Okay. FIRST OF ALL, I genuinely loved Season One of True D, despite all the things that were wrong about it, and I had one of those “people are being too judgmental of a great show” reactions to the criticism, which I kept to my own damn self, bc it’s not like I could refute it, I just didn’t care about the things that were wrong more than I liked the show, and I watched the whole thing like five times.
So I take it as a personal insult that Nic Pizzolatto took all his worst qualities and interests and jammed them all up in the Season Two premiere, bc I had your back, man! I was rooting for you! I had withheld judgment when I saw the original casting announcement, because, well, maybe it was going to surprise us all, but my heart had started to sink a lil bit, bc I sure do not care for Colin Farrell.
this mofo right here with his wool cap
So, I settled into bed on Monday night with a plate of meatloaf, as is the custom of my people, hoped that the nineteen people who I’ve given my HBO Go login to were not all doing the same thing, and opened my mind and my heart to a new season. Then I pressed play.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (draws breath) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Let’s dig in, shall we? Also, if you are at work, there are a lot of screengrabs of (admittedly gorgeous) tits after the jump.
1. This Fuckin’ Guy
Spare me your “characters don’t need to be likable” take! I don’t require my characters to be likable. I require that my characters not seem COMPLETELY made-up. I never forgot for one minute that this was Colin Farrell trying to be dark and twisted.
Also, this character is such a shitstain in the worst way, the worst way being “this fucking horrible traumatic thing that happened to my wife has been real hard on me, so I’ve become a drunken self-destructive, self-pitying mess that she has to lug around as a bad [EDIT: TERRIBLE] co-parent for the rest of her life.” I hate that more than ANYTHING. And that shit is everywhere! I also just personally do not enjoy watching adults scream “you fat pussy!” at their children, which is not a criticism of the show, just that I do not like it.
2. This Fuckin’ Guy Also Beat Up a Dude After Asking Dispatch For His Address and Is An Idiot
I mean, we are all learning that cops will cover for each other in minor matters like murder, so it’s possible he either doesn’t think that lady will rat him out or he’s so useless he doesn’t care, but if you’re going to go hammer a man’s face in, don’t call dispatch first to find out where he lives! FOLLOW THE KID HOME, or something, I’m sure he’s on Facebook and you can get a visual confirmation.
3. I Am Sure You’re Going Through Something, But That Lady Is Waiting For You In Bed And Is Hotter Than The Surface Of The Sun, Stop Looking Queasy
Nic Pizzolatto is really into the idea of gorgeous women waiting patiently for their man to come slip it to them. It is like a sea of women wearing underwear and t-shirts without bras, getting wet and staring longingly out the window. Let’s revisit the first AND second season:
I need that dick
since you’re here already, maybe some dick?
Where is that dick, this is a normal thing normal women do when home alone waiting for dick
Gimme that dick
4. Hot Women Also Hope You Got Some Sleep, Because You Didn’t Come To Bed
Baby, did you get any sleep here is some coffee
Baby, did you get any sleep and do you need help with your cufflinks
5. That New Song/Montage Is No Good
Zero commentary required. I mean, it’s nice not to see that lady’s butt with spikes digging into it anymore, don’t get me wrong.
6. What Is The Weird Sex Thing That Rachel McAdams Wants?
I guess I’ll have to keep watching the show, because I really want to know what it is!
7. The First Season Had a Certain Dark Sparkling Humor That Made It Bearable
All the laughs this new episode got from me were “oh, brotherrrrr” laughs.
*
Okay, I’m gonna be right here every week, and I bet we’re going to have some fun, and there will be some good episodes, and there will be some stuff I can dunk on, and I hope you will join me.
Tags: fun, television, things that are not great, true detective
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Ooooh, thank you for this early review. I have also watched S1 A LOT, and never tired of it, but I fear this second season. I think I will keep my distance and watch your commentary.
Hmmm! I would guess that the weird sex thing the improbably named Antigone Bezzerides wanted involved one of the dozen or so knives she seems to carry on her person at all times.
That, or butt stuff.
Hey, Antigone Bezzerides would be a pretty common Greek name-surname combo.
The knives not so much.
Gotta go back and read this but just saying that Colin Farrell was my downstairs neighbor about 12 years ago and if you saw him then YOU WOULD CARE.
oh god i want all the stories
I’m stealing this extremely useful gif.
