If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you’d never have to call to see where he was, because his manifestation on our earthly plane would be confined to your studio apartment. The one where he died.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you’d worry about his emotional distance. If you asked him about it, he’d just cackle in that way where it seems like your whole skeleton is vibrating and rattle his chains. You’d be irritated until you remember that he doesn’t really have “emotions.” Unless you count vengeance, which is more of a feeling.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to worry about meeting his parents, who have since slipped through the shining veil that divides our world from the next. It’s good, because you have NOT heard good things about his dad.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you’d stop losing productive hours to sleeping due to all his horrible noises. It’s like an extra 8-hour workday, just for you!
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, he wouldn’t think that the movies you hadn’t seen made you culturally deficient. He definitely wouldn’t hector you about watching them, as something from the Apple TV’s hardware really screwed with his ectoplasm the last time you tried to Netflix and you could tell he’s pretty freaked out, even though he tries to hide it.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, your apartment wouldn’t have any mice or bugs. Your cat, unfortunately, leapt out the window.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you’d get to dye your hair a bunch of fun colors once it turned white, and maybe you’d have an excuse to try one of those cool asymmetrical hairdos once it started falling out.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to worry about your apartment’s security deposit when you left, your landlord having accepted that the walls are just gonna get all bloody again.
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, you’d have a much more open mind about trying new stuff! Certainly after the door froze shut, covered in ice you couldn’t see. You were forced to boil and eat your favorite leather boots to survive. If you can call it that.
I F A R E S T L E S S G H O S T W E R E Y O U R B O Y F R I E N D, Y O U W O U L D D A R E T O L I V E B E Y O N D F E A R O R P A I N
Y O U A L O N E W I L L H A V E G L I M P S E D T H E S H I M M E R I N G H O R I Z O N
įf́ ̕͘a re̷s҉t͝ļe̵͡s͢͟͜s ̢́g̨h̴͜o҉s͏t̷͢ ̶͘w҉͘e̶̴r̀e҉ ͏͡y̡͟o̢u͏r͢ ̶̧̛b̡oy͡f̶̡ri̴̛͝e̢nd̀͠
Tags: beauty, ghosts, if a ghost were your boyfriend, relationships, restless shades
Oh, this is so romantic! I wish my boyfriend would let me cut and dye my hair!
Maybe do it anyway, and then if he does not like it, you could fill his mouth with bees?
But bees can’t fly through ghosts! The bees would be trapped! Also the bees would be confined to a studio apartment with insufficient flowers!
D:
The contrast between the last few lines and the adorable picture is really getting to me. I just don’t have room in my life for a ghost who doesn’t know who he really is.
I think this one might be my very favorite in this series.
Also, has anyone considered fixing the restless ghost up with Gwyneth Paltrow…?
Restless Ghost and Gwyneth Paltrow know each other already. They had a “conscious uncoupling.”
Who, again?
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, he’d always make you laugh with his wacky pranks: hiding your keys and phone on the ceiling when you’re trying to leave for work; leaping out from behind the door wearing his twelve-foot bleeding skull face; dragging your loved ones screaming into an unknown hell dimension. You know, silly stuff.
“He just encourages me to live in the moment, you know? Because you never really know when a portal to Nowhere is going to open up and swallow you, or when you’ll suddenly be granted the ability to sense the decay and corruption underlying everything we see as reality, driving you slowly mad as your friends look on in pity. Best to just enjoy life while you can!”
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, he wouldn’t pressure you to meet his parents, but he would insist that you meet all his enemies. He would assure you that there is no connection between you and his enemies, so nobody would suspect a motive. “A motive for what?” you’d ask, but he’d just look at you blankly and then go back to wordless moaning and chain rattling as if he didn’t hear you.
Sounds like a Night Valian boyfriend.
remember texts from a ghost? I could date Ghost
omg TEXTS FROM A GHOST was so perfect and sadddddd 🙁
I still want to know about what happened with the candy babies and/or what they are.
is that not what you call them?
ghost 🙁 i’m not crying YOU’RE CRYING.
oh god whyyyyyyy did you remind me of that 🙁
texts from a ghost was the first thing I thought of with this post. Second was Cordelia’s apartment on Angel.
Yes, Cordelia’s apartment. That ghost was sweetly protective, though.
oh god texts from a ghost, everyone stop, you’re poltergeisting my heart
how dare you mention texts from a ghost to me
i had just recovered emotionally
I’ve been thinking for a long time about writing a piece to submit here which would be about being haunted by the ghost of a frustrated novelist. Now that this is here, I don’t know if I ever will bother, and I will become that ghost.
On the subject of compromise, on which I understand all relationships are built but I wouldn’t know because I am a happy spinster:
I wouldn’t mind my hair turning white but maybe don’t make it fall out, Restless Ghost Boyfriend?
Boy oh boy do I agree with this! Bright white hair means I can finally try that pastel dye trend that just does. not. work. on my hair, which refuses to accept color until I’ve bleached the living hell out of it.
Sadly, naturally white hair doesn’t take dye well. I put an extra blue streak in my hair to accommodate the grey streak developing on one temple thinking as it grew down I could just dye the grey and it’d look fab, but alas, the blue lasts about a day and a half on the grey hairs so I have white roots and then a blue stripe.
So does this mean your apartment is now haunted by your Restless Ghost Boyfriend AND the cat? That’s not…terrible? I mean, they could keep each other company when you have to go to work, you know? And you’d never have to clean a litter box again. But things would still somehow fall off of shelves, because even ghost cats are bastards sometimes.
What I have learned from the movies is that, if a restless ghost were your boyfriend (actually more like if your boyfriend became a restless ghost), he would invite all his dirt bag ghost friends over and you would never have any privacy ever again.
Also, they would keep you up all night watching old movies (cf. Truly, Madly, Deeply ).
If a restless ghost were your boyfriend, I imagine you’d get really into pottery.
Question: is my Ghost Boyfriend Restless because I murdered him, or was he already dead when I moved into the apartment? Because those are two very different narratives.
My boyfriend understands that if he murders me, it’s over, even if I become a restless ghost.
I love that it goes gradually from cute to worrying to utterly horrifying and then it’s too late, much like most relationships.
Honestly it sounds a lot less painful than the end of most of my relationships to date.
. . .If?
If an extremely well-rested ghost were your boyfriend, he would be at his most chipper at dusk. “What a beautiful moonrise!” he’d enthuse. “Mmm, smell that night air! What say we go for a walk?” Fortunately you’re a night person, or you’d find his relentlessly energetic attitude gratingly annoying after awhile.
If an extremely well-rested ghost were your boyfriend, he’d use his occult powers every night to make you waffles.
If an extremely well-rested ghost were your boyfriend, he’d tend to ramble occasionally about vengeance from beyond the grave, but eventually he’d work out his frustrations by channeling them into a folk song.
Ahhhh, we definitely need more representations of extremely well-rested ghosts in pop culture!
OMG a restless ghost *is* my boyfriend! <3 <3 <3
ZALGO COMES