Amy Collier’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.

Poodles:

Bloodhounds:

Chow-Chows:

Chihuahuas:

Large mops:

Painful-looking eyes:

Smushed their faces beyond recognition:

Stole their legs:

Whatever the hell this is:

I don’t even know:

My Little Pony:

Head poofs:

Headbeards:

Roof tiles:

Bred them with mice (?):

Portraiture:

Clothed and bathed them:

Gave them a voice:

Shampoo commercials:

Taken their zest for life:

Thanked them:

Friendship:

Killed their pride:

Broken their spirit:

Shame and degradation:

The internet: