Illustration by Kelsey Beyer
FOR THE LOVE OF THE
GODDESS, SOMEONE PLZ THINK OF
GENDER ESSENTIALISTS.
I can’t even see
straight! Plus, I’m far-sighted. These
glasses are Warbys.
My ex-girlfriend is
crazy! This totally relates
somehow to Gaza.
You know that comment
is recyclable, right? Bin
it to win it, girls!
Don’t label me! I’m
a non-het-identified
poly pagan witch.
What community?
This is not community!
This is a salad!
I had a salad
once. It reminded me of
Guantanamo Bay.
What would Tilda
Swinton do? Ride a pegasus
into the sunset?
Your use of the word
“straightish” is DEFAMATORY
to bisexuals.
We are all a
little bisexual. Bisexuals
don’t exist.
I find this whole thing
oppressive. Try commenting
in Darfur, bitches!
What are “lesbians”
anyway? Social constructs
in slouchy blazers.
You are a bigot.
No YOU are a bigot. YOU
ARE THE BIGOTEST.
As a pear lover,
you CAN’T love grapes. Somehow this
relates to gender.
I like pears and grapes.
And mandarins. I could do
without oranges, though.
YOU WILL NOT TELL ME
WHAT I CAN PUT IN A FRUIT
SALAD. OPPRESSION!
Guys, can’t we all just
enjoy fruit salad? You did
not just call me ‘GUY’!
I don’t care what fruit
you eat as long as it is
organic, ok?
We are all fruit
salad. Except tomatoes.
Fuck that.
Um, that is not a
haiku. A haiku follows
5-7-5 form.
YOU WILL NOT TELL ME WHAT
A HAIKU IS. I REJECT YOUR
RIGID PHALLOCENTRIC STRUCTURES. OOH SEE WHAT I DID THERE? SEE IT! I
JUST MADE THIS HAIKU INTO A
PENIS. BECAUSE JUDITH BUTLER.
I am a man who’s
pretending to be a lez.
Look at my penis!
No really, what would
Tilda Swinton do? I am
super curious.
It’s been many years
but I’m not done griping
about The L Word.
No one has mentioned
Ruby Rose for five seconds.
Ruby Rose, you guys!
The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!) is out today! A hearty thanks to The Toast for making this book possible, and for all your great comments, LOLz, and encouragement. You are the everything to my bagel.
It’s been many years
but I’m not done griping
about The L Word.
So damn true. I legit was starting my bathwater last night and had an out-of-nowhere thought about Bette and Tina’s relationship for….reasons? Maybe?
so i somehow have never seen the l word? i can only blame the straight side of my queerness…
should i watch it? i can never tell if people (women, queer women) like it and like to make fun of it or hate it and like to make fun of it…
Um, it was an important thing at the moment it was on. There was so little representation of queer women in the media at all, and it was certainly the only queer-written, queer-produced show about queer women.
But, objectively, it’s a very flawed show. There are tons of continuity errors, the character development season-to-season doesn’t really make sense, and in the end the show which was originally about a group of queer women who were friends turned into a noir (or, trying to be a noir) whodunit.
It’s also *extremely* transphobic, while pretending to be accepting.
With that said, if you are any flavor of queer lady, I’d give it a watch. There is a lot to like about it, and I do think they did some things very, very well.
Oh heck yeah. And there is a lot of bi-erasure, body shaming, and not many people of color. (dear GOD the portrayal of hyper-sexed latinas is so fucked up.)
Also, tho, Jennifer Beals is really hot in sex scenes, so…..
Apart from the hot sex scenes (and PHHWOAR, @collectdust, they are HOT), I do think The L Word does a lot of things right. I don’t want to put in too many spoilers for those who haven’t seen it, but I thought that they portrayed a lot of the dynamics in lesbian relationships and friendships really well.
Also, I thought that (most of) Jenny’s coming-out story was very well done, and that the portrayal of “woman in her mid-20s realizing she’s gay” was very true to life. Another thing I really liked was the show delving into the characters’ careers and their professional struggles.
So yeah. The L Word gets a lot of stuff egregiously wrong (seriously: the portrayal of the main trans character is so offensive that it will turn your stomach), but the stuff it gets right, it gets really right.
