To Whom It May Concern:
I have some advice for you.
1. Sell walkers with the cut-up tennis balls already stuck onto the bottom of the back two legs (I assume this is for additional friction and stability; the fact that almost every walker I see has tennis balls on it leads be to believe that walkers are dangerously unstable when sold as manufactured). Why should somebody who’s using a walker have to go buy a can of tennis balls and slice a bunch of Xes into them? They’ve got other things to worry about. You never see anybody with a cane who’s had to shove a tennis ball onto the bottom. Walker manufacturers need to take a few notes from cane manufacturers.
2. Coffee shops need to offer beverage sleeves that fit their (generally taller and wider) iced drinks, because the longer you take to finish a cold drink, the more sweat beads on the outside and gets all over your fingers and drips onto your sweater when you pick it up to take a drink. Sleeves for all drinks.
3. Restaurants with two single-occupancy bathrooms should stop marking one as the men’s room and one as the women’s room. It literally doesn’t matter. If there’s only one person in there, there is no need to have single-sex designations; the bathroom is by definition single-sex . If I never have to wait in line with two or three slightly nervous-looking women, then lean over and toggle the door to the so-called “men’s room,” then look at each other and silently ask do we dare? ever again, that will be fine by me.
Thanks you for your time.
Sincerely,
Mallory Ortberg
Tags: advice, bathrooms, drinks, things mallory does for no reason, walkers
All crisper drawers in refrigerators should be clear, otherwise you forget what’s in there and then have sad, mushy vegetables when you finally remember you put something in there a month later.
While I really do agree with you on #3, it is required by the International Building Code (which is applicable in most if not all of the country) to have separately designated men’s and women’s rooms if there are 15 or more occupants in a building. Sorry. But I definitely support women taking over both rooms in the case of a long line.
what I cannot even.
The number of men’s rooms I’ve just marched right on into, scaring the local populace into vacating promptly. DO IT. JUST DO IT. ESPECIALLY IN COFFEE SHOPS.
This is a thing I am allowed to have an opinion on, and therefore by Jingo [differentiation: belligerent nationalism] I will have one.
Women Who Are Not Ashamed to Use the Men’s at a Pinch, unite!
one time i was using the men’s room and i could hear (thin walls, dive bar) some guys come up outside and debate whether or not they DARED enter the now-empty women’s room. they decided against it. i exited, shouted “GENDER IS MEANINGLESS!” at them, and walked away.
I don’t really see why bathrooms need to be gendered most of the time anyway, apart from urinals. The only removal of clothing happens in locked cubicles. One of those things that you happily accept all your life, then have to consciously think about and struggle to justify.
We had a unisex bathroom in college in one of the smaller classroom buidlings – it had one stall and then a sink, so the kind you would go in and wait by the sink until it was your turn in the toilet. Mostly it wasn’t that big a deal, but some people completely freaked out. There was a woman who would not come out of the stall if anyone else was in the room, just in case the other person was a man (who would know that she’d peed? I don’t know.) which was rather inconvenient.
I was talking with a friend some months ago about bathroom passive-aggression (was it here?) and apparently women will sometimes linger in restrooms for the express purpose of trapping shy women in their stalls.
My college had unisex bathrooms on co-ed dorm floors. The worst thing that ever happened to me in those was my boyfriend turning off the lights on me while I was in the shower, just after we’d watched Psycho on the late-night movie the night before.
Hey, did we go to college together?
I was fine w/ the co-ed bathrooms WRT the stalls and sinks, but despite having 2 brothers it was a big shock to me how totally friggin GROSS guys are when they’re showering. Not enough flip-flops in the world, y’all.
Maybe, but probably not as I’m an Old and graduated in ’92. Hence the whole “late-night movie” thing…no cable in the dorm rooms.
Um, graduating in ’92 DOES NOT MAKE ME OLD STOP IT I AM BUT AN INFANT STILL.
(UCSC class of ’92, FYI.)
You’re my age! But you seem so young in the comments! I am also but an infant, except for the times when my physical self feels about 87.
(Conn. College class of ’92)
Physical selves are notoriously untrustworthy. You, too, comment young. (I am taking this young thing to mean that we are vivacious and engaging, unlike preconceived notions of 43 year olds, and not that I am ridiculously naive and gauche.)
FINALLY AN EXPLANATION
well then Philly is just flouting ALL SORTS OF LAWS because there are dozens of restaurants here that do the “pick whichever single-occupancy bathroom you want, we truly do not care” thing. birthplace of a nation , y’all.
Portland also has plenty of these. One bar I’m thinking of has three single occupancy bathrooms, labeled “it”, “doesn’t”, and “matter”, respectively.
Municipalities have the option of adopting all or part of any particular code, and altering it to suit their conditions. It gives me great hope that some places have gotten their acts together!
My thoughts exactly! I think about 90% of the food/coffee places I go regularly in Philly just have one or two unlabeled single-occupancy bathrooms.
