it condenses A LOT, which means you have less to deal with! I like to sautee garlic in olive oil, probably also some onions, and maybe add some thinly-slices potatoes, and then a bunch of kale, add some broth, and cook that shit until the kale is v. v. dark green and wilted, should be v. soft too. Add some vinegar (I usually use apple cider vinegar), salt and pepper as you like, and done.
As for kale chips, I cut/tear up some kale, toss v. lightly in olive oil, spread out on a cookie sheet and bake for ~15 minutes at 275 degrees. I add salt AFTER I bake it, which theoretically helps with the mushiness. ETA: go very light on the oil, if it’s wet, I find that the kale is just…wet and mushy when I want crispy.
OR, put the kale in soup! Potato soup, bean soup, anything soup. It will cook down a lot and be delicious. Cutting it up a lot helps, too. ALSO, are you de-stemming it? Those big stems are wayyyy to fiber-y/feel like eating sticks for my taste.
signed,
apparently I have a lot of thoughts about kale!
yessssss
I buy kale by the truckload in the winter to make this soup and wow now I have an overpowering desire to make it even though it’s supposed to be ninety degrees this weekend. Mmmm soup.
I know! Those bundles of kale look so huge. But if you blanch them, they cook down to nothing, which is convenient: they take up much less room in the fridge and they’re ready to put into pasta or toss in a sauce and eat as a side or mix into a soup or whatever.
Here’s what I do: Almost fill my biggest pot with water, put it on to boil.
Meanwhile, fill a sink (or large bowl) with cold water, toss the kale, pull the kale out in a colander to drain, empty the sink. You’ll probably see sand at the bottom on the sink. This is what you’re washing away. Unless it’s prewashed, kale tends to be really, really sandy, and insufficient washing can make it inedible. I rinse three times (I know), then take a tiny bite to see if there’s any telltale grit left.
I like to strip the kale off the stems, but if the stems are tender, you can leave ’em. Fill a boil with water and plenty of ice. (If you have a salad spinner, that’s even better to use.)
When the water is at a rolling boil, I add a spoonful of salt and stir, then dump in the kale and stir. I cook it a few minutes, never more than 4 or 5, just long enough to make it tender instead of tough and to collapse the leaf structure a bit. Drain well and stir into the ice water to chill thoroughly. When it’s well chilled, drain again well, squeeze dry, and put it in a Tupperware or covered dish or Ziploc bag in the fridge. It will keep a few days and you can use it in a variety of recipes, including just pan-cooking it with olive oil and garlic, which is one of my favorite kale dishes. I add a good grating of nutmeg, too. Mmm.
I like to saute mine with olive oil, then add a splash of water, cover the pan & let them steam a bit (if you still have some thicker stem pieces, this will soften them up). Then add lemon juice, garlic powder & a little salt.
OR do the same thing but add lime juice, garlic powder, cumin & canned black beans, then put it in a taco.
I am guilty of way over-cooking all of my leafy greens (which are usually spinach and/or kale) but also I can’t stand salad. Other people have great suggestions of how to cook kale on its own while paying attention to the texture, if you want it to stay crunchy. Me, I’m more prone to add it to enchilada fillings as they simmer on the stove, or pasta sauce, or chili or whatever soup I’m making. Because I want it to boil down to soft with the rest of the stuff.
yeah, I’m thinking of just dropping it into a sausage minestrone or something. not sure if it will be any good, but it sure LOOKS classy.
it will be delicious, do that! make sure to cut it up first, though.
I love greens of all types and grow two or three varieties of kale in my garden. I add kale to pretty much everything I can: soups, burritos, salads, scrambled eggs. My favorite way to make kale salad is to slice the leaves into thin strips, squeeze fresh lemon juice over it and massage the leaves a little bit (makes it less tough). Add chopped red onion, shredded carrot, and fresh tomato. Toss with a lemon tahini dressing (tahini, lemon juice, water).
Kale is also great sauteed. These are my favorite combos: red onion + kale + diced tomato + hot sauce; onion + pork sausage + kale + potatoes; sweet potato + black beans + kale. Greens love acids, so if it tastes a little bland splash some vinegar, lemon juice or hot sauce in there!
I think you need to spread your kale chips out more/bake less at a time. That should keep them crispy! My favorite kale chip variety: maple syrup + coconut.
Portuguese Kale Soup! I make it all winter and it is the best way to get your kale on.
Ahhh!! First of all, Hi Friend!
Second of all: My vegan roomie who moved to Denver who I MISS LIKE FIRE used to make us tofu scrambles on the weekends and they were THE BOMB.
They involve: red onions, kale, carrots, celery, tofu, soy sauce, sriracha if you like it, fakin’ bacon (also, if you like it, it’s really hit or miss with people), and tumeric to make the tofu trick you into thinking it’s eggs.
Chop the red onions and mix in with the tofu.
Slice carrots, celery, and rip up. Cook carrots/celery in a little bit of water on a skillet to steam them. On another pan, should you choose to use them, fry the fakin’ bacon in coconut oil (or whatever oil, but Roomie used coconut, and it smells so pretty when you use it). Add kale to carrots/celery, then tofu&onion mix and tumeric (and any other spices you like. I like cumin & coriander), then kale, then season (liberally, if you’re addicted to soy sauce like I am) with soy sauce & hot sauce and enjoy while weeping quietly alone because you miss your Roomie Brunch Mornings.
There are also fun variations on tofu scrambles! This recipe looks yummy, too: http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/tofu-scramble (although I’m not suuuuuper into bell peppers.)
(You can also put kale into minestrone soup, it’s delicious. Or cook it in miso broth with scallions and noodles and shiitake mushrooms. OR rip it up into teeny pieces and have it in a salad with ginger-beet slaw and shiitake mushrooms and butternut squash cooked in ginger and top it with soy sauce and lime. KALE! I love kale. I, too, am thwarted by kale chips, though.)
Adding to the chorus!
I ALSO saute kale, usually in breakfast eggs. Saturday breakfasts are when I saute all leftover veg in the fridge (fingers crossed for mushrooms and zucchini) with onions and garlic and whatever else I feel like and all the leftover kale we have, usually like a bunch – then I make little nests in the pan, crack eggs in, cover, and cook until the eggs are how I like them. Boyfriend makes bacon, you can have toast or not toast, and its delicious and a breakfast full of veg, which is pretty boss hog if you aske me.
Kale is also good in smoothies – a few leaves well blended and you would never know. My beloved has replaced bananas with kale in his “protein shakes” (they are smoothies, no two ways about it, just really butch ones I guess). He finds it better – less sweet!
Also make kale and white bean and sausage soup! That is delicious.
HELLO! I came back to work yesterday, after four and a half months home with my squirmy little baby! Work is pretty cool, no one has barfed on me all day, and I can read the Toast!
Congratulations! I’m officially back next week, but only for 2.5 office days per week. I’m actually a little anxious, because I had the super-smart idea to take her with me for my office days, so I can pretend I’m as awesome as that Italian MP who took her baby to Parliament with her.
That can work, but is entirely dependent on each individual baby. Because babies *are* individuals. Some will cooperate with the situation, others will not. And the cooperative ones will not necessarily remain cooperative as they enter new stages of development. But you are an excellent parent, so I know you will let your baby tell you when she needs adjustments.
Last night I asked my husband, “Why does everything SUCK in the world?” and he told me that everything doesn’t suck and I needed to think of 3 things that are awesome about life. So I came up with:
1) Our crazy adopted dog is doing SO WELL with his obedience training that I get tears of joy when we have a successful, meltdown-free walk
2) I made rice and beans last night with guacamole, and my husband saved some leftovers for me to take to work (currently eating @11:41 AM)
3) Sleep. Sleep doesn’t suck.
What things aren’t sucking in your world right now?
Sleep doesn’t suck. And I am (hopefully) going to be able to take a tour of a very cool place that DOES NOT DO PUBLIC TOURS so I am mondo hyped for that.
1) Our dog is wonderful and fun and happy and so, so smart and cuddly.
2) The house is coming along swimmingly, and we have new countertops, and I have learned how to install new electrical outlets and am quite excited about this skill.
3) I got new tires on my jeep and they look so badass and I want to take a week off and just drive around in the mountains.
Learning how to be handy and do Things That Require Skill is so affirming! I worked at Home Depot one summer and on my break I would read books like “how to do plumbing for dummies,” and by the end of the summer I felt reasonably confident that I could install my own toilet. Haven’t had the opportunity yet, but someday! (?)
re 2: how many electrical outlets are you planning on putting in your kitchen? Double that amount.
1) Sleep is awesome
2) There is a craft fair this weekend
3) I also get to buy some fabric to make myself a new dress for the fall. Which I’ve never done before.
PS this is a great idea and a lifesaver in a week like this. WHEW.
There is a craft fair this weekend in my town too! It’s a doozie and I’m hyyyped.
1.) my 7 year old niece used air quotes to describe her little brother as the “difficult one” last night
2.) i discovered a bright crimson shade of lipstick that actually looks ok on me
3.) the weather this summer in the mid atlantic is really pretty amazing.
Cosigning #3. The weather here has been so, so lovely.
I have affectionate cats that like to cuddle me.
My husband brought home my favourite crisps.
A friend visited yesterday.
1) My dog is the most wiggly, waggly, silly, adorable life form, ever.
2) I have an interview for a job that I am really excited about scheduled for next week.
3) This time tomorrow I will be on an airplane on my way to CA for the weekend.
My beloved loves me and thinks I’m the sexiest thing on the planet.
I still have a week and two days of leaving the office at 4pm instead of 5pm (we resume normal hours when classes start).
This picture exists.
1) After a period of not liking my doodles very much, I’ve made a couple in the past week that I kinda actually like. I’m trying not to be too obnoxious about waving them in my friends’ faces for praise. I’ve never been a fishing-for-compliments person about most anything until I got more serious about this doodling stuff.
2) Ribollita really is the ultimate comfort food
3) The joint Bachelor/ette party I’ve promised to go to this weekend seems like it could actually be a lot of fun, which is a weird thing for me to say since even the word “bachelorette” usually causes me to start hissing words under my breath.
1. My beautiful genius husband bought me every episode of Columbo for my birthday, a perfect gift that became even more perfect when I suddenly needed to be home recovering from surgeries.
2. I am able to eat small amounts of restricted food and sleep in my own bed, and I am ecstatic about both of those things.
3. Tonight, I get to see my sister and her kids, who are visiting my mother. We were originally supposed to be having a belated birthday party for me, and I encouraged my mom to have cake for others even though I can’t have it, but it’s going to be very quiet and low-key, which is PERFECT. My other sister is driving me to and fro, and she promised we can leave whenever I get tired.