PAPI’S ACTRESS WASN’T EVEN LATINA.
Neither was Sarah Shahi, who played Carmen. SO MESSED UP
Watch it if only so that you can participate in conversations about it! It’s like a queer bonding activity.
We are all a
little bisexual. Bisexuals
don’t exist.
*laughter slowly dissolves into weeping*
*lies down in a puddle and just stays there, staring at an indeterminate point 1,000 yards away*
A: comments about negative ramifications of biphobia
B: those comments are biphobic
A: calling me biphobic is biphobic
B: caling me biphobic is biphobic
C: bis calling bis biphobic is biphobic
A&B: C, you are the real biphobe
D: fuck it i’m definitely straight.
Oh look. It’s my thought process whenever I read the comment section of sooooo many places.
Truth! Expertly sums up most bi flame wars.
What are “lesbians”
anyway? Social constructs
in slouchy blazers.
I should wear more blazers.
Wish I looked good in a blazer
ETA: siiiiiigh
That is also what I took away from this.
BECAUSE JUDITH BUTLER will now be my go-to excuse for everything
It wasn’t already?!?!
i nearly spit coffee out of my nose at that part.
Tim, for you my heart
and other nonsense plotlines
Love, Jenny Schecter.
I’m not a queer woman but I definitely wonder what would Tilda Swinton do for most occasions.
Except when it comes to Roman Polanski. I know what she would do and I would do the opposite.
Were you part of the feminist community on LiveJournal between 2002 and 2006? Because this is giving me flashbacks.
“Lame is ableist!”
But calling something “pear-shaped”
is unproblematic
How many times did I
read “Your privilege is showing”
and hear malicious glee
Perfect.
Competitive Calling-Out-Ing, a sport for true champions…
YES this is what this reminded me of. I loved and hated that community so much.
I will now respond to everything and everyone by saying they are DEFAMATORY to bisexuals.
THIS IS DEFAMATORY TO BISEXUALS.
(I mean, you can see how someone basically had to do this, right?)
Honestly, I was hoping someone would. And then you did and I felt fulfilled!
I’m pretty sure ‘Defamatory to bisexuals’ is the official slogan of AfterEllen.com…
SALAD. OPPRESSION!
you don’t win friends with salad.
If there are two things I hate about queer academia they’re Judith Butler and the way people say “social construct” like it means said social construct is bullshit. You know what else is social constructs? Language! Fashion! Morality! Countries! But you’re not denying the existence of tho
In my day-to-day life, it’s pretty easy to deny the existence of fashion.
I think you got cut off, I’d love to read the rest of your comment, because we were talking about queer theory in my Old Testament class just this morning, and it’s really fresh in my mind.
I read “countries” as “counties,” and I totally agreed, but also thought, “wow, they really went local on that one.”
I would strenuously insist that counties don’t exist, but I’m a lawyer and that would get me fired the first time I filed in the wrong venue.
As an appellate lawyer, I check for things like venue immediately, so I cannot disagree with that statement. And as a lawyer that’s had to deal with boundary disputes between local government units, I would love to see someone throw in an argument that counties don’t exist. It would be such a nice break from the usual.
I think my sister the urban planner has strong feelings on the existence of counties given what goes on in the county that borders the city she does work for.
“Eventually you can’t help but figure out that, while gender is a construct, so is a traffic light, and if you ignore either of them, you get hit by cars. Which, also, are constructs.”
― Imogen Binnie, Nevada
“I am a man who’s
pretending to be a lez.
Look at my penis!”
I…can you elaborate on this?
Oh I am SO glad it’s not just me worried.
Yeah I’m having this struggle of “is this a joke at the expense of trans-exclusionary feminists, trans women themselves, or actual men who hang out in queer women’s forums?”
Chloe, it’s the second one. All the time. Sometimes they’ll create sock puppet accounts to befriend girls and use the sock puppet to “introduce” themselves to the girls as a friend-of-a-friend.
I don’t want to start a fight, and maybe you misspoke, but trans lesbians are allowed to be in lesbians spaces, and this sounds dangerously close to some kind of transmisogynist conspiracy theory. Trans women in lesbian spaces are not any more men trying to take advantage of cis women than trans women in women’s restrooms are.
