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Home: The Toast

Previously in this series: Two monks invent Christian denominations.

MONK #1: lets throw a dinner party
big feast
invite everybody over
MONK #2: oh yes for sure lets
MONK #1: whats good to eat, what do people like for dinner
MONK #2: one single peacock
2monks1 MONK #1: will that be enough do you think
MONK #2: well that’s what dinner is
a single peacock
so it better be
MONK #1: ok
MONK #2: people will know what to expect so theyll be prepared anyway
MONK #1: ok


MONK #1: should we have anything else ready though
just in case
MONK #2: look im telling you
dinner is a single bird
feathers on
all its feathers still on
on a big plate
thats literally what dinner is
MONK #1: ok
2monks2 MONK #1: sorry i didnt mean to be difficult
MONK #2: dont feel bad about it
i mean it was a little embarrassing but dont worry about it
MONK #1: ok


MONK #1: i forget if with dinner parties do people usually have normal eyes and smiling faces, or –
MONK #2: red eyes and despair
MONK #1: okay i was pretty sure that was the one
2monks3 MONK #2: just very red eyes and sorrow and pushing plates away
MONK #1: ok good
MONK #2: that’s how you know its dinner


MONK #1: how many ships with a nun on them should we have for the party do you think
MONK #2: hm
theres what
eighteen, twenty people coming?
MONK #1: i think so
2monks4 MONK #2: i think two
MONK #1: ok
MONK #2: yeah for that many people you definitely need at least one, maybe two, but for sure one at least


MONK #1: should we have a cup of horror do you think
MONK #2: yes definitely


MONK #1: how many tables do you think we should have
MONK #2: oh one for everyone who wants to eat gold shapes
and then just a hot pig area for whoever wants to touch some hooves for dinner
2monks6 MONK #1: should we get a table for the hoof people or
MONK #2: no
fuck them
let em stand


MONK #1: what about anyone who wants to come that isn’t a king or a —
MONK #2: make em eat circles and sit on the grass


MONK #1: i forget if dinner is at tables or where everyone sits
MONK #2: carefully on different branches in a tree with no one facing in the same direction
2monks8 MONK #1: oh right yeah
MONK #2: all up in a bunch of trees pointing in directions of each other


MONK #1: do you think most people will be wanting to wear clothes
MONK #2: four hats maximum, nothing else
MONK #1: what about if they want to wear a cloak or something
MONK #2: absolute clothing maximum is four hats overall
no exceptions


MONK #1: should we have a surprise live goat on the table
MONK #2: umm idk are we trying to have a party??
haha yeah of course we should


MONK #1: ive never really cooked before
do you think that will be a problem
MONK #2: whats to know
sit on a sad fat deer near some cactus plants
chop at its head with your axe
2monks11 MONK #2: then put it in a fire square and youre done
youre overthinking this
MONK #1: ok thanks
sorry i dont mean to be trouble
MONK #2: no its fine you’ll be great
you’re learning, its fine

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