1. My kitty cat is adorable and fluffy and orangey.
2. I’m baking bread with a friend today (in about half an hour!!) 😀
3. THE SAILOR MOON MUSICALS ARE FANTASTIC AND AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND I WANT TO WATCH ALL OF THEM!!! I watched the 1993 summer show Tuesday night and I’m planning on watching the winter revision tonight!
SERA MYUUUUUUUUU
There are some days where the only thing getting me through the day is La Soldier.
1) Sleep is amazing and wonderful
2) I spent a great, great weekend down in Baltimore at Otakon (my first!) and will most likely go next year as long as the dates work out/my group is still going. YAY fans. I love fans.
3) My dog is adorable and flighty.
4) The weather in New York has been AMAZING. In fact, this entire summer has been pretty A+, weather-wise.
I would like to amend my earlier answer and add that my dad just stopped by my office with a baggie of homemade chocolate chip cookies and now my day sucks LESS.
DADS.
DADS!
1) Sleep *so* doesn’t suck and I’ve actually gotten enough of it again because I’ve been off work.
2) I made chicken soup yesterday and got to smell chicken roasting all afternoon because of it.
3) I’m off on a weekend trip all by myself tomorrow and I booked a hotel room with a king-sized bed that I’m seriously looking forward to sprawling on.
Those are all pretty non-sucky things, I think. I also get to meet new people this weekend, which I’m hoping also turns out to be a not-sucking thing.
1) I just ate a lollipop from my secretary’s desk, and it was great.
2) I actually ate two lollipops, because I am a professional.
3) It’s quite sunny out today.
1) I’m beginning to feel like my new job might actually allow me to make a real difference in things that matter to me and that’s pretty exciting
2) It is one of the best times of year: the days are hot, the evenings are warm and breezy, and the mornings are getting crisp
3) I have subscribed to a monthly box that sends me hippie-ish little projects to do and the one I did last night was making lotion bars in the shape of tiny adorable ducks.
what is this subscription box this is exactly the kind of shit I need in my life
It’s called Homegrown Collective and this is the first box I’ve gotten from them. It’s certainly not cost-effective, especially with the Canadian shipping, but so far it’s been fun as a splurge! The box is beautifully packed and contains a couple of projects on a general theme. This month had homemade natural bug spray, sunscreen, and the lotion bars. I hated the sunscreen, but I always hate natural sunscreens. The lotion bars were kind of middling quality, and if I make them again I’ll make some substitutions for higher-quality ingredients. Each one was like a super-easy fast little chemistry set/witch potion, though, and was really fun!
The boy I’m seeing; even if I don’t know exactly where this is leading, it’s really beautiful right now.
The weather has cooled off this week and in fact we have fog today, which I adore.
If I may promote myself, I manage a tumblr FULL of things that don’t suck! Please enjoy: http://goodstuffhappenedtoday.tumblr.com/
1) I’m two thirds of the way through a new short story
2) There is a mermaid in it
3) I think I did a pretty good job in my Skype interview for my dream job on Tuesday! Even though it was a little awkward because my internet is a butt. Going to follow up on Monday!
1. I’m totally in love, after 2 years! Which is rad because before this I didn’t actually think romantic love was real, or else that I was capable of it, so there’s THAT.
2. Champagne.
3. My sequin collection. I have a LOT of sequins, and people wear them en masse on the regular.
1) I am very nearly over this stupid head cold so I can finally go back to judo and throw some dudes around, which will definitely make me feel better.
2) I posted a feminist rant on facebook and got a “Right on” from my uncle. Which is good, because his daughters are definitely going to rule the world. 2a) I have seriously kick-ass cousins.
3) The “Where People in Each State Were Born” infographic at the NY Times has confirmed that, indeed, basically half of Texas and California did move to Colorado in the mid-90s and that when I tell people that I’m not actually making things up (pretty much).
The Hubs and I have taken the Wee One back to his family’s summer place for a week of vacay and to introduce her to all her cousins. This time(ish) last year, we were contemplating starting a family and I happened to read the very first day of The Toast!! How things have changed, and yet The Toast remains and thrives.
May it ever be thus!!
Is this Thursday open thread happening because it’s been decided to set the week on fire and end it early? Cause I will be happy to bring the flamethrower.
In sports news, FIFA is going to use the Women’s World Cup as a testing ground for turf fields even though the players HATE it, because of course they are. Arguably the premiere women’s soccer event as a guinea pig for men’s soccer. Got it.
Someone bring me a puppy.
Bless you.
http://youtu.be/iQcJvBb4YVI
(I would also like to set things on fire because of this.)
Oh my god, whistling puppy. You are my hero.
(welcome back! we’ve missed you)
I’ve missed you guys!
KATIE MCGUILLICUDDY!!!1
My god, I have missed you people. Puppy playing soccer, it’s like a (gentle) Battle Of The Puppies. (WHO YA GOT??)
The best part might be the tiny head tilt at the very end. Perfect.
I had a girls’ night sleepover with a friend last night while my bro watched the pup. These gifs are making me super excited to get back to my little wigglebutt in a half hour 🙂
I CAN DO ZAT.
(this was our foster puppy Emmett. he is now with his forever family, who I like to think has a big yard and a swimming pool in which he can frolic for as long as his lil puppy heart desires)
He looks so pensive! Which toy do I choose? What does it all mean?
rage facing at FIFA, BRB
Hi Toasties! I have missed the open thread so much, but I have been crazy busy, so there’s that.
I finally have a job, after pulling my hair out for far too long staying at home with my mini-me. Unconditional love and all that, but I am a substantially better mom (nay, human being) when I have somewhere to be for at least part of the day. And I can work on fun hobbies while on my lunch break, like Open Threading and embroidery. Woot!
Also, the rest of my time this week has been spent thinking/talking/being sad over Ferguson and Robin Williams. I am interested in what other people think: Do you think that the lack of coverage is 100% racist bullshit, or do you think it is partially due to SO MUCH coverage over Robin Williams? OR do you think the unequal coverage is BECAUSE of racist bullshit? Combo? Talk to me, y’all. My brain is overloaded.
I think it’s 100% racist bullshit and I think Americans would rather read about dead/misbehaving celebrities than read about terrible problems with no easy solutions. I don’t think your given options are mutually exclusive.
Agreed. I don’t think these opinions are mutually exclusive, either. And that actually might be more depressing. Terrible problems with no easy solutions are always hard to talk about/think about, but there’s no other way to fix them than to deal with them. Grr, humanity.
This week can burn to the ground, news-wise/events-wise.
I lack the capacity for conversation right now, so pardon me for replying to pretty much everyone in All Gifs All The Time today.
If (like me) you need something good to look at in between refreshes of the #Ferguson tag on Tumblr, I put up a collection of Badass Women on my Tuesday Tumblr Theme this week.
I am never near the Toast on Fridays, so here’s the question I’ve been meaning to ask for a while:
Does anyone have any advice on finding a personal trainer/some other sort of social exercise that is completely body-positive and also women-friendly (but is also preferably not Zumba)? I kinda hate exercise but I feel like I should be doing more of it, but even the classes at my local Y feel full of stupid “head down, work harder, no talking, only obey!”. And so, so many of the programs advertised as “we are a family of women doing Important Fitness” have a section within the first half of the webpage about how they’re going to provide Real Nutrition To Help You Burn That Fat. Which is before we reach any stooopid advice on “lift small weights, careful not to bulk up!”
In short, I need some sort of exercise person/community to help me stay motivated (not online, much as I heart Feel The Burn) that will be as enthusiastic (or at least supportive) about my love of pizza and video games as they are about helping me build giant guns and helping my heart/lungs get efficient enough for long dance parties.
I can’t STAND the “lift small weights, careful not to bulk up!” approach to women’s fitness!!! “Remember, men won’t like you unless you’re skinny and weak!” Errrrgggghhhh…
Anyway, if you happen to live in Toronto, I can suggest a couple of really awesome lady-friendly, LGBTQ-friendly, ass-kicking-friendly groups.
Sadly, I don’t, but all of my local friends reassure me that it is The Best City in Canadia. So I’ll keep that in mind if I ever do decide to flee my current town.
I would go to your gym (if you are signed up for one) and describe your ideal personal trainer to them. If it’s a good gym, they’ll match you personality/fitness wise and let you interview with a few personal trainers before picking one.
My PT [(who I only see once a month because that’s all I can afford (and he’s fine with that!)] helps me with weightlifting and building a feasible training plan while being non-judgmental about my beer drinking taco eating weekends. He knows I know I’m the one choosing to lose those gains (sigh, damnit) and rarely/gently calls me on it.
Also, my friend’s casual running co-op is super supportive about hanging out and having pizza parties. I’d just go and check out different groups and see what vibes with you!
Interview your local CrossFit box(es). I know CrossFit gets a bad rap, but if you can find a supportive box, those people are fucking gold. My local CrossFit box is super inclusive, has regular parties (with kegs), and has never made me feel uncomfortable as a slightly-pudgy, middle-aged woman. They’re not all like that, but it’s worth seeing if one near you is.
I agree, Go to several boxes and get a feel for the place. Mine was great…there were a few people who were annoyingly “supportive” of this lumpy 62 year old, but I learned to ignore them. I had to quit when my $$ got tight. I miss it terribly and hope to get back there soon.
Yay! I had to quit mine ‘cos of health problems (adrenal fatigue is a giant bummer) and damn I miss it. I hope you get to return to your box soon!
Could you join a biking/hiking/etc meetup, or convince some friends to do that with you a regular basis? Those are fun things I actually like to do that incidentally involve stellar exercise, and nobody is going to tell you to lose weight because you are biking, not GETTING FIT. You are actually also getting fit, but yeah.
Ugh, this is the number one thing I miss about my hometown (Portland, OR) vs here (DC, where I’ve lived for the last ten years). EVERYONE hikes in PDX, whereas here, there are people who do, but ewwww the humidity and double-ahhhh! the ticks.
I spent my childhood partially in the woods and never got a tick. Because in SENSIBLE climates they aren’t really so much a thing. So I am crazy-paranoid about them. :S
I have had pretty good success taking an adult ballet class (I started as a beginner and have progressed to the intermediate class)! I think this would highly depend on the teacher but if it’s something you think you would like, a dance class might be an option.
Does any gym near you offer BodyPump? I don’t know if it’s because of my specific gym, but the BodyPump class I go to is super body-positive and diverse. And it is definitely NOT about losing weight; it’s barbell reps set to music in routines that change every 3 months (and sometimes the teacher shakes things up just to throw us off). The point is strength, and there are a lot of women of all ages and body types in my class.