I think this is not the whole story. In Washington DC for example, the law actually requires that single-occupancy bathrooms be gender-neutral. I am neither an architect nor a lawyer, so I can’t comment fully, but there’s more to this story legally-speaking, and certainly more that states & localities could do. See http://data.lambdalegal.org/publications/download… for more.
My dad used to be a police man, and part of his duties was to patrol large sporting events that happened in our area. At one of these events, the line for the ladies was completely out of control, while the men simply strolled in and out in 2 minutes.
My dad took it upon himself to escort groups of women into the men’s toilets, which were practically empty. After maybe 15 minutes, the queue had disappeared. Someone wrote into the paper to compliment his logic and common sense, it was pretty cool.
Truly the Lord’s work! How many bladders (and pairs of undies) were saved that day!
I’ve found that men give zero fucks when a woman walks into the bathroom. I learned this when I had to scrape my friend off the floor of a Borders bathroom during the release of HP and the Half-Blood Prince.
I would absolutely flip if a male cop tried to ESCORT ME TO THE BATHROOM I CAN PEE WITHOUT A FATHER FIGURE THX
I think the idea was that he could make sure the groups of women went in and out without men going in? Or without getting in trouble for being in the wrong one because a cop said it was okay.
BLADDER COPS
VOIDING WITH THE PATRIARCHY
PISSING WITH PERMISSION
no but really, I get the idea, I just reject the notion of being grateful for a Bro With A Badge “allowing” women to pee in the men’s room, keeping in mind I think both gendered bathrooms and cops are bullshit.
I figured he was making sure they weren’t assaulted or anything.
Absolutely, cops are total bullshit. They walk or drive or Segway around, telling people what to do and escorting them into bathrooms and generally harshing their buzzes. And they wear dumbass uniforms, except if they’re undercover detectives. Then they wear regular clothes and stuff. And they eat donuts and drink coffee.
In conclusion, what I want for Christmas is a non-gendered bathroom with extra-fancy stalls and a sign that says NO COPS ALLOWED. I think everyone should have a non-gendered bathroom. They’re very good for Christmas. I don’t think that a cop is a very good Christmas present.
The one time I went to an NFL game, my manfriend offered to walk me to the toilet and I was like Pshaw don’t be ridiculous. I got heaps of catcalls on the way and when I was in there (it was a portaloo) men shook it and shouted and tried to open the door. My manfriend said ‘yeah that’s just what it’s like’. I was upset and shaken from the experience but more upset that the manfriend had any interest in being part of such a toxic subculture/environment, even if he wasn’t participating in the catcalls etc
I would just like to say I will be referring to my dad solely as “Bro With A Badge” from now on.
(Also, he was a police man outside the United States, and is actually pretty chill, if that makes a difference.)
I support this
You are so wise Mallory Ortberg, thank you for making world a better place
YES. Speak truth to power, Mallory
I agree with number 3!
Also, I believe the tennis balls are added to the walkers so they will glide more easily. The rubber stoppers can make it hard for the walker to glide along the floor. Am I totally wrong?
You are right. The rubber helps if you need to use a walker to stand up, as you don’t want it to slide out from under you. However, felt/tennis balls help it glide across short-pile carpet and tile floors, so you don’t have to lift the walker while walking.
But you’re supposed to lift the walker when you walk! If you slide it along the floor it’s too easy to walk stooped.
I think a lot of people opt for a traditional walker + tennis balls in place of a walker that has wheels on it (a rolling walker). The traditional kind are often cheaper, easier to find, easier to fold up and transport, and can be easily “converted” back to a standard walker if you need the rubber for greater stability or are using it inside and outside. If you’re primarily pushing the walker, it’s height should be adjusted so you’re not stooping.
YES Iced drink sleeves I’m so tired of leaving drips everywhere
May I introduce you to http://www.drinkhanky.com/ , ” the latest trend in the world of cold beverage couture?” Thank you, Princesses Long Island!
I’ve heard more than one lady defend the gendered single-occupancy bathroom thing on the grounds that they don’t want to use bathrooms that boys use because boys are gross. #misandry
Well sometimes there is pee everywhere.
There is often pee all over the ladies’ toilets as well.
(Yes, I’m side-eying YOU, ladies who don’t sit on the seat and then don’t wipe it off afterward.)
SIT ON THE SEAT, ALREADY.
http://www.dianagabaldon.com/2008/05/a-brief-disq…
This made my day. BUTT COOTIES!
I am printing this out and carrying it with me everywhere! After I sat on the toilet seat in a bar once, my friend yelled at me for 10 minutes. 10 minutes! It was ridiculous.
I love comparing the graffiti in what was formerly the women’s room at my local bar to that in the former men’s room. Someone could do an anthropological study on those two rooms. (They’re both absolutely disgusting by the way.)
