(To the tune of "Piano Man") Now Paul is a real-estate novelist Who never had time for a wife His first novel, Mortgaging Murder, was released to little critical fanfare in 1983 Paul has never gotten a speeding ticket or been on a date He loves to attend comic conventions Each year at Emerald City he dresses as Dream from Sandman Sandman is Paul’s all-time favorite comic book If you want to know the real…

Previously in this series: Which girl is the most dead? Men in rock songs want two things: they want women who act like children, and they want children who act like women. Send a man into a topsy-turvy world where infants tower in ten-inch stilettos and grown women sprawl on the ground helplessly, mewling for milk and diamonds, and he will be happy. How old is Woman? Is she older than Time itself, or…

As I walked through the wilderness of this world, I lighted on a certain place where was a den, and I laid me down in that place to sleep; and as I slept, I dreamed a dream. I dreamed, and behold I saw a Woman, standing in a certain place, with her face from her own house, a Letter in her hand, and a great Burden upon her back. I looked, and saw her open…