Hiya LadyBertilak, I’m not sure if you were addressing me, but if you were, I wasn’t thinking of trans lesbians at all. They’re not men. The problem is with men using an imaginary lesbian friend as a wingman.
I’m sorry I misunderstood, but please understand that I have seen many people say in all seriousness that trans lesbians are men trying to abuse queer women, and with the current atmosphere surrounding trans people in general right now it didn’t seem unrealistic that someone would say that. I am sorry I misunderstood.
Not at all! I’m sorry that’s the kind of nonsense you have to put up with. It sounds exhausting. *hug*
It seems strongly likely that Iris misspoke, and meant “actual men who hang out in queer women’s forums,” which is also what the original haiku was about, I think. See her other comment below in haiku form.
Sarita, yep. Third one, not second one. I not count good.
Yes I saw it, but it doesn’t prove anything to me really because I’ve so often seen people say men when they mean trans women, especially in contexts like this. And it bears saying anyways since we have to have this debate in the first place.
as with all the things
men take lesbianism
and fuck it all up
Trans women will be
Shit on regardless of how
“Tolerant” one seems
This.
Pretty much. :/
PREACH IT
Yeah, can someone clarify this one? Wtf.
Sounds like something an icky T(W)ERF would say, since they don’t believe binary trans people exist and stuff.
Oh. I read this as saying that men lurk on lesbian forums and send people there dick pics, not anything to do with trans women. I certainly hope the toast would not publish anything like that about trans women, and that someone editorial will come to clarify soon. In any case, it clearly wasn’t well put if the question has to be asked.
Ooooh! Reading it this way makes so much more sense.
See I would too but 99% of the time when the words “man pretending to be a woman” are used it means trans women.
Yeah, I 100% read this as “cis-man pretending to be a lesbian online”
I think this might be an echo chamber problem, where: trans-positive cis people don’t hear as much transphobic rhetoric as trans folx who are exposed to it, no matter how well they cultivate their social circles. So, for me, when I hear “Man pretending to be woman online” I think: creepy cis dude. But, if I were exposed to more transphobic rhetoric (especially directed toward me) I would hear “man pretending to be woman online” and I would think of all the “transwomen-are-just-men-in-dresses” stuff.
You’re 100% correct I just want to clear up any misunderstanding that I’m a trans women bc while I am nonbinary I’m afab & I personally felt not okay letting people think I face an oppression that I don’t, I just see it aimed at my friends at lot.
That’s how I read it too (cf: straight cis guys who say shit like “i’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body”).
But yeah, clarification most certainly wouldn’t go amiss.
If it is this, then I’m baffled, because I’ve never known a man to impersonate a lesbian then boom! Dick pic. Even assholes like that don’t tend to be straight up stupid enough to think that if you think you’re talking to a lesbian, they’re gonna be thrilled when two hours later, you prove them wrong. Instead they tend to just send ’em straight along, like the obvious, creepy assholes they are.
By contrast, I have seen many women complain about how they got “tricked”… only for it to turn out they were talking to a trans woman, who revealed the fact and promptly had someone freak out on her.
Yeah this exactly & it’s especially uncomfortable since that’s something people use to excuse litterally killing trans women
fwiw, in the early days of the internet – think mid 90s/early 2ks – the first thing happened a looooooooooot. it was the #1 way my 14yr old self saw dick pics, just trying to find other queer women to talk to – and bam! one of those people pretending to be a lesbian would send me a (verrrrrry sloooooooooow loading terribly shot) picture of their dick. sometimes i could be talking to someone for weeks before they got bored, or annoyed, or they were mad i wouldn’t send them pics, or drunk, or whatever, and bam! suddenly a big long awful email about how i wasn’t really queer complete with a pic of their junk.
otoh, i was also friends with many trans women at the same time, both online and off, and none of them have every been inappropriate with what they shared of themselves and how they shared it. in fact, it was their influence that finally put a name to a bunch of weird feelings i have always had and allowed me to see that i am genderqueer.
this might be something that interpretation depends on what sort of internet communities you came up in. i didn’t even consider the transphobic interpretation until i got to the comments because the first thing happened to me and other women i knew at the time so often.
