Men Who Have Finally ‘Found Their Sound’ In Western Art History -The Toast

my sound

close the door
CLOSE THE DOOR
cant you READ the SIGN
jesus
this song’s not ready yet
close the door!!

my sound13

but Father, I’m so ti–
NO ONE GOES TO BED BEFORE I FINISH THIS LUTE SOLO

my sound11

Helen
HELEN
get your eyes back on the page
stop praying
there’s no god to hear you or stop any of this

my sound12

one broken string means there’s still seven UN broken strings i can play with

my sound9

sit back down
i’m not finished
no I’m just
I’m just stretching my legs
I can hear better when I’m standing

my sound5

it’s kind of hard to serenade you if you keep scooting away
ahh sorry
it’s the dress
very slippery

my sound2

shut up
everybody shut up
I SAID SHUT UP I GOTTA HARP SOMETHING

my sound3

theyre gonna feel so fucking bad for being me dicks to me once they hear this shit
i bet theyll fucking cry
carl especially
and i wont even care
ill just keep playing and blowing everybodys minds

my sound7

no it’s
I’m clapping with my ears

sound

guys we fucking DID it
we found our sound
we so did
holy shit is it just me or do we sound AMAZING
no its not just you

my sound10

could you hear the difference
yeah
no I mean I just played it again
did you hear the difference that time
no I know
I heard it
okay but were you LISTENING
no i definitely was
okay but

[Images via]

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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+141 Vote up Vote down

middlemarch 137p · 481 weeks ago

I did not need this flashback to college.

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6 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+162 Vote up Vote down

beachlass 117p · 481 weeks ago

That second last one is actually for reals Mumford and Sons, isn't it?

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2 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+288 Vote up Vote down

mesapi 60p · 481 weeks ago

The next line to all of these is obviously "And next, here's Wonderwall"

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1 reply · active 481 weeks ago

+82 Vote up Vote down

houblonchouffe 123p · 481 weeks ago

#1 and #8: see also Emo Kylo Ren

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1 reply · active 481 weeks ago

+151 Vote up Vote down

Either_Ada 139p · 481 weeks ago

An argument for satin dresses if I ever did hear one.

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1 reply · active 481 weeks ago

+67 Vote up Vote down

30Litresof 132p · 481 weeks ago

So those three monks, two of them are Monk #1 and Monk #2 right?

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3 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+184 Vote up Vote down

damanoid 134p · 481 weeks ago

Welcome to the Visual Arts Gallery of Why Musicians Are Dicks.

"Behold, your painting of a musician! --What? You didn't want a picture of a musician being a colossal dick? I'm sorry, I didn't understand that you were commissioning a caprice. A caprice is a fantastic image of something that does not exist, such as a musician not being a dick."

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+80 Vote up Vote down

latenac 125p · 481 weeks ago

Some art history course I took explained that often there were symbols in paintings and generally stringed instruments like lute and guitar were symbols for vaginas. The class was looking at Vermeer specifically so it may not universally apply especially for those monks. But it does makes this collection of paintings all that more amusing.

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8 replies · active 480 weeks ago

+79 Vote up Vote down

tree_and_leaf · 481 weeks ago

Made extra hilarious by the fact that musician two is Martin Luther.

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13 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+68 Vote up Vote down

aurorabirdialis 109p · 481 weeks ago

#4

sweet jesus where did you find this picture of that guy from the music department who barged into my solo dinner that time and forced his company on me

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1 reply · active 481 weeks ago

+141 Vote up Vote down

celery · 481 weeks ago

Awwwwwwww, those guys in the second-to-last painting are strangely endearing, all so proud of their music together. I hope they continue making music happily around the table for many years to come, without ever forcing their other friends to sit and listen.

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+82 Vote up Vote down

_phlox 94p · 481 weeks ago

I’m clapping with my ears

This is perfect.

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+69 Vote up Vote down

jennycieplak 120p · 481 weeks ago

I actually enjoyed how happy the 3 monks look in the second to last picture! Good for you, guys! Now, enjoy it without bothering anyone else...

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3 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+105 Vote up Vote down

builtahouse 123p · 481 weeks ago

Please tell me the picture of the Woman Not Even Hiding Her Ear-Covering is entitled: "Woman Enraptured By Lute Player" or "Lute Player Gets All The Laydeez" or some other tone-deaf title.

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2 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+87 Vote up Vote down

Xolandra 116p · 481 weeks ago

GentlemanX is currently in a band that is finding its sound. I wish I had been having drinks with these ladies on Friday night instead of them, now.

Srsly, Mallory, the musician in Western Art History series has been so useful for my relationship. At this point, I just need to _think_ "you are playing your guitar AT me" and he looks sheepish and stops. Thank you.

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2 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+93 Vote up Vote down

telophase 124p · 481 weeks ago

Twenty-five years ago I was in the Society for Creative Anachronism, and something I do not miss from that time is the tendency for attack bards to show up at your campsite without warning to sing at you.

I now occasionally encounter them in guise of filkers at cons who break into song without first inquiring as to whether or not you would welcome it or if you'd rather continue the conversation you were in the middle of with someone else.

