Dirtbag Milton -The Toast

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hello there
Miss Davis, is it
allow me to tell you –
please do not speak to me like that, sir
I can see your wedding ring

oh, this?
no, no, no
you’ve got the wrong idea
I mean, yes, I’m married
but I’ve already written four books about how the Church should let me leave my wife
I see
one of them is called THE ROD OF PUNISHMENT
you know
this ring doesn’t really count
on account of how much I hate being married to her


come here at once
what is it, Father
I have hit upon it
I have hit upon it at the last
I have found your occupation
are we to be married, Father?
or sent to school?

You can all sit here in the dark and read to me
now that I am blind I shall need readers
and I already know all of your names
so I won’t need to learn any new ones
start with Heraclitus, in the original Greek
Father, we don’t know Greek
yes, but I do, simpletons
I’ll simply throw whatever’s closest to hand at you when you pronounce something wrong
and thus you will improve


is that someone at the door?
yes, Father
well, answer it
it might be my new wife
I married Elizabeth last month
when did this happen?
when were you planning on telling us about her?

oh, I wasn’t, really
odds are she’ll end up dying in childbirth anyways
like both of your mothers did
so I figured I’d just let things take their natural course


yes, Father?
what is it?

I want to dictate ten thousand lines of verse to you
about how cool the Devil isn’t

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