WHAT. And also HOW DID YOU NOT BANG HIM?
Or DID you? WAS IT AMAZING?
Colin Farrell is my secret would-bang-him-anytime-anywhere crush and I don’t care who knows it.
Wish he was my downstairs neighbor. If you know what I mean. Like… for sex.
Yeah, #6 has been my major talking point about Episode 1. What did she try to do???
This is how I imagine the set:
Rachel McAdams: So, what’s my motivation here? What just happened in the bedroom?
Nic Pizzolatto: I don’t know, guy, just some real weird kinky stuff.
RM: But, like … what, more specifically?
NP: I don’t know. Stop bullying me! *bursts into tears*
hahahah. this mystery is literally the only thing i care about in this dumb show.
That woman Woody was cheating with with the perfect boobs has literally the most perfect boobs in the whole world, and I have had EXTENSIVE conversations with Jaya about them bc we are both weirdly obsessed with their weight and shape and movement and symmetry. Like, I do not even care about boobs, but these are really special.
OMG Alexandra Daddario literally made me cry.
(OK, not literally)
I normally support the calling out gratuitous nudity, but those boobs pretty much needed to be shown for the betterment of humanity. They are jaw-dropping perfection.
always relevant: https://twitter.com/aadaddario/status/43567264196…
OH MY GOD in the comments is a douchebro who says “if only you’d shaved your pussy” and I am going to track him down and MURDER HIS FACE.
Does anyone else fantasize about stuffing guys like this’s lungs with the body hair we’ve sacrificed on the altar of the male gaze?
It would be an excellent excuse to snake my drains.
Still thinking about those boobs, a whole season later.
True Dick
Don’t forget the part where Taylor Kitsch starts staring angstily into void LITERALLY MID-BLOWJOB
Taylor Kitsch is such a bad actor.
And don’t you come back with “Buuut Tiiim Riiigins,” you lurking Friday Night Lights fans. Tim Riggins was an awful character, probably in large part because Kitsch can’t act his way out of a paper bag.
Would you accept “Buuuut Tiiiiim Riiigins’ absss”?
My main reaction was, “Huh, Los Angeles has a higher population of white protagonists than I thought.”
Right?!? I was chatting about this with my husband, who was just all like “eh, it’s Los Angeles.”
Neither of us are white! We have gone to LA before! There is no reason why all of the extras and the cast should be so unrelentingly white!
To be fair to the show, this season is based on events that took place in Vernon, CA, (and also Bell, CA, which got more news coverage) where a group of corrupt white men were able to run a very corrupt government because the majority of the city’s population was made up of Latino immigrants who lacked the right to vote. So while a lot of stuff in the show is very unbelievable so far, I will give them a pass on portraying everyone in city politics and the police force as white–because I believe that is actually true of these corrupt towns in the inland empire. Places like “Vinci” are majority Latino by A LOT, but those inhabitants have very little voting power and that’s why the white mayors/city council can run them as their personal fiefdoms.
The more you know!
Well there was Rachel McAdams’s Latino partner who is just as involved as all the white people and certainly deserves a bigger part in this story than random highway patrol guy who happened to find the body… oh wait, no, COINCIDENTALLY he is not a protagonist to the point where he has get up and go stand elsewhere for no reason so they can get their all-protagonist final shot.
Really could not get on board with the lady whose one scene and apparently entire character motivation consisted of literally BEGGING her boyfriend to let her s his d. Also, thought Vince Vaughn was terribly unconvincing as the humorless mob boss! But I am going to keep watching, so I am here for these recaps/dunkings on of the show for the rest of the run.
And she didn’t find it suspicious that he took a 30 minute shower
Most unrealistic part of a highly unrealistic episode. You disappear into the shower for 30 minutes and no one is sitting around staring at their hair waiting on your ass, nor are they gonna be instantly good to go when you deign to show up again.
It’s like she ceases to exist when Taylor Kitsch can’t see her.
I pictured the CHPs cop sitting in the bathroom talking sotto voce to his wang “Come on…COME ON!”
It’s like she ceases to exist when Nic Pizzolatto can’t see her.
I think once he hit the 6-minute mark on the shower I’d have put on ALL THE CLOTHES I OWN AT ONCE out of spite.
Not that men are required to make sex happen on command, but just, if you’re gonna take an irresponsibly long shower (they are in LA FOR CHRISTSAKES THERE IS A DROUGHT), maybe don’t leave her hanging all night in her cutesy undercrackers?
