Previously: Dirtbag Apollo.
oh my god
did you guys do all this for me??
you didnt have to do that
oh my god you guys this is such a surprise, that all of this is for me
oh my godddd
you guyyyyys
im not even ready
i swear to god im not even ready
i look so terrible
im not ready!!!
because i look so terrible
whaaaat
shut up
dont look at me
dont you look at me!!!
i look AWFUL so dont look ok
you guys didnt have to do this!
i honestly would have been fine with just like half a dozen putti
and three or four handmaidens
like a dozen handmaidens max would have been FINE honestly
thanks but i dont need a cloak or anything
why dont you just keep it
i honestly think it would look better on you
please dont make a big deal out of it
its honestly just a few lions
just treat me like you would anyone else
id honestly feel more comfortable
just ignore the lions
i just want to be normal
aww
you guys dont have to get out and tow
i mean
thats so sweet
if you want to get out and tow me
that’s really sweet of you guys
you guyyyys
you dont have to KNEEL
you can just bow!!
oh hi everybody
sorry im late
did i interrupt anything
you guys didn’t have to do all this!!
im still in my clamshell im not even ready!
guys i cannnnnt come
im still doing my hair!!
im not even readyyyyy
hahahaha ok ok you guyyyys stop insisting
i’ll come to your party!!
you guys are so sweet
i honestly can get up and walk if you want
but youre so sweet to carry me like this
i like honestly appreciate it so much
Tags: aphrodite, dirtbags, goddesses, religion
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GUUUYS. You didn’t have to start a war over me, I mean Helen!
That’s so sweet!
im still in my clamshell im not even ready!
me every morning
I wish we could get a GIF of that painting/that caption.
like a dozen handmaidens max would have been FINE honestly
I feel like some of these lines would end up in one of the Hey Ladies email signatures but I can’t decide which one
My vote goes to “thanks but i dont need a cloak or anything, why dont you just keep it, i honestly think it would look better on you”
APHRODITE: i love you
ADONIS: no, i love you more
APHRODITE: aw you’re right
i love me more too
I have dimples on my hips like the babe with her back to us in picture 9 and I am extremely proud of them. That’s all, thanks for reading!
I have them too, and is Robin your real name? Because it’s mine, and I also typically have the word “red” in my usernames.
We might be the same person, is what I’m saying. Have you ever, to your knowledge, been cloned or are the product of cloning?
Robin is not my real name but maybe it is the name of my evil clone twin (are you evil?) #cloneclub. I also often have red in my username a because I’m ginger but mostly b because the little sister in Diane Duane’s ‘So You Want to be a Wizard’ series used it.
Me too! I have dimples everywhere – one in my cheek, one in each earlobe, over my butt, kind of on my butt. I like to think they help camouflage the cellulite. I don’t look unlike some of these women, so boom, I’m Bouguereau-sy!
I have them too! My only dimples 🙁
(actually that’s a lie, I have one face dimple)
I kind of want to give her one of those old “Jane” Makeunders, just to witness her reaction.
Uma Thurman on the half-shell in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
*sigh*
another diamond
Is this subtly implying this is dirtbag behavior? Crap…
OKAY OKAY EVERYBODY YOU DON’T HAVE TO BOW EITHER. GEEZ.
I kept reading/hearing this as Quinn, from Daria. “you guyyyys!!!”
I am now 100% convinced that Mallory was channeling Quinn for this piece.
this is impossible to unread
Gah her hair though.
I’m not even ready yet
look, see,
you can still see my boobs
my gorgeous, perky boobs
such a problem
Oh sure, she walks around naked and gets escorted by hordes of handmaidens. And a conch shell fanfare.
I walk around naked,and it’s nothing but hypothermia, and people calling the cops.
Stop promoting unrealistic goddess lifestyles!
Right? When Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she’s a “goddess” but when I do it I’m “drunk” and “not welcome at this aquarium anymore, ma’am.”
In that fourth pic: she’s right. There are entirely too many babies in the sky. Babies should not flock in pulsing clouds, like starlings.
That is a TERRIFYING mental image.
