Previously: Songs from a Johnny Cash album where the law is just.
This Ice Cream Truck Driver Sells Only Ice Cream, Not A Sense Of Specifically American Melancholy
Everyone In Line For This Pay Phone Is Calling To Deliver Good News
A Highway Is A Way To Travel From City To City, Not A Way To Understand Myself
This Turbulent Weather Bears No Reflection On My Emotional State
I Couldn’t Possibly Guess My Waitress’ Feelings About The American Dream And Won’t Ask Her
There’s No Smoking Allowed Inside This Woolworth’s
Replaced My Beat-Up Chevy With A Leased Honda
Women Don’t Look Anything Like Cadillacs Or Razors
Everyone At The Circus Is Forming Orderly Lines And No One Is Screaming Nightmares At Me
Never Run With A Knife
I Didn’t Ask The Bartender If She’d Seen Edward Hopper’s “Nighthawks” Because She Seemed Busy
It’s Closing Time, So Let’s Leave This Pizzeria
I Don’t Have Time To Play Cards Right Now, Boys
The East River, Not The Styx, Is What Separates Manhattan From Brooklyn
The Truck Driver Who Never Killed Anyone
I Tucked My Shirt In Before Talking To The Manager
Song For My Accountant
I Never Met A Man Who Doesn’t Need A Hug
The Wurlitzer Works Just Fine And So Do I
This Bar Isn’t A Prison
This Town Is On An Economic Upswing And I Think I’ll Stay Here Instead Of Just Passing Through
Everyone Riding This Ferry Has Bought A Ticket
She Has That Tattoo Because She Likes the Design.
Our Relationship Has Ups and Downs But Generally We Are a Healthy Couple in Love.
I Think I’ll Have the Salad.
The Waitress Asked Me Why My Socks Don’t Match , I Didn’t Know What To Say
Song For The Demigrrl Who Once Sold My Daughter Floor Cleaner
(Me. I am the demigrrl who once sold Tom Waits’s daughter floor cleaner, and I have been waiting for my song, and it is lovely, thank you.)
The Old Steel Mill Is Hiring Again
The Man Who Never Went To Prison (Because He Obeyed The Law, Not Because He Evaded Justice)
I Saw A Woman Who Looked Like My Wife And She Was
Walking Like an Egyptian Down the Hall
OMG that song. Ooooooof. Walkin’ Spanish gets me every damn time.
The Uncle Who Had a Healthy Relationship With His Family
He’s Just Building An Endtable In There, Feels Like Probably I Should Respect His Privacy
He’s Just Building An Endtable In There, Feels Like Probably I Should Respect His Privacy
This is amazing because in one of my college sculpture workshops, Bone Machine was one of two or three CDs that the entire workshop could tolerate, and a not insignificant number of us were indeed building end tables or similar.
The most amazing thing here is that you had a room of people who could tolerate Bone Machine.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great album, but I’ve always found it a bit… divisive.
I have never quite recovered from my Tom-Waits-adoring husband vetoing* Picture in a Frame for the first dance at our wedding, yet it never occurred to me that if I could gin up enough fake resentment for it, I could write a pretty passable Tom Waits song.
*I don’t have to explain that we each had veto powers, right? But here I am, doing it just in case.
Picture in a Frame was our wedding song! My husband wanted Beautiful Freak by the eels and I used my veto for that.
Picture In a Frame is on my “I miss you so much, Bunheads” playlist.
That playlist gets a lot of use.
The Jukebox Keeps Playing Unobjectionable Pop
What’s He Building In There? Oh, A Fjell Wardrobe From Ikea?
A Postcard from a well adjusted mom on a roadtrip for business
No One Is Deformed Here
Christmas Card From A Woman In St. Paul
The Piano Is Sober Because It Is Not Anthropomorphized
The Piano is the Designated Driver Tonight
I Like My Town With Pleasant Neighbors and Wide Enough Sidewalks for Strollers
Musical Instruments Do Not Consume Alcohol, And Neither Do I Since My Sobriety Chip
1) Honestly, if Tom Waits were singing these songs, I would still listen.
2) “The Piano Has Been Drinking” was the last song at our wedding before we turned on the lights and sent everyone home. I’m inordinately proud of that.
Speaking of, have you watched The Wire yet?
Advance Australia Fair (Perfectly Sober in Malmö)
My Old Buick Broke Down in Kenosha, But It’s OK Because the Guy Who Restored It Lives There
Of Course My Pony Knows The Way Home, He’s Just In The Pasture, And The Stable Is Right Over There
A Little Rain (Will Be Good For The Hydrangeas)
No One Got Stabbed In This Donut Shop
(and one from the previous thread)
The One-Legged Hooker Has A Very Exclusive Client List (And She Doesn’t Let Her Injury Or Her Profession Define Who She Is)
Tango ‘Til The Next Song Comes On
Tango Until You’re Slightly Tired, But Avoid Injury
My Travels To The East Involved Sensitive Explorations of Culture and Local Folkways
Satan Is Allegorical And Definitely Isn’t In The Boiler Room
You Can Never Have Too Much Long Term Care Insurance
Our Relationship Is Based On Positivity and Shared Goals
Never Found A Problem That Couldn’t Be Solved Through Diet, Brisk Exercise and Prayer
Birth Defects Are Unfortunate, But Hardly a Mark of Doom or Ill Omen
Natural Light. That’s Why I Frequent This Bar. Lots of Natural Light.
