Bible Verses Where The Word “Praying” Has Been Replaced With “Truckin’”

by Mallory Ortberg · November 14, 2014

godPsalms 4:1 
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: you have enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy on me, and hear my truckin’.

Proverbs 15:29
The LORD is far from the wicked: but he hears the truckin’ of the righteous.

Luke 6:12
And it came to pass in those days, that he went out into a mountain, truckin’, and continued all night truckin’.

Ephesians 6:18
With this in mind, be alert and always keep on truckin’ for all the Lord’s people.

Romans 8:26
Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should truck for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

1 Thessalonians 5:17
Rejoice always, truck without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Timothy 2:8
I will therefore that men should be truckin’ every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.

Colossians 4:2
Devote yourselves to truckin’, being watchful and thankful.

Luke 9:29
As he was truckin’, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became as bright as a flash of lightning.

2 Chronicles 7:1
When Solomon finished truckin’, fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices, and the glory of the Lord filled the temple.

Daniel 6:11
Then these men went as a group and found Daniel truckin’ and asking God for help.

Luke 1:10
And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were truckin’ outside.

John 17:9
I am not truckin’ for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.

John 18:1
When he had finished truckin’, Jesus left with his disciples and crossed the Kidron Valley. On the other side there was a garden, and he and his disciples went into it.

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75 Comments

  2. sednarea51 +78

    “Have mercy on me, and hear my truckin’.” Mallory, I have laryngitis, I shouldn’t be laughing this hard.

    1. bird_internet +29

      Near my grandma’s house was a cemetery where there stood, clearly visible from the road, a large tombstone engraved with a picture of a majestic 18-wheeler truckin’ into heaven.

  7. laylapalooza +43

    Truck without ceasing!

    Amen.

    (Also I read “fucking” for more than one of these. Whoops.)

  8. gavinbyrnes +85

    Grateful Dead Verses Where The Word “Truckin'” Has Been Replaced With “Praying”

    Praying, got my chips cashed in. Keep praying, like the do-dah man
    Together, more or less in line, just keep praying on.

    Praying, up to Buffalo. Been thinkin’, you got to mellow slow
    Takes time, you pick a place to go, and just keep praying on.

    Praying, I’m a goin’ home. Whoa whoa baby, back where I belong,
    Back home, sit down and patch my bones, and get back praying on.
    Hey now get back praying home.

    …

    yours is better

    kbye

    1. deleted9827545 +35

      “keep praying like the doo-dah man” – and I’ll be damned if the doo-dah man doesn’t look like a hippie god! Coincidence? I think *not*!

  9. jadoogan +15

    I think you missed Romans 8:26 up there.

    But also, getting a tattoo of Colossians 4:2, Mallory Ortberg Standard Translation.

    1. sausagedog +51

      The Mallory Ortberg Standard Translation is the most-sold edition of the Bible, and is the choice of 3 in 4 non-denominational Midwestern megachurches.

  10. chandrahildebrand +39

    I feel like this translation would have been particularly popular at the Bible College I attended in Northern Alberta. (And now I’m imagining the inevitable class that would have certainly been offered: Truckin’ for Your Future Spouse 101.)

  12. dorianneemmerton +2

    “Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”

    Where’s the truckin’?

  13. aquamarinaveen +53

    this is funnier than my version, where “change” is replaced with “train”, but i am still fond of “be the train you wish to see in the world”

    2. robot_dinosaur +26

      “Trains will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the train that we seek.”

      You’re right Obama! I’M MY OWN TRAIN *choo choos into the distance*

  14. winterbymorning +26

    It is SO important to be alert while you’re truckin’, Ephesians 6:18 speaks the truth.

  15. yahtzii +124

    I have spent many a commute furiously texting my sister old church hymns replacing “Lord” with her dog’s name.

    I the Bert, of sea and sky
    I have heard my people cry.
    Who will share my peace with them?
    Whom shall I send?

    Here I am, Bert
    Is it I, Bert?
    I have heard you,
    Howling in the night
    I will go, Bert
    If you lead me
    I will hold
    Your people in my paws.

    1. sednarea51 +47

      I am CACKLING over here. Were you also the glorious person who wrote “Our Dog Is An Awesome Dog” a while back? I still think of that and laugh.

      1. yahtzii +57

        That wasn’t me, but same idea.

        Dance, Bert, wherever you may be.
        I am the Bert of the dance said he

        1. laylapalooza +3

          he danced in the morning when the earth was begun
          and he danced in the moon and the stars and the sun

    2. caragreenham +32

      For some reason, as a kid I always thought the hymns we sang were exclusive to our tiny church so it always gives me a start when I realise others sang them too.

      1. Goomaly +11

        In my church we sang songs that the worship team had written. Kindof sad that nobody else knows them, they were quite good.

        So hymns are mainly a good excuse to practice sight-reading the alto part.

      2. laylapalooza +12

        Same here.

        Though I also remember my church taking popular songs & changing a few words to make them Jesus songs, like so:

        “Every night in my prayers / I see you, I feeeeeeeeeel you / That is how I know you / Love me.”

        And I’m pretty sure Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me” was also there with a spare “Jesus” or “my lord” thrown in here and there for good measure.

