ByMatt Seidel

Matt Seidel is a writer living in Durham, NC. His articles can be found here.

  1. Putting the finishing touches on a scathing satirical novel about this place.

  2. 1. Enrolled in the Head Start Program

    2. Wore invisible spandex to discourage opponents from riding in their slipstream

    3. Funded mountaintop removal mining 

    4. Neglected to hand signal before turning

    5. Failed to declare winnings on tax returns

    6. Competed via hologram from a SoulCycle studio

  3. William Carlos Williams: “So much depends upon the red wedding.” Virginia Woolf: “Jaime Lannister said he would screw his sister himself.” James Joyce: “…Riverrun, past Stone Hedge and Raventree, from swerve of the Trident to bend of Blackwater Bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to King’s Landing.” Samuel Beckett: “Winter can't go on, winter will go on." T.S. Eliot: “Do I dare to eat a raw stallion heart?"…

  4. Bienvenue, Monsieur. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am the energy drink sommelier here at Le Coeur Palpitant. My goal is to help you power through tonight’s meal with grace and élan. Le Coeur Palpitant boasts one of the finest cellars of non-perishable energy drinks from all over the world, including some exciting new concoctions from up-and-coming factories throughout the Rust Belt. We offer individual cans or six-packs. In exceptional cases, and for a…