Previously in Mallory Goes To The Movies: Things that actually happened in Vampire Academy.
Michael Ealy looks like someone started to cast a handsomeifying spell on Skeletor from He-Man but got interrupted halfway through.
Michael Ealy looks like a small witch has burrowed inside of his man’s skull and every day carefully and delicately rearranges a single one of his face bones. Halfway through the movie, my friend leaned over to me and said, “He keeps making so many faces with his face.”
Michael Ealy has a witch’s face.
I would watch 37 hours of Regina Hall and Kevin Hart yelling at each other. I did not expect this going into the movie.
At one point, Michael Ealy’s love interest — an actress so irritating and forgettable that I mentally replaced her with a cardboard cutout of Darryl Hannah from Splash! — decides she wants a dog, even though Michael Ealy does not want a dog. Later, as a sign of his affection, Michael Ealy buys not-Splash! a dog, and she does not say thank you. She cuddles the dog. She appears excited to see the dog. And yet she does not think Michael Ealy for purchasing her a dog. Later, when they break up, Michael Ealy gets custody of the dog for no apparent reason. A man buys her a dog and she never thanks him.
The entire film takes place over a little less than a year, and yet within three months of dating one another Michael Ealy and his love interest are having fights like they’ve been chained together in the Saw bathroom for a thousand years. It’s like the first middle fifteen minutes of When Harry Met Sally, followed by the first twenty-five minutes of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, followed by the New Year’s Eve scene from When Harry Met Sally.
Michael Ealy looks like if the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz were evil.
Regina Hall is a wonderful human woman and she looks like a sexy Gummi bear.
Kevin Hart is more committed to acting than I am toward anything I have ever tried. I admire Kevin Hart and I hope he gets enough sleep.
Paula Patton still acts like she has just been given a very strange mix of uppers and downers, blindfolded, spun around four times, and then pushed roughly onto the set every time she appears on screen. I feel an enormous and confusing pity for Paula Patton. Her eyelids are always fighting a losing battle with her eyelashes.
You cannot cast Christopher McDonald – Taffy from Requiem For a Dream, for crying out loud, SHOOTER FROM HAPPY GILMORE — as a financially strapped bar owner and not make him a bad guy. I spent the whole movie waiting for him to let Kevin Hart and Michael Ealy down. I even sat through the credits.
At one point, Michael Ealy and his girlfriend go to a costume party as Ike and Tina Turner, as if this is a normal thing to do, and no one comments on it beyond asking not-Splash! if she is dressed as Rod Stewart.
I would like to watch Michael Ealy and Channing Tatum hold hands. No funny stuff. Just eight solid minutes of the two of them comfortably holding hands in public.
Tags: about last night, kevin hart, michael ealy, movies, paula patton, regina hall, why
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I would like to watch Michael Ealy and Channing Tatum hold hands. No funny stuff. Just eight solid minutes of the two of them comfortably holding hands in public.
Let’s see if we can make this happen. Twitter campaign? Kickstarter?
I’m pretty sure Channing would be down.
The first time I saw Michael Ealy I was like, “How do I know that guy?”
Your article has revealed so much. The fleeting wisps of my thoughts that are never actualized from my brain to my clumsy mouth I have seen you so deftly communicate many times.
That is all. Thank you.
I’ve never wanted to see a movie more than I want to see this.
Is anyone watching the TV show where Karl Urban plays a cop & Michael Ealy plays his robot cop partner? Mr Iceberg downloaded a couple eps but got bored of it, but I really enjoyed it.
YES. Almost Human! I am LOVING that show, in the same way that I love Law and Order SVU, where I turn it on while I’m doing other things and my other things seem to go much faster.
Yes! I am watching and enjoying it, and Mr Howlet has admitted that Karl Urban is his new famous-guy crush. Michael Ealy doesn’t make as many faces with his face in it, but that’s because he’s an android.
I was just coming down here to mention that show! I love it. It’s a little silly and there’s way too much ADR, but I enjoy it thoroughly.