She was miffed for 30 seconds and then got back to wholeheartedly begging for sex! As real women do in the real world where this real thing definitely really occurs all the real time.
Speaking as a bullied child, I thought Farrell beating the hell out of the bully’s dad sounded like a good idea. I wish my dad had been so proactive.
Farrell is more of a bully to his kid than the kid who cut up his shoes, though.
Yeah, well, calling your son a ‘fat pussy’ is not exactly best practice.
He seemed way more interested in avenging the shoes, i.e. “Hey world, fuck you! Look at the fancy shoes I bought my kid which means I am AWESOME! Now he’s a tough guy LIKE ME because of the shoes, and if you steal them and make him look weak then the takeaway is obviously that I’M the pathetic weakling. Because all of the people in my life are nothing more than my own reflections in a fragile, fragile mirror. You fat pussy!”
I am avoiding this season for Colin Farrell reasons, so thank you for confirming my stance. On a related note, did you see Crazy Heart? Jeff Bridges plays Jeff Bridges as per usual which is good and right, but Colin Farrell as a country music star just made me laugh uncontrollably.
The scene in the bar with Farrell, Vaughn, and the mopey female guitarist was a scene right out of my future horror movie, Night of the Singer-Songwriters
This lady person who writes songs and sings them will totally be your deus ex machina. Hello, poet internet friend, I’m here to save you with my Telecaster (and I left my tremolo pedal at home, so everything is going to be just fine).
D: D: D:
It was a horrible misuse of Lera Lynn. This show WAS your least favorite life, Lera.
I’m rehashing something I said in the Link Roundup yesterday, but: I believe in dirty cops and I believe in journalists being intimidated, but beating up a reporter who is in the middle of a series on corruption in your town is just so not subtle. Much like calling in an address to dispatch and then beating up some kid’s dad! The first article in the series has already been published! Is no one going to notice when Parts 2-5 never show up?
Anyone who reads the paper: Hey, I noticed you stopped publishing that series and also the writer is in a full body cast, did something happen there?
Editor: Nope.
Paper reader: Really? I mean it just seems a little odd —
Editor: NOPE.
I mean, just pressure local businesses to pull their advertising, it’d be a lot more effective.
Maybe the Vinci, CA paper is more like a newsletter that no one reads.
Now I’m imagining Vince Vaughn just sending Colin Ferrell out to beat up, like, the head of the garden club who didn’t like his geraniums, or the librarian who put a stern warning about late fees on the monthly library email.
I particularly enjoyed Marty in Season 1 because I felt like I KNEW guys like him. I work in a job where I regularly speak to and deal with cops and any of those guys could be Marty. So I found him highly watchable, like I was a fly on the wall of an investigation that was really happening.
As for this season, I know some messed-up folks but I don’t know anyone as messed-up as these three characters.
Marty was the guy everyone could understand even if you didn’t like him. With all of the characters even more screwed up than Ruste and now Marty to play off of their weirdness is a lot less interesting.
I’m going to watch this season as a parody of Serious Prestige Television and it will be delightful.
that second paragraph is EXACTLY HOW I FELT TOO. *continues reading*
I like the return of Colin Farrell’s Serious Michael Mann Moustache.
Yeah, I thought I was a huge fan of True Detective but really I am just a huge fan of Matthew McConnohay being a nihilist and Woody Harrelson being exasperated by it. I would’ve gladly just watched eight hours of them on a road trip doing that bit.
I think you’ve just put your finger on what’s missing in all those McConaughay Chrysler ads: Woody Harrelson in the passenger seat.
YES. Someone who actually knows how to make internet videos should fix those ads.
I hold Colin Farrell responsible for my lifelong thing for guys with huge eyebrows.
I was disappointed the Lera Lynn song from the trailer wasn’t the opening credits song, but was happy that Lera Lynn was actually IN the first episode. That was pretty much my only takeaway from the show, that and fake, cult-ish gurus on TV always have the same hair, beard, and face.
I’ve been singing that song nonstop since Sunday. SO GOOD. SO DEPRESSING.
Okay so he rented out my landlord’s apartment downstairs, and basically was a total night owl. Like a black Escalade would pick him up at 10pm and I’d never see it come back. He was filming a movie nearby so that’s why he was there, and I just remember being 16 and holding the door for him once and him saying thank you and then I promptly died.