Yasssssssssss! I <3 my BodyPump class. It is surprisingly fun, a great workout, and I’ve developed a fondness for terrible dance pop because of it.
Oh and I forgot: BELLYDANCING. Holy shit, you want body positivity? There’s your thang.
Yeah, but as a bellydancer of 20+ years, I gotta say it’s ain’t the thing for developing your guns.
True that. I kind of missed the “guns” memo.
So, this is definitely an odd (and totally, completely biased) suggestion, but in spite of the fact that a lot of dojos are, like, 90% dudes, I’ve found that judo is generally very body-positive and woman friendly (there are few of us, we are cherished). Basically every body type has advantages for some throws/ techniques and disadvantages for others. Figuring out which ones work best for your body is just part of the deal- it’s assumed that you’re working with the body you have, not some ideal body. One of the founding principles is roughly translated from japanese as “mutual benefit and welfare”- people take care of each other. Because if you don’t, no one will play with you.
Also, depending on the dojo you can have up to multiple hundreds of pounds of dude to try to throw (I have up to nearly twice my body weight in dude available should the mood take me), which is pretty good for muscle development. And beating people up (in a safe, rule constrained, not actually causing physical harm kind of way) is a really good time. Also extremely cathartic.
I have done judo for many years, love it dearly, and am always trying to recruit, so I am about as biased as it is possible to be, but hey- why not learn how to throw a man?
You might see if you can find a recreational rugby team! Get super buff, have fun, bulk up and run back and forth in the mud and then eat all the pizza! Every rugby group I’ve been involved in has been super positive and also welcoming and happy to have people even if they have no natural athletic ability, because you are awesome and appreciated just for wanting to be there. Just be careful of concussions!
I was SUPPOSED to find out about that copy editing job yesterday at the latest (their decision was already pushed back from Monday) and I’m not feeling so great about it! They did ask for two references after my copy test (good!) but only called the first one and never went through with their scheduled phone call to my boss (WTF???). If I haven’t heard by 3pm EST I’m going to check in with them about timelines again, because this is ridiculous.
Have also become aware that I’m probably going to have a pretty full-spectrum meltdown if I don’t get this job, which really highlights the fact that my relative stability and happiness over the summer has been a sun-fueled mirage.
All the sympathy and good luck in the world. I am also waiting longer than expected to hear back about a job that will give me a major meltdown if I don’t get it, and it is the worst.
Thanks jenavira! Four-leaf clovers and all back at you!!!
I sent a nagging e-mail and found out they hadn’t decided yet because my boss never answered their scheduled phone call, but my boss never had a missed call from them, which I’m pretty sure means MY BOSS GAVE ME HIS INCORRECT FUCKING WORK NUMBER* because I COPY-AND-PASTED IT FROM AN E-MAIL ASKING HIM FOR HIS WORK NUMBER. Infuriating/classic My Boss move!!! (And looks really bad for a copy editing job!) They seemed pissed, but soothed by my prompt/apologetic reply, and my boss is setting up a new call time with their receptionist.
*I only have my boss’ cell number because that’s how to reach him when he’s out of the office, which is the only time I need to.
so, i’ve moved from the “woe is me” phase of my break-up to the “holy libido, batman” phase. I had a satisfying experience with a couple I’m friends with earlier in the week, but that’s only really stoked the coals a bit more. ughhhhh. Anyone else experience this after the end of a relationship?
Absolutely! I always get super-intense crushes after break-ups, and the libido skyrockets. It can get…interesting.
Yes. In a big way.
LOL yes.
…any brilliant coping techniques?
Nope, but if you come across any, please share. I don’t miss him anymore but damn I miss the sex.
Well, I had my little baby on Sunday night. He is snoozing on a pillow on my lap while wearing a froggie-themed outfit some friends got for him. He is as captivating as he can possibly be, even though he only sleeps, eats, and eliminates waste right now. This time last week, he was part of my body. It’s been a week of extreme personal and family joy, in the middle of a very sad and horrifying time.
Hooray for a healthy small sleeping baby in a froggie-themed outfit!
Eeeeeee congratulations!!!
Awwwwww…. Supermoon baby! Congrats!
CUTEST PATOOTEST, very happy for you and congratulations!
I’m so happy for you! It is nice to be reminded that even the darkest times, there are moments of joy. Congratulations to you and your family!
Congratulations on your little frog!
Congratulations!!!!!
Happy Baby!!!!! Do not wake him, but kiss his little forehead for me, please.
Congratulations!
Froggie baby joy! Congratulations!
Oh, yay for you and welcome to your tiny frog baby! Happy Summer of Babies!
Congratulations on froggie baby!!!!!! Aww I actually teared up a little. Happy for you!
You made a person! Congratulations!
I am never leaving my apartment again. As such I’m planning on spending my weekend puttering around my apartment. What small (and cheap!) changes have you made to your living space that have it much more comfortable/functional/beautiful??
We replaced our landlady’s ugly, ugly curtains with inexpensive IKEA sheers. Huge difference.
I am about to replace my shower head and am already anticipating how much better my life will be when that happens.
Also, putting things up on the walls! Fills up blank space and frees up shelves/tables/whatnot. Recommend if it is allowed in your apartment.
I second this. My apartment’s showerhead was crappy and had bad water pressure. When it started getting even worse, my dad gave us an old low-flow, adjustable showerhead. The water pressure is amazing now, and we’re using less water!
Dorky as it is, I occasionally rearrange and reorganize the 3 bookcases in my living room. It makes things look different enough to me that my living room is more interesting, and I find books that were lost in double-stacks and such so I get to re-read stuff I hadn’t remembered existed for a while.
If your walls are a solid color, you can do cool things with rubber cement and wrapping paper to create borders or colorblocks or whatever without risking paint damage.
ALL the holiday sparkly lights, bought on clearance. ALL OF THEM. In every room. Especially the orange ones. EVERYWHERE.
I like to get small art prints (between 4×6 & 8×10) and then spray paint a bunch of frames from Goodwill different colors and put them all up everywhere. My Goodwill has literally shelves full of picture-size frames for like $.99, and this way I can put up art without paying for Art.
I like to remove all the closet doors (and carefully store them for reinstallation when I move out) and put curtains over the openings. I love textiles and it lets you add color to a room easily. It also avoids mold troubles if you’re place has moisture or circulation issues.
Draping pretty fabrics over ugly furniture hides ugly things and adds nice pops of color.
On the function side, getting rid of crap I don’t need/ reorganizing a disorganized storage space always makes things better.
I NEED THIS OT.
Boyfriend and I are planning a trip to nearby big city for labour day long weekend. Boyfriend’s high school best friend lives there, also has been a good friend to me over the years. Friend has always been a bit irritatingy/likes to make set-in-stone plans months out/gets pouty when things don’t go his way.
I am getting the feeling he is blocking off his whole weekend to spend with us, and keeps messaging like “what activities are we going to do” and, when I told him he shouldn’t worry about us b/c we might just make out the whole time, “no offence, but I haven’t seen [boyfriend] in a year, i’d like to do a leeeetttttle more than just getting drinks.”
Like, get off my DICK, dude. Problem compounded by boyfriend thinking all problems will evaporate if he continues to be his goofy, silly self and not respond to anything, while I am slowly being engulfed in flames of rage.
What can I tell this guy that is polite, but also like “hi, you’re not entitled to our time!”
As a controlling, set-in-stone, pouty person I appreciate it when people do make at least some plans with me so I don’t feel powerless. Like, yes, obviously he is NOT entitled to your time and you want to make out with your boyfriend, of course. But, if you do want to spend time with him and YOU KNOW he is like this, it might make it easier on everyone if you set aside a specific day/time to do An Activity with him, with the understanding the rest is your time to do as you see fit.
Like, maybe ‘On saturday, we will meet at x time and go to the museum, and after that you are free of our disgusting makeouts for the rest of the weekend!’?
If he gets pushy for more of your time after that, just say in plain words ‘I want to spend this time as couple time, just me and my boyfriend’. It’s fine to do that.
We clearly think alike, because this was my first response. Like “Yes, let’s definitely plan on getting drinks one night! Otherwise, don’t feel like you have to entertain us because we might just be gross and all romantic getaway-y for the weekend” (Sidenote: bf and I are long-distance and don’t get to spend that much time together, so a weekend away means quite a bit). It was in response to THAT that I got the “no offence to your romance” line, because his waning high-school friendship from ten years ago is more important than my relationship.
Ugh, he’s being gross and entitled.
I don’t know what to suggest – when people get into that frame of mind you often can’t logic them out.
He may be feeling like the friendship is slipping, and freaking out, but that’s no excuse for this behaviour. And, I’m sure you love your boy, but he isn’t making it better!
If he’s mainly your boyfriends friend, your boyfriend needs to say ‘look, I want to spend this time with her’ (not put the blame on you).
I mean, why more than drinks anyway? If I’ve not seen someone for years, drinks is perfect!
Agreed that he’s probably feeling anxious that the friendship may be slipping away. Probably best to be cheerful and firm in making plans so as not to give him more reason to freak out. I would make sure you (that is, your boyfriend) emphasizes that you’re excited to see him and that the reason you aren’t spending the whole weekend is that you have other plans already in the works. (I would phrase this as “activities we’re going to do” rather than “spending time just the two of us” for the sake of conflict-avoidance, even though it’s perfectly legitimate to just not want to spend your time with him)
Totally. Boyfriend and I’s reactions to conflict are, themselves, a point of conflict in our relationship. He likes to shrink backwards while making awkward jokes and then avoid the person who has crossed him for the rest of time, while I will cheerfully go to battle to defend myself and my opinions. My reactions frustrate him, his reactions frustrate me.
Ahhhh I was recently in this situation! A very similar one, at least. I sympathize with you, but I am also a Planner, so here’s my take:
I think you have to make it clear you are not visiting to see him, but also set in stone a certain day and time that you WILL be seeing him. Maybe he wants to do something with your boyfriend (making memories!) rather than getting drinks – so from 3-6 you can do something at the museum but then you have romantic dinner reservations for 2 across town. Or, your weekend is full of romantic activities because you are long distance and have not seen each other in ages, so let’s get drinks at 5pm and chill!
