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Home: The Toast

anneGILBERT: welcome to the neighborhood, mysterious stranger

HELEN: thank you
my greatest desire is to be left in peace and solitude
I’m sure you will not think it rude if I –

GILBERT: i don’t understand

HELEN: I personally prefer to live alone

GILBERT: is this some sort of code

HELEN: No
I just don’t like company

GILBERT: WOMEN
SUCH MYSTERIES
AN ENIGMA WRAPPED IN A RIDDLE AND CLEVERLY SEWN INTO A PUZZLE


MR BOARHAM: ah my lady
is this seat taken

HELEN: it is, sir
for I have no desire to speak with you

MR BOARHAM: ahaha
what charming banter

HELEN: please don’t talk to me

MR BOARHAM: very well
i shall not talk
i will only propose

HELEN: I don’t like you

MR BOARHAM: like Beatrice and Benedick
that’s what they’ll say about our courtship after we’re married

HELEN: your presence is disagreeable to me and I do not want to marry you

MR BOARHAM: haha
classic Helen


MRS MAXWELL: there are terrible rumors about Mr. Huntingdon’s character

HELEN: okay but HE says they’re not true


HELEN: there is no hope for my husband
he cheats on me with my friends
he’s a vicious alcoholic who burns my painting supplies and tries to get our three year-old son drunk
I must flee

MR HARGRAVE: ah, Helen
I have long been grieved by your plight
please let me help you

HELEN: thank you for your sympathy
I could use some help in planning my escape

MR HARGRAVE: I meant “help you” by having an affair
you know
to get back at him

HELEN: no
I just want to find somewhere safe where I can raise my son in peace

MR HARGRAVE: I don’t understand

HELEN: I don’t love my husband

MR HARGRAVE: right

HELEN: but I’m also not in love with you

MR HARGRAVE: well who are you in love with then

HELEN: no one

MR HARGRAVE: then why do you want to leave your husband

HELEN: to live in peace
alone
and to see my son grow up in safety

MR HARGRAVE: you TEASING MINX
WHY DO WOMEN NEVER SAY WHAT THEY MEAN


GILBERT: all our misfortunes and misunderstandings are over at last
and to think
it was only a year ago when i beat your brother nearly to death and left him in a pool of his own blood by the side of the road because i thought he was your boyfriend

HELEN: you what?

GILBERT: yes, they’re all over now, our misfortunes

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