I said this on Twitter earlier, and it was in response to something else (OK, it was about Nicole’s doula), but Sorceror’s Apprentice, only with babies instead of buckets of water.
Are goddesses always beautiful? Wait, are gods always handsome, or are they just strong and virile?
And there, now I’ll be singing “our god is a handsome god” for the rest of the day
Hephaestus is traditionally portrayed as strong virile, and… not that comely.
Isn’t that because he was cast out for some reason, and hit his face? Or was he already ugly? Or am I getting him confused with someone else?
which is why Aphrodite was always cheating on him (that, and it just being her nature)
And all their children are above average. That’s right, Lake Wobegon is the true home of Mt. Olympus.
our god is a handsome god
he flexes his heavenly bod
kneel down and bow before Zod
our god is a handsome god
(I’m sure there’s actual lyrics for this somewhere, but Google kept confusing it with the actual “our god is an awesome god” song and I was compelled to be silly. Also hello Toast folks, been reading for a while but finally decided to participate :))
what babe?
no, i like your foot
it’s different
and i wasn’t even looking at mars
he’s not muscly like you
he’s built more like a swimmer or something
i don’t even like guys who are built like that
built for action
Forgot the picture. http://www.artnet.com/Magazine/reviews/lamm/Image…
this is me every time a man does a favor for me.
I don’t know anything about art history, but where is the pubic hair?
yeah, please don’t tell me there was an anti-pubic hair preference among the Greek gods.
it often seems like lots of painters of naked ladies had never actually seen a naked lady.
I know that there have been periods in history when certain women (mostly prostitutes) shaved their pubic hair in order to deal with pubic lice (hence the merkin); I find myself wondering if maybe the models for these paintings were in a similar state. (But I am not an authority on the subject, so this is pure speculation)
There is a possibly-apocryphal story about a European nobleman in the 17 or 1800s who had only ever seen naked women in these sorts of paintings, and when he finally got married and saw his wife naked with pubic and leg and armpit hair, he freaked and wrote a nasty letter about how hideous she was and had the marriage annulled because no one had told him she was “grotesque.”
Or I made that up and am remembering it as real. Can’t remember enough specifics for googling.
That’s usually said about John Ruskin. It’s unclear whether he really had that specific reaction, but his wife did divorce him. I’m sure with good reason.
I have heard that story as why the John Ruskin-Effie Gray marriage was annulled and never consummated, but I don’t think anyone is really sure why, it’s all guesses.
RUSKIN. It was the critic John Ruskin: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Ruskin#Sexualit…. He wasn’t very nice to Whistler either.
Sound like John Ruskin. The non-consumation (and subsequent annulment) of his marriage to Effie Grey is offten ascribed to his horror at her public hair/the actuality of her human body.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Ruskin#Sexualit…
sorry
sorry i’m late again
oh my god haha no don’t get up and bow or anything
i mean how embarrassing, i didn’t even put a bra on or anything
or anything
you see what i mean
Read all of these in the voice of Quinn Morgendorffer, obvs.
So Aphrodite is actually Ali from Hey Ladies, yes?
sorry I’m just distracted by the dude on the left in the first picture and what appears to be his gigantic dong…?
it says ‘for the most fair.’
oops. so clumsy! you can see everything!
every. thing.
me? most fair? what a surprise.
yoink.
http://17rg073sukbm1lmjk9jrehb643.wpengine.netdna…
Also, I think pubic hair was considered animal and obscene (on LADIES) in art – even into the 20th century paintings including it were removed or banned from exhibition.
Yep, it’s basically that. Except not just pubic hair, ANY kind of genital feature on women was obscene, hence the Barbie doll crotches on the French Academic paintings above.
It’s based on Renaissence European recycling of classical ideals in which male nudity is heroic and uplifting while female nudity is inherently sexual or shaming. Post Renaissence female nudes in European art history relied on a classical or distant setting, mythological or literary figure, averted gaze of nude, and totally blank groin to maintain status as a artistic depiction of an ideal rather than obscenity.
I said this on Twitter earlier, and it was in response to something else (OK, it was about Nicole's doula), but Sorceror's Apprentice, only with babies instead of buckets of water.