    3. Unreadaethel +33

      Let us not forget the age-old game of appending “between the sheets” to the first lines of hymns.

      “See, the Conqueror mounts in triumph”

      “The King shall come when morning dawns”

      “Lo, we come on bended knee”

      1. middlemarch +16

        I would always lose it when this one song leader at church would INSIST on singing “He Touched Me.” Every. Single. Time.

    4. laylapalooza +14

      My sister and I used to sing “Watch the Lamb” as “Wash the lamb” whenever we washed the dog. It’s related, whatever.

  16. deleted5647547 +87

    This would make prayer requests on Facebook a lot more interesting:

    “Please send trucks to our family, little Dayril has a terrible cold.”
    “Trucking for little Dayril – like if you will be trucking for him too.”
    “Thank you for all the trucks – Dayril’s cold has completely disappeared! Praise the lord, he heard the thunderous sound of our mighty trucking!”

    CONVOY!! *toot toot*

  17. celery +27

    “When you truck, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and truck in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.” –Matthew 6:5

  18. Unreadaethel +80

    This reminds me of the country song “Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life,” and my choir director’s desire to arrange it as a Bach-style chorale and sing it as the introit some Sunday. To see who notices.

    2. raqueue +46

      Our organist started with us after a lifetime as a rock musician (with very little background in church music).

      Thus, “Nights in White Satin” would be played during Communion. Most of the congregation was too elderly to notice …

      1. tubatoothpaste +31

        On Palm Sunday our organist would occasionally sneak in some Jesus Christ Superstar, which went over the heads of all but the Very Cool (like myself, of course)

        1. tubatoothpaste +22

          Another great organist story: the Alma Mater of the local university that many church members, including myself, attended is sung to the tune of a fairly common hymn. Our (sweet old lady!) organist played it as part of the prelude the Sunday after said university’s football team defeated its bitter rival, of which the (kind of douchey) minister was an alum. It was awesome, AND a musical reference that many of the oldsters in the congregation did get and appreciate 🙂

      2. Goomaly +12

        I love love love organ music but I always feel like they are about to kick into “take me out to the ball game”

    3. sednarea51 +34

      Thank you for this comment, because it made me realize that “Drop Kick Me, Jesus” is a REAL SONG and not an elaborate joke like I have thought all my life. I am listening to it and I can’t stop laughing. I’ve got the will, Lord, if you’ve got the toe.

      1. deleted9827545 +6

        You and me both! I haven’t been able to stop laughing since I first listened to it a couple of hours ago and it’s very possible that I will never be able to stop cackling. Ever.

        I’m also going around the house singing it!!!! Please, everyone, truck for me! :-O

    4. ArrogantEmu +6

      About a month ago, reading through some of my grandmother’s hymnals, I came across the 1919 gem “The Royal Telephone”. Yup, it’s an actual thing.
      “Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
      I can feel the current moving on the line,
      Built by God the Father for His loved and own,
      We may talk to Jesus through this royal telephone.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unPcyF9–EY

  19. katmarie13 +31

    Therefore confess your sins to each other and truck for each other so that you may be healed. The truckin’ of a righteous person is powerful and effective. –James 5:16

    The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may truck. –1 Peter 4:7

    They all joined together constantly in truckin’, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers. –Acts 1:14

    Oh my goodness, I could do this all day.

  20. maskedtheorist +2

    Oops, missed someone else noting that, and also it’s fixed now. aaah love the site kthxbye

  22. deleted7410012 +49

    this is better and more glorious and righteous than what i do at work, which is change the word “cloud” into “butt.”

    is your butt network secure?
    available on demand, from the butt.
    butt services, better than ever.

  23. ctingley +8

    When I was little we went on a lot of car trips, and my parents had a cassette mix labeled “Super Truckin’ Tape” that I was very fond of. I managed to retrieve it a few years ago and I keep meaning to do something with the playlist. If I ever do get around to it, I’m changing the name to “Super Praying Tape”.

  24. ja_bouie +17

    “And they continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in truckin’.” – Acts 2:42, King James Version

  29. slavei_in_May

    You and me both! I haven't been able to stop laughing since I first listened to it a couple of hours ago and it's very possible that I will never be able to stop cackling. Ever.

    I'm also going around the house singing it!!!! Please, everyone, truck for me! :-O

  35. kayloulee +4

    My personal favourite of bastardised hymns is the version of Gabriel’s Message (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5GUdUYUF8A) that my choir sings (illicitly):

    The angel Gabriel from heaven came,
    His wings as drifted snow his eyes as flame,
    ‘All hail’, said he, ‘thou lowly maiden Mary’,
    ‘Most highly flavoured gravy’, Gloria.
    OR
    ‘Most highly flavoured lady’, Gloria.

    Last time we sung it (the real version) in a concert, I heard several people singing ‘flavoured’ for ‘favoured’. I approve of this.

  36. rookstone +2

    I have lived my entire life just so I could someday experience this glory.

    Thank you, Mallory. Thank you.

  37. C.M. Stone

    I have lived my entire life just so I could someday experience this glory.

    Thank you, Mallory. Thank you.

  38. thestonefruit

    I was in the Boston production, in the children's chorus, in 1991! And then I never got into the adult chorus, womp womp.