The only way this could be better is if it was a Buzzfeed list that almost every single person I follow on Tumblr could share and tag with shit like #for real #totally me IRL #sorry I killed your friends but #¯_(ツ)_/¯ #superwholock

Last night an extrovert barged into my room and demanded conversation at 3am

Oh thank god, I've never been sure how to word these apologies, exactly.

Man, INTJs get such a bad rap. People always assume we're villains and masterminds! But let me tell you something: INTJs are the people who help you plan your party. We calculate the minimum effort necessary for maximum enjoyment, and plan ahead to reduce the stresses of being in crowds. Accidentally slaughtering all of your guests? That's sloppy. That's some ISFP nonsense right there.

OH man I can so relate to the guy in that episode of Twilight Zone who just wanted everyone to just die already so he could read all he wanted. And then it's like the apocalypse and he's the only survivor and is like FINALLY, and then he steps on his glasses and breaks them and THE END.
Except haha I wear contacts so come at me bro. No don't come please die so I can read.

BEST INTROVERT LIST

Hey, it's a cheap source of cat food.

(insert joke about only feeding my cat the freshest vegans)

I...assume all of that is satirical? I mean, it has to be, right?

(Edit: DAMMIT, I meant the Clickhole link Ethylbenzene posted above. Obviously Mallory's piece is satirical/is completely serious/fuck you, that's why, as always!)

I love this because I had this whole 'vert identity crisis where it seems like I'm an extrovert because I'm loud and have a lot of friends and opinions, but I also like to be alone a lot and I get irritable if I go a day or two being around people constantly, so maybe I was an introvert? (A therapist once told me I was.) It was only a few years ago that I realized "uh, you're already bisexual, OF COURSE you're also biverted."

Remember that comic which was making the FB/Tumblr rounds about six months ago about how extroverts were BASICALLY VAMPIRES who fed off the energy/attention of others while introverts were these precious hothouse flowers who needed to preserve their valuable attention from being consumed by others?

I think it weirdly comes from the same place that the "FAKE GEEK GIRL" attitude does, which places a premium on a person's attention/gaze as a kind of resource which both has value and is limited. It's the idea that your attention is SO IMPORTANT and VALUABLE that others just want to suck it up like a milkshake (either by 'unfairly' earning it as a fake geek girl who is pretending to have expertise to gain attention, or as a filthy extrovert who consumes it all indiscriminately and maliciously) and you need to protect it from their plundering ways. For people who pride themselves on being introspective and intellectual, it's an incredibly self-centered way of viewing the world.

*wraps extroverted self in Bela Lugosi-style cape and hisses, before vanishing into the night*

Thiiiis has to go to Facebook, I just can't take the "I AM SO DIFFERENT BECAUSE I LIKE NETFLIX MARATHONS AND MY BED, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME AT A PARTY" crowd.

Lol this was an awkward article to have up on screen when my coworker stopped by suddenly

See also Nine Things Introverts Do All the Time, perhaps my favorite Onion slideshow of all time.

FINALLY. Someone gets me. It's just so hard to be around people who ALWAYS want to TALK TO ME and BE NICE TO ME, when I'd rather just sit on my bed, watch Netflix and pet cats. People just don't understand how DIFFERENT I am. Wait, I saw this great cartoon on fb that explains it perfectly. I think there's a buzzfeed list too. Let me send them to you, or else there's no possible way you could understand. Look, it's just a Briggs-Meyer thing okay?

I feel like this also relates to the people who post that they're "practising self-care" tonight with their pajamas and couch and Netflix. I just call that "a night in."

Season 3 Will Graham?

As an INFJ, the most special of snowflakes, I'm intuiting that Mallory might have some resentment toward introverts.

I'd like to point out that, just as it is incredibly annoying and horrible that introverts are stereotyped as being loner serial killers, it's also annoying that people would cite "being an extrovert" as a reason someone might violate someone's boundaries (ex. barging uninvited into their room and demanding a conversation, invading their space). Both introverts and extroverts violate boundaries, and they don't do it because of their personality characteristics --they do it because they are failing to empathize and they lack respect for consent. Extroversion is frequently conflated with an inability to respect other people's space --it's not the same thing. The fact that lack of respect for consent is rampant in our society means that many extroverts DO violate boundaries, but not necessarily more often than introverts and not as a direct result of being extroverted. I grant you that when an extrovert does violate someone's space, they may choose to do it differently than an introvert does --but being an extrovert doesn't actually cause you to violate boundaries. You seem to be making a joke that actually undermines the point of the post --instead of critiquing the absurdity of stereotypes about personality traits like introversion/extroversion, you are perpetuating the stereotype that people who refuse to respect boundaries are axiomatically extroverts. A satirical post similar to this one could be written about that exact assumption (although, I grant you this assumption is less commonly acknowledged as existing) "Sorry I invaded your personal space, I'm an extrovert, which means I'm incapable of respecting boundaries."

People who lack respect for consent often use their personality characteristics or emotions as an excuse for their behavior --joking that someone who violates boundaries does so because they are extroverted serves to uphold this narrative. Being extroverted is more socially acceptable than being introverted. Being extroverted can mean being privileged in certain ways, but it's really only if you are extroverted AND ALSO look and act in normative ways. I am not trying to deny that extroverts get any privileges, what I am trying to do is point out that such jokes only feed into the ability of extroverts who do happen to also be assholes to believe that the reason their friend is upset is because that they have different personalities, not because people have a right to set their own boundaries and violating consent is wrong.

Also, not everyone is rewarded for being extroverted, nor are all extroverts rewarded equally. There can be a lot of pressure for members of marginalized groups to inhibit their extroversion and to not take up any social space. The cost of being perceived as chatting too much can be big, professionally, if you are a member of a marginalized group. Thus, the stereotype of introverts as loner serial killers is not the only problematic stereotype associated with personality traits and the relationship between being extroverted and being rewarded by society is not straightforward.

I really enjoyed Mallory's post, but the humor in some of these comments bothered me. By the way, I'm an ambivert.

Apparently TVTropes uses Loki as an example of an INTJ.

Now I'm going to reread this in Tom Hiddleston's voice. Huh. Yeah...yeah, I see it now.

I am always wary of people who self-identify as Ravenclaw, especially because most of them also self-identify Luna Lovegood and by all accounts a lot of Ravenclaws were just awful to her. She doesn't have a single friend in that house!

(SLYTHERIN 4 LYFE. Hufflepuffs can come too, we'll hide under staircases snacking on stolen cauldron cakes and swapping enchanted mixtapes.)

Ooh can we do one about people who brag about how honest they are but are really just assholes?

I used to shampoo hair at a salon, and this extremely unpleasant regular client used to tote around books about introvert pride. She would do things like ask her stylist questions and keep a conversation going, then bark "Less talking, more blowdrying!" at the exact moment she was bored with the conversation. She had awful hair, too.

As a fairly quiet person who works in a couple of talky-chatty industries (hair and coffee/food), it's weird and annoying to be a focus for Internet Introvert Tears, too. I get it, you would rather cut your own hair with a jagged clamshell you foraged outside of your hermit shack and all, but sometimes you have to speak to humans, and you won't die. If I won't die, then you won't.

When I started cutting hair myself, it always astounded me how rude some people could be.