Can we also talk about the “artistic” low contrast lighting with the 1978 filter? Because I hate that. HAAAAAATE IT. It didn’t contribute to the story OR the mood, it did not indicate a flashback, and I had to squint at the screen a lot. I don’t like it when I have to work to watch tv; that is NOT its purpose.
I LITERALLY WENT AND TAPPED ON THE TV because I thought there was something wrong with it.
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO DARK?
I watched this whole episode (ok half-watched, I was supposed to be working) and I have no idea what happened except somebody got beat up over sneakers, he might not be that kid’s dad, and that BJ. But other than that I don’t know who any of these people are or how they’re related to each other, outside of “police” or something. So hopefully all of this discussion will help.
I think a big problem is also that the atmosphere that made season 1 doesn’t exist in this one. The stark highways and cityscapes just don’t evoke the same creepy/gorgeous feelings. Admittedly my obsession with Louisiana (Thanks VC Andrews) probably means I am biased when comparing the two.
Plus, Colin’s accent. It’s. It’s. Something.
P.S. Was this shot at the same hippy compute palace as the last ep of Mad Men? Cause it looked super familiar.
I think they tried VERY hard to build that same atmosphere in L.A., which was a huge mistake. L.A. is weird and stark, and there is a certain darkness too it but it just cannot be the same as the deep south. They overshot the mark on basically everything. We have two competing leads with alcohol and family problems. We have the world’s most tragic blowjob given to a man with some sort of thrill addiction. We visit the stupidest sex mansion ever. There was just absolutely no subtlety at all.
That place is real and it’s called the Wayfarer’s Chapel. You can rent it out for weddings.
Colin Farrell is good in both of Martin McDonagh’s films, particularly In Bruges. He’s a good actor, especially when he’s allowed some room for humor, to let loose a little bit. It seems like Pizzolatto wants him as dark and serious as possible. We’ll see how it goes this season, and I’m willing to give it time. On the other hand seeing Farrell just reminds me how much better Martin McDonagh is compared to Nic Pizzolatto.
“Marty, I’ve been reading your movie. Your women characters are awful. None of them have anything to say for themselves. And most of them get either shot or stabbed to death within five minutes. And the ones that don’t probably will later on.”
“Well, it’s a hard world for women. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.”
“Yeah, it’s a hard world for women, but most of the ones I know can string a sentence together.”
Here for all the mocking of something I will probably enjoy because I’m a terrible person who asks for very little from her Fancy Television. I’ll see you all here every week, I guess!
Justin Lin directed this particular piece of Fancy Television and that makes me happy.
Heh, that was an awesome read. Bonus internet-points for not drinking the Colin Farrell kool-aid.
I spent a lot of the episode being completely confused about the when of it all. There were so many mixed signals in the set-dressing and the lighting and the costumes etc. that my brain got hung up on it. This happens when I’m not engaged enough with something to hand-wave it away. So, yeah, not engaged. It’s so tropey already that it could almost be watched as a parody. FEEL MY MAN-PAIN, NOW WITH BONUS “NOT JUST TITS” WOMEN (although we’ve kept the tits nice too!).
I’ll watch for more Rachel Mc Adams and David Morse (though not necessarily together because that whole conversation made me almost eye-roll myself out of my chair).
I will also (as last year) read the subreddit to enjoy the obsessive theorizing and impassioned arguments about things that turn out to be irrelevant minutiae. I may be a bad person, but refuse to feel guilt about my harmless schadenfreude-gathering.
It’s like Nic Pizzolatto saw everyone’s excitement over a potential season 2 that starred women and decided to crush their dreams as harshly as possible. In addition to focusing the episode (and I suspect the season) on men’s feelings about impotence and Sad Blowjobs, five out of the six women were introduced in a scene that focused on their status as sex objects:
1) Colin Farrell’s Wife: haven’t seen her or gotten her name, but we know lots of details about her rape and its effects on her husband
2) Vince Vaughn’s Wife: slinks up to her husband in her bathrobe cooing about him not coming to bed the night before
3) Rachel McAdams: storms out of her bedroom in her underwear pissed off because her hook-up wouldn’t do some unnamed kinky thing in bed, first conversation is entirely about her preferences in the bedroom
4) Lady in the Car: in a bikini, offering the cop her pulls her over a blow job to let her go
5) Tim Riggins’s Girlfriend: in her underwear, on all fours in the bed, begging to give Tim Riggins a blow job
The only exception was the secretary, although there was some weird energy there and I’m betting it’ll turn out that she was sleeping with her boss.