I’m On Good Terms With My Exes, But I Really Don’t Give Them Much Thought
Two’s My Limit; Early Morning Tomorrow!
Largely Forgettable Midwestern Town
Throat Lozenge?
You Can Never Have Too Much Long Term Care Insurance
I read that and almost spit out my tea. Hilarious.
Thanks, now Google ads thinks I’m struggling with alcohol addiction.
That Fish Didn’t Tell Me To Kill My Landlord
Cooking Up Some Lentil Soup And A Quinoa Salad
A Quiet Saturday Night In With Popcorn And Netflix
Cemetary Respectful Funeral Dirge
I Got Homesick While on Shore Leave So I Skyped My Wife from the Hotel.
All These Teenage Girls Have Such Bright Futures Ahead of Them.
The Bar’s Piano Player Read The Room and Knows That Saturday Night is for Upbeat Jazz Standards.
“Buckle up, I’m Driving You Home to Your Parents,” The Drifter Tells The Young Hitchhiker.
There Is No Ambivalence Or Bitterness In My Saluting The American Flag
No One In This Small Working-Class Town is Judging Anyone Else
This is so beautiful. All of you are so beautiful.
These are great thanks. I want to join in…
This Isn’t a Metaphor, It’s a Delicious Breakfast
Christmas Card from a Sex Worker who is Spending Some Quality Time with her Friends and Family
I Like My Town with Well-Functioning Public Transport
A Quite Nice Two-Bedroom Apartment
Being a Soldier was Fine, I Guess.
Her Minor Indiscretion Was No Big Deal, so She Did Not Leave Her Hometown
No Thanks, I Don’t Smoke
My Heart Broke Once but I Recovered Emotionally
My Baby is Leaving on this Train to Spend a Weekend in the City, She’ll Be Back Monday
Town With No Traffic Jams
1. The divorce was entirely amicable.
2 . The Jockey only had one drink and then he switched to lemonade.
3. Frank’s perfectly sensible years working as a software programmer for a mid-size company.
4. He was an alcoholic for a while, then his wife happened to mention that he was drinking an awful lot and then he got the program. Worked fine. Now he’s a sponsor for some of the younger one’s coming through.
5. Gee, what a nice hotel!
6. No complaints
7. Sent my car in for a tune-up. Costed me less that I thought.
8. I fell through the ice in the lake, some local fishermen got me out and I suffered no ill effects.
9. The fish and the bird tried living together anyway despite what everybody said. Two kids now. Another one on the way.
we need “The Bruce Springsteen Album where everyone is gainfully employed and drives a sensible German car”
You mean like:
Born to Stay (Because We Love Our Hometown, Not Because We’re Stuck)
My Baby and I Went On A Road Trip Through The Midwest (We Stopped At Wall Drug and Didn’t Kill Anyone)
I Drive A Used Volkswagen (Because Buying Used Is Environmentally Responsible, Not Because I’m Too Poor To Afford A New One)
And:
I Looked My High School Best Friend Up On Facebook; We’ve Both Done Well for Ourselves
Summer’s Here and the Time Is Right (For Driving the Speed Limit Because There Are Children in This Neighborhood)
I Am Not At All Envious of the People Who Live in the Big, Fancy House
Out On The Boardwalk They’re Strolling Peacefully, and I Am Here On Vacation, Not To Commit a Crime
You mean like:
Born to Stay (Because We Love Our Hometown, Not Because We're Stuck)
My Baby and I Went On A Road Trip Through The Midwest (We Stopped At Wall Drug and Didn't Kill Anyone)
I Drive A Used Volkswagen (Because Buying Used Is Environmentally Responsible, Not Because I'm Too Poor To Afford A New One)
And:
I Looked My High School Best Friend Up On Facebook; We've Both Done Well for Ourselves
Summer's Here and the Time Is Right (For Driving the Speed Limit Because There Are Children in This Neighborhood)
I Am Not At All Envious of the People Who Live in the Big, Fancy House
Out On The Boardwalk They're Strolling Peacefully, and I Am Here On Vacation, Not To Commit a Crime
“I Look 47 But I’m 54 (I’ve Lived a Very Healthy Life)”
These are all great – the original piece and the comments.
I’d like to see: “Songs from a Nick Cave album where no one dies and God is benevolent.”
A Lovely Picnic By The River
This Ship Is Crewed By Actual Sailors, And Not The Souls Of The Damned
This Reference To Milton Is Here Because I Am An English Major, And Not A Serial Murderer
"I Look 47 But I'm 54 (I've Lived a Very Healthy Life)"
These are all great – the original piece and the comments.
I'd like to see: "Songs from a Nick Cave album where no one dies and God is benevolent."
He Does Love You
I’m dying. I’ve died. This is amazing.
That's a beautiful song. Can't believe a Tom Waits fan would veto that.
I keep coming back and re-reading these because they make me so happy.