As someone whose job once included cleaning both the men’s and ladies public bathrooms of a restaurant, I can attest to the fact that there was certainly a difference in how messy/dirty/smelly the respective bathrooms would get between the twice-daily cleanings. Unfortunately I always remember this (have flashbacks) whenever this topic comes up, so I will forever be biased I guess.
That’s funny, because I’d MUCH rather use a toilet that a man has used last (assuming he put the seat up to pee) than a woman, since the odds of a woman peeing on the seat are HIGH. Especially in a bar, especially when it’s late.
UGH HOVERERS.
fuck hoverers seriously. Okay you have quads of steel but I just sat on your pee.
Seriously. You’re too good to put your ass on the seat, but I should have to wipe up your pee? NO.
OK so your precious WEST COAST may not be suffering (directly) from a government shutdown but we have our unisex single-occupancy bathroom game DOWN. Just try to find a single-occupancy bathroom in DC with a stick figure on the door, I dare you.
ETA: Ah, I see it was explained above. That explains why some of the stick figures appear to have been chiseled off.
someone fuckin’ looked at me when I was coming out of a single stall men’s room and I just drunkenly shouted GENDER IS A CONSTRUCT!!!! and threw my hands in the air
you are a hero to us all (really!) NEXT TIME.
this is the best thing ever and I am 100% using this.
haaaaa i just told basically the same story upthread. twins!
There should be MORE WOMEN’s RESTROOMS. That men don’t have to wait and women do is sexism. Also the walker thing: I am disabled. The lack of common sense that businesses show toward disabled people boggles the mind. The tennis ball idea is brilliant.
Why can’t we open everything with our feet?! That’s mine. Here’s the deal, why do we have door HAND-les? Given that touching shit makes viruses go everywhere, and whenever you watch a medical drama they go through the door like this: http://comps.fotosearch.com/comp/OJO/OJO226/surge…
Why isn’t there a device that opens doors the way a trash can opens for all restrooms, restaurants, operating rooms, etc??! You step on it, it swings open, no touching. I think it would be simple enough, I mean someone smarter than me would need to figure out levers and counterweights, but seriously, doors. I saw contagion, you can’t tell me a batpig was responsible, it was all the door handles gwennie touched.
End Rant.
Or I guess we could all go back to wearing gloves? I dunno, that seems less fun. Seriously if segways are a thing, why is a door footel not a thing?!
And if we could apply it to toilets, that would be pretty sweet. Because I go ahead and flush the toilet with my hand because I’m just about to wash them anyway, and it annoys me when people flush it with their feet (talking about public bathrooms, obvs, although I guess people could be flushing the toilet at home with their feet too, whatever, you do you) because it just gets the handle even dirtier with whatever you’ve tracked through on the floor (and yes, I could flush it with my foot too, but I prefer to remain in a more or less vertical orientation in the bathroom and that activity would pose a significant challenge).
Solution? Everybody just flushes with their feet!
I agree. Also sinks. There are a few sinks that come with step bars, but all of them should- especially in bathrooms. Water fountains too- the push bar is fine but put it on the floor.
Obviously doors that need to be locked when going in and out- like houses, will not need step handles, but most public spaces would benefit. I bet the CDC would see an insane reduction in flu cases.
Plus I think it would be easier if you are in a wheelchair to roll over the footle, than pull a door, especially if your upper limbs are compromised, and if you have a cane, or walker, again, you can probably hit your mark with it. Footles! For ALL.
In terms of #1, I lived with my grandmother for a while so I know why the tennis balls are on the walkers. The feet on the back are rubber, while the front “feet” are rubber wheels. The wheels roll forward but the stoppers on the back don’t. So when you move a walker in the natural way (rolling the front and bringing the back to a stop), it makes a horrible, rubber-on-hard-surface sound if the floors are anything but carpet. If the carpet is a deep pile, those rubber things get stuck. The tennis ball smooths out the finish, so it still slides a little without making a noise.
But you are correct. They could solve this issue by not making the back feet rubber.
Thank you for responding to this one. I was going to say the same thing! Everyone is all het up over bathrooms, though.
When I was a candy striper in a hospital physical therapy center, lo so many years ago, several of the PTs complained loudly and at length about the tennis ball thing. As in, no one should ever put them on a walker. The rubber feet are meant to make the walker stable on the floor– it prevents it from sliding out from under someone who is using it for support. Tennis balls on the back legs reduces the slip prevention and can lead to falls and injury.
Everyone still does it though, because a lot of people who need a walker have trouble lifting it all the way off the ground every time they need to move forward, so they take their chances and make it easier to glide.
In a surprising inversion, yesterday I offered the women’s room to the two men waiting in the bathroom line before me. They looked shocked and shook their heads mutely.
They might catch a period.
You're my age! But you seem so young in the comments! I am also but an infant, except for the times when my physical self feels about 87.
(Conn. College class of '92)