Also, Boyfriend needs to stop being goofy and silly and law down the friend-law.
from your description of this friend, he’s got quite a few things going on that have drawn you into his behavior pattern. let’s see if we can step backwards out of it. you get the feeling he’s blocking out the whole weekend: let’s pretend he isn’t. he gets pouty when things don’t go his way: let’s put that back on him as his own problem. that leaves us with he likes to plan in advance. some people are planners, maybe this isn’t such a big problem.
my way of dealing with this would be to make one solid plan with the guy, assuming you weren’t going to try to avoid him entirely. and if he asks beyond that, you have other plans, for date night, with others, etc.
Hoo, boy, this past week. Between the death of Robin Williams slamming into me WAY harder than I thought it would (and bringing up a bunch of depression/suicide-related family memories that I then spend days dwelling on) and the whole situation in Ferguson (which I just keep retweeting what I can because oh my god), I think it’s safe to say that I was done with this week yesterday, but have to keep on keepin’ on until tomorrow. I am so worn out, and I am also so angry that this is 2014 and it looks no better than 1960 with regard to racial politics. We were supposed to be getting better at this, but honestly I see no significant change in the way minorities are treated in this country, and it’s infuriating. It is so infuriating.
Obama’s speech: emphasized 1st Amendment rights, need for government accountability, disdain for those who use tragedy as a cover for looting, referred to the shooting as a tragedy and the protests as protests, not riots, shamed police for using force against those assembling in a constitutionally-protected manner.
He did not call out the police department (primarily white) for racism against the primarily black population of Ferguson; he did not address the terrifying and unnecessary use of military equipment against citizens and residents of the U.S.; he did not say anything about Ferguson police being temporarily replaced by the feds or another law enforcement body (as per at least one report).
I was disappointed by his statement too. :/
So much talk! So little action!
The whole time he’s been in office. Granted, he got some shit done. But very little compared to what he *says* he’ll do.
Yeah. Granted, I voted for him because I DIDN’T want him to do certain things (like send more troops to Iraq….greeeeeat), and I realize the constraints that he is under w/r/t a racist Congress, but sometimes (okay really, many times) I wish he would stop trying to play nice and GET SHIT DONE.
I lost so much faith in him when he said “There is never an excuse for violence against the police.” Yes, he followed with “There is never an excuse for violence against protesters” but the protesters are not the ones leveling weapons sitting in tanks with full riot gear looking like soldiers.
Ugh! I pressed the wrong button like a dummy and deleted just about the best comment in the history of commenting! Or not…
Anyway, the Great British Bake Off makes me very very happy (and I needed a distraction this week). As an American I just find it completely charming that everyone is so polite and sweet and so punny! And British baked goods are like looking at yourself in a funhouse mirror. Like, hey that looks like a cake, we have those in America. But why are they putting beef fat in it and steaming it? Or like how biscuits are crackers AND cookies. But not biscuits. Is this another one that’s Noah Webster’s fault?
But that dragon cookie!? That was awesome!
Thank you for reminding me I must watch the bake off! BAAAKKEE OFFF! (I like it when they cry).
Yes! Yes! GBBO is the best (and much needed with everything this week). I watched the first episode this morning and I’ll do the biscuit one tonight.
Things I love about it:
1. Mary Berry’s floral blazers
2. That it’s a competition show that generally ends in a group hug
3. The random nature shots
4. Everything else
The lambs! My god the lambs!
Thanks to all who offered kind words and condolences on Tuesday morning re: my father’s passing. He and I were estranged (largely because his bipolar disorder prevented him from having close relationships with *anyone*) and handling his death has been very complicated for me. Robin Williams’s death (and manner of death) have triggered the floodgates for me in a way that doesn’t really surprise me but has definitely taken a huge toll. Again, I’m so lucky to have found such a supportive community in y’all. I’m so grateful. And incidentally I’ve been in touch with my company’s EAP office and will be calling some therapists’ offices tomorrow to see who’s taking new patients.
In other, slightly less heavy news, I have an interview for the Asst. Director position that is open in my office. I’m currently already doing that job in addition to my own job and so I think I have a pretty good chance of being offered the promotion, I’m just not sure I want it. It will be a LOT of work that in itself isn’t super fulfilling. I guess I’ll be able to make more of a decision after the interview (on Monday).
Best wishes with finding a good therapist and with the interview!
Good luck on the interview! It’s always true (though easy to forget) that the interview is for the candidate and employer to see if the position’s a good fit; that’s doubly true for you, so you’re in a great position.
I’ve also felt lucky to find this community, and I’m so glad it was here for you when you needed it. The more complicated our relationships, the more complicated the grieving (usually). I respect and admire you for taking the steps you need to process such an emotionally complex loss.
Go you, for getting help! Don’t worry about wanting the job. Right now, you want it offered to you. Taking it is a decision for another day.
I went on vacation in the mountains of Colorado. It was great. I went fishing and learned how to gut a fish and played in the mountains and drove an ATV without crashing into anything and listened to a bluegrass band play a cover of Prince’s “Kiss” and even got some snuggling/fooling around done (albeit in a twin bed. College memories!). I am pretty bummed about being back in a city and at work. However, the boy with which snuggling was done will be out here in October, and I’m very excited about that.
What I need right now, though, is new music. What new things are you listening to lately?
Meetapossum! Check out Mac DeMarco. Since it’s summer, I’ve been diggin on a lot of Beach Fossils, Tennis, Cloud Nothings, etc.
Ooo we like similar music (and soccer!!) I am also in summer mode, been listening to Jenny Lewis, Juan Watuers, I like the new Frankie Cosmos album, and I always go back to the Babies. Today I was listening to Fear of Men on spotify’s suggestion, not totally my favorite kind of music but has a good vibe.
katiemcguillicuddy! Thanks for the tips! I look forward to lamenting the state of the NFC East in months to come.
I look forward to a mediocre season for all! Huzzah to the NFC East!
White Sea! She sounds like if Brandi Carlisle guest starred on an electropop Cranberries album.
Also some rare and unreleased Aretha Franklin recordings, HAIM (listened to them when they first put out their album but they only started growing on me now), and Forever Changes by Love.
The Lounge Kittens http://www.theloungekittens.com , and Got a Girl, which spent all day on repeat when I got sent this link (which will play you the whole album) , and has then been on repeat almost continuously since I got the album. http://hypem.com/premiere/got+a+girl
Neither my normal type of thing, but I am loving them.
It doesn’t count as new music, but I’ve been listening to the Hedwig and the Angry Inch soundtrack (it’s new to me). It’s punk rock-ish and there are some ballad type songs too.
Christopher Denny’s new album. http://www.partisanrecords.com/artists/christophe…
This week I am listening to 70% Trampled By Turtles and 30% the live version of The Rolling Stones’ Gimme Shelter with Lisa Fischer, over and over forever.
I love Denver! Former Roomie moved there, and I miss her so much. I visited in July (on a roadtrip which was The Best) and we hiked and played volleyball and ultimate frisbee in the park for hours, and I went on a ten mile bike ride and white water rafting and it was just awesome.
I recently saw Elijah and the Moon at a bar in Queens, and I like them. They’re a bit Fleet Foxes/Mumford & Sons, if you’re into those two! Also they’re still in college, I think, and super adorable and funny in concert.
My 85% male but wonderful office is in the final interview stages for a new job. All but one of the finalists are women, but I get the sense that they’re leaning towards hiring the guy. I’m trying to prepare myself not to be pissed off and bitter about it. You’d think that with such a high proportion of men, they’d realize they have a bit of a problem and just choose one of the women, since they’re at least as qualified as the guy, but apparently ingrained sexism is hard to overcome! I consider myself lucky that the guys I work with are all great and generally don’t do/say stupid things, but sometimes it’s exhausting being one of very few women here. (For example, I had unusually awful PMS earlier this week and the moodiness/fatigue had an extra level of suck added to it because I couldn’t explain it to anyone and felt bad that my lady hormones were impacting my work.)
On a happier note, I think I’m finally getting over a brain-wrenching and impossible crush! On to available guys, brain!
As someone in a 90% male office, I feel ya.
Hey, y’all–does this happen to anyone else: Once a post reaches a certain level of comments, the “Go to comment” option in the email notification stops working. Seems like every Open Thread, after it gets above 200 comments, it stops working.
Just me?
Me too–though it happens with almost all comment sections, not just the big ones. With big open threads the Go-to-comment just kicks me to the end of the last page of comments. It makes me insane.
Okay, well at least I’m not suffering alone.
me too!
No, it happens to me, too!
No, me too – it generally opens somewhere in the vicinty of the right comment thread but never actually goes to the comment, on any size thread.
I’ve never actually been able to get to the comments that way.
I don’t think its comments. I think its the number of pages. It always loads the page after the comment, even if that page doesn’t exist yet. Always happens to me on disqus too.
Yeah. I’m not smart enough to know the “why” behind the webpage-loading-stuffs, but things always break down either (a) when comments get numerous enough that replies start loading hidden (on IExplorer) or (b) when they get numerous enough to fill multiple pages (Chrome).
Me too. I use Ctrl-F on each page until I find what I want.
I would nest this under a topically-related comment, but, enh.
On Monday I start Real-Ass New Job. That is exciting. Except I’m still working on my thesis and it’s due on, like, Thursday. The two shall not converge, which means I am working hard on this thang all weekend. I am not good at citation for legal materials, let’s be frank, and that will be some work. Mostly, though, I need to edit down / beef up the history-lit-review-boring-background-info section so that it’s less boring and more directed. That’s a big ol’ ugh.
Then I would like to actually complete research for my new job. Coincidentally, that is more legal stuff. I am occasionally in disbelief about the path my life has taken.
I am in several awkward interpersonal situations, including my roommate and her ex, and my significant other. And lots of people I see every day but don’t really think of as friends. And some people that I would like to think of as friends but haven’t really put effort into yet. So, you know. That goes.
I’m not pumped about the world at large, but I did watch Death to Smoochy with my roommate for the first time in ages, and it was great. Still living in cold-shakes fear of ebola, not gonna lie.
Hi Toasties – I need period advice. I have been taking the pill for about ten years, and frequently use it to skip my period. My husband has had a vasectomy (with two negative follow up tests) and I am considering going off my pills. I’ve never had any overtly negative side effects from them. I’m struggling SO MUCH with the idea that my period could come at any time – what if we’re on a long awaited vacation and I’m on the rag? How do other period havers cope with this?
Do you know what your cycle would be like if you weren’t on the pills? Because I think for most women their period doesn’t turn up at any time, it’s within a fairly foreseeable window. Especially if you track your own cycles? I think when you’re settling into a rhythm your hormones can be kind of out of whack and it can be a bit rocky, but for the most part I think many women are fairly predictable.
