1. GOD IS A SMALL DOG THAT DIES EVERY NINE TO TWELVE YEARS, USUALLY DUE TO HEART VALVE PROBLEMS
GOD LOVES YOU VERY MUCH BUT UNFORTUNATELY ISN'T VERY EFFECTIVE
GOD IS DIMLY AWARE OF YOUR PARTICULAR PROBLEMS AND HOPES TO GET TO THEM BUT IS ALSO HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE WHEEZING PARTICULARLY AFTER STRAINING AT THE LEASH ON WALKS, SO GOD'S TRYING TO FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME
Welcome to Gabbin' About God, in which Mallory uses her religious background to explain things to Nicole. Mallory, can I ask you a dumb question about Jesus? Because you know a lot about Christian theology, and I was pretty into it for a few years before becoming non-religious, but I was High Anglican, so I'm more tea-cake-Evensong-y? Like, I'm super up on the Bible itself, but this is not really explained in the Bible.