What Is Society Even Doing To Me Right Now?

by Mallory Ortberg · October 21, 2015
  • Uuuugggh
  • They’re just taking a bunch of words and making it into this whole thing 
  • Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing, so that’s me, right there, so it goes even beyond what we can associate it with
  • It can be a combination of things
  • How very dare you
  • It’s just outrageous
  • It’s putting me in this situation
  • I just block them
  • I’m not going to do what you expect
  • It’s ridiculous, honestly
  • Labels
  • “Oh you should be like this,” but I’m not even any kind of way
  • I mean??
  • The MOST
  • Sure, okay, that’s a thing, but it doesn’t have to be the only thing, I feel like
  • The worst
  • Why, though
  • Are we even going to need this in my lifetime because I feel like it’s changing already
  • I’m not clicking on that
  • I don’t think it makes sense, I feel like they just don’t know what they’re really saying
  • I’m just trying to be as I am and you’re the one saying it has to even be something
  • I don’t have ANY money but I don’t think it’s my fault
  • Don’t put that on me
  • The pressure!!!
  • I’m just going to own it, okay
  • Mmm it’s fine but it’s not right
  • Why should I have to be the one who changes
  • FINE

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30 Comments

  4. grumblyqueer +47

    These kids down the block said a thing once and I don’t understand context, so obviously it is Sex/Drugs/Murder Slang Of Which I Am Hopelessly Unaware and they’re gonna govoreet more of the same while they crast my cutter and lubbilub my devotchka.

  7. daisymerolling +40

    Me, a week ago, when someone insulted me a week ago anonymously on yik yak.
    Anonymity is the WORST and I just want to give them a HUG and I want everyone to LIKE ME.
    Not upvote my bullies.

      1. daisymerolling +12

        Thanks babes. My friends and I were interviewed for the newspaper regarding the stuff we’ve faced and hopefully that will clear it up.
        I’m trying to learn to be confrontational because the worst thing I can say about my bullies is I JUST WANT TO HUG THEM.

  15. Kate +34

    I don’t have ANY money but it’s definitely my fault 🙁 I can’t stop buying cheese and puzzles!

  16. JA +14

    Play by society’s rules?! Yeah right. I play by my own rules, nobody else’s, not even my own.

  18. floridagal1 +2

    you’ve been living in a house with someone who has been sick for 2 weeks and now you have a bit of a sore throat, society is the worst

  19. floridagal

    you've been living in a house with someone who has been sick for 2 weeks and now you have a bit of a sore throat, society is the worst

  20. RLT +12

    I didn’t get this list until to got to “I’m not clicking on that” and then I was all, “Mallory. Mallory you’ve done it again.” Because now I know that you know that sometimes I feel actually like I’m taking rebellious action by not clicking on that. And I’m not.

  22. inkwashed +4

    Ok so late to the game here BUT I am writing from the Amsterdam airport on a layover to say that mr inkwashed was 100% harassed & interrogated by US customs last night when we were trying to board even though he is a permanent resident & every single goddamned thing was in order & hello,racial profiling. What are our rights in these circumstances?!?!?!