That is not a MELLIFLUOUS headline, but I wanted to make sure I hit the main bullet points of 1. I am Dear Prudence now, over at Slate, and also 2. I am not leaving the Toast in even the slightest bit, I am doing both things, and I feel I accomplished my goal, headline-wise. I will run through a little FAQ here because this is very new and exciting!

Is this a joke? It feels like a joke.

It is not a joke! It is for real and for true.

Wait, didn’t you JUST write a thing about Dear Prudence like, a month ago? Is that why they gave this to you?

Yes! I did! I do not know if that was something Slate took into consideration.

Are you excited?

God, yes!

Isn’t this two jobs? I don’t think you can do two jobs. 

Nuts to you! I think I’ll be great.

But aren’t you worried about burnout? What if you want to sleep, or have a baby, or something? 

Then I’ll take a nap or get pregnant or induce pregnancy in someone else! If I’m not worried about it, I don’t know why you should be. I have plenty of time, I’m always watching TV.

Why did you imagine such an antagonistic FAQ?

I gotta lot of nervous energy from all the excitement. Sorry if I jumped down your throat. What a day!