As for vacations, etc.–I don’t know of anything that can help with that other than using a cup, if you can. I think it just sucks and is part of life, basically.
It took me three years to adjust to a regular cycle after stopping HBC. And now that I’m on a somewhat regular cycle, it still sucks. I just live with it. Ditto the suggestion of using a cup, though. So glad I tried that and was able to ditch tampons.
I switched from the pill to the implant (which has much lower hormones) and my period returned to its pre-pill state, AKA showing up kinda whenever. I am dealing with it by using a menstrual cup and natural sea sponge tampons (that were recommended to me by this here community of lovely people)! This way, I am not polluting my body or the earth and I feel like I am just going to embrace the menstruation and live my life.
This was why I went back on the pill while I was single! My periods have always been horrendously painful and irregular, and it was bliss when I went on the pill when I was 20. I stayed on it until I was 30, came off it when I was single again, and then immediately remembered what a horrible hell it had been, and after a couple of years I went back on it. Am planning to stay on it until I hit menopause if that is at all possible.
Do you think it is? I’m pretty healthy all in all, and I don’t have any side effects. My doctor seems unconcerned, although puzzled why I keep wanting it when my husband is fixed.
I really really hope so, and if not that they will take all of it out when they refuse to give me the pill any more. The UK family planning organisation site says you can take it until you’re 50, and at that point you will need to change contraception. Surely they will agree to take everything out by then? :hopeful:
The regularity of your period changes at different ages. So it might be a lot more regular than it was when you were younger, pre-pill. For the record, I went off about 5 years ago and have loved not having the bother of filling prescriptions, no more expense, no more bother about taking it at the same time every night, no side effects, etc. etc.
You just get used again to the rhythm of when it comes, every 28 days or so for most women. You can track it on a calendar until you’re sure. And because the pill isn’t suppressing your cycle anymore, you’ll probably notice more little indicators of when the time is coming around. I always just sort of know lately, without even having to use a calendar, because of the physical signs. They are sort of gross signs I guess (vaginal discharge, bloat, mood, congested feeling in uterus area), but it is cool feeling more in touch with your body. If you look at the Planned Parenthood webpage, they explain it well in the section on menstruation and also the section on the rhythm method — you can just adapt it for yourself to looking for the signs of when menstruation will begin, instead of when you are most fertile. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/birt…
good luck! It really is nice having one less thing to think about, once you go off!
Let’s talk about books! I am currently reading The Fever by Megan Abbott, which I really WANT to like and got great reviews, but ugh it just seems like it’s dragging on and going nowhere. It’s such an interesting premise, but like….half the book so far is the protagonist wandering around aimlessly being weirded out and other characters laying around being weirded out and I just want to go COME ON, WHERE IS THE PLOT? Where is it?!??!
I’m going to give it a little more time and then bail on it for one of the many other books I have out right now (The Ruining, The Book of Negroes, Outlander, the new No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency book, and A Brief History of Montmoray).
I’m reading Guards, Guards! by Terry Pratchett and loving it. it’s only my second Discworld book (first was Small Gods) and I’m kicking myself for waiting so long to start reading them.
I’m reading Haruki Murakami’s new book, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and his Years of Pilgrimage. I don’t even care if my love for Murakami makes me a pretentious hipster in the eyes of other people; for me reading Murakami is like stepping through a wall into a dream world for a little while.
Oh, I hope it’s good! I haven’t got it yet. Have had raging PMT for a week and been unable to read anything more substantial than Agatha Christie so haven’t downloaded it yet as it’ll just torture me until I can read it.
Same! I have an unabashed love for his books.
I just finished The Tiger’s Wife, and I thoroughly enjoyed that.
I’m reading the new Robin Hobb! It’s a new book about Fitz and the Fool! I’m so happy because I never got into her other series, they just didn’t click with me – but she’s gone back to the world and characters that I adore.
I feel you so much with The Fever; I wanted to like it, but it was way too much Awkward Introspection for me.
I just started reading Mary Robinette Kowal’s Glamourist Histories, which are delightful and wonderful and everything I’ve ever wanted out of Regency fantasy romance. And I finished Foucault’s Pendulum yesterday, which makes me feel like I deserve a badge of some kind. Probably with an all-seeing eye atop a pyramid on it or something.
Oh thank goodness, I thought I was just being crotchety and awful. “Why are all these teens dithering about and walking around in the fog? Why is nothing happening?” Because 99% of that book seems to be characters doing nothing and observing the weather and the other 1% is interesting plotl
It took me about four goes to get past the first 30 pages of Foucault’s Pendulum, but once I finally got into it I absolutely loved it.
I read the Queen of the Tearling and I loved it loved it and want more right now. Happy book sigh!
I know I brought this up in the Link Roundup earlier this week, but just to reiterate: I regret waiting so long to consume Under the Banner of Heaven. It had everything I want from a work of nonfiction.
Oh jeez, I’m already pretty far down on the thread, but: ( I should say first that I AM NOT GOING TO HURT MYSELF, THIS IS ALL WHAT MY HEAD IS SAYING AND I REFUSE TO OBEY) I cannot look at the news or social media right now because it is making me suicidal, but that makes me a privileged coward who probably should commit suicide anyway, right, just to rid the world of a white cis-gendered useless waste of space? So instead of informing myself and empathizing with THINGS OF REAL IMPORT I am stuck in here with my bastard brain wailing “Oh, I hurt” when there’s hurting 100000x more important than mine, and that’s just a shitty way to be. What an awful person I am.
(I should delete this. You should ignore this.)
You are not awful and we love you.
Thank you.
You are not awful for being in pain. You are in pain, and that is awful.
Thank you. It feels so selfish so much of the time.
Self-care comes first and is in no way whatsoever cowardly. Doing what you need to take care of yourself is important. You are important. I’m sure your empathy makes you a wonderful, valuable friend, but there’s a lot of pain in the world right now, and taking it all into your own soul isn’t healthy. So many hugs.
Yeah, that’s what I do. I open up and try to feel for everybody in the world, and then the part of my brain that makes everything my fault kicks in, and suddenly I’m responsible. It’s unbearable.
This is a lot like me! So I am a 24 year old woman who cries, like, all the time! But my therapy is helping me not be ashamed of that or feel bad about it. I am trying to learn that my empathy is a positive thing, and I’m learning to understand it.
it’s only brain weevils. That’s all it is. Brain weevils weevling around in there, making you think these cruel, unfair, untrue things about yourself.
I love you.
I love you too. Fucking weevils.
My husband calls it the YouTube commenter that lives in my brain. Very apt.
That is brilliant.
Oh fuck yes!
You are not a privileged coward. You are taking care of yourself, and that is SO important. Your hurting is still real, no matter what else is going on in the world. Sending you a hug over the Toastwaves.
Thank you. I do need to hear this.
I have felt exactly this way, and it hurts all the more because I found myself hating myself for daring to hurt in the first place, which clearly didn’t help matters.
It’s okay to feel. It’s okay for things not to be okay. You are your own universe; things that happen within your dominion can be entirely unrelated to things outside your dominion. You do not need to be ashamed for not being okay; there is no hierarchy of hurt that assesses who does and does not get to be in pain.
As EPWordsnatcher said, we love you. We always have.
Yes, exactly! I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to hurt because my life’s actually pretty great.
I needed Toastie love. Thank you.
The news & social media IS very depressing and hard to absorb right now, indeed. Please be kind to yourself.
Thanks. I’ve been cooking & reading & playing D&D & sleeping, and I’m doing much better.
Taking care of yourself and not adding the stress of the outside world to your internal pain is NOT selfish and does NOT make you privileged and a coward. Sometimes I make the same decision. Take care of yourself.
Thank you, sweetie.
but that makes me a privileged coward
NOPE NOPE NOPE. That makes you human. You are a person with feelings and thoughts, and sometimes the outside world is too hard to look at. That’s okay: we all need to cloister ourselves sometimes. Taking care of yourself by shutting down the chaos outside is a wholesome thing to do, an act of self-care that you deserve because you are precious in this world.
Look at your post. Even in your distress — and it is real distress, yes, even compared to the outside world — you took a moment to console and comfort those of us reading, to let us know that you are not actively suicidal. (And that is such good news!) You are thoughtful and kind, and in a lot of pain. It’s good to take sweet loving care of yourself.
I am, indeed, very lucky (and well-medicated) that I only ideate now–though, of course, the thoughts are debilitating as well. Thank you for saying this, especially what you pointed out about my trying to console people reading my comment. I hadn’t thought of it that way at all.
The best thing you can do to make the world a better place is to take care of yourself. The world needs every caring, empathetic, wonderful person like you that we can get. Take care of yourself because you are important. The world will still have people hurting who you can help with your strength and compassion once you get through this, the most important thing is that you give yourself the time and space and love to do so.
It’s funny, I had to learn empathy at some point in my twenties–it didn’t come naturally to me–but now I can’t turn it off sometimes, which means I have to cut off the input for a while. I’m doing a lot better, and this thread helped immeasurably.
Like Jenny Lawson says, Depression Lies! Hurting sucks. But it can coexist with living. You can do both, when you’re up to it. Depression wants us to think in black-and-white. Nope. You can feel the pain and get on with caring for yourself and others at the same time.
And I know that hurt. Williams’ death triggered some ideation for me, too. Take care of yourself. Don’t leave us. We Toastfolk love you.
Jenny Lawson is such a goddess. Thank you for this.
Your feelings and your problems matter. You matter. <3
Thank you.
Thank you so much, everyone. I am MUCH MUCH BETTER now: I picked up comfort sushi, read the Hey Ladies, smiled at everybody at the grocery store, and my husband’s home–part of why I married him is how soothing he is to be around. This thread really, really helped, too, and I love you all.
I’m so glad to hear this ♥
I had a bit of a meltdown of my own this week. I’m sure it’s all the collective grief and concern which weighs on us. And I’m not sure where you are, but here, it’s already Friday, and sunny, so there are things to look forward to! (Can’t guarantee it will be sunny where you are, but I can be almost certain that it will soon be Friday!)
Yes! It’s Friday, and sunny, and our all-lady D&D group (led by my husband) is playing tonight, and I made a ginger-mascarpone icebox cake! Today is much brighter (aided by cutting off social media for the time being. FB, Twitter, & Tumblr now all redirect to Cute Overload).
Calming Manatee is the greatest. I also want a similar Tumblr with gifs of Tim Gunn being supportive.
