FANNY: i dont approve of anything

HENRY CRAWFORD: my god thats hot

 

LADY BERTRAM: uuuugh

JULIA: what is it, Mama

LADY BERTRAM [slowly sliding off the couch to the floor]: uuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhhhhh

 

MARY CRAWFORD: hello we’re here

HENRY CRAWFORD: yes we’re here

MARY CRAWFORD: and very sexy

HENRY CRAWFORD: yes we’re sexily here

MARY CRAWFORD: what a sexy library this is

HENRY CRAWFORD: very nearly as sexy as the last room i was in

MARY CRAWFORD: which room was that

HENRY CRAWFORD: the drawing room

MARY CRAWFORD: very sexy drawing room

HENRY CRAWFORD: drawing is the sexiest of pursuits
and drawing rooms the sexiest of chambers

MARY CRAWFORD: let’s have sex with everybody in this house

HENRY CRAWFORD: how very sexy

 

JAMES RUSHWORTH: hi every–

JULIA: shut up, James

MARIA: yes, shut up, James

HENRY CRAWFORD: yes, do shut up, James

MARY CRAWFORD: James, shut up

 

MARY: lets put on a play

FANNY: plays aren’t cool
you know what’s cool?
monogamy

 

EDMUND: you know who i hate

FANNY: who

EDMUND: the woman i’m going to propose to
i think she’s just terrible

FANNY: why don’t you just propose to someone else

EDMUND: don’t be ridiculous
i love her

FANNY: oh sorry

EDMUND: someone has to be around to disapprove of her character for the rest of her life
and i think it should be me

 

LADY BERTRAM [her bones melt and she turns into a puddle on the rug]: uuuuuugggghhhhh