It would have been so fucking easy to clarify, too:
“I’m a cis man who’s
Pretending to be a lez.
Here, have a dick pic!”
But no.
I feel like the joke still comes at the expense of trans women a little because it continues the ~penises are bad~ view of things. As if trans men aren’t ever invasive (and allowed, because ~vagina is good~) in the lesbian scene.
… it’s not that penises are bad, it’s that unwanted dicpix are bad. Unwanted vulvapix would be equally bad, but they do not happen as often.
Honestly, regarding that makes it feel uncomfortably intentional
Thank you so much for asking about this! I’m waiting to hear back from the author, and will not attempt to speak for her, but I do want to take responsibility as the editor. I got this piece last night and read/loaded it for today. When I read the haiku above, I thought the author was talking about a cis man trying to infiltrate a space meant for women; that was the only interpretation that occurred to me. No one at The Toast would have published it as is if we thought it was intended to be hurtful or transphobic (and I don’t think that is what Anna intended at all!). But I also know that REGARDLESS of intent, it was read that way, it was transphobic, and it did hurt people. (Edited to add: my read of it was also very ciscentric, which is wrong even if I read the author’s intent correctly.)
I apologize for publishing it as is and for letting you all down. I do try to be diligent, but will redouble my efforts — because I should have caught this/followed up and did not, and that’s not okay.
I thought that was obviously “straight man pretending to fit in, hoping for some girl-on-girl action.”
I REJECT YOUR RIGID PHALLOCENTRIC STRUCTURES!!
I will probably now end up saying “YOU ARE THE BIGOTEST” to someone soon.
What is in this dip?
vegan, gluten/dairy-free?
I’ll have a beer though.
Not even a good beer?
…But you’re not denying the existence of those, just the one concept that’s already under attack on all fronts, and the one that just happens to reward academic trans erasure with accolades for the people doing the erasing.
I have a lot more thoughts about Who Gets To Be Androgynous (skinny white people who can afford fancy menswear and live in places they won’t get beat for wearing it) and What It Means That White Butches Are The Vanguard Of Queer Studies (Privilege 2.0, now with more claims that trans women are inherently patriarchal by acting out societal standards of femininity!!!), but those need a shitload of editing or I’ll accidentally alienate my entire community.
If ever you have the time to write/edit some more of those thoughts, this queer academic would love to read them. I think you’re shining light on some important issues that I’d like to see discussed further (by you if you want, but also in general in queer/academic circles).
Can I introduce you to something that might (will) make steam come out of your ears and possibly eyeballs, because what you’ve written here makes me really feel you’ll understand my pain, frustration and why I had to bow out of my attempts to engage with the people here: https://www.facebook.com/greenpartywomen/posts/95…
(My comments are Kat Merican)
Wow. Liberal “allies” are just the worst. (Allies are great, don’t get me wrong, but the ones who use trans people as a prop to show off their progressiveness but don’t do shit to support them can take a long ride up a short creek.)
It’s been many years
but I’m not done griping
about The L Word.
I can’t even relate, but this one tickled me. Even at a shallow reading, it’s fandom all over.
Apart from the hot sex scenes (and PHHWOAR, @collectdust, they are HOT), I do think The L Word does a lot of things right. I don't want to put in too many spoilers for those who haven't seen it, but I thought that they portrayed a lot of the dynamics in lesbian relationships and friendships really well.
Also, I thought that (most of) Jenny's coming-out story was very well done, and that the portrayal of "woman in her mid-20s realizing she's gay" was very true to life. Another thing I really liked was the show delving into the characters' careers and their professional struggles.
So yeah. The L Word gets a lot of stuff egregiously wrong (seriously: the portrayal of the main trans character is so offensive that it will turn your stomach), but the stuff it gets right, it gets really right.
Susan Stryker and Julia Serano both talk about the way gender studies delegitimizes being trans and otherizes trans women. I'd say Whipping Girl and "My Words To Victor Frankenstein…" are mandatory reading if one actually wants to understand trans perspectives beyond AFAB White Butch.
Cool. I've read Serano, but the second article is subscription only.
Thanks for the tips!
Did you ever hear back from her?