You’re right to speak up and smart to do so in a supportive space. I was pretty much in shock earlier in the week and it wasn’t until I read an Open Thread earlier in the week that I could separate the brain self that was leaning into the idea of an easy end to current pain from the self that was simply hurting (all over, for too many reasons) and needed to sleep and cry a lot. Because so many other people are feeling utterly fucked and overwhelmed and helpless, too. We have an obligation to take care of ourselves and be here for each other as much as possible. I hope you feel better, and that goes for all of us in this thread.
I felt like such a pay-attention-to-me whiner commenting, but I’m so glad I did. This thread gave me the strength to go out to the grocery store, where I got to smile at lots of people and get smiles back (I live in the Midwest, where strangers make eye contact). The rest of my day was much better.
between Ferguson, Robin Williams, and my god-awful, busy as hell week at work where EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong… I’d like to go back to last Thursday, please. 🙁 It’s been a rough transition from My Weekend With 30,000 Other Anime Fans to this shit, ugh.
Oh, and I don’t know if there are any fans of professional wrestling here (I’m not, but google is magic), but I totally rode in an elevator with Booker T on Friday night. He was quite nice and was bringing a bag of Wendy’s back to his hotel room. Now you know!
This week was seriously the worst.
I JUST COMMENTED HERE ABOUT WRESTLING LIKE TWO DAYS AGO. hahahaha. I’ve been watching it with my husband for a few months so I told him your story. He loves Booker T.
San Francisco Toasties! My futuremr. and I will be in your city next week (only for ~a day tho D:) Any recommendations? We like street art, regular art, books, tacos, and new American food! Also, is it worth driving across the Golden Gate bridge or should I just go somewhere to look at it?
I think just looking at it is fine – to me it always seems unfair because the person driving has to pay attention to the road, the pedestrians, the construction, all the traffic! Plus, if it’s not foggy, seeing it in its whole expanse is gorgeous, and you don’t get that dimension while driving on it.
That’s not much time, so if you want to combine a few of those things you probably want to focus a bit. I think what SF does well for both art and books is the niche stuff, not that Green Apple isn’t great or that the DeYoung isn’t worth visiting but what they have to offer is fairly similar to what other cities might have. If I were you I might plan a day of “only in SF” items, so if you have any more specific requests for a particular type of art or books or something let us know.
Toast Missed Connections:
Saw a beautiful, confident woman, brunette, in a tropical plant print skirt, biking in front of me & my husband more or less from Beacon Hill to Copley. We both commented on her confident biking just as she turned in to Copley Square to go to the Boston Public Library. I was sure it had to be a Toastrr! Pop in to say hello if you recognize yourself, or not if you don’t feel like it, but please do know you were big encouragement to this novice city-biker!
Oh man I am CONFIDENT I was on a field trip with a Toastie the other day, I should Missed Connections On The Open Thread!
I WISH THAT WERE ME, but alas. Toast Missed Connections is such a lovely idea! And like you and polka_stripes, I feel sure that I am often in the company of Toasties but we just don’t know it!
Ha for some reason any time I see a rockin’ lady with blue hair and vast personal style these days, I feel sure she reads The Toast. It’s comforting, as there are many of these ladies in the environs.
I got my postcards this week! So yay!
Toasties! I just found out I’m pregnant — it’s been many years and a long road and to say we’re thrilled is an understatement. I would love to hear suggestions for books and websites to read or avoid, things you wish you knew early in your pregnancy, etc. Thanks!
I have no advice, but CONGRATULATIONS!
Congratulations! Evidencebasedbirth.com is a site that has been useful to me when it comes to medical issues surrounding birth (and to a lesser degree pregnancy).
http://offbeatfamilies.com/2013/02/body-positive-… this post informed a lot of my clothing decisions, though not 100% of it fit my needs.
If you spend any time on your feet at all during later trimesters, buy compression socks and wear them. They help with fatigue way more than they logically should. You can try them now, too, though I found first trimester fatigue to be its own kind of thing.
Congratulations! Nicole’s post about an excellent parenting forum yesterday seems particularly applicable to you, newly-pregnant person (I don’t know how recent “just found out” is), and I trust her in all things though I don’t have babies myself.
CONGRATULATIONS YAAAAY GOOD NEWS IS SO WELCOME
Congratulations! Most of the internet is rubbish; do not get involved in bbses with thousands of hormonal pregnant women on them unless you have a thick skin and a good capacity for distance.
I wish I had made myself exercise more, even though it made me retch, because now I am a sad sack of ooze that can barely lift my (tiny) baby. I’ve always been effortlessly strong, and now I get why people think women need doors opened for them.
Also go to the dentist as much as possible. Your fetus wants to steal your teeth!
Also, and I hope this is not relevant to you, I wish I’d taken more belly photos – I was about to get around to it when I went into labor seven weeks early. I have a few terrible selfies in the work bathroom mirror, but no adorable artsy shots.
Hooray! So happy for you! Toastfolk are the kind of people I want procreating. Instead of my f-ed-up family. (They won’t vaccinate their kids or neuter their outdoor cats!)
Congratulations!! Seconding everyone else to ignore most of the internet. Baby and pregnancy books aren’t much better. The only one I liked, because it was nonjudgemental and a nice reference, was the Day-by-Day Baby Book.
This is less an early-in-pregnancy thing I’d wish I’d known, but if you pre-register at the hospital where you deliver, print a copy of the forms and put them in your go-bag. Because the nurses WILL ask you for every piece of information all over again while you’re in labor, and it is much easier to shove a pile of forms at them and tell them to leave you alone.
no advice either, but congratulations! that is so exciting!
Gaah. Tried to reply individually but my computer crashed. Thanks for all the congrats and tips, guys!
The highlight of this crappy week for me was submitting something to The Toast, then taking a nap and dreaming that it was accepted, and waking up to an email from Nicole saying she liked it!
But aside from that, everything else from this week just totally blows.
Oh, and my CSA had leeks and boursin in it, so I had no choice but to put them on my hamburger for dinner last night. So, that was nice too.
aw man toasties, I slept with my ex.
I thought I was doing so well, being a vulcan and the most awesome at heartbreak, and I was! for over a month! but then a good friend of his passed away unexpectedly and I couldn’t bear not being his friend, and then I did this.
I know there are so many bigger things going on right now, I just feel disappointed in myself because I thought I knew better. and yet I am happy about it too. RAGH FEELINGS.
It’s OK. One good sexy time does not equal any portent for the future. It’s just one event. And now it’s over. You both needed it and enjoyed it, I trust. Now move on.
thank you, I will be copy and pasting this into my phone to look at periodically.
I’m on vacation as of tomorrow! No more science for a couple weeks! WOOOOOOOOO!
Also there was a new dragon age trailer, so I’m feeling the pain of being very excited about something literally no one else I know cares about at all. All the more excitement for meeeee!
I’m excited about Dragon Age!
Missed this yesterday, but I care about this topic deeply and irritate all my friends and relatives by sending them trailers and talking to them about eeeeeeelves. So, I know that feel bro. I offer this DA:I axe as a show of sympathy:
Aw man, but I worry I’m gonna have to go on spoiler lockdown soon. D:
They’re letting us name our own weapons?? This is a dangerous power to give me >:)
I know, right? To paraphrase Leliana in the demo: “And [fans] wonder why people fear them. No one should have this power.”
Seattle! I will be in you Aug 19-21! Anything exciting going on?
Eat everything!!!!!!!!!!
I will!
I recently submitted my application for a semi-internal position (in my current office, but a slightly different department) that I would be really excited to get. It’s a step up from where I am now, and I think I would enjoy the work. I have my interview next week and I keep swaying between “oh yes, I’m definitely qualified and a great fit for the position, plus I ALREADY work here” to “what if all they know about me is all the mediocre things I’ve done” because I am actually not the best admin. There are some things I’m great at, but a lot of those are not admin things. I’m worried they’ll evaluate me based on how I am as an admin rather than how I could be in the position.
Another part of me is also worried that this is not anywhere near what I saw myself doing as a career as an undergrad, but on the other hand it’s steady work, I believe in the mission, and I know the people I’ll be working with and I think I’d be a good fit. And I’d get to travel! That seems really exciting to me.
Finally, if I get this position I won’t be an admin anymore and man, props to all the admins ever because seriously I have been in this job for 2 years and I know objectively it’s a pretty decent position but I have had such a rough time and only partially because I do not tolerate the incompetence of men well.
As someone else who was also not a good admin who eventually made it out of non-admin land, good luck!!! Just focus the interview on projects you have done well at and your qualifications and kick some ass,
I kicked a controlling and emotionally manipulative dude out of my life this morning. I’m fairly certain he 500 Days of Summer-ed Me. I actually had to apply the term gaslighting to my own life. At one point this morning, he actually sent me a script of what I *should have said* to resolve a fight we were having. When I told him I’m a PERSON, and he doesn’t get to control my reactions to things, or when I’m ready to “put something behind me,” he said I’m FIGHTING again, and he doesn’t FIGHT in relationships.
My best dude friend: “If every time you defend yourself, he thinks you’re FIGHTING, then fuck that.” Which is scary and accurate and important.
The worst part — he talks a big game about being super down with/knowledgeable about feminism and I FELL FOR IT.
I am shaken, and I feel slightly ill, but I guess you always are after you dodge a bullet. 😐
[ETA: Now there is a dude in the waiting room rn being a superdouche to his wife (I work in a breast cancer hospital, do not be a douche to your WIFE who has BREAST CANCER) and I’m feeling raw and sick and I want to light him on fire and go home.]
I am so happy you kicked that jerk out of your life, he sounds like a monster. Can you treat yourself to a big wine on your way home? And then stop and light him on fire, my goodness.
My brother is lovely and made dinner, so I am picking up wine on my way back. Bro also texted me this Giles quote from Buffy, “Lie to Me,” when I said life is scary and hard and bad:
“It’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and… everybody lives happily ever after.”
Which made me smile.
That is an awesome brother.
Good for you for dumping that MOFO. Thank you for working with breast cancer patients. And w/r/t the superdouche in the waiting room: Toastfolk can help you dispose of a body.
I kept thinking, while in the throes of juicebox eradication, “What would Toasties say?” and kept getting hit with a resounding DTMFA. So. <3’s and hats off to you.
“juicebox eradication”
I love it.
>I’m FIGHTING again, and he doesn’t FIGHT in relationships.
What does that even mean!
Ok, so, backstory: The first argument we got into was about a month into seeing each other. We were open, had talked about poly, and I had a date with (an amazing beautiful talented driven INCREDIBLE woman who sadly lives in Brooklyn [and I live and Queens, and this is a Big Deal in NYC] and is super busy so it didn’t really work out) girl. I told him about the date beforehand, and was even like, “Are you sure you are okay with this? I don’t want you to feel like I’m throwing you over for someone else, because I Am Emphatically Not.”
