HYPSIPYLE: welcome to Lemnos
you will find there are no men here
as we have murdered all our husbands
JASON: niiiice
HYPSIPYLE: you see, we neglected our worship of Aphrodite and as punish – what?
JASON: aw yeah I like a challenge
HYPSIPYLE: you misunderstand
this place is cursed
no man –
JASON: I see you’re admiring my coat
Athena made it
ever heard of her?
HYPSIPYLE: woe betide any man who –
JASON: you can murder me anytime you want
if you know what I mean
sexually
HYPSIPYLE: I –
JASON: you can straight up murder my dick with sex
fuck me right up, fuck-wise
JASON: hey babe I gotta head out early
if it turns out I got you pregnant I don’t want you raising my son
I mean…you’re crazy, you kill men
so give it to your parents
k?
obviously it goes without saying that if you have a girl throw both it and yourself into the sea
I mean I’ll say it just in case you weren’t planning on it, but
I don’t trust you to raise my son and I don’t feel like waiting around to see if you have one so just give him to the people who raised you and things should work out fine
I gotta go find part of a sheep
JASON: all right let’s get out of here
TELAMON: should we make sure everyone is on board first
JASON: “should we make sure everyone is on board first”
hey if anyone’s not on board, speak up now
TELAMON: Jason
JASON: SHUT UP
I’M WAITING TO HEAR IF ANYBODY WHO ISN’T ON BOARD WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING
TELAMON: Hylas isn’t here
JASON: who
TELAMON: Hylas
squire and lover to Hercules
JASON: who
TELAMON: HERCULES
strongest man living, son of Zeus
one of our sworn companions
JASON: a of all “and lover” is implied when you say squire
you don’t need to add it on
obviously we are all having sex with our squires
that is just a given
and second of b
if they’re BOTH missing
it cancels each other out
TELAMON: what
JASON: both is the same as neither
Jesus, it’s MATH
one subtracts the other
TELAMON: I don’t –
JASON [pulling up the anchor]: Let’s GOOO
ive already fucked everything on this island
i wanna go somewhere else now
AETES: welcome to Colchis
I know what you have come for
and you may have the Golden Fleece only if you pass a series of tests designed to challenge you to the utmost of your strength and cunning
JASON: you got it
MEDEA: Jason, I love you, I would die for you
from the first moment I saw you I knew I would do anything for you
JASON: oh wow
well obviously I feel the same way
and also this is super convenient for me because I actually have a huge favor I need to ask you
help me defeat all your father’s trials and also just in general help me defeat him as a person
MEDEA: all I ask for is your fidelity and anything I have is yours
but I warn you
do not promise me something you cannot keep
for if you were ever to betray me after I cast aside my own family for you
I would swear revenge so black, so foul, the gods themse –
JASON: yeah absolutely
fidelity is like my number one favorite thing
let’s do this
i’m all in, Mads
MEDEA: my name is Medea
JASON: I know that
I knew that
that’s just my special nickname for you
my special fidelity nickname
