Songs from a Leonard Cohen Album in Which Nothing is a Metaphor for Depression, Oral Sex or God -The Toast

“It’s Four In The Morning, So I’m Going To Go To Bed With A Book And A Mug Of Cocoa, And Will Not Write A Letter To My Girlfriend’s Lover”

“Sing Another Song Boys (And Let’s Make This One A Real Jolly Knees Up)”

“Lover Lover Lover (Who Is A Normal Human Person, And Not God)”

“I Like To Keep My Worship Separate From My Giving Of Oral Sex, Thank You”

“My Vision Of The Future Doesn’t Require Reference To Hiroshima, Charles Manson, or Torture”

“A Song About A Woman Who Is Both Alive And In A Happy, Stable Long-Term Relationship With Me”

“Suzanne, Nancy And Marianne Are All Fine, Thanks”

“All Of My Feelings About The USA Are Uncomplicated And Positive”

“I Have No Need To Refer To The Holy Spirit When Having Sex, Not Even A Little Bit”

“The Chelsea Hotel Is A Lovely Place To Stay And I Don’t Associate It At All With Janis Joplin, Why Do You Ask”

“I Fell Into An Avalanche Because I Wasn’t Taking Appropriate Mountain Safety Precautions, But I’m Fine Now And Very Happy”

“There Is A Crack In Everything, But Don’t Worry, I’ve Called In The Builders To Take Another Look”

“It’s Closing Time, So I’m Going To Go Home Now, But I Sure Have Had A Really Pleasant Night”

“My Feelings About Lady Midnight’s Aging Process Aren’t Really Relevant To Her So I Just Won’t Bring Them Up Right Now”

“There Are No Chocolates In The Boxes Any More Because We Ate Them All At The Christmas Party”

“I Don’t Feel Like Adapting Sad Poems By Lorca Or Cavafy Today, Maybe Some Other Time”

“If That’s How You Want To Say Goodbye, I Respect That”

“I Fought In The Old Revolution (And We Created A Much Better Society And Were Glad)”

“Hank Williams Invited Me To His Book Group And I Honestly Don’t Feel Lonely At All Now”

“If You Don’t Want To Go Out With Me Again, I’m Certainly Not Going To List All The Things I’d Be Willing To Do For You, Because That Might Make You Uncomfortable”

“Vienna Is A Nice Place With Hardly Any Dead Doves At All”

“Actually My Wife Prefers To Be Called Rroma And I Don’t Feel The Need To Keep Tabs On Her All The Time”

“Let’s Not Talk About Razor Blades Tonight”

“You Don’t Really Care For Music, Do You? That’s Fine And I Won’t Go On About It”

Simone Webb is a Leonard Cohen obsessive and would-be academic.

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+8 Vote up Vote down

amanita 110p · 488 weeks ago

So perfect!

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+81 Vote up Vote down

frankie0darling 140p · 488 weeks ago

Your Famous Blue Raincoat Was Handed In At Lost Property (Gosh, Sure Does Affirm Your Faith In The Goodness Of Strangers)

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6 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+16 Vote up Vote down

Ethylbenzene 119p · 488 weeks ago

Hardly Any Dead Doves At All

That's the dream....

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+59 Vote up Vote down

dorianneemmerton 111p · 488 weeks ago

Who By Fire Has Roasted A Nice Toasty Marshmallow

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1 reply · active 488 weeks ago

+14 Vote up Vote down

emandink 0p · 488 weeks ago

"I will have a lovely vacation in New York in which I I will not despair of the human condition even a little bit."

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+8 Vote up Vote down

cosetthetable 121p · 488 weeks ago

ugggggh now I want to watch "Take This Waltz" (the movie) (directed by Sarah Polley) again, and it's a movie i have complicated feelings about, but the use of "Take This Waltz" (the song) within it is pretty nifty, and... ugggh.

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4 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

halloweenjack64 115p · 488 weeks ago

Wait--"Hallelujah" was about oral sex? Mind blown(phwoar!).

