“I can tell she really cared for me. She didn’t make me a pallbearer.”
If you really love someone, you will never ask them to participate in your wedding or funeral, buy candy bars for your kid’s basketball team, or help you move anything.
Girls with long brown hair and beat-up army jackets are universally adored.
“And is this your girlfriend, Ralph?”
“Yes! I love Lisa Simpson, and when I grow up I’m going to marry her!”
Always be a Lisa, never a Ralph; never allow someone who is aggressively vulnerable to intrude into your personal life. Pity is the enemy.
Never arrange to have dinner at a fancy restaurant on a first date.
This sets expectations too high and gives you no escape route.
“She certainly tamed that horse!”
“Yes, but what man can tame her?”
Everyone loves a girl with a good seat.
“This is nothing but dead white male-bashing from a PC thug. It’s women like you who keep the rest of us from landing a husband.”
I mean, she’s not wrong.
“She’s like a Milk Dud, Lise: sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.”
Never do anything for anyone; never eat Milk Duds.
“Domi-nique -nique -nique s’en allait tout simplement, Routier, pauvre et chantant.”
All-female societies are the answer to every problem.
“What kind of little boy has a tea set?”
“I think we both know the answer to that: a lucky boy.”
Don’t place too much importance on gender roles; keep the lewdness to a minimum.
I’m not quite sure how this relates to my larger theme, but the way Homer yells “No more loneliness for Homer and Earl!” breaks my heart every time.
And this: nothing is more meaningful, challenging, or ultimately rewarding than the slow development of Martin and Nelson’s friendship.
“Hark to the tale of Nelson and the boy he loved so dear! They remained the best of friends for years and years and years!”
“Here you are, Nelson!…Here you are, Nelson!…Here you are, Nelson!”
Never give up, Martin Prince.
Tags: love, oh a person in her twenties wants to talk about the simpsons how novel, the monster mash is a perfect valentine’s day song, the simpsons
Related Posts
The Simpsons and Poetry
Where Do Books Go After They End?
Which Mountain Goats Song Should You Be Listening To?
In Celebration of Fran Fine: Why You Should Rewatch The Nanny
“The Truth Is Embarrassing”: Olivia Benson and the Timeline of Trauma
Now We Can Talk About the Doctor Who Anniversary Special
Milk Duds are the WORST.
…Apparently that’s my takeaway here.
P.S.![]()
My takeaway too. Devil’s candy.
Ralphie is my spirit buddy. And Martin. He plays the lute!
If you are ever tempted by another man or woman while in a committed monogamous relationship, the best thing to do is invite your significant other to your Capital City hotel to fetch your misplaced turkey from behind the bed.
Oh, Margie, you came and you brought me a turkey.
Hubba hubba.
Every once in a while that gets stuck in my head and I just…things get a little misty.
Desserts aren’t always right.
But they’re so sweet!
The eternal dilemma.
Also, the Monster Mash IS the perfect Valentine’s Day song and at this point in my life I don’t even link it to Halloween anymore. “It says “Bee” and there’s a picture of a bee on it!”
Lord, I Ralphed for some Lisas in my day. Not my better moments.
This is a really meaningful and powerful concept.
“This is nothing but dead white male-bashing from a PC thug. It’s women like you who keep the rest of us from landing a husband.”
PC Thug 4 Lyfe
I love Miss Hoover SO MUCH. Such a deftly sketched character in so few lines.
I have to confess, I’ve actually never seen an episode of the Simpsons – I just read that line and was amused imagining myself as a PC thug who intimidates straight white dudebros with my misandry and gloriously spurns the very notion of “landing a husband.” This article is inspiring me to start watching the show, though – I want to see how Nelson and Martin become friends!
” I’ve been called a greasy thug, too. It never stops hurting.”
“Six simple words: I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.”
I’m pretty sure I’ll always be a Ralph.
What conclusions can be drawn from the marriage between Selma and Troy McClure?
“Gay? I wish!“
Those French Canadian nuns- I die.
“Now, now (insert Milhouse’s girlfriend here)’ n’est pas de boys”.
*Also, that’s it’s okay to be attracted to someone who is the complete opposite, find out that, no, it’s not going to work out, but because you’ve found at least one redeeming quality in said person, can feel some fondness for him/her throughout your life.
*The Lisa/Nelson hookup (one of my favourite episodes for a multitude of reasons).
He’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest.
*Let’s just call it “smell ya later”
Can we talk about the weird Ralph voice in the “…but what man can tame her?” line?
Wait, no, let’s not, it’s too disturbing.
My boyfriend made me a deep cut Let’s Bee Friends card for Valentine’s Day. What can I say, the guy knows me.
True Story: Before coming out, the first time I saw Linda Cardellini on Freaks and Geeks I just wanted to be her.
“never allow someone who is aggressively vulnerable to intrude into your personal life” is actually one of the most important things I read lately. Thank you.
One time, one of my best friends said that her favorite thing about my partner and I was that we are both equally the Homer and the Marge in our relationship.
She was not wrong. And I’m pretty sure that’s why we work so well together.
Now we call each other out on it. Just kind of a laugh and then Always Sunny talk-yelling “This is when you’re the Homer.” I think the only time the Marge gets called out is when he makes her disgruntled “mmmm.”