He assured me it was okay. I went on date. (Which was AMAZING.) He texted me “Still on date?” and I texted back “Yes! And she is super cool, and I was able to be honest with her about seeing you, too, and I’m happy that everything is on the up-and-up!” After which he became less texty, and the next time we hung out, he told me (after eating a lovely salmon dinner I made for us!) that he thought I was “crass” and that he didn’t want to know all the details of my date. Then he bounced the fuck out of my apartment, and ignored my texts/calls asking him to come back and talk things through with me. And ignored me for several DAYS. When we finally talked about it, I explained him just disappearing like that is unacceptable, and if he needed time to figure things out, I needed him to just TELL ME THAT. We had a pretty reasonable adult conversation about it, though, and I decided that maybe it was just awkward first-fight jitters and prickliness with poly stuff, and I recommended Tristan Taormino, and we talked about how we would talk about poly stuff in the future (boundaries, etc) and things were FINE after that. Seriously, they were really lovely, for the past 2 and a half months.
THEN, on Wednesday I said something that bothered him. He was fine on Thursday, and then late on Friday he was like “I don’t feel super great toward you because [insert thing he was annoyed about].” And I was like “Nope, no. You don’t get to bring this up out of nowhere, in a text. If you’re upset about something, you need to mention it to me in the moment & we can talk about it but this is not okay.”
And he ignored me. His bday part was on Saturday and I didn’t go, because he wasn’t speaking to me and I didn’t feel welcome. Eventually — out of sheer frustration/desperation — I was like “You’re pulling the same shit on me as last time. It’s unacceptable. Either you need to learn how to handle conflict better, or I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Long story short, he ignored me for DAYS, I apologized (more than once) for being harsh with the ultimatum, but stood my ground, and he…couldn’t deal with me using the s-word out of frustration and hurt. Apparently his ex *never* spoke to him that way. He felt attacked, and if that was “how I really was” “over something so minor” then he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
Which, fine. I told him I don’t feel emotionally safe around him, so it’d probably be better if we didn’t see each other.
To which he snarked “I’m disappointed that you would rather have someone to fight with than put this behind us and move on. I gave you days and the opportunity to think about it and say ‘let’s put this behind us, sorry’.”
Which, barf, and also HA HA HA gosuckabagofdicks.
TL;DR: I started a feminist club in high school, bucko. Don’t you dare patronize me.
Oh well. I’m writing a new short story, and I’ve based the dude character off him. Dude gets eaten by a mermaid, his blood gives her legs, and she runs off with his girlfriend to Hawaii to run a surf shop and live a life of lesbian bliss.
(Not that I think lesbian relationships are inherently perfect and problem free, but ladies living happily ever after while dudes get eaten by vicious sea creatures is particularly comforting to me right now.)
No, lesbian relationships ARE inherently perfect and problem free. Do think that.
Congratulations on removing a douchebag from your life! You deserve a cookie. And a glass of wine.
I started off having a pretty upbeat day, feeling good about everything despite recent life shit, and then I got an email from LinkedIn (?!?!?!) informing me that my recently-exed boyfriend viewed my profile this week. BAN THE INTERNET. It’s time to go home and continue resurrecting my libido with old episodes of The Good Wife. (Looking at you, Will Gardner.)
You guys! I started my own freelance company this week! I was approached about a cool project and realized I could do more than one of these over the course of the year, maybe, so I paid some fees and filled out some paperwork. Exciting!
Congratulations, that’s huge!
You’re too kind. Thank you!!
Congratulations!
Fantastic! I want to be more like you.
It’s kind of fun! If it helps to be accountable to someone in open thread, please let me know.
My brother (who runs his own company) asked that I call him by a certain date to say how it all went, and that was enough motivation to pull materials together within a few days. It is too easy to put off government paperwork and fees. (There is never a “good time” to write a check for $200.)
Good work!
It has happened! My nice but often eye roll-y coworker finally asked “what do you DO every Thursday at lunch?”
Well sir, what do you THINK people might do, every week, in the middle of the day, for an hour + transit time?
Granted, I bring it up a lot (“okay, well, if you’re going to lunch at 11 and I’ll be gone from 12-2, we can’t meet until 2:15” type) but that’s because I a) don’t expect him to keep track of my personal schedule and b) knows he doesn’t keep track of my personal schedule. I hope he doesn’t think I’m vague-talking about it all the time, but it seems relevant to indicate when I will be out of the office when trying to schedule a meeting!
Um, I take care of personal errands. Make personal calls. You know, personal chores. Personal.”
I told him “Oh, the doctor!” and he dropped it, but I am bad at thinking of snark while on my feet. I figured that was just enough information to prompt him to stop asking without REALLY giving away too much info?
I’m trying to learn a new habit. When caught not knowing what to say to an inappropriate question, I want to restate the question this way: “You’re asking me what I do with my personal time. [pause] Let me get back to you.” But you are a nicer person than I am.
I do not know if this new poem by WS Merwin is comforting or depressing, but I cannot stop reading it:
http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/07/28/livi…
Oh my. Thank you for linking to that.
I’m focusing on the following good things
– Went to NC for Oddball Comedy fest last Saturday
– Going to Athens for a comedy show this Saturday
– 2 Saturdays from now I will firmly affix myself to both TV and sofa because college football is back
Also, my 15 year old cousin got away from her physically and emotionally abusive, neglectful, all around shit mom. She called her dad, who has been an absentee dead beat for years. But at least right now she’s with him.
That kids needs Al-Anon, stat. It’s tops for teaching kids about how adults have been manipulating them. She needs to learn soon, before she thinks it’s all her fault.
Yeah, she’s long needed to talk to someone removed from the situation. Sometimes she’ll say things and I think she can see exactly what her mom has done, and other times I realize it’s hard for full fledged independent adults to deal with abuse and manipulation so it has to be sooo much harder for a child when that has been your norm.
Thank you, though. I will keep that in mind, and try to encourage it.
Hey pjs! Glad your cousin is in a (somewhat) better situation, and seconding RoseCamellas excellent advice. 15 is hard enough as it is, even without having the people who are supposed to take care of you manipulate and confuse you.
On the lighter side, how are you guys looking this year in the SEC? I don’t know much, but I’ve heard good things…
Hey there! I feel like I haven’t seen you around these parts in a while. Yeah, I’m not 100% on her dad but I know she’s at least safe and even just talking to her on the phone she sounded better.
I thing are looking pretty good across the conference. It seems like generally there’s enough returning talent. A few teams have quarterbacks who don’t have starter experience, but we’ll see. It’s should be fun (or horrible) to see how the new play-off system works.
I hope you’ve been doing well!
Oops. AlaTeen is what she needs. I trust your internet search skills can find a group near her. You are a good cousin and a fine role model.
Thank you. It means a lot to hear that.
Last night I took two laxatives because I forgot I had taken the first one. So fury.
Username finds perfect symbiotic comment. The planets have aligned.
Be very careful. A woman I know died because she took too much laxative. Her death is ruled “suicide”, which was a shock because she did not mean to kill herself. But she did kill herself. The coroner had no option available to indicate “accidental”. I hope that gets changed.
Update: I did not die but I feel skinny as hell so who’s the real winner here
not my toilet
Oh, yikes. I hope you’re feeling OK!
I’m going to come back and read this whole thread, but 1. I managed to break a molar. Bruxism sucks, and no dentists are returning my emails. 2. I’m seriously considering giving up writing and trying to figure out a plan B job/career path, cause it’s unlikely I’m going to find housing otherwise. 3. Given the week we’re all mired in I just wanted to thank The Toast for providing a place to grieve and commiserate, and for having humor on the site this week that was comforting in a nonthreatening way. It was necessary to take a million breathers, and you came through, and it helped a lot. Thanks.
Yes, thanks Toast and Mallory’s tweets.
A Plan B Job does limit time for writing, but does not require you to give it up entirely. You will always be a writer. You will always write. I am so sorry you are struggling.
WELP no vigil in Massachusetts that I could find. Guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised. I hope someone jumps in to correct me.
There is only one in Iowa and it is two hours away from me.
7 pm at Boston Common, gathering at the Steps near Park St & Beacon.
I found your FB event, but I can’t link to FB from the work computer. :S
I’m working on a book project. And right now I’m writing about Sioux City and thinking about how much that town sucks. Really. It does. That is all I have to say.
The single thing I know about Sioux City is that back when I was in high school and our sports teams faced theirs they were known as Sewer City. What kind of project is it? I’m always interested in reading about Iowa.
It’s actually a memoir. I just wrote it as ” a book project” to sound less lame. I put one of the chapters on The Toast back in the beginning. http://the-toast.net/2013/12/16/you-can-kiss-dati…
Sadly it’s mostly about my time in Texas. But yeah, did you know the call letters for the Sioux City airport are SUX? Way to embrace your status, you terrible city.
Good luck!!
Is this what it’s like every Friday? How does anyone get anything done on Fridays, I just want to live inside this thread forever.
I get nothing else done. Just living inside the thread.
I get nothing done either.
It sucks, because Friday is always my busiest day of the week and I never have time to hang out in the open thread!
I don’t get shit done once the Open Thread posts. If I absolutely must do something after it posts, it’s physically painful for me to shut down my tab with The Toast. And then I am testy and growly the rest of the day.
Where’s a good place to live in DC? I came down for the summer for an acting job (side note: come to Bethesda and see Twelfth Night! Next weekend and the one after!) and decided to stay, but I need to move in a few weeks. Where’s cool? I want to be near stuff, definitely on a metro proper, and it would be awesome if I were sort of in the same side of town as Dupont Circle, as that’s where I’m working.
What’s a reasonable price range? Would you be open to roommates/group housing? You may have noticed that rent is quite the opposite of cheap here, but I’m glad to suggest my favorite neighborhoods for a given price range. (I lovelovelove my building, but it is 2400 for a 1BR.)
I’m hoping to find a roommate situation, because (a) it will be more affordable and (b) I will probably be less hermit-y that way. I would like to not spend more than $1200, which I realize is not a ton, but I’m young and poor and my new job isn’t THAT swanky.
$1200 puts you in the running to split a two-bedroom and is definitely plenty for a larger group house. You could probably squeak a studio for that amount, but it would be harder to find and you already said you don’t want to. Seriously, it’s not the worst number vis-a-vis actual prices.
