Dirtbag Anne of Green Gables -The Toast

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anne3MATTHEW: Well now, I don’t mean to seem uncharitable-like, but you see as how Marilla and me was expecting a boy.
ANNE: yeah well
i expected to have an alabaster brow and raven tresses down to my tits by the time i turned fifteen
but we don’t always get what we want, do we
old man


[MARILLA’s neighbor RACHEL LYNDE comes to call]
RACHEL: Well, Marilla
I can’t say I think she looks like much, but you always did know your own mind
ANNE [lights a cigarette]: funny
i don’t recall asking you what you thought about a fucking thing


[ANNE meets DIANA BARRY for the first time. The ADULTS leave the parlor to gossip in the kitchen.]
DIANA: It’s awfully nice to meet you
ANNE: wanna get drunk
i know where Marilla keeps the good stuff


[Anne does not turn]
Hey. Hey, Carrots. Carrots.
[ANNE smashes her slate against the edge of the desk and holds a jagged edge to GILBERT’s neck]
ANNE: say carrots again
go on
say carrots again
[GILBERT shakes his head ferociously, wide-eyed and silent]
ANNE [presses the tip of the shard into his throat]: no, come on
do it
GILBERT [whispered]: I don’t want to
ANNE: My hair’s red. You notice that?
[Gilbert nods carefully]
ANNE: ‘Course you did. You’re a smart guy. You know what else is red, smart guy?
[GILBERT is silent. ANNE twirls the tip of her slate until a single drop of blood appears at the pressure point]
you wanna tell me what else is red


DIANA: oh Anne you’ve got to come right away
Minnie May is sick and I think it might be the croup and Mother and Father are in Charlottetown and I don’t know what to do
ANNE: get me some cough syrup
DIANA: all right
ANNE [takes a swig]: all right let’s do this


[MARILLA stands outside the bathroom door and knocks nervously]
MARILLA: Anne, are you all right? You’ve been in there for an hour. What are you doing in there?
ANNE [o/s]: i told you
don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to


anne2[MATTHEW collapses in the field]
MATTHEW: Anne, you’ve got to call for a doctor — it’s my heart — call for Dr. Meadowes —
[ANNE lights a cigarette and leans against the fence post]
ANNE: sorry what was that
MATTHEW: [gurgling]
ANNE: you’re gonna have to speak up
MATTHEW: please
ANNE: i want the dress
ANNE: you know what dress i mean
the big sleeves
MATTHEW: Anything — anything —
ANNE: I want two.
MATTHEW: All of them, you can have all of them.
ANNE [runs towards the house]: Oh, Dr. Meadowes!
MATTHEW: Christ.


[The schoolhouse burns in the distance. Anne stands on the porch, face flushed and streaked with ash]


anne1[The CUTHBERT’s kitchen. Anne sits at the table with a pair of oversized headphones covering her ears, eating a raw carrot, and carving a circle-A into her forearm.]
ANNE [yanks off her headphones]: what
MARILLA: Anne, Ms. Perkins just ‘rang — that schoolmate of yours, the Blythe boy? Gilbert? He’s gone missing since the picnic last Saturday.
[ANNE does not respond]
They were just wondering if anyone had seen him since then.
[ANNE takes a slow bite out of her carrot without breaking eye contact]
MARILLA: I’ll…tell them you haven’t seen anything.
ANNE: you do that

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