Signs You’re About To Write A Dear Prudence Letter -The Toast

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Screen Shot 2015-09-30 at 6.50.59 PMYou have been going on monthlong cruises with your least favorite friend every fall for the last eighteen years – but this is the year your mother has decided to stop paying for it. Which of her cousins should you disinvite to your wedding?

Your husband is wonderful, but…

Your Peeping-Tom neighbor has taken to murdering your dog on your front lawn every morning before work, and you want to know if it’s reasonable for you to warn his babysitter that he makes your grand-nephews uncomfortable.

Your already-rich brother just won the lottery, but he’s still not willing to pay for your sexually aggressive intern, who doesn’t know how to dress for the office.

Your boyfriend is wonderful, but…

Someone held your baby, or didn’t hold your baby, or wouldn’t hold your baby, or something.

You read your wife’s email and found out she can only orgasm with you when you’re on vacation.

Your stepmother has keys to your apartment and regularly lets herself in to use your bathroom, but she’s not willing to pay for your college tuition unless you end things with your racist sugar daddy.

You’re thinking about moving across the country for an old professor of yours whose twin brother you slept with the night before you started a new job as his assistant, and you’re not sure whether or not you should get both armrests on your six-hour flight.

Your in-laws have put tracking software on your work computer to find out if you’re going to be spending as much time at their house over Thanksgiving as you are at your own parents’.

Your cat went outside.

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