The red line north of Dupont rapidly goes fairly residential and not destination neighborhood-y. I mean, there’s always going to be a few restaurants and hopefully a grocery store by those stops (and Friendship has a sizable but upscale shopping district), but upper-NW is kinda “rich people built alllll these apartment buildings in the early/mid-20th century, and a few restaurant pockets are around.” That said, the sheer amount of housing through there means that you can almost certainly find a two-bedroom in your price range, although I don’t know how many will have a built-in roommate.
That said, Dupont is next-door neighbors with a couple of the major going-out neighborhoods, especially Logan/14th St and U St NW (although the eastern end of U will be a long hike down). (Oh, and don’t believe the craigslist ads that call LeDroit or Shaw “U St”. Those are great neighborhoods, but by the time you’re that far east, you’re at least 2 miles from Dupont proper.) Of course, living in those neighborhoods proper will come with a price tag. (Going by craigslist boundaries, dupont itself is actually a huge neighborhood in terms of residential blocks covered. And there are a feeewwww bargains to be had there if you dig for them, and roommates willing to live there shouldn’t be hard to come by.)
If you’re willing to be a bus commuter, a lot of those lines will take you near/into Dupont. I’m a bus commuter, and while they’re not my hometown Portland’s bus quality, it’s really quite fine. Although that will vary some from line to line. (Some lines are heavily commuter lines, and can get crazy-crowded, while mine almost always has my favorite seat free for me.)
For much cheaper, you can look into northern Columbia Heights, Capitol Hill or Petworth, but those are large neighborhoods with only one metro stop you may be pretty far from, and only Cap Hill has a red line stop. You’ll probably also find a lot of group houses in those neighborhoods (well, less so Cap Hill, unless you build your own). Petworth and H St are the current centers of rapid gentrification, so they have all the “cool kid” bars that can’t afford rent elsewhere.
Other folks probably have better advice, as well; looking through this list, I’m mostly seeing the places I’ve lived, so, y’know, bias.
Oh! Oh! I was not expecting this OT or I would have shown up aaaaages ago, but I just finished Code Name: Verity today and lord, was I ever holding back the tears at work (I was doing a job at the library which did indeed allow me to read while doing it, so I swear I was being legit). I read it on the recommendation of Toasties talking about how great it is, and after a slew of awful books, I was ready for something like this, but since I have quite a cold, dark soul, I was not expecting to get quite so *ahem* emotive about it. Has anyone read Wein’s other book, Rose Under Fire? I love that there was no love triangle, but there was a love story between the two friends. I was a mess.
After I put the book back on the shelf, I came across this particularly apt sad-otter-sponge thing which had been taken off the wall in the children’s section. I felt and looked EXACTLY like this when I finished the book.
I loved Rose Under Fire even more so than Code Name Verity. Loved it. LOVED IT. It was so wrecking and awful and amazing alll at the same time. I cried like a child.
That sad-otter-sponge thing is perfect, thank you for sharing it!!!
I loved Rose Under Fire too! I listened to both Code Name Verity and Rose Under Fire on audiobook and recommend them both in that format as well.
Maddie and Julie for Femslash Friday!
“Rose Under Fire” is IMO way more bleak and disturbing than “Code Name Verity”. I thought it was really well done, but I am not sure I’ll ever reread it, as important as it is that these stories get told. So, um, gird your loins if you mean to read it!
Today’s accomplishment: Got called “hysterical” on FB for calling the Ferguson situation ” a fucking militarized occupation” and mocking a defense of racial profiling. Accomplished while holding a 2-month-old who only sleeps in 10-minute increments and persuading my sick 5-year-old to nap. So that was fun for me and my uterus.
Ugh. Fuck the name-callers. Keep fighting the good fight.
“hysterical” calls for FB blocking, if not burning it all down. But you’re a nicer person than I am.
Woke up in the middle of the night and so glad I happened to stumble onto this.
This week, man. I’m very happy for my social media echo chamber right now, because all I see about Ferguson is the correct and proper rage.
Having a little bit of a tough time with my life right now. (I say a little bit because I’m swinging from extreme highs to lows.) Moved recently for a dream job, and tonight at dinner with two new friends from my program were talking about how blissfully happy they were about everything in their life now. All I could think about was how I’d cried alone at my desk earlier because my coworkers didn’t think to invite me to lunch and I felt so lonely and isolated that I almost didn’t go out to eat because the idea of trying to order something I liked (language barrier) and then sitting and eating alone just seemed exhausting. Luckily one of my good friends from home was online and just listened until I could gather myself back up to get out there because she is a wonderful, wonderful human.
Trying hard to remind myself that even great things can be hard, and struggling sometimes doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful or not cut out for this really wonderful opportunity.
Anyways, venting (and reading everyone else’s kind, thoughtful comments to each other in their tough times) makes me feel much better and that means it’s back to sleep.
Glad you could pop in to experience the Open Thread a wee bit and I hope you find local folks to keep you from being lonely and isolated in your new place. Sleep well!
Thanks! Waking up to kind Toast messages definitely helps. Forming new relationships takes time, and I’ve only been here a few weeks, so I just keep reminding myself that this is a normal part of moving and it’ll get better. I have some great new friends outside of work, so that’s definitely something!
You’re doing well. It’s OK to feel a bit sad, especially during a big transition. Be kind to yourself and forgiving. Give yourself permission to have highs and lows. Look in a mirror and tell yourself you’re proud of you for making this big move and that you’re doing well. Say it out loud. Hear it in your own voice. Even if it seems silly. It really will help. Even if I’m wrong, you’ll get a giggle out of the exercise. ::virtual hug::
Thanks! The reminder that it’s ok and normal to have lows alongside the highs is really helpful. I have a hard time admitting I’m ever doing less than 100% fine, even to myself, but things are so much easier when I stop trying to force myself to feel whatever I think I should be feeling.
And that mirror time with myself definitely made me laugh, but was a great way to start the day! All the internet hugs.
Toasties!
Emerging from lurk mode to say that I’m moving to Cincinnati in a few weeks for work! It’s my first official post-college job that’s actually related to the field I want to work in and I’m stupid excited, but also a little bit nervous though because I don’t know anyone in Ohio. Are there any toast comrades in the area that want to grab a drink sometime?
I’m kinda new to the “Internet Comment Posting World Magical Fairyland”, so I’ll just wing this. This week has been awful. Besides my deteriorating faith in humanity as a whole, and the unexpected impact Robin Williams death has had on me, I have to go to the funeral of a great-uncle who I thought had been dead for twenty years previously. We’re driving there with my grandfather who, as my mother puts it “makes Eeyore look like a tap-dancing optimist”. Today, at a Panera in Indiana, he whipped out a jack knife to open a carton of organic [therefore by his standards “pansy-ass”] milk and it was almost an international incident. And I haven’t even gotten to the visitation, funeral and memorial luncheon, which will take place tomorrow five minutes apart from each other with family who have been estranged since before my birth and quite possibly before women could vote. Aces.
You guys, I am late to the party and had a really really bad week. I don’t want to get into why at the moment, but it was bad, and is undermining my mental health. And now my sort-of landlady’s friend wants to take me out tomorrow, and he’s being very insistent, and I don’t like it. I want to cancel on him (I fucking hate pushy men) but then I’m afraid he’ll tattle on the landlady to me and she’ll be pissy about a couple of things (like the fact that her washer isn’t working. Srsly not my fault but it still sucks.)
Sorry about the pushy man. If you go through with the date, then turn him down for a second date, he could tattle on you then. So maybe consider the tattling inevitable. Does that help the decision process? I trust you to do what’s right for you. I hope you soon get a bit of sunshine, metaphorical and actual, to improve the mental health horizon.
Guys, you guys, I’m slooooooooooooooowly recovering from horrifying anemia. For BCP-related reasons, I was basically on my period for a month, and I had no idea that anemia was what was wrong. All of the symptoms mirror stuff I already have: there’s no way I’d ever notice pale skin, I though the fatigue and confusion were depression combined with my hatred of hot weather, I though the shortness of breath was my asthma also hating hot weather, and I thought the headaches were from TMJ (and hot weather). So it’s just been getting worse and worse until this week, and I’ve only just gotten back to the point where I can cross my legs without losing feeling in my feet. Unless it’s been too long since I’ve eaten, in which case I lose circulation to my extremities again.
I’m taking an iron supplement and eating red meat and dark green vegetables, but this is taking forever. And the physical exhaustion is making it even harder to deal with the bullshit that has been this week.
Don’t forget to keep hydrated. It helps with the fatigue, as well as with the rest of your symptoms. You’re on the right path with your diet. You’re taking good care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon.
If only I had three strapping young suitors to give me blood transfusions!
I hear you, anemia sounds like such a nothing disease but it is a total life-drain. Is this your first episode? Did your doctor give you good ‘fo about which types of supplement are likely to be well-tolerated ie not like your digestive tract is trying to kill you from the inside out?
I hope you feel better soon!
I’m usually on the anemic side of healthy, so I’ve talked with doctors about how to deal with that. But I (stupidly) didn’t consider the effect weeks of constant, oozing blood loss would have on my iron levels, so anemia didn’t even occur to me until I literally got winded walking across the office on Monday, and decided to look up the symptoms. And then everything suddenly made sense. And then I had to step away from the computer, because I was losing circulation in the hand resting on my desk. It’s the woooooooooooorst.
The only problem I’m having is that I don’t eat red meat very often, and so my poor tummy’s a bit unhappy that I’m devouring it like a fiend all of a sudden.
Well, may you acclimatize to steak soon and replenish all the Fe!
All the Fe for me! But for now, I can’t feel my toes, so I think it’s time for bed.
You guys. I am making the biscuits. They are in the oven right now.
I fear I am not a very good cutter-in of butter. I’m primarily using them (if they turn out to be edible) as a vehicle for preserves procured in PEI last weekend!
Ahhh, I made those two days ago. They were a taste sensation.
Please share!
This is wise! I had a friend who WWOOFed in Hawaii and ended up doing basically house repairs? On a not-farm?
This week can go kick rocks, including (not limited to):
a) bad depressive episode for 3 days
b) managed to get myself together and went out in public on 4th day, heard about Robin WIlliams' passing
c) massive migraine on 5th day
d) lousy meeting with boss on 6th day
e) (another) job rejection email on 7th day (today)
and for the situation in Ferguson, no words just general impotent malaise.
Here's a song: "Coffee & TV" Blur
CUTCH! <3
One of my cats does that too. She will poop right in the middle of the hallway when she feels that her litterbox needs to be cleaned RIGHT NOW. I just look at my husband and say, "It's your job. She's letting you know."
I'm glad you're feeling better. Feel free to reach out if you need to! I'm thinking of you.