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6 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+39 Vote up Vote down

Frumiosa 141p · 488 weeks ago

"Not Everybody Knows (Because it's None of Their Business)"

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+60 Vote up Vote down

dorianneemmerton 111p · 488 weeks ago

I'm Your Man For Odd Jobs Around The House Or Emotional Support, No Pressure For Anything Else

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+51 Vote up Vote down

Frumiosa 141p · 488 weeks ago

I Heard There was a Secret Chord, and It was Pretty Bitchin'

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3 replies · active 487 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

speakingofcake 119p · 488 weeks ago

I am a thousand percent HERE for this. I love love love ol' LC, and I also love to make fun of his Use of Archetypes and Religious Boner Angst.

“There Are No Chocolates In The Boxes Any More Because We Ate Them All At The Christmas Party”

“I Don’t Feel Like Adapting Sad Poems By Lorca Or Cavafy Today, Maybe Some Other Time”

LOLLL. And my all time favourite:

“Lover Lover Lover (Who Is A Normal Human Person, And Not God)”

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2 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+30 Vote up Vote down

rolotomassi5 103p · 488 weeks ago

I left a concert of his after the second encore. Apparently there were four.

It was over four hours in total with a few short breaks. The man at the time was just shy of 80. Also, his old man dancing is a delight to see live. I hope I'm a fraction as badass when I'm that old.

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17 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+12 Vote up Vote down

deleted7410012 111p · 488 weeks ago

"by the rivers dark because my flashlight's batteries died but don't worry, i have backups"

"is this what you wanted? i'm so glad, that's wonderful, this house definitely has no ghosts or past trauma."

"seems so long ago, nancy. so much lovely stuff has happened since i last saw you!"

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+47 Vote up Vote down

dorianneemmerton 111p · 488 weeks ago

Like A Bird On A Wire I Happily Sing At Sunrise Because I'm Not At All Hungover

First We Take Manhattan As An Example Of A Metropolitan City In Our Urban Planning Course

(I should stop. I should really stop.)

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2 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

lrljhnsn 114p · 488 weeks ago

"Chelsea Hotel No. 2" has had something to do with Janis Joplin this whole time?!

i'm an uninformed ingrate and i'll see myself out.

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+15 Vote up Vote down

Sporkening · 488 weeks ago

It's true that all the men you knew / Were regular humans whose natural tendency toward self-mythologizing were held in check by common decency

It's four in the morning, the end of December / No I will NOT go to sleep, I worked half a year to spend this one week with only my couch and Netflix and I'm not gonna waste a second so help me God

If it be Your will / That I speak no more / Then You're out of luck / because I'm going to ignore /
All your ominous signs / Until I've had my fill / Of parodies and made-up five syllable adjectives and then I'll just keep on talking I guess

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+10 Vote up Vote down

Turnip Truck · 488 weeks ago

"I thank you for doing your duty, you keepers of truth, you guardians of beauty: the new wing you've built at the Met is gorgeous."

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+9 Vote up Vote down

LeastBittern 120p · 488 weeks ago

Is this a safe space to talk about my hatred of "Everybody Knows"?

It starts GREAT, just depressing as all hell and disgustingly knowing, and maintains greatness for the first two verses.

And then he starts talking about his girlfriend sleeping with other people, and GIVEN THE FORMAT OF THE SONG, it sounds like he's saying that in a broken, broken world, love and fidelity are stupid concepts. This is great! This is the dip into a shitty-ass world I listen to Leonard Cohen FOR.

But no, turns out he's just bitching that in a world that's obviously rotten and going down fast, his significant other isn't leaning into being a goddamn beacon of Christian purity. In a world that is as he describes it, what fucking virtue is there in monogamy?

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10 replies · active 488 weeks ago

+32 Vote up Vote down

lilah80 132p · 488 weeks ago

Oh, the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone
They were helping run a very successful food drive
Tea and oranges made up a reasonable percentage of the donations
Everyone is going to have enough to eat this winter.

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+7 Vote up Vote down

Ivkra · 488 weeks ago

"The Traveler is a nice guy who will stay with you for a few days and not leave you with a deep abiding wanderlust and depression about your romantic past."

"A thousand kisses deep, temporally, in our stable and loving relationship"

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+25 Vote up Vote down

memccauley 87p · 488 weeks ago

Brilliant.

Years ago, I was listening to LC on a CD, and my then 3 year old son said from the back seat, "Mommy, let's change the song." I did. "Let's change this song too." I did. "Mom? Are we almost home?"

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1 reply · active 488 weeks ago

+6 Vote up Vote down