A group of college students asked for the student price. I’d previously gotten in trouble for failing to thoroughly check student IDs, so I figured I should follow through. They didn’t have them.
I was on my own and I ordinarily wouldn’t care, but one of the guys annoyed me, so I told them they would have to pay full price.
Heather Seggel's previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Some people may be born to misandry, but I've always been happiest when I have some male energy in my life, my only rule being pants of all parties remaining on at all times. Guys are cat-like in their independence and long silences and more likely than the women I know (as opposed to Women in General) to obsessively quote
The following phrases have been excerpted from an English to Latin textbook printed in the early 16th century (Auct. 2Q 5.9(4)), which has been digitized by the Bodleian Library at the University of Oxford as part of an ongoing project. You can read the whole thing here or learn more about the project here. (You can also follow us on Twitter if you like the sound of #damagedmanuscriptThursday.) 1. Good morrowe. Good…
Morgan Leigh Davies' previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Recently, I slept on the ground for the first time in maybe ten years, and I didn’t do it in a campground in the middle of the wilderness but instead on a small strip of grass in-between a busy street and the San Diego Convention Center, under a fleece blanket with someone I had met around six hours
OMG!-Worthy Vagina Dentata Trauma-ramas For any teen, developing your first set of vaginal teeth is stressful enough, but when it involves your crush or flossing, it can be extra traumatic! Here, readers reveal their most cringe-worthy dentata stigmata moments! "I was spending a Saturday night with my steady when we knew his parents were going to be out of town, and, well...things got pretty hot and heavy. In the middle of our "study sesh," I started hearing weird…
"A woman living on a remote farm up the road from me allegedly shot, killed and dismembered two men who were working for her, then fed the pieces to her pigs." "In the last issue we had the wrong phone number for master woodworker Wilson Jolly. The correct one is 334-415-8445." "My pickup hit a deer and killed it [on our first date]. When this happened, I thought to myself, this is a make-or-break moment.
There are various ways to ask someone to prom. A popular method, when I was at school, was to write on a girl’s car with shoe polish: ‘Prom? There were notes on locker doors, ‘Prom?’ Surprise home attacks — complete with parental involvement—where an upperclassman would leap out from a cupboard/wardrobe/box with balloons and yell, ‘Prom?’ at a terrified perspective date.
100% genuine gossip, sourced by Our Woman in Hastings County. Information provided for entertainment purposes only, keep it to yourself. Previously.
*
What popular fast food chain is deliberately withholding ketchup packets from customers placing take-out orders? A certain father and amateur distillery operator estimates he's requested ketchup on eighty separate orders, and received it once. Calling their customer service hotline has proved unhelpful at best.
Earlier this week a bug flew into my ear, and it died there. Before it died, it was alive, inside of my ear. Something was inside of my head that was not me. It moved inside of my head, and I felt it and I heard it all at once. Have you ever seen a fly trapped between two panes of glass? It buzzes and whines and flings itself frantically about without ceasing. It will…
I had never been to Connecticut before. I find the entire East Coast unsettling; everything about it is just a little bit wrong, like the landscape in a nightmare. I had to be periodically reminded of the location of (what seemed to me like) perpetually shifting city-states that continually switched positions on the map as soon as I glanced away ("Boston is north of New York City?"). The ocean was on the wrong side. How could I…
Put on your best dress of sprigged green, pull out some maple candy, and come make yourself at home in the dugout. The Center for Reincarnation Studies has found the re-bodied soul of Laura Ingalls Wilder, author of the Little House on the Prairie Series. "Although the present incarnation of Laura Ingalls Wilder agreed to The Center for Reincarnation Studies using her photograph, she does not want her name revealed. This is her story." My…
Note: Everything that happens in this story is true. However, names of people, places, and bands may have been changed in order to avoid possible embarrassment. I am standing in a puddle. Rain drips off my lips and a yellow poncho hangs off my skinny shoulders. In a week I will turn thirteen. Today I will fall in love. My mom created a new definition for “pity party” when she invited Jenny, my friend I…
1. “When you get to Copenhagen, don’t give your grandfather a hard time,” my mother says at the airport. We’re to board the QE2 in Copenhagen and sail with my grandparents for two weeks. I’m 17. My grandmother, who has owned her own travel agency since the 1960s, specializes in group travel. She’s got groups of 15-50 wherever she goes and if she’s sells enough rooms on the QE2, they throw her an extra one…
Liz Labacz's previous work for The Toast can be found here. “Sr. Mary Joan would like to see you in her office.” I was not a person who got called to the Disciplinarian office. Not to say I had never gotten up to any mischief, but I almost never got caught and had not, to my memory, actually done anything noteworthy recently. When I arrived, she asked me to sit. Sister and I knew…
I was 21 years old when the laser treatments began. It wasn’t entirely surprising. I’d had trouble with my teeth for well over a decade. Thanks to genetics and, I suppose, rotten luck, two of my adult teeth never came in after I lost my baby teeth in the first couple years of elementary school. This isn’t a rare condition—I know multiple adults who still haven’t filled the gaps in the backs of their mouths—but…
