ZEUS: sweet hells does my head ache
ATHENA [bursts out of his skull in full armor]: surprise, fucko
ZEUS: what the hell
ATHENA: i didn’t feel like being born regular so here i am
ZEUS: what the HELL
ATHENA: you got something on your forehead champ
ATHENA: SOME AFTERBIRTH
CLIO: wow Arachne you’re like REALLY good at weaving
ARACHNE: ahaha thank you!!
CLIO: no I’m serious
I guess you could say I weave like Athena herself
ATHENA [appearing suddenly in the fireplace]: the fuck did you just say
ATHENA: lets have a little contest
humans versus gods
whoever weaves the best tapestry wins
and just to make sure everything is fair
i’ll be the judge
ARACHNE: that doesn’t seem –
ATHENA: i’m literally the god of fairness
i’ll definitely be fair
contest starts now
ATHENA: wow thats like, REALLY good
ARACHNE: …thank you
ATHENA: except for what’s with that weird dark spot in the middle?
ARACHNE: what weird dark spot?
ATHENA [stubs out cigarette in the middle of Arachne’s tapestry]: that one
ARACHNE: all right
what’s your verdict
ATHENA: i mean
i mean, it’s fine
i just don’t really get why you felt like you had to turn yourself into a spider for it?
ATHENA [turns her into a spider]: do you see what i mean
it was a weird choice
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.