Marissa Maciel’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Backstory: Earlier this year, Nicole tweeted the following screenshot of a truly horrible, self-absorbed comment left on a poignant piece by a father who can’t bring himself to tell the post office to stop sending him his dead son’s mail:
Which was so gross. Here, in response, are some drawings of “Helene in Paris”:
Tags: artwork, beauty, marissa maciel, selfishness, the internet
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This is tres tres bien.
Dirtbaguette
Emby!
You (and this post) win, the rest of us can all just go home.
Seriously, why even bother after that.
Vous gagnez l’Internet, Madame!
French Toasts: do people actually bike around with bottles of wine and baguettes? Please do not say no.
Yes. But people don’t really wear helmets, so the one in the drawing is probably a stubborn expat.
My suspicions are confirmed.
So he kinda deserved it.
French Toasts. French Toasts
I can’t get past that either, I’m just sitting here happy.
French Toast here: Yes, they do. But why bike with the baguette across town, when the baker on your street does a perfectly good one. This is not hygienic. Unless you’re one of those snobs who only buy from the “meilleur artisan de France”.
Wine, however, would be a different matter.
i hate her more than anything
She doesn’t have time to hate people, she is too busy forgetting them.
In an old house in Paris not far from the Seine
Lived a solipsist woman alone in her den.
This solipsist was named Helene.
Around her, others broke their bread
And brushed their teeth
And went to bed.
And sometimes their loved ones ended up dead.
Helene did not care a shred.
Oh wait no, Mallory already did this.
I tried reading this post as a series of limericks, but I couldn’t get them to scan. Then I realized what you were doing.
I also hate her but I kind of want a framed print of the last one.
bless you 🙂
When I wrote that line, I imagined that the scarf had a voice like Paolo Conte, mixed with the dude who talks for les chats.
Yessss what do you mean “kind of” I definitely want one /horribleperson
I was kind of hoping she had more comments, and this would be of them.
This is cool too, I guess.
I was kind of hoping she had more comments, and this would be of them.
This is cool too, I guess.
oh my G-D, never change.
Just perfect.
Yes, and superstitious older French women (ie my great aunt) believe that if the baguette flips over in its basket while you ride home, it is an omen that someone will come visit you soon. Just so you're up-to-date on weird superstitions.
At “Ma baguette!” I emitted an unseemly whoop-laugh that made my nursing baby flail backwards in alarm.
Hélène strikes again: “Mon bébé!”
The baby then dropped a baguette, therefore bringing us full circle once again!
I am still trying to parse her comment. What is that comma even doing? Why is the adverb dangling in the wind with nary a verb in sight?
I might be more offended by the sentiment if I could figure out the meaning.
*switches to a shallower, wider baguette-carrying device to increase likelihood of visitors*
Seriously, why even bother after that.
I see your Helene in Paris, and raise you cassandrak on this post: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/aug/… who responds to a woman talking about how she comforts and encourages her disabled child by getting huffy about the quote “normal is boring”.