That is not a MELLIFLUOUS headline, but I wanted to make sure I hit the main bullet points of 1. I am Dear Prudence now, over at Slate, and also 2. I am not leaving the Toast in even the slightest bit, I am doing both things.

You have been going on monthlong cruises with your least favorite friend every fall for the last eighteen years – but this is the year your mother has decided to stop paying for it. Which of her cousins should you disinvite to your wedding?

Steal the cat, buy the dog. How to get a dog: I hope you get the little guy. You can do it without saying, “You’re horrible people and your dog is suffering.” Just say, “I have become so attached to Chester that I wanted to see if I could adopt him or purchase him. He and I have really bonded, and I’d love to be able to be with him full-time.” Let’s hope they’ve…