There was like a 5 minute period where I was actually like, “Aw, Colin Farrell’s a lovely single dad!” and then NOPE. Honestly, his character would be WAY more interesting if he actually was a really good dad but an unrepentant shit in all other ways. He didn’t have to be an unrepentant shit in ALL THE WAYS.
I also literally tweeted, “I don’t believe FOR A SECOND any child of Colin Farrell would look like that” and then laughed for like 20 minutes because I am a TERRIBLE PERSON.
The sex stuff was obviously butt stuff, but if her full name is Antigone, WELL THEN.
I think maybe Pizzolatto just had such an incredible idea for how to structure the first season that it’s incredibly hard to follow/the weaknesses in his writing really show without it. The present-day interviews intercut with flashback action gave the first few episodes of season 1 so much verve. This premiere just seemed incredibly lazy structure-wise, like, here’s Protagonist 1, here’s a dumb arty shot of some industrial shit, here’s Protagonist 2, rinse and repeat.
Not to mention the unbelievably stupid dialogue (“Help your daughter.” “I just did.”; “butt-fuck your father with your mom’s headless corpse”)—at least when Rust made me roll my eyes it was because it was too clever for its own good, not because it seemed cut from an R-rated Pretty Little Liars episode.
PLUS there were so many dumb coincidences/failures of logic in the portrayal of police work (why, exactly, are three people from three separate jurisdictions gonna work this case?). Which is extra disappointing since one thing I loved about the first season was the way Marty, at least, seemed to portray the reality of investigative work, which is that it mostly involves trawling through enormous piles of boring documents. Rust was sensibility, Marty was sense, and they were both assholes up against something much bigger than them. You got all that right away in last season’s premiere, which I still think is probably one of the most accomplished pilots I’ve ever seen. This, though, was unredeemed hackery, and I’m legit bummed. So glad you’re recapping though! I’ll be here.
The most egregious problem of the episode was that there was no was no story at all except for a few glimpses of Weekend at Bernie’s on the PCH.
Also, real talk anyone from CA will tell you there’s no fucking way they all made it out to that random ass spot on the Ventura coastline in an hour from all the different places they were. No. fucking. way.
YES. Someone who actually knows how to make internet videos should fix those ads.
"Marty, I've been reading your movie. Your women characters are awful. None of them have anything to say for themselves. And most of them get either shot or stabbed to death within five minutes. And the ones that don't probably will later on."
"Well, it's a hard world for women. I guess that's what I'm trying to say."
"Yeah, it's a hard world for women, but most of the ones I know can string a sentence together."
If this is going to be a weekly Thing I am so happy.
This episode had EVERYTHING
1. WOUNDED SOLDIERS
2. ALCOHOLISM
3. SPERM COUNT
4. A WOMAN WHO IS NOT LIKE OTHER WOMEN BECAUSE SHE IS MORAL AND DOESN’T THINK PEOPLE JUST GET TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT ALL THE TIME
5. MEN DECIDING HOW MUCH VIOLENCE WILL SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS (900% OR 1,000%??????)
But really, concerns about masculinity take up so much cultural space, it’s actually mind-boggling.
I read this in Stefan’s voice. Intentional or not, thank you.
"What's scented meat?" is still one of my favorite things that has ever happened on television.
You just know the “weird sex thing” is anal, bc omg sooo taboo you guys nobody does that.
I watched the show with someone who was trying their hardest to take it seriously, but we both lost it at a certain motorcycle scene. Last night I saw someone on the internet compare Taylor Kitsch’s character to James from Twin Peaks and, guys, he gets even more amusing once you start thinking about him along those lines.
Aw, feck, people: I was about to start watching the first series on Netflix – is it as bad as you’re saying this second series is, or is it worth watching, beautiful boobs or notwithstanding?
I definitely recommend giving it a shot!
Season 2 is interesting if you like seeing a major character killed off in the second episode, and you like a young woman cop watching porn and fantasizing about butt stuff. Also, the opening of episode 2 was great with Vince Vaughn recalling his childhood trauma. Best part so far.