I watched this week’s episode last night and got a huge kick out of Karl Urban using an Australian accent in one (too short) scene.
What’s ADR?
I don’t remember what it stands for, but it’s audio recording that happens after filming, in a studio, that’s dubbed over the footage. It usually sounds different from the dialogue recorded live because it’s in a studio, not on a set or on location. You can also recognize ADR because the person talking won’t be shown on screen (again, because the audio wasn’t recorded while filming).
A lot of ADR is added after filming because someone decides that the scene as originally written doesn’t give enough information or the dialogue could be done better or something. Almost Human has lots and lots of ADR, which, to me, shows that the writing needs to be better/tighter/more informative.
something-or-other Dialogue Replacement, I think. If you have a good sound mixer you can’t tell it’s ADR because they will add in tracks of the background noise from the scene. When you have a bad sound mixer you get the final scene from Four Weddings And A Funeral, where it isn’t even in sync, let alone mixed properly.
I also got bored of it, the same thing kept happening EVERY WEEK.
I, too, hope Kevin Hart gets enough sleep.
Also, his standup is hysterical.
I think I have solved the mystery of Mr. Ealy’s face. He is not “playing” a robot cop on TV. He is actually a robot, who is playing a human actor who is playing a robot copy on TV.
Case closed.
This is my first comment. I would just like to say that this is my new favorite thing. I would also you to pretend I’m posting 100 “Michael Ealy can get it” comments because that’s what I really want to do. Okay. Bye. You are wonderful, Mallory.
Michael Fassbender and Deacon from Nashville have also been subjected to the same handsomeifying Skeletor spell, which makes me think that rather than an isolated spell incident, we have some sort of Hollywood Skeletor sleeper cell thing happening.
If the power of Greyskull gets stolen from Chris Hemsworth over the next few months, we’ll know where to look first…
Seriously. Did you know Deacon used to be that goofy guy on Whose Line Is It Anyway?! What sweet, sweet, tan-wrinkle-ifying magic made him the mayun he is today?
Question that I am dying to know: Is any of the Mamet or Mamet-y dialogue left over from the first About Last Night via Sexual Perversity In Chicago? I think Kevin Hart would be remarkably adept at Mamet-y dialogue.
I’m not overly familiar with the original, but I know there were a few lines of dialogue that sounded really out of place and awkward—which I later discovered was because they’d been lifted directly from Mamet. So I’m guessing most of the other dialogue was not Mamety, since these ones stuck out?
“Hey dude, how is your sexual perversity in Los Angeles [long, extended wink directly at camera] going?”
This is fairly unrelated, but I completely forgot about the original About Last Night until I saw an article on Vulture or someplace headlined “How About Last Night Compares to It’s Original”
Lost it at “Michael Ealy looks like if the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz were evil.” & again at the description of Paula Patton.
Paula Patton looked like that while she was pounding the crap out of Lea Seydoux in that 3rd Mission Impossible movie. It was mystifying.
Mallory, please watch ALL OF THE MOVIES and then come and tell us about them!
You said Regina King instead of Regina Hall in the 4th paragraph. I love you anyway Mallory. Thank you so much for reviewing these films!
I don't remember what it stands for, but it's audio recording that happens after filming, in a studio, that's dubbed over the footage. It usually sounds different from the dialogue recorded live because it's in a studio, not on a set or on location. You can also recognize ADR because the person talking won't be shown on screen (again, because the audio wasn't recorded while filming).
A lot of ADR is added after filming because someone decides that the scene as originally written doesn't give enough information or the dialogue could be done better or something. Almost Human has lots and lots of ADR, which, to me, shows that the writing needs to be better/tighter/more informative.
If the power of Greyskull gets stolen from Chris Hemsworth over the next few months, we'll know where to look first…
Paula Patton looked like that while she was pounding the crap out of Lea Seydoux in that 3rd Mission Impossible movie. It was mystifying.