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4 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+11 Vote up Vote down

kefuoe 110p · 481 weeks ago

http://utopiaforcynics.tumblr.com/post/1721034722...

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+23 Vote up Vote down

hippopotropolis · 481 weeks ago

Guy #8, your instrument only plays five different notes, you are not blowing anyone's mind today.

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+107 Vote up Vote down

Frumiosa 141p · 481 weeks ago

I need a series entitled Men Loudly Reading Excerpts from Internet Articles at Women in Western Art History. The struggle is real.

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1 reply · active 479 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

alula_auburn 106p · 481 weeks ago

Even the bearskin rug looks appalled!

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+38 Vote up Vote down

Ross Thompson · 481 weeks ago

#1 clearly just graves the closest object to hide the fact that he was masturbating when his mom walked in.

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+24 Vote up Vote down

Meg · 481 weeks ago

Satin dress lady is totally representing me in high school/college whenever some guy wanted to "play something for me".

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+20 Vote up Vote down

Summer · 481 weeks ago

I lived with five musician boys at university last year and I can confirm that these are all outstandingly accurate.

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+41 Vote up Vote down

crawlkill 129p · 481 weeks ago

from that first dude's expression it seems more like His Sound has finally found him, breaking down the door, roaring toward him, he can't run anymore, at least in endings there is some peace

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2 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+46 Vote up Vote down

writingortyping 133p · 481 weeks ago

"Carl."

Never was an extraneous detail more perfect.

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+58 Vote up Vote down

Unreadaethel 127p · 481 weeks ago

#2: why is Martin Luther serenading people on the lute?

#8: "Wait, I had this all figured out yesterday. It's...what did I come up with? The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift...yup, that's it, I'm so brilliant."

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4 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+36 Vote up Vote down

damanoid 134p · 481 weeks ago

Oh god I just noticed in #1 the birds are dying, his music is straight up killing them.

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2 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+56 Vote up Vote down

jenvega 135p · 481 weeks ago

"theyre gonna feel so fucking bad for being me dicks to me once they hear this shit
i bet theyll fucking cry
carl especially
and i wont even care
ill just keep playing and blowing everybodys minds"

Literally everyone's adolescence, whether or not they played an instrument and/or knew someone named Carl.

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1 reply · active 481 weeks ago

+6 Vote up Vote down

drashizu 106p · 481 weeks ago

Those are some straight-up Doctor Seuss feathers in the broken strings one.

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+10 Vote up Vote down

PettyVengeanceFetish 88p · 481 weeks ago

#7 replace harp with guitar and you basically have that one guy at every party

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+17 Vote up Vote down

saffiedarling 94p · 481 weeks ago

Broken string guy in number four is just reminding me how much I retrospectively hate The Name of the Wind. Ugh, Kvothe.

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3 replies · active 481 weeks ago

+14 Vote up Vote down

Glen H · 481 weeks ago

This is a flashback to Catholic school in the late '70s/early '80s. Beardy dudes playing guitar at you.
FOR GODS SAKE, WE WERE CHILDREN, YOU MONSTERS!

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+17 Vote up Vote down

annathecrow 62p · 481 weeks ago

I dunno, all I see in #3 is the guy in the green jacket gazing lovingly at the pianist, while the girl in white is furiously pretending she doesn't see anything and her friend is just blessedly oblivious.

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+1 Vote up Vote down

fleurdamour 111p · 480 weeks ago

Guys and guitars, it's eternal.

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+7 Vote up Vote down

elinei 0p · 480 weeks ago

I dated a lute player. Those are DOUBLE strings. So he still has FIFTEEN strings to play something on.

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+5 Vote up Vote down

Anna · 480 weeks ago

"I can hear better when I’m standing"... laught so hard the cats got scared

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+3 Vote up Vote down

hannr0 77p · 480 weeks ago

Mallory PLEASE marry me

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+1 Vote up Vote down

al3ab-banat01 87p · 464 weeks ago

نجدد ترحابنا بكم في العاب بنات التي تعتبر من افضل الالعاب على الاطلاق وعندها جمهور كبير جدا وهي بدورها تتضمن التلبيس والمكياج وكذلك الطبخ وتلعبها البنات بكترة واصبحت مشهورة جدا في السنين الاخيرة مما جعل مواقع الالعاب تصبح كتيرة وهناك كتير منها مشهورة متل فرايف و كيزي ومواقع اخرى كما ان هناك ايضا موقع جميل عربي يقدم تشكيلة من العاب بنات مميزة ومتجددة يوميا هذا النوع بدوره يشمل اصناف كتيرة سنتعرف عليها الان ومن بينها العاب الطبخ الدي يملك معجبين كتر جدا ويعتبر هو الاول تم يليه العاب التلبيس وهذا الآخر ممتع ويحبه الكتير لان التلبيس تعشقه البنات اكتر من الاولاد وهذا امر بديهي ومعروف وبعده بالتتابع يوجد العاب المكياج او الميك اب نوع جميل ومحبوب عند الصغار والكبار ويبقى في الاخير نوع قص الشعر وهو الاقل اهتماما.......

Men Who Have Finally ‘Found Their Sound’ In Western Art History

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

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